Has he lost interest?

Sugarloaf12345

I have been seeing a guy for two months now and we meet up on average about 1-3 times per week. I stayed over at his Tuesday night and before I left Wednesday morning I asked if he was going drinking with mates this weekend. He said no and asked me I said no. He then said if his mates were doing something non alcohol related he would join them but didn’t want to do anything alcohol related. One of these mates is recently single after a bad break up. I asked if he wanted to do something with me if he wasn’t with them and he said yea and i told him to let me know he said he would. But I haven’t heard from him since. Should I take it he doesn’t want to meet or he would have text?

I don’t want to text him first as I have text him first and asked him to meet the last two times and I want to see if he’s interested in his own. But I’m worried he may be slow fading me which I am terrified of as I have been ghosted twice before and It hurt me a lot. I hate not knowing and not hearing from him. Does it appear as if he’s loosing interest and starting to "slow fade"? What should I do?

never_mind

If it's been two months I would be looking at making things official or moving on. It might be that he isn't that pushed about doing anything this weekend at all and if he is it will be non-alcohol and quiet. In my opinion I'd send him a text to ask him how his week has been and then ask him what's he at for the weekend. Wait for him to ask you what you're at.. maybe have something lined up (e.g. going for brunch/early lunch with friends...) so he knows you have plans outside of him but have spare time to hang out with him.

I wouldn't read too much into not be the person to drive the plan-making. there is always one person in any relationship who is more outgoing!

Sugarloaf12345

never_mind wrote: »

If it's been two months I would be looking at making things official or moving on. It might be that he isn't that pushed about doing anything this weekend at all and if he is it will be non-alcohol and quiet. In my opinion I'd send him a text to ask him how his week has been and then ask him what's he at for the weekend. Wait for him to ask you what you're at.. maybe have something lined up (e.g. going for brunch/early lunch with friends...) so he knows you have plans outside of him but have spare time to hang out with him.

I wouldn't read too much into not be the person to drive the plan-making. there is always one person in any relationship who is more outgoing!

Thank you for your advice I will take it on board.
However I am a little hurt and peed off as he did tell me he’d let me know Wednesday morning it is now Friday evening and he hasn’t even text me. I find it a little rude of him not to contact and let me know either way, if he didn’t want to meet he could just tell me like he said he would and have respect for my time. Maybe I’m way off but would you agree?
I just know if that was me I wouldn’t keep someone hanging this long esp at a weekend

never_mind

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Thank you for your advice I will take it on board.
However I am a little hurt and peed off as he did tell me he’d let me know Wednesday morning it is now Friday evening and he hasn’t even text me. I find it a little rude of him not to contact and let me know either way, if he didn’t want to meet he could just tell me like he said he would and have respect for my time. Maybe I’m way off but would you agree?
I just know if that was me I wouldn’t keep someone hanging this long esp at a weekend

Hmm... if that's the case then yeah it's a bit of a punch in the teeth. But it could be that something has happened or that he forgot he would be the first to text. Has he communicated at all with you even just a 'Hey how are ya?'. Unfortunately the ghosting thing seems to be how things work these days... no one has the guts any more to be mannerly and upfront.

Sugarloaf12345

No I haven’t heard anything from him not a hello not a snapchat not anything since I left his house Wednesday morning. Which I find is very hurtful and rude because he could have at least told me he couldn’t meet to let me free to do something else

seenitall

Hi OP,

One of the best pieces of advice I could give you here is to stop stressing about this sort of thing. This guy is just someone you've been seeing, and is really inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. The sooner you learn this, the sooner you'll have a happier, and more stress-free life.

As is often said on these pages, never treat as a priority someone who treats you as merely an option. What that means is that you should have put other plans for your weekend in place once you didn't hear from him on Wednesday. And that you should at least do it now.

If it is a slow fade, then so be it. I wouldn't even bother with someone who is so lackadaisical about seeing me, tbh. I'd have simply lost interest by that point. That's the way I operate at least, and believe me, I am having A LOT more fun dating now that I am setting a high value on my time and my plans, as opposed to back when I was fretting why he didn't text by whenever he said he would, should I text him instead, is he interested, how interested is he, is he too busy, should I cut him some slack..? So much overthinking about such a simple thing: when a man wants to be with you, you'll know all about it. If you don't hear from him, I'm sorry - but he's not bothered.

