What's the etiquette here??

cbreeze

You know you're a redneck if someone in your household says c'mere an look at this afore ah flush it ...

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122172208#Comment_122172208

An awful existence. Half water half debris, like washing out a bowl of half eaten coco pops in a sink. And then the hoop chafing to follow, feels like grinding valve seats on an old 2 stroke engine… Sometimes in this situation a little dabble of sudo works wonders, just "takes the edge" off things so to speak. Glad you and the sump plug are better, it's no laughing matter…

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122133524#Comment_122133524

Drawstring on his hoop is obviously perished, no elasticity, no 'snap' in the fcuker, just gone slack like the hood of a cheap anorak.

That sod of turf you hoved up on was probably sluiced out from a cavity like the baggage delivery belt of an international airport.

Sphincter exercises needed here JI otherwise its the sail repair needle required.

Brendan Bendar

While I'm at it and discussing golf club changing rooms, why do auld lads insist on swanning around the locker rooms with nobs like turkey drumsticks dangling in front of them.

Fcuck sake a bit of respect here.

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122174990#Comment_122174990

yeah I think so Brendan! Some back end kegal exercises should tighten up the undercarriage for the poor fella. Probably had a bit of a “knot” in a log that did the damage but not to worry the auld hoop ring is very versatile and recovers quickly, think of arse Pilates and some “crunches” but maybe avoid squats until the drawstring tightens up … you don’t want your hoop to turn inside out. It’ll be ok though don’t worry we are all with you.

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122175106#Comment_122175106

I hear ya Brendan! I commented on this scenario previously, wild animals with their grey plumage and little chodes as they prance around tapping each other on the back in the showers saying, god Johnny that was a great 8 you had today on the index 1, a great “up and down”… oh thanks, I have “lost a lot of length off the tee” but the touch is still there and all this shite and they drying off and the chodes at eye level as you try put on a clean pair of socks… a rasher with the corner of a wet towel would be well deserved on some of them…

Baba Yaga

got "volunteered" to work security at a up-market function a few years ago,was told be great,double-time,youll enjoy it,best of eatables,nice people,great place blahblahblah anywho had to hit the facilities for a wizz,walked in,two lads at the pissers,hands behind heads,tuxedo strides and jocks near around the ankles and waving the 45gallon bellies in the general direction of the ceramics,pish fcukin everywhere,up-market me hole…co-incedently the midlands as well..what does be going through lads minds?supposedly "up-market" people…

Hotblack Desiato

Time for some (nsfw) music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf86b5gWrnI

@Baba Yaga a turd rolled in glitter is still a turd.

Bobson Dugnutt

Just after pinching off a sourdough into the pot in one of Pat McDonagh’s eatin’ houses. In very good nick. Clean, no arse sweat on the seat, 2 ply, solid wall to floor door.

Great feed as well. Top class.

Lewis_Benson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122177612#Comment_122177612

5 star nosh there.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122177612#Comment_122177612

Hadn't seen the dining / sh1tter combo. That's a nice upgrade and will certainly appeal to this group of craftsmen.

Whereabouts?

Aytin and sh1t-tin, food at S*perm*cs 🎵

Hotblack Desiato

What you did with that word makes it look like Sperm Cnuts ?

mfceiling

Maybe one of the regulars in here might take inspiration from this. Save the lads in Ringsend from tackling what is a thankless task.

dulpit

Had need to use the facilities in local shopping centre today. The quality of toilet paper was abysmal, it was 2 ply but might as well have been 1 ply. I feel there needs to be a minimum quality that public facilities need to meet in this department. Everything else was top notch.

tohaltuwi

Japanese toilet paper is the only way to go. Very dense, completely effective, rolls weigh a ton and last forever. Superbly efficient.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122190977#Comment_122190977

The rolls that play modesty white noise soundscapes are the best. Music sheets that hit the right note, one might say

https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/s/zvmonucaCM

https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/s/RMuyeHnTQg

An Ri rua

Quote

"Had need to use the facilities in local shopping centre today. The quality of toilet paper was abysmal, it was 2 ply but might as well have been 1 ply. I feel there needs to be a minimum quality that public facilities need to meet in this department. Everything else was top notch"

Have you brought this up with the political canvassers on the doorsteps?

Hot issue and, let's be fair, they above all others excel at talking sh1t.

Votail #2 if you want a national minimum ply.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122189392#Comment_122189392

Wouldn't that leave them with a taskless tank though?

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122183563#Comment_122183563

Tasty and tempting... Fnar.....

PP Lee

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122189392#Comment_122189392

I definitely wouldn’t use it while I was still sitting. Just in case the maceration action creates a suction effect which could possibly lead to some horrific injuries 😳

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122190963#Comment_122190963

Sorry to hear that D, was at my ‘semi local’ shopping centre recently,and felt the need to ‘evacuate’.

