Now Ye're Talking - to someone who's had an affair

Conservatory

You say you were very big and now very small all the while working in a job.

Do you find you miss less days now that your BMI is better. Is your immune system more robust?

Do you feel like a new person?

paw patrol

Bridget Clarke wrote: »

Under what heading? Suggestions welcome

AMA - I invent stories to make myself seem cool

blue5000

Nokia6230i wrote: »

Basically she edited the other womans number which he, her husband had saved under a males (think she said a male work colleague/acquaintance) name.

Ergo he constantly thought, from then on, he was texting his "bit on the side".

Schoolboy error is that; amateur hour like.

ALWAYS check the digits of the number your intending to ring or sending the text to.

He clearly didn't know his mistresses number off by heart.

I think we can assume he wasn't the sharpest tool in the box.

I've had an affair, AMA

Tell me how wrote: »

If you found out that the husband of a friend of yours was cheating on your friend, would tell your friend, confront the husband or stay out of it?

What would be the motivation for your decision?

Crikey, you do ask thought-provoking questions!

I think if it were one of my very close friends I would tell her. My loyalty to her would be the motivating factor.

If it was someone I was less close with, I’m not sure. My instinct would probably be to stay out of it, avoid being the messenger.

I don’t think I’d confront the husband because that opens up a world of scenarios where he’d promise me to end it but beg me not to tell, but I might not be able to know he had definitely ended it... then if she subsequently found out I would feel like I’d been somewhat complicit in it.

I've had an affair, AMA

SuperRabbit wrote: »

I apologise I haven't been able to read much of the thread because this makes me uncomfortable. That is definately my thing and something I will need to work through in my life and I am grateful to you for bringing my attention to it.

I wanted to ask, if it hasn't been asked already, you've had these two experiences and it sounds like they are things you would not do again. What sort of meaning have you found in the experiences? What do you wish you could teach your past self? How do you think the way these events affected you will affect who you are as a person, how you see the world, how you interact with people, and what decisions you make, in the rest of your life?

I think I learned a lot, particularly in terms of the first man and how controlling and manipulative he was... I wouldn’t have been really clued in to that beforehand (despite it being the same dynamic as my parents relationship, I can recognize the common traits now, but prior to that I just thought of my father as an unreasonable prick, without expanding further on it)

I would be very aware of early warning signs of that now and would bin someone immediately rather than wait around to have my suspicions confirmed.

I found a strength in myself that I didn’t know I had, when it came to ending things with man 2 and his behaviour afterwards.

On a lighter note, I learned that I actually quite like a simple, uncomplicated drama-free life! There’s a lot to be said for it. That’s the kind of life I have now and want to continue.

I've had an affair, AMA

tmh106 wrote: »

Hi OP.
Well done on this thread - one of the more interesting threads I have read on boards recently. Thank you for your honesty and openness in your replies and the amount of time and detail you put into them. I realise you are anonymous here, but I think it still take courage to be as honest and open as you are.

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words

And, for me at least, I think I would find you attractive because your seem, from your replies here, to be a thoughtful and considerate person and someone who has an openness and curiosity about sex that I would find exciting. Your weight would not really be something that would make a lot of difference for me - I am more attracted to what is going on in someone's head than what they look like. Having said that, I'm glad of, an in admiration of, your weight loss, because it seems like something that was important to you and also because it undoubtably should lead to a healthier life for you.

Ok, I wasn’t expecting that, but thanks!
It’s interesting to hear that weight is not a big turn off for you, cos when I was so big I could not fathom anyone being attracted to me.

I suppose yes, I’m quite open and curious about sex. I’ve shrugged off the shackles of the repressed upbringing anyway. The nice thing about having an FB is that it’s all about the sex, there’s no judgement and there is a willingness to experiment more than you might do with someone you were emotionally involved with.

My question is: what do you work at, and do you think the nature of your work, or work environment, contributed to the affairs? I ask because you talked of being away for conferences and meetings. I'd imagine that is the kind of environment where affairs and/or one night stands can be more prevalent because the opportunity is greater and there tends to be alcohol involved. Also, obviously easier for a married person to "play away from home" when they are literally away from home.

