Learning to drive in my 30s.

Dravokivich

Wanderer41 wrote: »

Lately I've been getting more and more nervous about driving. I feel stressed just thinking about it now! Yesterday I had to move off after being stopped at traffic lights and made a lot of noise. That panicked me. I think I do worse when there are cars behind me as I'm so afraid of of stalling and not being able to start, or changing gears and doing something wrong. I know it's just practice I need but I just feel so stressed about driving

When I started driving just before the summer, I had a lot of issues with stalling, but it was because I hadn't put in enough practise with using the clutch and changing gears.

If it's something you are nervous of I'd recommend finding a quite stretch of road that you can go up and down. Just pratcise starting off, up to 2nd gear and pull back in again a few times all the way down. After one or 2 runs, go up to third and pull in again. For a couple of runs, then do it again up to 4th.

I used to do that for about 20 or so minutes before going out on a drive, to get "warmed up" but also to get better used to what actions I needed to do within the car.

irishgirl19

iguana wrote:

(I have however passed the test of my three year old son. After weeks of being told I was a bad driver he is now telling anyone who will listen that I'm a good driver because I don't stop in the middle of the road anymore.)

Haha kids are so funny. My 3 year old sister told me im not very good at driving too haha

Wanderer41

dennyk wrote: »

Just don't let it get to you. If you stall, you stall; worst that happens is a few folks behind you are delayed a bit. Someone might honk at you or something, but screw 'em, that's their problem for lacking patience. After all, they were learners at some point too! Just focus on learning and practicing and driving safely and don't worry about what anyone else is thinking.

Dravokivich wrote: »

When I started driving just before the summer, I had a lot of issues with stalling, but it was because I hadn't put in enough practise with using the clutch and changing gears.

If it's something you are nervous of I'd recommend finding a quite stretch of road that you can go up and down. Just practice starting off, up to 2nd gear and pull back in again a few times all the way down. After one or 2 runs, go up to third and pull in again. For a couple of runs, then do it again up to 4th.

I used to do that for about 20 or so minutes before going out on a drive, to get "warmed up" but also to get better used to what actions I needed to do within the car.

Thanks! I know it's all about practice so the next time I'm home I'm going to go out and try driving in my town especially when it's quiet. I'm usually not too bad until someone comes along behind me I can't wait until I actually get my licence so I don't have to worry about these things :pac:

iguana

My instructor took me on a common test route on Friday and talked me through it and got me to do the manoeuvres. I made a mistake or two which I know I'd have failed for through nerves but overall he thinks I more or less have the skills to pass. My problem is that I get so nervous that it makes me make stupid mistakes. Literally as soon as he said we were doing the test route my stomach was in knots and I was tense and edgy. It was extremely obvious to my instructor as he said at the end of my lesson that the instant he told me we'd completed the test route my whole body relaxed and my driving was more assured. And he wasn't even doing a practice test where he graded me, it was just an informal practice to help me get familiar with it.

I'm not sure how I can get over that. I can drive, I'm making fewer and fewer mistake and if I do, can normally correct them without getting too flustered. I find it easier to deal with aggressive drivers without letting it affect my driving. I very rarely stall and can start up again in seconds if I do. I can mostly judge traffic for entering roundabouts, pulling out and making right-hand turns very well (though sometimes I still miss a good opening). I have good clutch control in stop-start traffic and am very confident at high speeds on dual carriageways/national roads (I actually enjoy that type of driving, at least compared to the rest). But if I feel like I'm being judged I'm a mess. The only thing I can think of is to ask the instructor to keep going over the test route during lessons in the hope of making me immune to the idea of the test.

Tbh, I'm extremely jealous of all the people who were allowed to drive alone when they were learning. Everyone who I talk to says that the thing that really turned them into drivers was when they started going out alone. That they could both relax without feeling judged and learn to have confidence in their own driving ability by themselves. I'd love to be able to do short journeys by myself but the reality of the law means that I'd effectively be driving uninsured if I drive without a sponsor. I understand why people aren't allowed to drive alone without a full license but I can also see that it really benefits a driver at a certain stage in their learning to be able to drive alone ahead of their test.

Posy

I actually feel sick with nerves just reading about you talking about the test!

Wanderer41

I had a mock test one my second last lesson. It was interesting Mostly because I rely way too much on my instructor so it was a change when I couldn't say anything and he couldn't guide me. I did do better than I thought I would, in that I am better than I think in knowing what to do etc. The faults I got were fair, a lot of them were ones I knew I had to work on and some were ridiculous mistakes due to nerves. I've another lesson this weekend so I'm hoping to get some more driving in then.