This comes from knowing how happy it makes me when I feel truly wanted and valued in a relationship, and once you know that about yourself, you won't settle for anything less. Why would you want to settle for less than being made happy by someone special?

Once you start valuing and loving yourself, you will attract the kind of man who won't leave you hanging. Not even once.

Best wishes.

zapper55

He doesn't sound hugely arsed.

What's the contact like during the week, does he initiate dates much? Are they mostly alcohol/sex based?

zapper55

Actually ignore my post, seenitall's is spot on.

Sugarloaf12345

no not alcohol/sex based. And he used to be good until now.

Sugarloaf12345

seenitall wrote: »

Hi OP,

One of the best pieces of advice I could give you here is to stop stressing about this sort of thing. This guy is just someone you've been seeing, and is really inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. The sooner you learn this, the sooner you'll have a happier, and more stress-free life.

As is often said on these pages, never treat as a priority someone who treats you as merely an option. What that means is that you should have put other plans for your weekend in place once you didn't hear from him on Wednesday. And that you should at least do it now.

If it is a slow fade, then so be it. I wouldn't even bother with someone who is so lackadaisical about seeing me, tbh. I'd have simply lost interest by that point. That's the way I operate at least, and believe me, I am having A LOT more fun dating now that I am setting a high value on my time and my plans, as opposed to back when I was fretting why he didn't text by whenever he said he would, should I text him instead, is he interested, how interested is he, is he too busy, should I cut him some slack..? So much overthinking about such a simple thing: when a man wants to be with you, you'll know all about it. If you don't hear from him, I'm sorry - but he's not bothered.

This comes from knowing how happy it makes me when I feel truly wanted and valued in a relationship, and once you know that about yourself, you won't settle for anything less. Why would you want to settle for less than being made happy by someone special?

Once you start valuing and loving yourself, you will attract the kind of man who won't leave you hanging. Not even once.

Best wishes.

This is brilliant thank you for taking the time to give all this advice.
What is the best thing to do now? Just leave him altogether and let him come to me? I havent seen or spoke to him since I left his house Wednesday AM. As he did tell me he would let me know I dont want to go messaging him.

IS he not being a bit of a d*** though by not letting me know like he said he would and for not texting me in general? We slept together Wed. night and it makes me feel like s*** now that he couldnt even acknowledge me and my plans for the weekend

Sugarloaf12345

Should I leave him or text him?

LegacyUser

If I was you OP I'd leave it for now. You'll just be annoyed with yourself for texting first again. As the other poster said if he was interested you'd know about it. I would go and make your own plans with friends.. as seenitall said once you meet the right person you won't experience any of this anxiety cause it's not what good relationships are like.

zapper55

What age are you op? Only you can make that decision. People here can only give their opinion.

woodchuck

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Should I leave him or text him?

I'd go ahead and make other plans for the weekend.

If he doesn't get in touch over the weekend, then I'd send him off to the island of lost men.

If he does get in touch and you already have other plans, then he should get the message that you don't exist just to be at his beck and whim. It'll be his own fault for not pinning down plans sooner.

Sugarloaf12345

We are both late 20s hence why I expect a bit more respect at this stage. Even if he chose to go with his friends that’s ok. What’s bothering me is he 1) hasn’t made any effort to contact me since Wednesday and 2) out of respect he could have just said yay or nay. I’m afraid he’s beginning to start ghosting me which is bothering me hugely as I have been ghosted before and it’s a horrible place

alibab

seenitall wrote: »

Hi OP,

One of the best pieces of advice I could give you here is to stop stressing about this sort of thing. This guy is just someone you've been seeing, and is really inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. The sooner you learn this, the sooner you'll have a happier, and more stress-free life.

As is often said on these pages, never treat as a priority someone who treats you as merely an option. What that means is that you should have put other plans for your weekend in place once you didn't hear from him on Wednesday. And that you should at least do it now.

If it is a slow fade, then so be it. I wouldn't even bother with someone who is so lackadaisical about seeing me, tbh. I'd have simply lost interest by that point. That's the way I operate at least, and believe me, I am having A LOT more fun dating now that I am setting a high value on my time and my plans, as opposed to back when I was fretting why he didn't text by whenever he said he would, should I text him instead, is he interested, how interested is he, is he too busy, should I cut him some slack..? So much overthinking about such a simple thing: when a man wants to be with you, you'll know all about it. If you don't hear from him, I'm sorry - but he's not bothered.

