What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar

Bullocks wrote: »

His hole would probably burst into flames if he put holy water near that unholy region

Hmmmm.... Fr. Alphy Forristall might have something to say about that.

Slid in nice an’ snug was the feedback.

Uhhmmmm....

JohnnyFlash

Bullocks wrote: »

His hole would probably burst into flames if he put holy water near that unholy region

Not great today in fairness, Bullocks. One of the oysters must have been a bit dodgy. Certainly exorcising the demons of yesterday’s dinner. Multiple visits to the can today.

It’s true what they say about oysters though - I’ve a fücking horn on me all day you could clear crusties out of a bedsit with.

Nevin Parsnipp

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmmm.... Fr. Alphy Forristall might have something to say about that.

Slid in nice an’ snug was the feedback.

Uhhmmmm....

Ah Poor Fr,Alphy....very well liked ...The "Vaseline Priest" he was known as .......wasn't it .

Always has a lovely greasy sheen orf the front of his suitane .

Brendan Bendar

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Ah Poor Fr,Alphy....very well liked ...The "Vaseline Priest" he was known as .......wasn't it .

Always has a lovely greasy sheen orf the front of his suitane .

Very lad, Nevin, nobb like a baby’s arm holding an apple, they say.

Stretched more than two dozen altar boys before they ‘got him’ the filthy kernt.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Very lad, Nevin, nobb like a baby’s arm holding an apple, they say.

Stretched more than two dozen altar boys before they ‘got him’ the filthy kernt.

Like a can of tennis balls was it, Brendan?

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Like a can of tennis balls was it, Brendan?

Near enough, like a sock full of wet sand.

NeinNeinNein

I didn't realise you lads are so into your religion.

NeinNeinNein

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

I didn't realise you lads are so into your religion.

This thread always seems to take a drastic change of course every few weeks doesn't it.

Bobblehats

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

I didn't realise you lads are so into your religion.

Somebody bunted out a footlong into the bishops miter. And it escalated from there

Bullocks

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Not great today in fairness, Bullocks. One of the oysters must have been a bit dodgy. Certainly exorcising the demons of yesterday’s dinner. Multiple visits to the can today.

It’s true what they say about oysters though - I’ve a fücking horn on me all day you could clear crusties out of a bedsit with.

I didn't like to ask horn related questions but as soon as I read what you had for dinner I was brought back to an almost identical dinner myself and the wife had in Morans on the weir about 10 years ago. There was no Viagra that could have induced such a stalk. I'll tell you the wife will never forget that night.

Hector Savage

Was having a nice stroll to work this morning and stopped in at the cafe - the same cafe where some of ye may rememeber I had a "trouser accident" some weeks back - I felt it was long enough to buy a coffee there today - but to go, so I could scurry out quickly, she was giving me a shifty look as she poured the milk and I was getting paranoid, paid up and left quickly, but of course the usual happened with coffee , I was goosestepping it outside the office building, I was so worried I didn't risk taking the lift , it was a weigh up between the small chance of the lift getting stuck (relatively speaking the lifts here get stuck more than others.... but still small chance) and the even smaller chance of me losing it on the stairs - I took the choice to calmly and at a steady pace take the 5 flights of stairs.

Arrived and had time to go to my desk, and log in before speed walking to the jacks, down with the kacks and machine gunned the pewter !
was like a bolt of otters diving into a riverbank!!

The relief alone is worth these situations!

Someone mentioned earlier in the thread when I brought up that Jeff Daniels scene in Dumb & Dumber - it's a situation we will all find ourselves in - will we be prepared tho ?
I fear the day when finally it all just violently explodes, and not in a small way I can control either!


Like the lift scenario, it's one of my fears, can you f*cking IMAGINE getting stuck in a lift with a load in the hull ?
especially if there were others in the lift, I mean wtf could you DO ????

This type of stuff is just leave the job and never come back scenario!!