I applied for my test as soon as I could, I need to be able to drive in the near future, but I don't feel ready for it. If I fix a few known issues (read: stress, panic, nerves) I wouldn't be too bad. Not test ready, but almost ready. I just need to drive in my own car more as it's different, especially for moving off, and that's probably where one of my biggest fears lies. I'll get there someday!

For anyone that is nervous look up driving test nerves hypnotherapy videos on YouTube! I thought it sounded daft too but was recommend by a friend so thought why not.

Was extremely nervous before my driving test, almost cancelled it. Watched the video about 3 or 4 times in the week leading up to my test. Passed first go with only 2 grade 2s after 6 months of driving and was ridiculously calm throughout the test. Calmer than I would be driving on a normal day.

dennyk

dennyk wrote: »

Just don't let it get to you. If you stall, you stall; worst that happens is a few folks behind you are delayed a bit. Someone might honk at you or something, but screw 'em, that's their problem for lacking patience. After all, they were learners at some point too! Just focus on learning and practicing and driving safely and don't worry about what anyone else is thinking.

Had my first lesson last night. Waiting for a green to turn right (very busy junction) and managed to stall with one car behind me. They didn't beep but they did cut up the right-hand-side of me just as I then went to move off. There's some ignorant bastards about. :P

bannerman2005

Deleted User wrote: »

Had my first lesson last night. Waiting for a green to turn right (very busy junction) and managed to stall with one car behind me. They didn't beep but they did cut up the right-hand-side of me just as I then went to move off. There's some ignorant bastards about. :P

Its great to have the first lesson completed. Onwards and upwards buttonftw. Don't worry about what other drivers do. Try to always keep calm even when stalling. Right turns at traffic lights can be a pain especially if you stall. Practice starting off in a car park. A few hundred times makes a big difference.

bannerman2005

bannerman2005 wrote: »

Its great to have the first lesson completed. Onwards and upwards buttonftw. Don't worry about what other drivers do. Try to always keep calm even when stalling. Right turns at traffic lights can be a pain especially if you stall. Practice starting off in a car park. A few hundred times makes a big difference.

Ah yeah, I didn't let it worry me. Taught me a lesson to always check the mirror even when I'm sure there's no reason for anything to be there. :pac:

thecommute

Hi All

Im glad i came across this thread!!

I am 33 with a ten year old who wants to do the usual football, after school clubs , friends birthday parties!! and I always have to rely on other people to bring him!

I have been taking lessons on and off since he was 3, i only recently got a car which i have insured and taxed, my sister and myself share it ( i have only driven it once on the road with her beside me)and in turn she drives my son to his clubs etc.

I have had about 30/40 lessons over the last 5 years!!! and I am still so unbelievably nervous!!!

Its like every time i get into the driving instructors car i forget everything!!!

how is that possible???

fair enough I have been on and off taking lessons but i get so nervous and sick at the thought of driving ive ignored my instructors calls who has told me now i have to be out every week with him or I will never get anywhere with it.

I am so nervous about who's behind me when driving, when i stall etc.

I had a couple of bad experiences when i started lessons when i was 17, i nearly reversed over my 7 year old sister but ironically Im prob best at reserving, its everything else that scares the crap out of me.

I feel so held back by not driving, i have to get the bus to work every day an hour earlier than i should my son has to walk to school, sometimes miss parties etc.

Ive had hypnotherapy 400 euros worth and no change.

Have a lesson this eve after work after a couple of months avoiding it fingers crossed I can go through with it ..i need to man up!!!!
I have a test booked for a few weeks, ive already cancelled two and cannot afford to book another!!

Dravokivich

thecommute wrote: »

Its like every time i get into the driving instructors car i forget everything!!!

how is that possible???

There's some element of stress being involved here. Are you over thinking the actions required to start off? Just take it step by step. Adjust seat, put on seat belt, align mirrors, make sure care is in neutral, start the engine. Just think it through step by step.

thecommute wrote: »

Have a lesson this eve after work after a couple of months avoiding it fingers crossed I can go through with it ..i need to man up!!!!
I have a test booked for a few weeks, ive already cancelled two and cannot afford to book another!!

Just being blunt here but,

You book a test even though you knowingly can't handle being in a car with an instructor, who is meant to be there to guide you to a practical standard of driving, how do you think you'll be with an examiner who is going to critique you?

iguana

thecommute wrote: »

fair enough I have been on and off taking lessons but i get so nervous and sick at the thought of driving ive ignored my instructors calls who has told me now i have to be out every week with him or I will never get anywhere with it.