This comes from knowing how happy it makes me when I feel truly wanted and valued in a relationship, and once you know that about yourself, you won't settle for anything less. Why would you want to settle for less than being made happy by someone special?

Once you start valuing and loving yourself, you will attract the kind of man who won't leave you hanging. Not even once.

Best wishes.

Read this post and then read it again as it’s spot in . Dating these days is a mine field but the truth is that if a guy is into you then you will know it and you will not be asking these questions. Contact will be at least daily . This guy is not worth your energy as you are just the back up plan etc and he may like you enough but ultimately will always be looking for the next best thing .

Make plans for the weekend and stick to them etc even if he txts you last minute. There is nothing more soul destroying then feeling like a booty call . Take back some self respect and let him off

ginandtonicsky

Seenitall's post is like a public service announcement to all single women!

So incredibly true and important. When you fancy someone, lines can become blurred and you can easily slip into overthinking and second guessing their every move. What helps in that scenario is to ask yourself a simple question: is fretting over someone like this going to make me happy? What about in a year, or five years? What sort of life will I have when someone's lack of conviction presents all kinds of insecurities and questions in my head?

The most special thing in the world is being cherished, honoured and respected by a partner. Knowing that they think you're the best thing since sliced bread and they wouldn't dare let you think otherwise for even a second. That is entirely possible and entirely what you deserve.

Don't waste your time on someone that can't be arsed to make plans with you or give you the courtesy of a text days after you were intimate with him. Who's willing to let you slide into the weekend not knowing if you'll see him, not caring if you make other plans.

Make other plans. It doesn't matter if he's Ryan Gosling, this kind of behaviour will never make you happy. Make plans and don't spend the weekend staring at your phone. You're better than that.

Onwards and upwards.

fineso.mom

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

No I haven’t heard anything from him not a hello not a snapchat not anything since I left his house Wednesday morning. Which I find is very hurtful and rude because he could have at least told me he couldn’t meet to let me free to do something else

Just on your last line there op.....you ARE free to do whatever you want at the weekend. Your time is just as important as his.

Sugarloaf12345

fineso.mom wrote: »

Just on your last line there op.....you ARE free to do whatever you want at the weekend. Your time is just as important as his.

I know that and i have made plans whats bothering me more is the fact he hasnt been in touch that worries me

alibab

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

I know that and i have made plans whats bothering me more is the fact he hasnt been in touch that worries me

But what is worrying your. He is a coward and he is ghosting you unfortunately. At this stage you havec2 choices . Just forget about him or take back the control and txt him a message yourself for closure ending things . You do not need to be waiting around for him to do it and really if he was to txt you now it would be because he has nothing else on . If he did txt I hope you would have the self respect to tell him where to go . You spent the night with him last Tuesday night and he hasn’t contacted you since this is not a man that’s interested.

It’s hard to accept and can knock the confidence once again but try to let it go and move on and just think of him as another man who does not deserve your attention.

Sugarloaf12345

alibab wrote: »

But what is worrying your. He is a coward and he is ghosting you unfortunately. At this stage you havec2 choices . Just forget about him or take back the control and txt him a message yourself for closure ending things . You do not need to be waiting around for him to do it and really if he was to txt you now it would be because he has nothing else on . If he did txt I hope you would have the self respect to tell him where to go . You spent the night with him last Tuesday night and he hasn’t contacted you since this is not a man that’s interested.

It’s hard to accept and can knock the confidence once again but try to let it go and move on and just think of him as another man who does not deserve your attention.

Your right, in all you say. He is a d*** for doing this. Ghosting is the most horrible feeling, I have been ghosted before and I feared it would happen again and it has. I feel its mean and disrespectful to not even check in with me after all this time. He clearly doesnt give two hoots about me.

I am very upset at the moment to the point I cried this morning. I really liked him and was enjoying how things were going. He seemed so mature and intelligent I really didnt think he would be so disrespectful and immature to behave this way. Plus he knows I am going through a tough time right now as I am grieving the loss of a family member. I am really hurt and let down. Its not about the plans tonight its more the fact he hasnt bid the time of day since. He has treated me like s***

alibab

I have been where you have been and unfortunately ghosted quite a bit also . I am sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time . I know when dating starts becoming a chore or knocking my confidence a bit I take a break for awhile just to rebuild myself etc and just concentrate on myself for awhile . I am currently doing this after a bad run myself . I had one booty call me last night out of the blue 🙠it’s never ending. I can spot the messers and players more easily now and I am much more picky about dates etc . Chin up and meet your friends and try and enjoy the weekend. He is not worth your headspace.