I’d rather not say exactly what I am, but it’s very much a well-respected profession, pillar-of-the-community type thing, that allows me have a really comfortable lifestyle.

The work environment certainly made the second one easier, as he was in the same role as me so was expected to attend these meetings too. We both always had legitimate reasons for being there, so nobody would have gotten suspicious. Over the years I did see a few people hooking up, but I’d imagine there were more that were discrete and went unobserved.

I've had an affair, AMA

Conservatory wrote: »

You say you were very big and now very small all the while working in a job.

Do you find you miss less days now that your BMI is better. Is your immune system more robust?

Do you feel like a new person?

Erm, I never said I was very small! I lost a huge amount of weight but still am not skinny.

Are you talking about sick days from work? I went more than a decade without any, then took some time off after an elective surgical procedure. I was off for 2 weeks that time.

I can’t say I’ve noticed a better immune system since losing weight and I’m not sure that the two are thought to be linked?? If anything, I seem to get more cold sores these days than I ever did when I was heavy.

Yeah, I’ve a lot more confidence now and am content in myself.

Bambi

Bambi wrote: »

I'd say it'd be great

Now you're talking - to a pathological spoofer

It would be a thread worthy of...... tCN forum :P

the purple tin

Maybe this was asked already.
If one of the men had said he was going to leave his oh and settle down with you full time, would you have wanted that or not? Could it have worked as a normal relationship?
Thanks for doing this.

here's some general AMA Qs for you- thanks again OP.


When did something start out badly for you but in the end, it was great?

What weird food combinations do you really enjoy?

What's your favourite county in Ireland?

Do you own a dog?


If your job gave you a surprise three day paid break to rest and recuperate, what would you do with those three days?


What movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of?


In the past people were buried with the items they would need in the afterlife, what would you want buried with you so you could use it in the afterlife?

What’s the best / worst practical joke that you’ve played on someone or that was played on you?

Who do you go out of your way to be nice to?

Where do you get most of the decorations for your home?



What “old person” things do you do?

What was the last photo you took?


What’s the most expensive thing you’ve broken?

Ever banned from boards.ie or a forum on boards.ie ?


What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it?

What do you think you are much better at than you actually are?


What are you currently worried about?


What are your most important rules when going on a date?

How do you judge a person?

When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t?

johnpatrick81

How often do you meet your FB and would you consider a 2nd or 3rd at the same time if the opportunity popped up? Variety is the spice of life eh :pac:

Bridget Clarke

Bambi wrote: »

I'd say it'd be great

Now you're talking - to a pathological spoofer

I'd quite like to live with you, Bambi, in that ivory tower of yours. Sadly, I'm forced to live in the real world ....where husbands cheat & families get torn asunder & nobody wins. Events happened in my life exactly as I described them. Sorry..... Not sorry. I didn't come out of this smelling of roses... My kids are still traumatised and 2 are still receiving counselling. Nobody won. i admit to being deceptive & conniving, but all's fair in love & war.

Conservatory

Bridget Clarke wrote: »

I'd quite like to live with you, Bambi, in that ivory tower of yours. Sadly, I'm forced to live in the real world ....where husbands cheat & families get torn asunder & nobody wins. Events happened in my life exactly as I described them. Sorry..... Not sorry. I didn't come out of this smelling of roses... My kids are still traumatised and 2 are still receiving counselling. Nobody won. i admit to being deceptive & conniving, but all's fair in love & war.

I want to believe you but I feel like you are just here to sell a book

Bridget Clarke

paw patrol wrote: »

AMA - I invent stories to make myself seem cool

Please see my reply to Bambi afew minutes ago. This thread interested me - I am fascinated to see the 'other woman''s viewpoint. Frankly, whilst I appreciate the AMA's honesty - I am unable to forgive her blatent disregard of throwing a hand grenade into a family setting, then wandering off as if nothing had happened. I don't blame her solely.... But if either party had stopped to think that a stupid ride was going to have a ripple effect for generations, they may have kept their fly zipped/knickers on.

