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Child Item

Weddings - a terrible day out.

JohnnyFlash

Opened the letter box this morning, and discovered an invite to the wedding of my nephew and his girlfriend. Has put me in bad mood as a result. I’ll have to go, but I’d rather get a 5-fingered prostate exam than attend to be honest. Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

They take all day. They cost a fortune. The food is nearly always shîte, you end up talking to cousins and other relations you hate, the speeches are always the same, you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you, you don’t know who you’ll be sitting beside, the music is terrible. Just a really bad day out. The only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll get the ride at the end of the night.

When will start having w mature conversation about this? No one wants to go to these dreadful affairs only Bridezilla and her bridesmaids. Fiasco.

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LirW

Jesus, not judging anyone, just pointing out it's not always as straight forward and stressless or no obligations than it seems. The biggest Irish and UK social media wedding group is full with questions about personal dilemmas where people don't want to do certain things, can't afford certain things, family members or friends emotionally blackmailing them that they won't come when certain food isn't served or the wedding isn't in a church.
When you then have a whole industry preying on highly stressed people like newly engaged couples it's not making things easier and you regularly hear from people overstretching themselves to keep the race up. That's my whole point really.
And believe me, we both were under this pressure too to make it fancier and more extravagant than we do now.

BobMc

I personally enjoy them a bit more than when I was younger, Due to go to one in June and really looking forward to it.

Its a colleague from my wifes previous job so lots of her friends from that company will be at it, Met the bride a good few times at events from that company and other weddings etc. I'm pretty easy going will make an effort to chat and find common ground with anyone while at something like a wedding. With kids etc. we dont get out much and this is an occassion for us to get dressed up usually meet some people we know, knock back a few bevvies etc.

Been to a few duds but for the most part my memories are good from most weddings.

My kids attended one with us couple years back and had a great time too (would have been 12 / 9) loads of cousins
at it, behaved great not a bother on them had a big table all to themselves etc.

Now in saying all that, an invite to anymore than 3 or 4 in a year would be pushing my tolerance level a wee bit

iamwhoiam

What do people consider a small wedding these days ?

theyoungchap

As somebody once said "the first people to complain about going to a wedding, would be the first people to complain if you didn't ask them"!!!

iamwhoiam

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Thing is, most people, judging by the comments (including my own) would prefer LirWs way!

Maybe they do . But no one is judging them for it . But seem to think they can judge others for not doing it their way

marvin80

LirW wrote: »

Agree with all par that one, when you wanna have a civil ceremony with an HSE registrar you only can do it from Monday - Friday. It's grand when couples accept the fact not everyone will be around because of work, but jesus, there are some people getting seriously worked up over others not taking annual leave for their party.

That's fair enough - going to be a civil ceremony job when I get married but what I meant was people having their weddings on a Thursday/Friday to save money/being greedy.
The example I mentioned was a friend getting a very nice hotel but wanted to save money by having it on a Thursday. In his view he'll save money on the hotel but still make the same amount from gifts. He didn't mind putting people out and having to take annual leave from work.

meeeeh

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Thing is, most people, judging by the comments (including my own) would prefer LirWs way!

I've been to a small wedding, it was no less hassle and no cheaper than the others. I enjoyed myself but I can't say I enjoyed myself more than at other weddings.

AnneFrank

FixitFelix wrote: »

I thought you'd be delighted to get out.

i'd rather the gas chamber

Malayalam

LirW wrote: »

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

Its a comfort thing for me too. I understand some people love clothes and make up and hair dressing and stuff, but I just have almost zero interest in that end of things. Plus I am quite shy in person and I hate being the centre of attention - a surprise birthday party or such would be my idea of absolute Hell. All if the fuss involved in a big wedding - before, during and after - would make me soooooooooooooooo uncomfortable. Thank God my children are likely to follow my example and elope

FixitFelix

AnneFrank wrote: »

I hate weddings, if it's for love why not just get married with direct family somewhere nice,
otherwise it's just for show

I thought you'd be delighted to get out.

LirW

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Some women (and men) really enjoy all the planning and fuss that goes with it and I don't think that takes away from the meaning of their marriage!