Sugarloaf12345

Out of interest for the guys on here that have ghosted women in the past.. what would you think if the girl hadn’t messaged you since the last time you seen them? Would you feel you were ghosted too?

I’m trying to get perspective from his side also. I haven’t text him since I left his house Wednesday morning after staying over the night before. Would you think/ does it look like I’m ghosting him? Or make me look like a s***?

Teyla Emmagan

He said he would contact you, and he didn't. So how could you possibly have ghosted him? This whole texting business is nonsense, but that's another story.

I am sorry you are unhappy and that this has clearly come at a vulnerable time for you but you have over invested in this guy too soon. Some randomer you have only known a short while should not have the power to hurt you like this. I have been in your shoes and for exactly the same reason but this is not worth any tears or the rest of your weekend.

Go out and go for a walk, it's a beautiful day. And if he does get in touch at the last minute then you are busy. Because you have better things to do than hang around waiting for some inconsiderate eejit to text you.

Ursus Horribilis

Once you find yourself in "Should I text?" territory, you know you're in trouble. Whatever it is you have with this guy isn't going to fall apart simply because one of you didn't send a text. Your gut has been telling you he's losing interest and it's looking like you're right.

Did you ever make things official?

Sugarloaf12345

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Once you find yourself in "Should I text?" territory, you know you're in trouble. Whatever it is you have with this guy isn't going to fall apart simply because one of you didn't send a text. Your gut has been telling you he's losing interest and it's looking like you're right.

Did you ever make things official?

Not really but I have met his friends and neither of us have been using our online accounts.
I don’t know if it’s my gut or fear of being ghosted though that’s the thing

Ursus Horribilis

If he's ghosting you, it's going to happen regardless of anything you think or do. If that makes sense?

Sugarloaf12345

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

If he's ghosting you, it's going to happen regardless of anything you think or do. If that makes sense?

Yes. How do I know for sure he’s ghosting?

If he was interested he would have texted or called by now.
Even to say hi or he is busy this weekend, or whatever.
He is not that bothered. He may even come back in contact & try to stay together.
Could you be bothered? Why put up with someone who is not bothered by you

Sugarloaf12345

bubblypop wrote: »

If he was interested he would have texted or called by now.
Even to say hi or he is busy this weekend, or whatever.
He is not that bothered. He may even come back in contact & try to stay together.
Could you be bothered? Why put up with someone who is not bothered by you

Yea I know your right deep down.

At this stage of dating though is it deemed acceptable for him to do this or is he just a pr*** not to at least text me and tell me he didn’t want to keep things going?

bottlebrush

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Yea I know your right deep down.

At this stage of dating though is it deemed acceptable for him to do this or is he just a pr*** not to at least text me and tell me he didn’t want to keep things going?

doesn't matter whether it's deemed acceptable or not. in the ideal world of course its not acceptable. whether he's right or wrong is still not going to make him more into you. He is doing what a lot of people do - he has taken the path of least resistance. he may not have told you in words but he is letting you know by his actions. if he contacts you to go meet up with him tonight and you drop other plans to do so then you are deeming his behaviour acceptable and that's how he will continue. you will always be on tenterhooks wondering if he is going to be in touch. only you can decide if that's good enough for you.

sunshinew

I really feel for you OP. Ghosting is such a horrible way to treat somebody, especially after you've been sleeping with somebody. It really does say more about him than it does about you though. But that doesn't help the feeling of insecurity, disappointment and those wasted days of not knowing what's happening staring at your phone.

I've dated a lot and I've been ghosted 4 times in my 20 years of dating. The first two times I never responded or texted.. both those men, a few months/years later, contacted me again thinking I might be interested. I think they thought by just disappearing, nothing had been said and they were leaving the door open...needless to say I told them where to go.

The last two times I texted the ghosters after a few days of no contact. All advice I got from people was to not text, to leave it, but for me I felt that condoned ghosting as a way of treating people. It's become so acceptable nowadays and it goes against my morals and principles. I texted something along the lines of "I take it from your lack of contact that you are not interested anymore. That's fine, though it's a shame you couldn't text to let me know. It's a poor way to treat somebody. You should have more respect for people you date, but also for yourself and your own reputation." I know... A bit crazy lady! but I wanted to take back control, get my own closure and finish the relationship with a bit of respect for myself. Both times the men replied with an apology and an excuse and a general I've been busy but yeah don't see a future, Yadda Yadda. I've run into them since and been able to hold my head high.

