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Sh*te your co-workers say

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    #332
    6541
    Registered Users Posts: 1,943 ✭✭✭6541


    I work in an open plan office - Now I know this is about what folk say but this woman that sits opposed me walks with such a heavy step its unusual. You hear her moving around the office.....


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    #333
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,387 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Nigel Fairservice wrote: »
    I get the bus to work at 7.15 every morning and there's a guy on it who is always on the phone without fail. His conversations are just shooting the breeze type conversations. He must have some great friends if they're willing to talk crap with him at that hour of the morning.

    He's probably talking to himself...

    Hadn't seen this before in work, but this morning, not one but two, TWO different people signed off on emails with "Best,..."

    aghhhhhhhhhhhh

    Just

    F**K

    OFF

    :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #334
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,387 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Guill wrote: »
    I worked with one guy, if you met him on a Monday or Tuesday "Well, did you do anything at the weekend?"
    If you met him on a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday "Any plans for the weekend?"

    I'm a fortysomething married guy with kids.
    Next time some moron asks me this, I'll say "Yeah. Getting a big bag of yokes and heading off to a secret location in the midlands tonight for a 48 hour rave, see you Monday." :rolleyes:

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #335
    somesoldiers
    Registered Users Posts: 13,845 ✭✭✭✭somesoldiers


    Nigel Fairservice wrote: »
    I get the bus to work at 7.15 every morning and there's a guy on it who is always on the phone without fail. His conversations are just shooting the breeze type conversations. He must have some great friends if they're willing to talk crap with him at that hour of the morning.

    Anyone ever seen "The Dancing Man" on the M3 Parkway-Docklands line? Young lad in his 20's I'd say, gets on the first carriage about 7am weekdays, stands by the door and does The Robot dance moves all the way in to Docklands.
    He's quite good actually


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    #336
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,385 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    batman1 wrote: »
    We have a main office and 2 offices quite spread out around the country.
    There is a technician who visits both places frequently and carries spares etc when he travels.

    If he's scheduled to travel to both places on the same day, I inevitably get a phone call from head office saying that he might not be there until XXX time because of....'bi-locational issues'.
    In other words, he has to go to both sites so might not get to you until after lunch.

    I'd love to bi-locate my shoe up their hole

    Is Padre Pio your technical fella?


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    #337
    jmayo
    Registered Users Posts: 13,187 ✭✭✭✭jmayo


    jcorr wrote: »
    Not really a story about a co worker saying something but I worked in a place once where there was a woman who vibrated the floor.

    Well she loved power walking through the office. I would have my head phones on and still I would feel the vibrations when she was walking through the office.

    I don't know why she power walked like that. She had an hour glass figure, I mean one that would absolutely melt bank vaults and most of the guys would turn their head looking at her.

    You know what really drove me up the wall, is sometimes I would look at her face and she would look away really quickly. Man, that's harsh darling. Really harsh. Lol.

    That story had such a promising opening line, but then quickly went downhill.
    :(

    I am not allowed discuss …



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    #338
    Veloce
    Registered Users Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭Veloce


    Today - colleague that sits beside me has not stopped talking about the weather. I mean it has been relentless:

    9am - OMG it's lovely out
    10am - looking like it's gonna be scorchio
    11am - Gonna grab a sambo, head to the park and soak up some rays
    12pm - must be well into the mid-20s now
    2pm - OMG it is actually GORGEOUS outside

    Just now: think I'm gonna grab an ice-cream

    WILL YOU STFU


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    #339
    Tomw86
    Registered Users Posts: 932 ✭✭✭Tomw86


    Veloce wrote: »
    Today - colleague that sits beside me has not stopped talking about the weather. I mean it has been relentless:

    9am - OMG it's lovely out
    10am - looking like it's gonna be scorchio
    11am - Gonna grab a sambo, head to the park and soak up some rays
    12pm - must be well into the mid-20s now
    2pm - OMG it is actually GORGEOUS outside

    Just now: think I'm gonna grab an ice-cream

    WILL YOU STFU

    Tell her its mid-40s in Paris so its not actually that lovely here. Should shut her up. Actually I'm assuming it's a she, could easily be a he.


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    #340
    Up Donegal
    Registered Users Posts: 1,236 ✭✭✭Up Donegal


    Some time ago, a co-worker said that (name) went 'off in a transit' instead of 'off on a tangent'.


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    #341
    lisabiscuit
    Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭lisabiscuit


    I used to be able to get these yogurts in Tesco. then one day they were gone. Couldn't get them at all. So then I went to Dunnes and I found them there.....riiiiight!?


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    #342
    jcorr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 232 ✭✭jcorr


    6541 wrote: »
    I work in an open plan office - Now I know this is about what folk say but this woman that sits opposed me walks with such a heavy step its unusual. You hear her moving around the office.....

    You too huh? Does this happen in every office?

    Or maybe it's the same office....Le shock!


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    #343
    jcorr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 232 ✭✭jcorr


    jmayo wrote: »
    That story had such a promising opening line, but then quickly went downhill.
    :(

    Not really a story about a co worker saying something but I worked in a place once where there was a woman who vibrated.

    Alright there I fixed it


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    #344
    amadangomor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,148 ✭✭✭amadangomor


    "Shots fired!!" Lads at work use this phrase endlessly for the last 5/6 years. You'd swear it was the first time anyone has ever used each time it's said!