I would consider myself to have been a fairly middle of the road bride - I enjoyed getting a hair and make up trial as it was a lovely excuse to treat myself and feel special but had no interest in attending wedding fairs or anything like that.
I certainly don't judge anyone who does enjoy going to wedding fairs though, making all these plans can be great fun and especially when the two of you are enthusiastic about it (even if you have to hide your enthusiasm in front of miserable friends who hate weddings).

It's pretty patronising to think that 'women are lured into it' as if you alone see through the charade and therefore your marriage means more because you didn't have a big wedding.

Don't get me wrong, everyone should forego their day as they choose.
But it is a huge business after all and once the question is popped, the pressure is enormous on couples. You need this, you need that, you can't do X, you have to get Y. Why would you think that there is so much advertising for huge days with every last bit of glamour factored in but nothing for people that want it low key. Because there is no money in them, while people happily splash out huge money on the fairytale day. Now add pressure and expectations on top of it and a lot of people give in.
When I told people that even fancy restaurants charge you the normal price on group menus with a reasonably sized party, I kid you not, everyone was surprised that this is actually possible. Didn't know it myself either. There is no extra when the word "wedding" comes up, there is an extra for a big planned affair because you pay for your supplier that it all goes smoothly.

I don't see any point in denying that it is an industry like any other and some people enjoy it, some get pressured into it.
I've heard first hand of ladies walking into dress shops geared with budgets of under 1000 and got basically told they can't afford anything there. Up the budget or be a not-so- good bride like the others. This goes through the whole process really.

meeeeh

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Some women (and men) really enjoy all the planning and fuss that goes with it and I don't think that takes away from the meaning of their marriage!

I would consider myself to have been a fairly middle of the road bride - I enjoyed getting a hair and make up trial as it was a lovely excuse to treat myself and feel special but had no interest in attending wedding fairs or anything like that.
I certainly don't judge anyone who does enjoy going to wedding fairs though, making all these plans can be great fun and especially when the two of you are enthusiastic about it (even if you have to hide your enthusiasm in front of miserable friends who hate weddings).

It's pretty patronising to think that 'women are lured into it' as if you alone see through the charade and therefore your marriage means more because you didn't have a big wedding.

I agree with that. Some enjoy planning the wedding or buying baby stuff, I enjoyed designing and picking our kitchen. People have different preferences and I'm pretty sure we bored plenty of people with our house designs.

The only thing I find annoying is couple inviting people they don't like and then complaining when they show up. Just don't invite people you don't want to have there.

Spanish Eyes

iamwhoiam wrote: »

You dont have to play any game at all .No one is forcing you but why criticise others for doing what they feel is what they would like ? You enjoy your way and let others enjoy their way

Thing is, most people, judging by the comments (including my own) would prefer LirWs way!

Steve F

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Ahhh

We get to the point of the thread...

Johnny Flash is wealthy and needed to show it

Fast forward to 40 seconds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwbfWR3VGuc

c68zapdsm5i1ru

erica74 wrote: »

Why don't the churches just refuse to marry these people then?

Lots of reasons I presume. If they're both baptised they are, strictly speaking, Catholics entitled according to church law to marry in a church.
The priest doesn't want to discourage people who may be taking a first step back towards the church.
Nowadays it's very hard to know who attends Mass and who doesn't due to larger parishes, people living abroad and coming home to get married.
Also, presumably, because there would be uproar if they refused someone and the Church would be accused of being 'unwelcoming', 'discriminatory' and so on.

Conor Bourke

iamwhoiam wrote: »

How was it worded as a matter of interest ?

I forget the exact wording but basically it was all very lighthearted and irreverent, and poking fun at the commonly held “weddings are a pox” trope. They were the most laid back people and the wedding was so relaxed and enjoyable as a result. Zero notions, just a load of people who were pleased to be there to celebrate their happy day.

murpho999 wrote: »

Mmm. I had that too, wonder was it the same wedding?

Bank holiday weekend in Gorey?

Nope, Sept in the midlands.

iamwhoiam

LirW wrote: »

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

You dont have to play any game at all .No one is forcing you but why criticise others for doing what they feel is what they would like ? You enjoy your way and let others enjoy their way

Herb Powell

I've managed to only attend about 4 weddings in my life, I'd say, but then again I'm still too young to be in the wedding apocalypse age bracket, so we'll see how that goes in the next few years.......