And it must have happened - somewhere in human history someone must have had to dump in a stuck lift, surrounded by embarrassed (and sick) colleagues - and even if you were alone, when they finally get the lift working again, and the mechanic and others are waiting at the lobby and there you are with a load of cowpat sized splotches of scutter on the floor ..... jesus , nightmare stuff!!!!

tgdaly

Lads I think it's important today to remember, on the 110th anniversary of his death, a truly fine gentleman.

Thomas Crapper, as he was very aptly named, "held nine patents, three of them for water closet improvements such as the floating ballcock. He improved the S-bend plumbing trap in 1880 by inventing the U-bend. His company owned the world's first bath, toilet and sink showroom in King's Road. Crapper was noted for the quality of his products and received several royal warrants."

Now if he's not a legend, I don't know who is. Imagine where we'd be today without his fine work.

Ironically, the poor fella died from colon cancer. It seems unfair that somebody who did so much for our "crap" factories could suffer such a cruel faith.

So whether your passing out "the Duke" or a cowpat on your daily visit, let's all take a moment to remember Thomas Crapper. Rest well sir, and hopefully you're somewhere better dropping your loads in gold plated toilets of your own design

JohnnyFlash

tgdaly wrote: »

Lads I think it's important today to remember, on the 110th anniversary of his death, a truly fine gentleman.

Thomas Crapper, as he was very aptly named, "held nine patents, three of them for water closet improvements such as the floating ballcock. He improved the S-bend plumbing trap in 1880 by inventing the U-bend. His company owned the world's first bath, toilet and sink showroom in King's Road. Crapper was noted for the quality of his products and received several royal warrants."

Now if he's not a legend, I don't know who is. Imagine where we'd be today without his fine work.

Ironically, the poor fella died from colon cancer. It seems unfair that somebody who did so much for our "crap" factories could suffer such a cruel faith.

So whether your passing out "the Duke" or a cowpat on your daily visit, let's all take a moment to remember Thomas Crapper. Rest well sir, and hopefully you're somewhere better dropping your loads in gold plated toilets of your own design

If you’re ever lucky enough to be invited to a wedding in Castle Leslie in Monaghan then you’ll have the opportunity to take a shïte on an original Thomas Crapper toilet. A beautiful piece of Victorian era engineering and I almost got emotional as I coated the pan with a thin sheet of peppery scour.

Hector Savage

Imagine being stuck in a lift with a turtles head pushing .... with this guy ....

https://old.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/euiiyy/being_stuck_in_an_elevator_with_a_crazy_person/


f*ck me ...

Brendan Bendar

Bullocks wrote: »

I didn't like to ask horn related questions but as soon as I read what you had for dinner I was brought back to an almost identical dinner myself and the wife had in Morans on the weir about 10 years ago. There was no Viagra that could have induced such a stalk. I'll tell you the wife will never forget that night.

‘Banging like a belt fed mortar’ ?

Hector Savage

Left a heap of sludge in the pan there that the fent could have knock out a Mumbai sewage worker ... !
Jaysus !! - even spraying half a can of fabreeze didn't do much to mask it.

Nevin Parsnipp

Hector Savage wrote: »

Left a heap of sludge in the pan there that the fent could have knock out a Mumbai sewage worker ... !
Jaysus !! - even spraying half a can of fabreeze didn't do much to mask it.

If I may comment you don't sound like a Dude who would be over worried about the "Fent".....much less actually have a can of Fabreeze.

Just sayin.....

fuerte1976

The fent is part of the glory we all wallow in surely!

EmmetSpiceland

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

If I may comment you don't sound like a Dude who would be over worried about the "Fent".....much less actually have a can of Fabreeze.

Just sayin.....

Going through a bit of “dry” spell, N? You’re sounding like you might be fairly “bound up” there, chief.

Everything ok? Have you tried upping your fruit “intake”? Maybe a few slices of brown bread.

