Is it true most men wouldn't turn down free sex?

professore

Heres Johnny wrote: »

There's only myself and 1 other in our gang of lads not married, the other 8 or so are.
One of the married lads said his wedding ring gets him big attention, lo and behold the other single lad obtained himself a ring to wear out to generate interest.
I was never big into the flings so I wouldn't do it myself but plenty of lads, married or not, live to chase and have one night stands.

I wonder is it also that a lot of men are more attractive when they have the ring because they aren't looking for anything and are therefore more relaxed talking to women. When they are single they come across needy and thirsty and this puts women off. The cat chasing thing again I referred to already.

tritium

Tbh I find this whole men cheat more, women cheat for a reason narriative frustrating. It’s a simple numbers game on who cheats more- if lots more men cheat then either there’s a small number of women having a hell of a lot of sex or single women really like breaking up relationships. I’m pretty confident neither of those is actually true.

As to the why men and women cheat, honestly, can people who cheat not just take some responsibility instead of finding all these reasons to justify it. You’re bored in the relationship- talk to your partner or end it, cause you’ll still be bored with it after you crawl home out of someone else’s bed.

professore

tritium wrote: »

Tbh I find this whole men cheat more, women cheat for a reason narriative frustrating. It’s a simple numbers game on who cheats more- if lots more men cheat then either there’s a small number of women having a hell of a lot of sex or single women really like breaking up relationships. I’m pretty confident neither of those is actually true.

As to the why men and women cheat, honestly, can people who cheat not just take some responsibility instead of finding all these reasons to justify it. You’re bored in the relationship- talk to your partner or end it, cause you’ll still be bored with it after you crawl home out of someone else’s bed.

I'm just speculating on the reasons and the ratios, and looking at the cases I've personally seen. Most of the cheaters I've known were super hypocritical and had a very high opinion of themselves.

I'm not justifying it - I'm very much against it, but personally if I were to cheat, it would be for sex, but she would have to be damn hot for me to be tempted - but that wouldn't be worth the guilt, or possibly if I met someone who I fell for more than my wife. In the latter case I'd divorce and do it honestly, or at least I'd like to think so.

snotboogie

seamus wrote: »

Ultimately for me the hardest part of any affair would not be the fear that it would come out, it would be knowing every time my wife says or does something good, every time I appreciate her being in my life, that I would have this thing inside my head reminding me of the time that I completely betrayed her trust.

Even if the little man in my trousers was screaming at me in the figurative bar in the OP, I don't think I could do it.

Just to dig a little deeper, if there is no STD risk, no pregnancy risk and no chance of social embarrassment (as stipulated in the OP) what exactly have you done to your wife to make you feel so guilty?

rob316

Been presented with the opportunity a number of times and I have ran. I could never cheat on my wife, if I wanted to see other people I'd call time on our marriage. I just don't see the point, why risk hurting them for 5 mins of **** sex.
Sure it's probably exciting but the guilt would eat me alive.

I say never and I mean right now, sure that could change down the road but if your happy I don't see the point

jaxxx

Well I'm girlfriendless for what seems like 1000 billion years so if the opportunity came (pun not intended), I'd welcome it with open legs!.... Err open.... never mind.

That said, if I was lucky enough to be dating a girl or even married and was offered by someone else, I'd tell them to f*ck off cos I value monogamy.

erudec

Well, all the studies have confirmed it.

I remember being young and naive, heading out on the town with the girls. One of the gang was a very unpretty, very heavy girl, and she was talking about how she wanted to catch a man that night.

In my innocence, I was laughing inwardly and I was worried about how she'd react to failing to attract anyone.

In the event, men treated her like she was Marilyn Monroe in the Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend number, and she quickly nabbed a fella who was so handsome I could barely breathe looking at him. Very far out of my league, and I was the one pitying the girl just hours before. Now, I am aware that it was just her very sexual style of hinting at availability that was the key to her "success" and that any woman under 60 would get similar results if she went about it the same way

erudec

tritium wrote: »

- if lots more men cheat then either there’s a small number of women having a hell of a lot of sex

Well, prostitutes have to have a lot of sex if they want to have a lot of nice things.