Tbh I've enjoyed the weddings I've been at. The last one a few years ago was particularly good, just because it was mostly all sound people who I know anyway, in a nice location with excellent food.

My cousin is getting married in a few months, and it's happening in my city so there's no convenience issue. Really looking forward to it tbh, because they're a chilled-out couple, so I know the bullshiit will be kept to an absolute minimum, and there'll be other people there who I haven't seen in years.

erica74

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I know people involved in the Church and believe me, they would far prefer if couples to whom the sacrament is meaningless didn't partake in it, just using the Church as a pretty and traditional back drop for their 'big day'. The donation goes towards the upkeep of the church, cleaning it, maintaining the organ and the red carpet, heating the church if it's Winter and so on. It's not a profit making exercise.

Why don't the churches just refuse to marry these people then?

DaeryssaOne

LirW wrote: »

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

Some women (and men) really enjoy all the planning and fuss that goes with it and I don't think that takes away from the meaning of their marriage!

I would consider myself to have been a fairly middle of the road bride - I enjoyed getting a hair and make up trial as it was a lovely excuse to treat myself and feel special but had no interest in attending wedding fairs or anything like that.
I certainly don't judge anyone who does enjoy going to wedding fairs though, making all these plans can be great fun and especially when the two of you are enthusiastic about it (even if you have to hide your enthusiasm in front of miserable friends who hate weddings).

It's pretty patronising to think that 'women are lured into it' as if you alone see through the charade and therefore your marriage means more because you didn't have a big wedding.

Hector Savage

JohhnyFlash you should be excited about it tho, if your exploits on other threads are to be believed - you are in for some saucy times in a young ladies boudoir !!!!

You might even get a horn on ya that would bring order to a Wicklow GAA match*

*I stole that one from somewhere ...

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Zebra3 wrote: »

LOL. Of course not.

Well, believe what you like.

Zebra3

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I know people involved in the Church and believe me, they would far prefer if couples to whom the sacrament is meaningless didn't partake in it, just using the Church as a pretty and traditional back drop for their 'big day'. The donation goes towards the upkeep of the church, cleaning it, maintaining the organ and the red carpet, heating the church if it's Winter and so on. It's not a profit making exercise.

LOL. Of course not.

AnneFrank

I hate weddings, if it's for love why not just get married with direct family somewhere nice,
otherwise it's just for show

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Zebra3 wrote: »

Couldn’t agree more with all that.

The stench of hypocrisy of non-religious people getting married in a church and starting their life with vows intertwined with lies. And the stench of hypocrisy in the (usually) RC Church in staging the wedding of people who don’t give a toss about its’ “values”, but hey, it’s €300 tax-free payment for them. I mean, “voluntary donation”!!!!!! :rolleyes:

And lest we forget the bride turning up late cause you know, “she’s important”. Was at one wedding where she was over 40 minutes late. Very close to walking out on that one.

And as for the wedding on a Thursday.... I have actually heard people say they plan to get married on a Thursday because they expect people to take two days holidays for their gig.

I know people involved in the Church and believe me, they would far prefer if couples to whom the sacrament is meaningless didn't partake in it, just using the Church as a pretty and traditional back drop for their 'big day'. The donation goes towards the upkeep of the church, cleaning it, maintaining the organ and the red carpet, heating the church if it's Winter and so on. It's not a profit making exercise.

Zebra3

marvin80 wrote: »

Biggest load of sh*t ever:
- People having a big church wedding even though they haven't been in the church in years and then expect you to do the same.
- Then you have the hassle of driving to the church and to the hotel afterwards - couple of hours driving if you're not living in the same town as the church or hotel.
- Cheap, miserable cu*ts having their wedding on a Thursday (Friday isn't as bad) and you've to take a few days off work for it. Have a friend tell me he was doing this on purpose, cheaper but they'll still make loads of money from gifts.
- So much waiting around between the church, hotel, dinner etc..
- Speeches are usually sh*t - go on for ages and loads of in-jokes that no-one outside the immediate family get.
- Music is usually sh*t.
- Spending 30k on a piss-up - most people starting married life in debt because of it - idiots.
- Spending stupid money on stuff like the engagement rings - even though their real value is only about a 10th of the actual price.
- The traditions like asking the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter or giving her away like she's a commodity.