Stay away from the tinned fruit, N, that’s all I’ll say. Will turn any “brown joy” into hot, watery, tears. And you do not want that heading into the weekend.

Keep the faith, brother. You’ll get there.

Nevin Parsnipp

Bobblehats wrote: »

Somebody bunted out a footlong into the bishops miter. And it escalated from there

Indeed...this actually happened ..believe it or not.!

Bumped into an old school pal recently.... Podger Dwane who spent a few years in the Bum Palace as the Seminary was colloquially known.

We shot the breeze about old times like when Fr.Mel Hanratty got stuck to the storage heater because the lads had coated the top with gouts of used chewing gum.

Anyways the Bishops Mitre incident came up and and it was a lad called Norbert Kinsella got the rap for it ...it appears that some "incident" happened on a field trip undertaken by the seminarians and poor Nobby was hauled up before the Dean of Discipline and given the door.

Anyways before Nobbs departed he happened on the Bishops Mitre and in a fit of pique pumped out an arseful of sour midden into it.

The bish was Francie Devereaux and apparently the nxt morn he was in a rush to the Post Office to collect a special delivery of "Religious Magazines" which he had arranged to be delivered in plain wrappers as he wished to "surprise" the local sodality members.

Anyways rushed out the door..... saw the mitre...jammed it on his noggin and was immediately covered in a mess of foul sour smelling runnell.

According to Podger the lads in the P.O had steamed open the parcel of " special chatecism leaflets" destined for his Lordship and were chimping themselves silly to Penthouse....All Mature...and S and M mags .

Poor Francie was recalled to the Vatican where he later became a leading Cardinal and Moral Theologian.

The lad Nobby ended up running a chip van outside the Mayflower Ballroom in Drumshanbo.....

Brendan Bendar

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Indeed...this actually happened ..believe it or not.!

Bumped into an old school pal recently.... Podger Dwane who spent a few years in the Bum Palace as the Seminary was colloquially known.

We shot the breeze about old times like when Fr.Mel Hanratty got stuck to the storage heater because the lads had coated the top with gouts of used chewing gum.

Anyways the Bishops Mitre incident came up and and it was a lad called Norbert Kinsella got the rap for it ...it appears that some "incident" happened on a field trip undertaken by the seminarians and poor Nobby was hauled up before the Dean of Discipline and given the door.

Anyways before Nobbs departed he happened on the Bishops Mitre and in a fit of pique pumped out an arseful of sour midden into it.

The bish was Francie Devereaux and apparently the nxt morn he was in a rush to the Post Office to collect a special delivery of "Religious Magazines" which he had arranged to be delivered in plain wrappers as he wished to "surprise" the local sodality members.

Anyways rushed out the door..... saw the mitre...jammed it on his noggin and was immediately covered in a mess of foul sour smelling runnell.

According to Podger the lads in the P.O had steamed open the parcel of " special chatecism leaflets" destined for his Lordship and were chimping themselves silly to Penthouse....All Mature...and S and M mags .

Poor Francie was recalled to the Vatican where he later became a leading Cardinal and Moral Theologian.

The lad Nobby ended up running a chip van outside the Mayflower Ballroom in Drumshanbo.....

Remember that Nevin, wasn’t Alpho Forristal the ‘Vaseline Priest’ part of that lot

Got the soutane steam cleaned in the convent ,I believe.

Sr Josephine Tyndall apparently ‘glazed the flaps’ when she got the fent.

Left shortly after too.

An Ri rua

Hector Savage wrote: »

Was having a nice stroll to work this morning and stopped in at the cafe - the same cafe where some of ye may rememeber I had a "trouser accident" some weeks back - I felt it was long enough to buy a coffee there today - but to go, so I could scurry out quickly, she was giving me a shifty look as she poured the milk and I was getting paranoid, paid up and left quickly, but of course the usual happened with coffee , I was goosestepping it outside the office building, I was so worried I didn't risk taking the lift , it was a weigh up between the small chance of the lift getting stuck (relatively speaking the lifts here get stuck more than others.... but still small chance) and the even smaller chance of me losing it on the stairs - I took the choice to calmly and at a steady pace take the 5 flights of stairs.