Trundled in to facilities and …perfect…row of shïtters with the doors ajar ..no grunting and groaning going on…all cool.

selected the end shiïtter of the seven and pumped out a semi solid load of greenish midden which some folk might expect to cause a problem….fcuker swallowed the lot first flush….drew a soft wedge of arse wipe across the rusty rivet and ….er..then tidied up.

Very satisfactory experience.

spacetweek

A little unusual for things to go so smoothly for you, Bendar. You been having All Bran and prunes for breakfast lately?

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122196054#Comment_122196054

Good observation Mr. S, felt it was worthwhile giving credit where it was due.

Wouldn't like to get a reputation for just spreading bile.

Movements still a little 'rough' though, not time to break out the new Calvins just yet

Bobson Dugnutt

12 pairs of 40” comfort fit keyhole briefs from Guineys for 20 quid would be more your thing, Brendan

CorneliusBrown

wife went to the mercy hospital this morning and rang looking for shampoo and a comb and her dressing gown so rare enough I was over that side of the city and snuck in for a few pints beforehand around twelve. Now here is something new: young lad behind the bar told me he’d sort me out for the jacks after my pint was poured (took the lil bollix about ten minutes) and sure enough when he landed the pint on the counter he gave me a rotten little key like we were both characters out of Treasure Island. Couldn’t help it I was  laughing at this lad the whole time and he realised it. Awful looking yoke about 25 with one of those little moustaches they have these days and curly hair shaved at the sides. Looked like someone had slapped a few ‘tats’ on a calf and then shat on its head. Dunno why but I peered over the counter at one stage and nearly pissed myself when I ‘d seen  the inner platform of the bar was raised about three ft all over so the little brat giving me the hard stare, well in reality the top of his head would have been no higher than my nipples. As I say, he must have seen me laughing because the poor sop reached over the bar and planted his feckin key very firmly and kind of seriously in my hand like he was giving me a precious heirloom to pass on to his daughter. Awful smell off the key, not shite thankfully, but like rotten bandages or some puss and crust from behind an awl fellah’s ear is how I’d describe it.

Anyway I go into the cube, checked the roll for spin, opened my belt, dropped the slacks to the floor, and shot out a plitter platter plitter platter of assorted excrement, looked like floating bits of antique furniture, finials, broken pediments, all wet ebony shapes in slick black bogwater. Strong smell of composted meat and iron, only for the fans so to speak, a little stomach churning even for myself. But then when  I go to wipe it was strange. I noticed instead of getting a stripe down the centre like you expect, my massive skelps of paper were coming back entirely plastered in thick black shite, edge to edge, corner to corner. In fact after twenty huge tamps I never saw a speck of paper, just shite, as if the whole of my bum, I mean the inside cheeks, the outer cheeks, the whole thing, must have been caked in shite. Had to start putting paper into the little bin as I was worried about blocking up the toilet and you start to panic.filled the bin up and had to start packing it down. Anyway, gave your man back his little key and went on my merry way.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122199651#Comment_122199651

Jeez!
Bad experience there, dude .

I always find the best way to sort out a snotty bar tender is to drop a loose load like a blown can of Sheridens Tuna Chunks over the pot, fizz out a well spread load,good wide ‘impact zone’’ and let the kernt clean it up.

Only way dude…saves a lot of time too.

Bobson Dugnutt

Katherine Thomas is standing in for Ray Darcy and she had an arse doctor on to talk about the delicate subject of constipation.

As anyone who has visited the Electric Vehicle, Radio, or Current Affairs forums can see, there are a lot of very “bound up” folks around.

She said the main symptoms are less than 3 movements per week, a hard and dry stool, a feeling that you haven’t had a full evacuation, and even having to use your hand to manually extract the bolus.

Most of the regulars here seem to have no issues with constipation at all, but is there anyone who keeps a box of disposable gloves on the cistern to deal with coaxing the snake out?

tohaltuwi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122219563#Comment_122219563

Tends to be more of a female issue due to the longer narrower more twisted colon, also a lot of females have adhesions from endometriosis and hormonal variability which drives involuntary muscle from one extreme to the other. Women get more variability from one extreme to the other, sometimes if there is a blockage nature goes into overdrive and pumps it out with high force hosing, known as “overflow diarrhoea”.

Bobson Dugnutt

Down in Kerry for the past few days on a golfing trip.

I’d like to apologise to the staff and members of Dooks Links for the unfortunate scene in cubicle 3 of the men’s jacks. The fried breakfasts, Guinness, crab claws, fish and chips diet catches up with you after a few days.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122222220#Comment_122222220

Fcukers deserve it, screwing the golfer with their green fees.

Hope you blew a thick porridgy load all over the stall.

Go up to Champs Supermarket in the Square and get a box of Imodium and a packet of

Tenu high volume jocks and you are good to go.