Bridget Clarke

Conservatory wrote: »

I want to believe you but I feel like you are just here to sell a book

When you see me hawking my book on Boards, you can feel vindicated. (That's not gonna happen).

Conservatory

Bridget Clarke wrote: »

When you see me hawking my book on Boards, you can feel vindicated. (That's not gonna happen).

If I googled your name would I find your book?

Bridget Clarke

Conservatory wrote: »

If I googled your name would I find your book?

I've been an active member of Boards for seven plus years. I've cobtributed to many threads. I'm quite identifable to those who know me. Thats why I set up a new identity to post yesterday. I'm not proud of my subterfuge, Iregret a lot of it, but I thought women in my position may benefit from my experience.

Conservatory

Bridget Clarke wrote: »

I've been an active member of Boards for seven plus years. I've cobtributed to many threads. I'm quite identifable to those who know me. Thats why I set up a new identity to post yesterday. I'm not proud of my subterfuge, Iregret a lot of it, but I thought women in my position may benefit from my experience.

By hijacking somebody else’s thread?

Op seems like a decent person. Does a bit to educate people on women’s rights, bit annoying at times but ask her a question or start your own thread I think would be the general consensus around here.

The men that rode her would have just rode somebody else, they probably try it on with a different girl every night it’s not really her fault if she was lonely or desperate, you can’t marry a sleazeball and run around waving a stick at every girl in the world.

Bridget Clarke

Conservatory wrote: »

By hijacking somebody else’s thread?

Op seems like a decent person. Does a bit to educate people on women’s rights, bit annoying at times but ask her a question or start your own thread I think would be the general consensus around here.

The men that rode her would have just rode somebody else, they probably try it on with a different girl every night it’s not really her fault if she was lonely or desperate, you can’t marry a sleazeball and run around waving a stick at every girl in the world.

Sit down, Conservatory, have a cuppa tea& digest this:-
I followed this thread, because I was directly affected by infidelity. The man I pledged to love honour & obey (!) and who pledged the same thing to me, had sex with another woman. All bets were off at that point. I reacted--- and not one single regret do I have. Not one. I made the fu*ker suffer & I enjoyed his bewilderment, his confusion & his pain. No bunnies were harmed or boiled in my activities.

Conservatory

Bridget Clarke wrote: »

Sit down, Conservatory, have a cuppa tea& digest this:-
I followed this thread, because I was directly affected by infidelity. The man I pledged to love honour & obey (!) and who pledged the same thing to me, had sex with another woman. All bets were off at that point. I reacted--- and not one single regret do I have. Not one. I made the fu*ker suffer & I enjoyed his bewilderment, his confusion & his pain. No bunnies were harmed or boiled in my activities.

An eye for an eye and we all go blind. Concentrate on making yourself better.

I've had an affair, AMA

the purple tin wrote: »

Maybe this was asked already.
If one of the men had said he was going to leave his oh and settle down with you full time, would you have wanted that or not? Could it have worked as a normal relationship?
Thanks for doing this.

I’ve covered that a lot already... no, I didn’t and don’t want to ‘settle down’

Bridget Clarke

Conservatory wrote: »

An eye for an eye and we all go blind. Concentrate on making yourself better.

Disappointing as this may be to you, Conservatory, following the departure of my husband, I reconnected with an old flame, and whilst it's not perfect, life is quite tolerable. My new/old guy adores me. I feel wanted, appreciated & loved. My husband is down & out & chronically addicted to drugs & alcohol.

Bridget Clarke

Bridget Clarke wrote: »

Frankly, whilst I appreciate the AMA's honesty - I am unable to forgive her blatent disregard of throwing a hand grenade into a family setting, then wandering off as if nothing had happened. I don't blame her solely.... But if either party had stopped to think that a stupid ride was going to have a ripple effect for generations, they may have kept their fly zipped/knickers on.

I'm not going to defend the OP- they're an adult and as far as I'm concerned, they walked into both situations with their eyes wide open from what I've read to date- but I feel so did the other party.