I imagine that a high percentage of male cheaters do so with prostitutes.

myshirt

D3V!L wrote: »

I get free sex at home. Why would I want it when I had a night out from a randomer ?

Free at point of service delivery, but long term not free at all.

tritium

erudec wrote: »

Well, prostitutes have to have a lot of sex if they want to have a lot of nice things.

I imagine that a high percentage of male cheaters do so with prostitutes.

Hmm numbers don’t really add up though. About 8% of men see prostitutes, which would be quite a bit lower than estimates on percentage of people who cheat

professore

tritium wrote: »

Hmm numbers don’t really add up though. About 8% of men see prostitutes, which would be quite a bit lower than estimates on percentage of people who cheat

Not sure how anyone knows the true figures for that. And I'd say a lot of them are young single lads on a stag.

seamus

snotboogie wrote: »

Just to dig a little deeper, if there is no STD risk, no pregnancy risk and no chance of social embarrassment (as stipulated in the OP) what exactly have you done to your wife to make you feel so guilty?

Betrayed her trust.

TrustedApple

Back when I was in college.

My last year I got speaking to this girl online. I had no intrast told her and at random she would message me asking me for sex I refused as the saying go's if you put it in crazy you are going to pay for it.

The girl kept messageing me for nearly 3 years!!!!.

Bobeagleburger

TrustedApple wrote: »

Back when I was in college.

My last year I got speaking to this girl online. I had no intrast told her and at random she would message me asking me for sex I refused as the saying go's if you put it in crazy you are going to pay for it.

The girl kept messageing me for nearly 3 years!!!!.

Here's a recent pic of her

snotboogie

seamus wrote: »

Betrayed her trust.

Is that not just an empty phrase? Can you give me another example of betrayal of trust where the act of betrayal has no impact at all on the person being betrayed?

I understand this is mostly a thought experiment because in real life there is no 100% guarantee against STI's or pregnancy or far more likely emotional attachment which could impact your relationship but I'm just following the line of the OP.

Debtocracy

Balanadan

Some people are like dogs. Even as a single man, I've turned down women when I've known they were going to be trouble.

I've been out with enough women to know that when I find a decent one to settle down with, I won't be doing anything stupid like that to mess it up!

The focus on sex is interesting... Men are more likely to cheat purely for the sexual element. But I've noticed that women who cheat, the sex is secondary. It's the emotional aspect that they're really going for. Oh, sure, sex will eventually happen, but they'll spend time with the other guy, exploring the emotional feelings they have. Which is why women tend to say they "love" the other guy even when sex hasn't happened yet. (I've also noticed that women are extremely quick to say that they love someone, whereas I've always avoided saying it until I felt it was real)

When I was young, I was cheated on by my first girlfriend. For her, it was sex. Pure and simple. She had a variety of "boyfriends" who just kept on hold, and slept with them all. She spent more time with some, than with others. I found all this after the fact. Some women are far more physical than others... but we are led to believe that this isn't so. But even if it was the case, that most women find the emotional angle to be more important... then who they form their connections with is vitally important.

Ten years later I had another relationship, where my gf spent a lot of time with another guy. A male friend. She wasn't cheating on me physically, but she was flirting with him and growing "feelings" with him. She didn't sleep with him, but I could see what was happening, and I broke up with her. She wanted to keep both of us running for her, until she made her decision.

While I was young I focused on the physical side of things... That was my fear. That my gf would sleep with another man. But as I grew older, I realised that the emotional side of things is often more important. Giving her love to someone else.

And that's what women tend to do more than sleeping around. They cheat by playing with the idea of being with someone else. And as time goes by, and the feeling becomes more secure, the sex happens.

Men get criticized about cheating because the cheating is more obvious and detectable. Women cheat in other ways... which are downplayed... but what is love? Love isn't a purely physical state. It's emotional...

dd972

It's a myth that blokes are always up for it, the more narcissistic type of male would be more opportunistic if offered it on a plate, others would see it as a bullet to dodge in terms of what could happen if the OH found out, then there's fatigue or depression's impact on the libido.

seamus

snotboogie wrote: »

Is that not just an empty phrase? Can you give me another example of betrayal of trust where the act of betrayal has no impact at all on the person being betrayed?