Your instructor is right but one lesson a week is the minimum, if you can with work, you should try aiming for two. I know it's hard with working and parenting but maybe, if your workplace isn't outside the area your instructor collects/drops off from, you could make an arrangement with your instructor that your lesson takes in your commute to work a couple of mornings a week. That way you'd be putting that hour to use rather than sitting on a bus.

Nervousness is completely normal but the only way through it is to power through it and keep going. If you leave a long time between lessons your nervousness will grow and grow. So for each lesson it will become harder and harder to overcome. If you can take 2 lessons during the week and one drive at weekends with your sister, preferably to get somewhere rather than as just practice (as I've found that there is a huge psychological difference between taking a practice drive and being able to take my family to a place we want to be) you will eventually overcome your nervousness. It might still take months to get over it completely but it will get better bit by bit if you just keep pushing yourself.

And lastly are you sure your instructor is a good fit? I had one lesson very early on where I started to panic when I was asked to get the car in gear. I was honestly hyperventilating and in tears. My instructor was able to get me to calm down and talk to me about what had changed since our last lesson. I was able to talk with him and concluded that as I'd had a bad practice drive with my dad a few days before and had just learned that someone close to me was in a very, very bad (non-car) accident that I was projecting my anxiety into the driving. My instructor talked me through it and after a few more minutes I was able to drive. He told me that he reckons at least half of his job is psychology and helping his clients be in the right frame of mind to drive. I think he is 100% right and getting an instructor who thinks like that is a fantastic help to a nervous driver.

I've been driving for nearly 4 months and at first I was nervous all the time and could barely sleep the night before and after a lesson. I'd get out of the car with my legs barely holding me up and I was almost unable to speak and really needed to be left alone after a lesson. After a while I started feeling mostly ok after a lesson, but even wobblier after driving my own car (probably as there was no safety net of dual control). Now I don't feel so anxious but driving is still a big deal, if I have to drive the next day it kind of looms a head of me and I have to psyche myself up a bit to do it. I feel quite elated after I'm done which is obviously better than feeling like I've had a near death experience but it goes to show how driving still isn't a 'normal' activity for me. I also had a week recently where I didn't drive all week and it really showed the next time I got behind the wheel. So I know it's something I need to do every 2/3 days as a minimum if I want to do it. At our age I think it just requires real solid commitment to really develop the skills and confidence required to drive.

Wanderer41

thecommute wrote: »

Hi All

Im glad i came across this thread!!

...

I used to get very stressed driving. Part of that was because I would leave a gap between each lesson but I wasn't practising at all. I also took about a year's break in between. To finish my twelve lessons I ended up getting 3 lessons in 3 days which helped to consolidate what I had learned, as before that I didn't feel in any way confident in even starting the car and moving off. So it helped a lot just to get the motions in my head. I still get nervous (driving without my instructor scares me a lot), but that does ease off as you get more confident. I would honestly advise getting at least one a week, two if you can, and try practise even a little bit. It does get easier as you go, the best thing is to just do it.

stinkle

Yeah I felt I wasnt able for the stress of multiple lessons in a week, especially after work. But having no access to a car meant that I wasn't practising in between in the beginning. Then after a couple of lessons got postponed by the school, and a few things meant I wasnt able to do weekend lessons for a week or two, I realised that it was a waste of my time and money to be going as infrequently as I was. Familiarity really does help, and I'm probably one of the most nervous drivers/anxious types you'll meet. I'll over think everything!

iguana

Did my first drive in the dark yesterday evening. I was quite anxious about it but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had driven in twilight last week and found that harder, and I was driving with a feeling like I'd forgotten to do something like wear my glasses or adjust my mirrors as my vision wasn't quite right. But in the actual dark it's ok as you just know it's dark and all the cars are lit up.

iguana

Ha! I knew it;

It is harder to see while driving at dusk than at night, even though there is more light then. Eyes use two sets of light-sensitive cells-one set for the day, called 'cones,' the other for the darkness, called 'rods.' When one set shifts to the other at dusk-when everything is cast in a shadow-neither is working at full strength.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1992-05-19/news/9202150048_1_mammograms-couch-potatoes-walking

Dravokivich

Don't forget the poxy sun in your eyes too! :mad:

ynul31f47k6b59

Hi all. I took a few weeks' break and am about to do lesson 8 - but I'm stuck with the bloody reversing. My friend did an hour practice with me in our own car, and I thought I was okay, but I can't get it in the instructor's car. I seem to lock the wheel too much going round a corner and end up on the kerb, I've done the reversing EDT now 3 times, it just seems to be a mental block. I've booked it again for next week, I suppose it'll only get better with time.