But it's an AMA thread- so I've chosen to ask the OP questions, as per forum, to obtain a bit more understanding of the situation- and I've learned a lot, not least of which is "affairs are, at the very least, a complete and utter waste of time and should be avoided at all costs- jigsaws are more fun"

Why don't you ask the OP some of the questions you have on your mind? I think it could add value to this AMA?

Bridget Clarke

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm not going to defend the OP- they're an adult and as far as I'm concerned, they walked into both situations with their eyes wide open from what I've read to date- but I feel so did the other party.

But it's an AMA thread- so I've chosen to ask the OP questions, as per forum, to obtain a bit more understanding of the situation- and I've learned a lot, not least of which is "affairs are, at the very least, a complete and utter waste of time and should be avoided at all costs- jigsaws are more fun"

Why don't you ask the OP some of the questions you have on your mind? I think it could add value to this AMA?

In fairness - the AMA person is clearly a very articulate, intelligent woman. She has answered the questions thrown to her honestly. I appreciate all of this. However - since I found myself 'suddenly single', the most difficult thing I faced was advances from married men. 'Happily married' men. Men who heroically volunteered to 'sort me out'. Men who sympathised with my single status & offered their services... All the while their women were eyeing me suspiciously.... And, let me assure you .... i'm no Mona Lisa or Kim Kardashian. I am 'available' nothing more & nothing less.

Purple Mountain

johnpatrick81 wrote: »

How often do you meet your FB and would you consider a 2nd or 3rd at the same time if the opportunity popped up? Variety is the spice of life eh :pac:

Just ask her straight out JP for a threesome

Bridget Clarke

Bridget Clarke wrote: »

In fairness - the AMA person is clearly a very articulate, intelligent woman. She has answered the questions thrown to her honestly. I appreciate all of this. However - since I found myself 'suddenly single', the most difficult thing I faced was advances from married men. 'Happily married' men. Men who heroically volunteered to 'sort me out'. Men who sympathised with my single status & offered their services... All the while their women were eyeing me suspiciously.... And, let me assure you .... i'm no Mona Lisa or Kim Kardashian. I am 'available' nothing more & nothing less.

Sorry now, but what's that got to do with this AMA? Do you want to ask the OP questions or don't you? I'm not interested in you or your situation. I'm interested in the current AMA- that's all. If you want to do an AMA, then as I said earlier, why don't you get in contact with the mods here in this forum? I don't know why you've replied to my post with this outpouring- I didn't ask for it nor am I interested in it right now.

johnpatrick81

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Just ask her straight out JP for a threesome

She flat out ignored me!!

Must cancel the planned AMA, my 3some with an AMA star and her FB

Sure Bridget would only hijack it anyway

*The AMA Bridget! You can hijack the other thing any time :pac:

I've had an affair, AMA

Deleted User wrote: »

here's some general AMA Qs for you- thanks again OP.

Ok!

When did something start out badly for you but in the end, it was great?

I’m struggling to think of an answer to this, nothing major really, there was one holiday I went on that I really didn’t want to, but it turned out to be great craic.

What weird food combinations do you really enjoy?

I always melt chocolate before eating it, not til it’s fully liquid but til it’s soft and squishy.

Also I’m a big fan of tangy cheese Doritos washed down with ginger ale.

What's your favourite county in Ireland?

My original home county...I won’t name it here to reduce risk of outing myself, but it’s a wild Atlantic way county. I love the vibrant towns and the splendid isolation amid amazing scenery of the coastal areas, and the fact that both exist within 45 mins of each other. You’d never be short of something to do there.

Do you own a dog?

Have you not picked up by now that I’m not one for commitment?! I’d love a dog, but it’s not practical for me cos I’m out at work all day and I can often be delayed 1 or 2 hours at work...it wouldn’t be fair on the dog to be alone for that long every day.

If I did have a dog, I’d love a retriever or a collie, I’d have no interest in the ‘designer’ type dogs.

If your job gave you a surprise three day paid break to rest and recuperate, what would you do with those three days?

Oh wow, I’d love that! I’d spend the time alone, I’d go West, to my home county, and to a hotel there. The weather wouldn’t bother me, if it was fine then well and good but if it was bad I’d just wrap up well... I’d be doing (gentle)hillwalking, going for walks on the beach, enjoying a roaring fire, reading my book...I’d get some spa treatments too.

What movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of?

You’re going to judge me more for this than for anything else on this thread...!
Bridget Jones’ Diary.

In the past people were buried with the items they would need in the afterlife, what would you want buried with you so you could use it in the afterlife?

My phone or tablet, so I could have my music, photos, books etc

What’s the best / worst practical joke that you’ve played on someone or that was played on you?

I entered a competition for a big holiday on a tv programme one night. My mother went off and alerted my brother who then got a friend of his to ring me towards the end of the show, telling me he was one of the back room team, that I had won and he was teeing me up to go live on air in a few mins. The ba5tard! It was a fab holiday to NYC with a good bit of spending money thrown in.

Who do you go out of your way to be nice to?

I’m actually quite a nice person in general, despite what you may think from my actions discussed here! Every Christmas I give a card and token gift to my doctor and dentist, as they’re typically people who only see me when there’s something wrong and they’re not people you tip on each visit, like a hairdresser.

Where do you get most of the decorations for your home?

Could be anywhere. I was collecting artwork and ornaments, photo frames etc for my home before I had my own house. It’s decorated in quite a peaceful, neutral colour scheme.

What “old person” things do you do?

Groan when standing up!
Tut at kids having too much screen time
Fail to understand the appeal of things like games consoles, world of Warcraft, Star Wars etc
Bring Lyons gold blend tea bags with me when I go abroad (I don’t drink coffee or herbal tea)
Want to go to pubs that have plenty seats and don’t play ear-splitting music

What was the last photo you took?

I took a screenshot of showing times in the cinema yesterday, last proper photo was of my mother asleep with her head on the kitchen table.

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve broken?

Umm, does burning out the clutch in an avensis count?! Cost me around 2.5k all in all. Other than that, a Waterford crystal wine glass

Ever banned from boards.ie or a forum on boards.ie ?

Nope. I had a different account a few years ago, which I closed, but with that account I was a mod for a good few years and a c-mod for about a year or two. Don’t bother asking cos I won’t tell you which forum! It wasn’t one of the busier or high profile ones though.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it?

The phrase “thoughts and prayers” trotted out after a tragic event...it seems very trite and insincere to me.

What do you think you are much better at than you actually are?

Maintaining a neutral facial expression. I think I do it quite well, my friend tells me I can’t hide my thoughts!

What are you currently worried about?

My parents and their failing health, especially my father’s cancer and how/when he will die, and whether or not my mother will die before him, and how whichever of them is the surviving one will cope without the other.

What are your most important rules when going on a date?

I pay my way. If it’s just drinks, we’ll do rounds. If dinner and drinks, I’ll say I want to split the dinner bill. If he adamantly refuses, then the drinks are on me for the rest of the night... I’ve never understood the “ok, you get dinner and I’ll get the first drink” approach some girls have.

Instant turn offs are smoking, drug use or string religious convictions.

I now have a rule in my head that when dating I treat people how I’d like to be treated. So I’m honest and upfront about what I want and what I don’t want. If I don’t want to see them again I will let them know, rather than just ghosting etc

How do you judge a person?

By how they treat their loved ones who need them, their work ethic and how they treat retail/waiting staff.

When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t?

I’m not a snoop. It’s something I’m surprisingly principled about. I really value my privacy and would go bat5hit crazy if I found someone snooping in my things, so I adopt the same approach to others.

I've had an affair, AMA

johnpatrick81 wrote: »

How often do you meet your FB and would you consider a 2nd or 3rd at the same time if the opportunity popped up? Variety is the spice of life eh :pac:

At the moment about once a week, or once every ten days, depending on both our work/social schedules.

For a glorious 6 month period going back a few years ago, I had 3 on the go at once! Good times.....!

I've had an affair, AMA

I've had an affair, AMA wrote: »

You’re going to judge me more for this than for anything else on this thread...!
Bridget Jones’ Diary.


.

OMG HOW COULD YOU!!!!!:mad::mad::mad:

:P

Thanks again OP - hope you enjoyed the AMA.