Respecting a person's last wishes is another example, say a request to spread ashes on a certain location. There's no onus on you to do it. The person is dead, they won't know if you just chuck them in the bin. The only person who'll know you didn't do it, is you. Could you do it?

It speaks back to concepts of the self, of ego and all that jazz. Much of what we believe about ourselves comes from what others believe about us.

When someone believes something about you - particularly something positive and intimate like trust - but you know for a fact that their belief is flawed, then there's an internal conflict. Think about someone who has managed to talk their way into a job they can't do, and how stressful it is to maintain that facade. Now imagine it involves some of the deepest aspects of your psyche and your most dearly-held relationships.

This doesn't bother some people. Lying to them is nothing, they place little value on interpersonal relationships anyway beyond what they can get out of them.

As a thought experiment, I completely get the , "how can there be a problem if nobody knows" aspect. But that can't erase the fact that I would know.

partyguinness

Myself and wife have sex with other people people- fully open and consenting.

We always fantasized about 3somes etc and me watching her with someone else. Unlike all the dreamers out there we actually went and did something about it.

So there is a guy (I found, vetted, and approved 12 mts ago although it is the second time we have done it- another sound guy 4 years ago) that I introduced to wife. Everyone gets on very well and wife will go to his place or ours for some fun maybe 1-2 a month. Sometimes it may be a few months- its not set in stone and sometimes he will come around just for a few drinks and that's it.

Our guy has a former friend with benefits and he wants me to have a 3some with her- wife has no issue with it but I won't- the buddy is as rough as ****. Even the wife told him that I would have zero interest and no way in hell I would ever touch her (she is a mother of 3 kids with different fathers, in a Council house, smokes and is overweight, she will go to the toilet with the door open...:eek:). We really have no idea why he even hangs around with her....I would rather have a ****.

She allowed me to have a one night stand a few years back when out on the town. This cracking Spanish girl and wife give full blessing. TBH only for the girl basically dragging me back to my hotel I was not bothered at all and was passive- more happy beering with the lads and too much effort. When you are married you get lazy. Then I got too drunk, barely remember it and got sick when she left.

No secrets, fully consenting and we both love it- it fact it does wonders for our sex life.

I appreciate that it will shock some people but both of us have no problem disassociating sex from emotion- it really is just some harmless fun for us. It works well for us.

Gwen Cooper

partyguinness wrote: »

Myself and wife have sex with other people people- fully open and consenting.

We always fantasized about 3somes etc and me watching her with someone else. Unlike all the dreamers out there we actually went and did something about it.

So there is a guy (I found, vetted, and approved 12 mts ago although it is the second time we have done it- another sound guy 4 years ago) that I introduced to wife. Everyone gets on very well and wife will go to his place or ours for some fun maybe 1-2 a month. Sometimes it may be a few months- its not set in stone and sometimes he will come around just for a few drinks and that's it.

Our guy has a former friend with benefits and he wants me to have a 3some with her- wife has no issue with it but I won't- the buddy is as rough as ****. Even the wife told him that I would have zero interest and no way in hell I would ever touch her (she is a mother of 3 kids with different fathers, in a Council house, smokes and is overweight, she will go to the toilet with the door open...:eek:). We really have no idea why he even hangs around with her....I would rather have a ****.

She allowed me to have a one night stand a few years back when out on the town. This cracking Spanish girl and wife give full blessing. TBH only for the girl basically dragging me back to my hotel I was not bothered at all and was passive- more happy beering with the lads and too much effort. When you are married you get lazy. Then I got too drunk, barely remember it and got sick when she left.

No secrets, fully consenting and we both love it- it fact it does wonders for our sex life.

I appreciate that it will shock some people but both of us have no problem disassociating sex from emotion- it really is just some harmless fun for us. It works well for us.

And that's how it should be. If you want to be in a committed relationship and sleep with other people, find a partner that's ok with it.

Happy it works for you guys

rob316

partyguinness wrote: »

Myself and wife have sex with other people people- fully open and consenting.

We always fantasized about 3somes etc and me watching her with someone else. Unlike all the dreamers out there we actually went and did something about it.