On a more positive note, I've driven our own car several times now to and from towns, done lights, roundabouts, kids in the car, etc. There are some horribly ignorant people on the roads but I try to ignore and make sure I'm doing everything properly. The amount of people who don't indicate is shocking! Still dislike roundabouts and will avoid where possible but I feel like that part of my driving is coming along, getting more relaxed in the car and don't have the sick feeling anymore, I feel in control.

Except when going in reverse, absolutely no concept of distance or space going backwards.

Tasden

Good for you Shanna. I have the same issue with reversing so can't help you there :pac:

Dravokivich

It can be hard, but you'll get used to it with more practise. When I started doing it, I was mainly using mirrors to watch the kerb, without focusing much on where I was going. After time I got more confident to focus more on what's out the windows and only glance towards the mirror.

Just remember to take your time while doing it. Don't rush through it to get around. First time I tried to do it with my instructor got me to stop, because I was doing it "too fast." If you can do it slow and steady, the main thing that can hamper you is the starting position.

dennyk

I think in the reverse maneuver, they're mostly looking for observation, and not leaving your lane or hitting the curb. My reverse was sloppy as hell during my test, but I did all the necessary observations and kept it in my own lane and somewhat close to the curb, and the tester didn't mark me for anything.

iguana

I was driving this afternoon when I came upon a car accident. It looked pretty bad with one car up on it's side and the front of the car cut off by the fire crew. I was pretty shaken for ages afterwards. It's awful to have a sudden view of how badly driving can go sometimes.

The road was closed off so I, and all the other drivers on the road had to do 3-pt turns, which was a bit tense as the car in front of me and some of the cars behind me were all turning at the same time and traffic was backing up behind us. As for some reason the guards closed off the road right in front of the accident instead of at the roundabout about a 100ft back.

rsynnott

On this topic, I'm also in my early 30s, and would like to learn to drive. I don't have access to a car to practice in, though. Is it realistic to pass the test purely from lessons? Also, in this scenario, what car would I actually do the test in?

It seems crazy to buy a car when I can't legally drive it.

Tasden

rsynnott wrote: »

On this topic, I'm also in my early 30s, and would like to learn to drive. I don't have access to a car to practice in, though. Is it realistic to pass the test purely from lessons? Also, in this scenario, what car would I actually do the test in?

It seems crazy to buy a car when I can't legally drive it.

You can use an instructors car for the test. You will have to pay though.

I found that getting a car of my own helped so much, even using a relatives car if you can, it will be expensive if every time you want to practice you're paying for a lesson. But if you can do the lessons in a short time frame, intensively, you might be ok. I found that when they're too spaced out you have to almost relearn each time you start a lesson. If you learn a maneuver in a lesson, getting practice every day in a relatives car will make all the difference and you can move on to the next maneuver at the next lesson. Also getting regular drives out in traffic builds up your confidence. It's personal preference really but if you have a relatives car to use (go as named driver on insurance) then that would be great.

ZeroThreat

iguana wrote: »

I'm 37 and have booked my first driving lesson for next week. I never needed to drive before and I just got used to thinking of myself as a non driver. It's been kind of mind blowing to genuinely realise that actually, that doesn't have to be the case.

It was a bit embarrassing when I did the theory test though, as I could very easily have been the mother of each and every other person sitting the test. In fact I'm 99% sure the woman working there assumed I was the mother of the guy who arrived at the centre at the same time as me.

Was everyone else there 17 or 18, or you just look older than your real age?
Cos you're not THAT old.

iguana

ZeroThreat wrote: »

Was everyone else there 17 or 18, or you just look older than your real age?
Cos you're not THAT old.

None of them looked out of their teens, tbh. It wouldn't have been impossible for me to have been the mother of any of them and it was truly depressing.

ZeroThreat

iguana wrote: »

None of them looked out of their teens, tbh. It wouldn't have been impossible for me to have been the mother of any of them and it was truly depressing.

hmm I'm 36 & can't drive, think you've scared me off completely now.

noodler

In keeping with the Spirit of the thread!

I keep looking at the 12 lesson packages but I wonder if I need something more basic to begin with.

I don't think I could actually get a car moving at the moment!

iguana

noodler wrote: »

In keeping with the Spirit of the thread!

I keep looking at the 12 lesson packages but I wonder if I need something more basic to begin with.

I don't think I could actually get a car moving at the moment!

I had never driven at all when I started, I didn't even know what the deal was with the clutch and gears. But the 12 lessons starts from an assumption that you know nothing. If necessary as you get towards the last 4 lessons you might want to add a few practice lessons between the course lessons if you aren't getting a chance to practise in between. But other than that the 12 lesson course is a good starting point.