Arrived and had time to go to my desk, and log in before speed walking to the jacks, down with the kacks and machine gunned the pewter !
was like a bolt of otters diving into a riverbank!!

The relief alone is worth these situations!

Someone mentioned earlier in the thread when I brought up that Jeff Daniels scene in Dumb & Dumber - it's a situation we will all find ourselves in - will we be prepared tho ?
I fear the day when finally it all just violently explodes, and not in a small way I can control either!


Like the lift scenario, it's one of my fears, can you f*cking IMAGINE getting stuck in a lift with a load in the hull ?
especially if there were others in the lift, I mean wtf could you DO ????

This type of stuff is just leave the job and never come back scenario!!

And it must have happened - somewhere in human history someone must have had to dump in a stuck lift, surrounded by embarrassed (and sick) colleagues - and even if you were alone, when they finally get the lift working again, and the mechanic and others are waiting at the lobby and there you are with a load of cowpat sized splotches of scutter on the floor ..... jesus , nightmare stuff!!!!

Minor version of that happened to me when I was a kid. A neighbour came to measure up the toilet to put down a few tiles. I hadn't been informed. Who bothers informing a 10 year old of these things?
Problem was I was a veteran of Temple St for 8 wks at 8 yrs of age and another hospital at 3yrs for milk allergy and chronic constipation. I still recall the enemas with the same trepidation as the lads' earlier sexual excitement for SEMENarian memory lanes. The universe is dualistic. Each to his own. Some want it out and can't and some want it in.
Anyways, Professor Lavatory, as I became known for a short time, left a wretched shroud of gas and misery clinging to that place like an astral ghoul and that poor man, who's dead since, had to get down on his hands and knees and get measuring. Though they say in a fire, get down close to the floor for air. A pointless exercise, he might as well have been laying tiles in Syria as the chlorine fell. He was never the same. Had PSTD. Post ****e Traumatic Disorder. They say a bit of exposure therapy would have crowned him, but would be foolhardy I reckon. A spotter's well and good, but a horse that fears the cannon is only good for burgers.

I can still recall my father shouting. Close to screaming. But sure it was primal. Foulness wanted out and I'd had plenty of carrot and stick in Dublin to convince me of the merits of a timely evacuation. I was strangely fearless. The newfound lightness of a dog who runs after a well earned sh1te.

An Ri rua

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

. I’ve sent the dollybird down to the shop for the paper and a dozen sausages. Expecting a very loose and violent evacuation in the next 15 minutes.
.

Never mind Johnny flash, this is pure Johnny Suede? Does anyone recall the scene? Hasn't pulled a decent fart in days. Heartfelt direction.

An Ri rua

Like a lot of forums and threads on here, you'd often see a drinks meetup proposed.

Jaysus, if us lot hit a place it would be worse than f*cking up and booking an ethnic Irish wedding /christening/funeral or a panel of gaa or rugby heads.

Aristotle said use makes the function. And in this case, we'd live that meme by working those thrones on shifts. I'd say the bill from Irish Water, after the drain cleaning crowd, would be eye watering.

I wonder if one of ye rang a few places and asked how many thrones there are, what sort of lighting, jacksroll, mood music etc, would they twig it? Not the sort of thing they'd have on the brochure website but maybe on specialist booking systems or the dark web...

The brown pound. I'd say it's a niche market out there.

gerrybbadd

I'm still upset after yesterday's "events".

Around about half 2, I felt the familiar rumble in the gut region, so, knowing that my usual bathroom would be full of fat, hairy men lining up to take a shower after their lunch time run, I decided to go to the downstairs facilities. Big error in judgement.