    Couple of lads in particular are excellent at office banter like this! Same stock phrases for years and can natter on for ages without actually saying anything interesting/intelligent.

    Usually hang around trying to impress young women in the office even though they are all married middle aged men.


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    #345
    lapua20grain
    Registered Users Posts: 821 ✭✭✭lapua20grain


    Living the dream, 1 bloke I work with that's his tag line


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    #346
    kippy
    Registered Users Posts: 18,489 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    Some of the stuff on here is worrying and really backs up some of the stereotyping around IT and/or Office workers.


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    #347
    heldel00
    Registered Users Posts: 1,832 ✭✭✭heldel00


    Person i work with always has "a friend who ..."
    But before they actually start the story, they'll take a drink of tea, a bite of their sandwich and another drink of tea.
    We all have to sit like gobshítes waiting on the great story which we've inevitably heard before anyway.


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    #348
    Schwanz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 898 ✭✭✭Schwanz


    Supervisor has been "leaving" for 3 years every now and then.

    Mad for the attention.


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    #349
    Wildly Boaring
    Registered Users Posts: 3,634 ✭✭✭Wildly Boaring


    Used work with an auld boy from up by the border

    Anyone he met

    Morning. Howaya?

    Our hero "Worse"

    Very funny twice


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    #350
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    heldel00 wrote: »
    Person i work with always has "a friend who ..."
    But before they actually start the story, they'll take a drink of tea, a bite of their sandwich and another drink of tea.
    We all have to sit like gobshs waiting on the great story which we've inevitably heard before anyway.

    total power move there


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    #351
    Nikki Sixx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 426 ✭✭Nikki Sixx


    “6 o’ clock is not early.” This gob****e I work with loves/ used to love throwing that one out, just to highlight how great he is for getting up at that time. He also fell over himself a few times trying to tell the boss what time he arrived at work at (he comes in way earlier than the boss and other coworkers).


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    #352
    machiavellianme
    Registered Users Posts: 12,487 ✭✭✭✭machiavellianme


    lapua20grain wrote: »
    Living the dream, 1 bloke I work with that's his tag line

    Do I work with you?
    I saw it on a bottle of Black's of Kinsale IPA and thought, how apt!


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    #353
    Nikki Sixx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 426 ✭✭Nikki Sixx


    Giveaway wrote: »
    "TIME for tea" every 15 mins and "we did a great days work today". Both in the same job in uk. Same job in ireland would do 3 times the work with half the staff, but a much nicer work environment in Ireland

    The Irish work environment is far from a picnic, if you read through the posts here.


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    #354
    Nikki Sixx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 426 ✭✭Nikki Sixx


    Fake people who will be nice to you at work when the cameras are rolling and who couldn’t give a fiddlers about you when the right people aren’t looking on. The person I refer to was a psychotic biatch when she was single, she was bitter and hypersensitive. Now she is married, (probably the only guy who hung around) and has put on the facade of niceness. But I know the real woman behind this thin veneer.


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    #355
    somefeen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,657 ✭✭✭somefeen


    Thank **** I've never had to work in an office


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    #356
    Panthro
    Registered Users Posts: 14,782 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    "Any plans for the weekend?"
    You don't care about my weekend, I don't care about you weekend.
    Let's just leave it at that.

    Monday rolls around.
    "what did you get up to at the weekend?"

    Oh sweet baby jesus, not this shyt again.


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    #357
    Nigel Fairservice
    Registered Users, Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 2,200 Mod ✭✭✭✭Nigel Fairservice


    Am I the only one that actively avoids the work canteen? There's some fairly toxic characters in ours.


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    #358
    Nikki Sixx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 426 ✭✭Nikki Sixx


    Panthro wrote: »
    "Any plans for the weekend?"
    You don't care about my weekend, I don't care about you weekend.
    Let's just leave it at that.

    Monday rolls around.
    "what did you get up to at the weekend?"

    Oh sweet baby jesus, not this shyt again.

    Tell them you did a “park run,” that’s meant to be the height of sophistication these days.


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    #359
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,387 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Wildly Boaring wrote: »
    Used work with an auld boy from up by the border

    Anyone he met

    Morning. Howaya?

    Our hero "Worse"

    Very funny twice

    Doesn't he know the mandatory answer to that question is always "Grand."

    Doesn't matter if you have depression, cancer or a recent amputation, the answer is still "Grand."

    Nikki Sixx wrote: »
    “6 o’ clock is not early.” This gob****e I work with loves/ used to love throwing that one out, just to highlight how great he is for getting up at that time. He also fell over himself a few times trying to tell the boss what time he arrived at work at (he comes in way earlier than the boss and other coworkers).

    I fcukin' hate early risers. Sanctimonious bunch looking down their noses at normal people making out that we're all lazy, well you get to feck off home at 4 or 4:30 and I'm still in there at 7pm (or sometimes later, unpaid) but you're not around to see that, you lazy (just at a different time of day) fecker.

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #360
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,387 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    somefeen wrote: »
    Thank **** I've never had to work in an office

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5i1cJIwE7M

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #361
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,387 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Nigel Fairservice wrote: »
    Am I the only one that actively avoids the work canteen? There's some fairly toxic characters in ours.

    We work in IT, the unwritten rule is never go down to the canteen otherwise someone will ask you to fix their next door neighbour's cousin's friend's PC :rolleyes:

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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