I'm not advising you to do that. It really is up to you as only you know how the relationship was going. For me it helped me to move on faster and I felt I stuck to my own values.

Seenitall's advice is great though. Don't be somebody's option. Put a value on yourself. I hope you enjoy your wkd.

Faith

bubblypop wrote: »

If he was interested he would have texted or called by now.
Even to say hi or he is busy this weekend, or whatever.
He is not that bothered. He may even come back in contact & try to stay together.
Could you be bothered? Why put up with someone who is not bothered by you

This is something I genuinely don't understand. It's just as easy to say that if she was interested, she would have texted or called him by now.

The amount of people who refuse to take situations by the horns just bemuses and frustrates me. If everyone clearly communicated with each other, life would be so much easier. Nobody wins by sitting around wondering if they've been ghosted, when the other party could just as easily be going through the exact same confusion. I couldn't bear the anxiety of not knowing for sure, tbh.

Sugarloaf12345

Faith wrote: »

This is something I genuinely don't understand. It's just as easy to say that if she was interested, she would have texted or called him by now.

The amount of people who refuse to take situations by the horns just bemuses and frustrates me. If everyone clearly communicated with each other, life would be so much easier. Nobody wins by sitting around wondering if they've been ghosted, when the other party could just as easily be going through the exact same confusion. I couldn't bear the anxiety of not knowing for sure, tbh.

This is what confuses me. Some people say no leave him be dont bother texting him and more say its a two way street. I said in an earlier post, that what if hes thinking im ghosting him? To be fair he normally does text first after we meet its just the last time I text first and asked him to meet. Hence why I dont know whether to try text one more time and see how it goes or leave it altogether. So confused

Faith

Faith wrote: »

This is something I genuinely don't understand. It's just as easy to say that if she was interested, she would have texted or called him by now.

The amount of people who refuse to take situations by the horns just bemuses and frustrates me. If everyone clearly communicated with each other, life would be so much easier. Nobody wins by sitting around wondering if they've been ghosted, when the other party could just as easily be going through the exact same confusion. I couldn't bear the anxiety of not knowing for sure, tbh.

She already asked him if he wanted to meet up at the weekend & he said he would let her know. & he didn't bother.

Ursus Horribilis

She mentioned that she has been the one to suggest they meet up the last couple of times. That, and the radio silence after he said he'd be in touch sound ominous to me. By all means, text him if you feel you have to. I hope I'm wrong but this sounds like the flogging of a dying, if not dead, horse.

sunshinew

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

This is what confuses me. Some people say no leave him be dont bother texting him and more say its a two way street. I said in an earlier post, that what if hes thinking im ghosting him? To be fair he normally does text first after we meet its just the last time I text first and asked him to meet. Hence why I dont know whether to try text one more time and see how it goes or leave it altogether. So confused

Hmmm, from what you've said, his last conversation with you was him telling you he probably won't see you this wkd but would let you know. It sounds like he was beginning the fade out there and gently letting you know his ticket to lost men island has been booked.
Only you know if you think there is a possibility he thinks you are ghosting him. It's unlikely from what you've said though. What was the usual level of communication before, couple of texts a day to nothing now? I often find when you really like somebody you can make up so many excuses for their bad behaviour.
However the doubt seems to be really bothering you so you could just text, hey, what a fantastic day, just back from brunch/walk/ whatever. How's your wkd? His response or lack thereof is your answer. Though be warned that if you get another non committal response, you are back to square one wondering what's going on for the next few days and dragging out the ghosting process.

Sugarloaf12345

sunshinew wrote: »

Hmmm, from what you've said, his last conversation with you was him telling you he probably won't see you this wkd but would let you know. It sounds like he was beginning the fade out there and gently letting you know his ticket to lost men island has been booked.
Only you know if you think there is a possibility he thinks you are ghosting him. It's unlikely from what you've said though. What was the usual level of communication before, couple of texts a day to nothing now? I often find when you really like somebody you can make up so many excuses for their bad behaviour.
However the doubt seems to be really bothering you so you could just text, hey, what a fantastic day, just back from brunch/walk/ whatever. How's your wkd? His response or lack thereof is your answer. Though be warned that if you get another non committal response, you are back to square one wondering what's going on for the next few days and dragging out the ghosting process.