I was happy enough for the first 5 minutes or so, banging away into the porcelain trumpet, when an etiquette breaker landed into trap 2 beside me. He was obviously ****ing with me from the start.

To begin with, he let rip with 3 wet yokes, embarrased for him I was really, they were a pathetic attempt. He sat down then (after having a noisy pi$$ for himself first), to let out a few nuggets. Plop Plop Plop, and a sigh, like he was after releasing something akin to the Fat Man Nuke released over Nagasaki in the summer of 45.

Now, I had finished my business, but with the guts being rumbly, i knew there was a further chance of drizzles, so i stayed put sitting. And so did he. It turned into a game of "who's gonna blink first then". No movement. Not even a n under the breath mutter of "for fúck sake" made a difference.

I took note of the time, it was getting on, and i'd been gone a while. It was time to blink, so up I get to start filing away some paperwork. The second i start, so does he. The absolute cúnt. Now, my paperwork requirement was heavy duty, so i was still in the trap when he got out. He then furhter breached all known etiquette. He didn't wash his hands. Yet, he felt the need to press the button on the hand dryer. This enraged me, and i admit, i did let a shout out - "YA FÚCK YA". Even if he had washed the hands, there was any amount of paper towels avaialble to dry up the hands with.

What do ye think lads - was he fúcking with me, or was it just a total ignoramus, no doubt in off the farm after an AI session with the cows, and a feed of bacon and cabbage down the town, along with a big pint of milk?

JohnnyFlash

I been on a bit of a ‘health buzz’ all week. No pints since Sunday, using one of those vape pen yokes instead of the old cowboy killers, brown bread and poached eggs for the breakfast, only one bag of crisps a day, stir-fry’s every day.

I’m majorly constipated as a result. Nothing moving since Tuesday and starting to get worried now. Small bit tetchy as a result - rolled down the window of the Beamer this morning to tell a taxi driver to ‘use your fûcking indicators, you fat ugly Dublin cünt’. That sort of thing.

Might have to have 8 cans of Guinness, and a fish supper from the chipper to get things moving this evening.

Hoop66

Just the opposite myself. Had leftover pie and some beans for dinner last night, and as a consequence was about an hour early for my date with destiny. Of course some fucker was in my cubicle. In I went to trap 1 (too near the door but needs must) and there's no sign of movement from next door. So I just let it all go, and he was up and out like a scalded cat.

Hotblack Desiato

An Ri rua wrote: »

Like a lot of forums and threads on here, you'd often see a drinks meetup proposed.

If those plans for a Maze Prison museum ever get off the ground...

Fireball81

Dirty bastard in trap 2 (I was already in the third when he came in) so a weirdo, was making loud 'trying' noises like he was trying to push out a baby.

**** me, these moments should be treasured and not rushed especially on company time.

Was bad enough the wifi was a but slow during my visit,I didn't need to hear that.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I been on a bit of a ‘health buzz’ all week. No pints since Sunday, using one of those vape pen yokes instead of the old cowboy killers, brown bread and poached eggs for the breakfast, only one bag of crisps a day, stir-fry’s every day.

I’m majorly constipated as a result. Nothing moving since Tuesday and starting to get worried now. Small bit tetchy as a result - rolled down the window of the Beamer this morning to tell a taxi driver to ‘use your fûcking indicators, you fat ugly Dublin cünt’. That sort of thing.

Might have to have 8 cans of Guinness, and a fish supper from the chipper to get things moving this evening.

Uhhm..... heading for a hoop area like the neck of a well shaken YR sauce bottle,John.

I’d be boiling up the auld saucepan of wather for hanging the muzzle over.

That stuff is hard to shift once it gets ‘worked in’ .

I tried a saucepan with a glass lid and a steam vent in it on a previous occasion.

Don’t do that, nozzle was badly scorched, and difficult to dilate for at least ten days.

Best of luck John.