So there is a guy (I found, vetted, and approved 12 mts ago although it is the second time we have done it- another sound guy 4 years ago) that I introduced to wife. Everyone gets on very well and wife will go to his place or ours for some fun maybe 1-2 a month. Sometimes it may be a few months- its not set in stone and sometimes he will come around just for a few drinks and that's it.

Our guy has a former friend with benefits and he wants me to have a 3some with her- wife has no issue with it but I won't- the buddy is as rough as ****. Even the wife told him that I would have zero interest and no way in hell I would ever touch her (she is a mother of 3 kids with different fathers, in a Council house, smokes and is overweight, she will go to the toilet with the door open...:eek:). We really have no idea why he even hangs around with her....I would rather have a ****.

She allowed me to have a one night stand a few years back when out on the town. This cracking Spanish girl and wife give full blessing. TBH only for the girl basically dragging me back to my hotel I was not bothered at all and was passive- more happy beering with the lads and too much effort. When you are married you get lazy. Then I got too drunk, barely remember it and got sick when she left.

No secrets, fully consenting and we both love it- it fact it does wonders for our sex life.

I appreciate that it will shock some people but both of us have no problem disassociating sex from emotion- it really is just some harmless fun for us. It works well for us.

definitely not for me and OH but fair dues to ye both.

bnt

If "free" truly means "free of consequences", I don't have a problem with that statement. In practice, however - unless you are some kind of sociopath - there are always consequences, even if they are only in your head. Going to a prostitute might apparently be free of consequences other the money, but you would always know that you had sex with a prostitute and helped to sustain the exploitative sex worker industry.

If "free" just means "costing no money", that's a different question entirely. In a marriage, you might not be paying for sex directly, but you are paying indirectly in various forms.

Pawwed Rig

bnt wrote: »

 but you would always know that you had sex with a prostitute and helped to sustain the exploitative sex worker industry.

I wouldn't consider the industry exploitive in all cases. Neither would many sex workers. Unfortunately noone ever asks them.

idnkph

i think the figures are not entirely true on this one. id say the male % needs to come down a bit and the female up a bit but i do think more men than women would cheat but not by that margin.
when i was young and foolish I would have taken the opportunity.
Now i have a good woman and would never contemplate cheating and disrespecting her in any way. As was said early the other half might never find out but I couldn't bare looking in the mirror each day knowing I did that to her.

Boom_Bap

RoboKlopp wrote: »

Here's a recent pic of her

She was operating at a higher level than most. She had some sort of dual mouse multitasking thang going on.




I've turned down sex many times, both purposely and by accident. But I'm not most men.

erudec

idnkph wrote: »

i think the figures are not entirely true on this one. id say the male % needs to come down a bit and the female up a bit but i do think more men than women would cheat but not by that margin.
when i was young and foolish I would have taken the opportunity.
Now i have a good woman and would never contemplate cheating and disrespecting her in any way. As was said early the other half might never find out but I couldn't bare looking in the mirror each day knowing I did that to her.

There is an industry of women who operate "honey traps" in which suspicious spouses hire attractive women to flirt with the husbands and tempt them into sex.

As far as I know, more than 90% of the men targeted say yes and of the 10% who don't, a large majority would say yes to an approach by an attractive man.

Pawwed Rig

erudec wrote: »

As far as I know, more than 90% of the men targeted say yes and of the 10% who don't, a large majority would say yes to an approach by an attractive man.

There is most likely some selection bias going on here. The happy content wife with the devoted husband is less likely to hire a honey trap whereas the insecure suspicious wife in the less stable relationship would be more likely to

seamus

erudec wrote: »

There is an industry of women who operate "honey traps" in which suspicious spouses hire attractive women to flirt with the husbands and tempt them into sex.

As far as I know, more than 90% of the men targeted say yes and of the 10% who don't, a large majority would say yes to an approach by an attractive man.

Of course, the majority of women who hire these escorts already suspect that their husband is or would like to cheat, so there's a selection bias.

There's a similar statistic which found that 75% of men who hire private investigators discover their wives are cheating. Because if your suspicions are that strong you're probably right.