Couldn’t agree more with all that.

The stench of hypocrisy of non-religious people getting married in a church and starting their life with vows intertwined with lies. And the stench of hypocrisy in the (usually) RC Church in staging the wedding of people who don’t give a toss about its’ “values”, but hey, it’s €300 tax-free payment for them. I mean, “voluntary donation”!!!!!! :rolleyes:

And lest we forget the bride turning up late cause you know, “she’s important”. Was at one wedding where she was over 40 minutes late. Very close to walking out on that one.

And as for the wedding on a Thursday.... I have actually heard people say they plan to get married on a Thursday because they expect people to take two days holidays for their gig.

Edit-Almost forgot, the same poxy music at almost every wedding. Nearly fainted at a couple of weddings I’ve been to when the Smiths and the Jam were played!!! Shove your Rock The Boat.

LirW

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Congratulations and best of luck for your day. Sounds great!

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

jimgoose

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Simply not true. My OH was been in the same job for the last 5 years during that time she has obviously made work friends, 4 or 5 of those have been very good to her over that time. One of those friends(really sound girl) is to get married in 2 months, all she can talk about for the last few months is the wedding.
If my OH doesn't go to the wedding it will certainly mean the end of the friendship. If we don't go as a couple it will also cause problems.

This is how weddings work...

No it isn't. If someone throws an enormous relationship-ending strop because they don't get their own way then I don't have any interest in them. You get to a certain stage in life where you just don't entertain this sort of horseshit anymore.

scarepanda

marvin80 wrote: »

Biggest load of sh*t ever:
- People having a big church wedding even though they haven't been in the church in years and then expect you to do the same.
- Then you have the hassle of driving to the church and to the hotel afterwards - couple of hours driving if you're not living in the same town as the church or hotel.
- Cheap, miserable cu*ts having their wedding on a Thursday (Friday isn't as bad) and you've to take a few days off work for it. Have a friend tell me he was doing this on purpose, cheaper but they'll still make loads of money from gifts.
- So much waiting around between the church, hotel, dinner etc..
- Speeches are usually sh*t - go on for ages and loads of in-jokes that no-one outside the immediate family get.
- Music is usually sh*t.
- Spending 30k on a piss-up - most people starting married life in debt because of it - idiots.
- Spending stupid money on stuff like the engagement rings - even though their real value is only about a 10th of the actual price.
- The traditions like asking the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter or giving her away like she's a commodity.

Marvin80, I agree with you on pretty much every point except the day (we got married on a Friday because the date meant something to us), but you wouldn't believe the hassle we had because we didn't get married in a church, didn't have a big wedding (by Irish standards), didn't invite every relation just because they were uncle/aunts etc to ye full day.

We spent less than half of an average Irish wedding, all from savings and engagement and marriage rings cost about €800 total.
We didn't want our guests to feel under any pressure regarding costs, kept the wedding local so people didn't have to stay, asked for no gifts, stressed to people as we spoke to them not to bother going to get a new outfit etc.

So we didn't do a lot of the traditional things that make up and Irish wedding and it was still thrown at us that we just wanted to be different etc. Some relations had a huff at not being invited to the whole day (all bar 1 got either a full or evening invite). I was never so happy to have a day over and done with.

Graces7

Malayalam wrote: »

Hate them. Ran off and got married in secret abroad myself and saved everyone the bother. And the siblings and in laws had very quiet, lovely, low-key affairs. I cannot understand people shelling out that much money - you could have a fab holiday every year for a couple of decades with that amount of dosh! And probably love each other all the more because of it. The few I have been to seemed super stressful for at least the bride - plus the make-up, Jesus Christ, what's going on there!

Reminds me of a young unmarried mother I met many years ago here. She and he wanted to get married but they both had huge families and were trying to build a house to live in. Could not do both

So we arranged a small secret wedding as I knew the local Franciscans. I made the cake and did the flowers and just the couple, the little one and a couple of her friends in a small church.
A quiet meal after..

Then later when they had finished their home, they had a big party.