He is a terrible texter in general. He’ll maybe text once or twice a day, usually he only texts small talk but texts to set up meeting and we talk about everything when we meet and he usually leaves a day or two after the date before texting again

Sugarloaf12345

It’s all so frustrating

Ursus Horribilis

Just text him then and see what happens

sunshinew

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Just text him then and see what happens

Yeah just text him a happy hey how's the wkd text. At the end of the day, it's a text, hardly an embarrassing declaration of undying love for him.
Give him a chance to respond to remove any doubt you have that he's waiting for you to text. You'll know by tomorrow evening where you stand and can start next week afresh getting on with being your fabulous self.
Whatever happens though, if he responds or not, the happiest relationships I've seen don't have this level of doubt or tiptoeing around afraid to show feelings so watch yourself. Relationships should make you happier and feel more secure, not take it away.

Sugarloaf12345

Ok so I took a chance and sent him a general how are you message and surprisingly I got a reply. Not an essay of a response but still a reply. You guys will think I’m very messed up but now that I’ve got a response I don’t know how to proceed. I feel just because he responded it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s still interested or wants to continue meeting? What do you guys think?

wirelessdude01

Such drama Rama. Should never be this hard so early.

Sugarloaf12345

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Such drama Rama. Should never be this hard so early.

Is it really this hard though or is it my anxieties that’s taking over?

dhaughton99

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Is it really this hard though or is it my anxieties that’s taking over?

Is he really worth the hassle?

Faith

Sugarloaf12345 wrote: »

Ok so I took a chance and sent him a general how are you message and surprisingly I got a reply. Not an essay of a response but still a reply. You guys will think I’m very messed up but now that I’ve got a response I don’t know how to proceed. I feel just because he responded it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s still interested or wants to continue meeting? What do you guys think?

Well done for taking that chance! I'd say it was quite anxiety-provoking.

First, you need to decide if he's worth the effort. If he is, then if I were you, I'd send a message asking if he's interested in meeting. Define a clear and specific plan, don't be vague. E.g. "Do you fancy going for a drink on Wednesday evening? Say 8pm at [bar]?". If he says yes or suggests an alternative that suits him better, then great. If he says no, or something like "I'll get back to you", then I'd take it as confirmation that he's not interested and I'd totally disengage and move on.

sunshinew

You'll be back to square one for the next few days wondering about it. Just text him asking do you want to meet and name a clear date, time & activity. I'm sounding like a brexiteer here but take back some control. He's had you anxious for days waiting for him to make a move.
If he says yes, brilliant, agree it and back off on the texts and see what he's like when you meet up -much easier to guage in person. If he replies with a vague non committal response, reply with a "I get the feeling from you that this has run its course. I don't want to waste my time if you're not that bothered so I'd prefer to end it here. It was lovely meeting you though, I had fun. Best of luck. " no emotion, blame etc.- just a respectful text that you value your own time.
At the end of the day if you frighten him off after two months by texting him to meet for a date he was not that into it in the first place. No amount of tiptoeing or playing it cool or coy is going to change that right at this moment.
It sucks though, it's a horrible feeling when somebody does the slow fade. Either way, keep yourself busy over the next few days. Treat yourself, meet some friends and stop letting a guy you've known a few weeks have this much power over your thoughts and actions.

sunshinew

Faith wrote: »

Well done for taking that chance! I'd say it was quite anxiety-provoking.

First, you need to decide if he's worth the effort. If he is, then if I were you, I'd send a message asking if he's interested in meeting. Define a clear and specific plan, don't be vague. E.g. "Do you fancy going for a drink on Wednesday evening? Say 8pm at [bar]?". If he says yes or suggests an alternative that suits him better, then great. If he says no, or something like "I'll get back to you", then I'd take it as confirmation that he's not interested and I'd totally disengage and move on.

You beat me to it Faith. Same advice from me given above.

dellas1979

What are your anxieties about?

Think you are better focussing on them and figuring that out than staying in a situation that's triggering a lot of unhappiness.

Sounds like fear of rejection or abandonment.

Sugarloaf12345

So I replied answered his qs he replied and asked a qs again I answered and asked a qs and now hes not texting me back again. I done this as I wanted to build up to asking him out. He has seen the message been online and its been hours since he replied. I give up at this stage I have got my answer

Faith

I think you're right. A relationship should add pleasure to your life, not stress. You're tried and I think he has made his position clear (albeit in the most cowardly, horrible way).

Onwards and upwards!