Embarrassing problem at work after a drunk night out

Niamhy_Li

Hi been following boards for a number of years and thought now is a good a time as any to ask for some advice.

One of the girls finished up in work on friday so we finished up early and headed for a few drinks in town but as always a "few drinks" turned into a whole afternoon and night of drinking. We were all quite merry come 9 o'clock, some girls called it night while me and 4 others carried on to a couple more pubs. As the night wore on I really was beginning to feel the effects of the drinks but the rest of the group were the same so I wasn't too concerned. As the night was coming to an end the ridiculous amount of drink really hit me i.e Hiccups, swaying and stumbling back and forth between the smoking area and bathroom every 5 mins.

The taxi home is still all a bit of a blur I knew I was very pissed which the killer hangover told me the next morning. But as I looked at my phone the next morning I was tagged in a video on facebook, one of the girls had taken a video of me getting out the taxi and stumbling the whole way up my street which also shows me trying to put my key in the front door in my drunken state, I'll also add I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction (My belt was undone which caused my trousers to slide down below my hips) when I got out of the taxi which is clearly visible in the video.

My question is how to I tell her i'm really not happy with her putting it on facebook, im so embarrassed over the whole situation as it's most definitely the drunkest iv'e ever been! I've already asked her to remove it and she just txt back numerous laughing faces saying "but it's so funny" we are both in our early 30's so I can't understand why she can't see how mortified I am. Any advice from fellow women would be very much welcomed.

sadie1502

Oh god this is why I hate Facebook and phones. I would tell her take it down now. That's just embarrassing what kindof person posts those videos what age is she 10 ? Just ring her and tell her take it down now. It's majorly embarrassing and you do not want it on Facebook. Would she like it if the tables were turned.

uck51js9zml2yt

You can use the report button on Facebook.

Humour Me

Definitely call her, some people just need to be told to cop on.

antodeco

I think you just need to approach it head on.

"Hey X, is it possible to take down that video? I am really embarrassed by it, and I'd rather it not going any further than it already has. I appreciate there is an element of humour to it, but Im honestly embarrassed and disgusted at how I behaved. I hope you understand, thanks"

Even send it as a message/text if you don't have the courage to say it face to face.

TG1

I'd take her aside and just say you're really embarrassed by it and worried about who else might see it in the future and would she mind deleting it... Don't be confrontational about it, that will only add to the juvenile enjoyment she is getting from it...

blackcard

Very poor form from your colleague. I would be livid with her and demand she take it down. It will blow over however

PlainP

Untick yourself in the video. Can you still do that on FB? Dont use it myself but was on it a few years ago and you could untag (that's the word) yourself.

msshono

You've already asked her and she has laughed back at you.

I would read the t&cs on Facebook and community charter then report the post and make sure you outline how it breeches same (to strengthen your case for having it removed). Then text her to tell her you've done this to demonstrate how annoyed you are about the whole situation and tell her she needs to remove it immediately.

Then change your security settings immediately on FB so nobody can tag you etc without your permission.

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

Oh god this is why I hate Facebook and phones. I would tell her take it down now. That's just embarrassing what kindof person posts those videos what age is she 10 ? Just ring her and tell her take it down now. It's majorly embarrassing and you do not want it on Facebook. Would she like it if the tables were turned.

I have txt her numerous times since it's happened she is currently on annual leave until Thursday which makes things worse, I've even privately messaged her sister to get in touch with her still to no avail.

I absolutely accept full responsibility for getting that drunk but the video is 3 minutes long and i'm constantly stumbling in it, have the hiccups and my trousers are down closer to my knees than my hips in it which i'm deeply ashamed of I really don't think she could of got a worse video of me if she tried.

I am absolutely livid about the whole situation and can't see myself being anything but confrontational towards her when I see her.

I'm normally a person who see's the funny side of things but i'm actually in shock as to why anyone would find this funny

mojesius

Jaysus OP she sounds very immature. I have a friend who would upload the most hideous drunk 5am pictures of people and when I'd ask her to take them down, I'd be told the same thing 'lighten up, they're hilarious'. No they're really not, especially when work colleagues see them!

You have to be very blunt about it and tell her to take it down, also ask her not to post videos/pics of you at the end of a night again. Ask her if she'd be happy if her friends, colleagues and family saw a video of her hammered doing the same? (Although maybe she's one of those people who like posting drunk videos and pics of herself).

On another note, things like this are why i leave work nights out when I feel myself getting tipsy. Don't want Frank the Tank to come out

You can also control who can tag you or pre-approve tags on fb in privacy settings (I have this set up due to said friend). Still that doesn't stop morons posting videos but it's a bit more control!

mickmackmcgoo

You might have to up the Ante to get her attention. Have you anything incriminating on her that you can suggest to her that you are going to put up on her page.

sadie1502

I would actually track the bitch down sorry but I'd go mental. It's not on you need to pick up the phone and ring her and tell her take it the f@@k down now. What an idiot

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

I would actually track the bitch down sorry but I'd go mental. It's not on you need to pick up the phone and ring her and tell her take it the f@@k down now. What an idiot

What's annoying me just as much is the fact she didn't even attempt to help me towards my my house like I said I take full responsibility for getting that drunk I'm a grown woman, but the fact that I was clearly legless, I was basically stumbling around in circles trying to stand let alone walk. And not once did it dawn on her that actually this is really not that funny and maybe I should help her in case she might fall. The fact that you can see my bum in the video should have been enough of a reason not to put the video up!!

I'm not looking for sympathy I just wan't to find a solution to this problem as soon as possible and find out why she's behaving like a teenager, this is a married woman were talking about!!

TG1

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

What's annoying me just as much is the fact she didn't even attempt to help me towards my my house like I said I take full responsibility for getting that drunk I'm a grown woman, but the fact that I was clearly legless, I was basically stumbling around in circles trying to stand let alone walk. And not once did it dawn on her that actually this is really not that funny and maybe I should help her in case she might fall. The fact that you can see my bum in the video should have been enough of a reason not to put the video up!!

I'm not looking for sympathy I just wan't to find a solution to this problem as soon as possible and find out why she's behaving like a teenager, this is a married woman were talking about!!

The fact that you can see your bum should be enough to get it taken off Facebook if you want to go down that route... Report it for explicit content...

Story Bud?

She sounds like an absolutely horrible person. Horrible horrible horrible person. Jesus Christ.

You could threaten her with going to HR about it if she doesn't remove it. I know that you probably don't want HR to see it and to be fair they might not have any interest in it, but it might do the trick.

I cannot believe people would do this to a friend/colleague/anyone. It's out and out nasty. I feel sick for you tbh.

Niamhy_Li

TG1 wrote: »

The fact that you can see your bum should be enough to get it taken off Facebook if you want to go down that route... Report it for explicit content...

Thank you for the advice will facebook take long to look into the issue? I really wan't it gone asap

.red.

Text her and tell her if its not taken down within an hour your going to HR to report her. Tell her youve looked up the companies bullying and harrasment policy and because it happened on a work night out they can get involved.
It might scare the shyte out of her if shes on a/l and wont have access to the policy.


Edit, beaten to hr while I was typing

uck51js9zml2yt

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

Thank you for the advice will facebook take long to look into the issue? I really wan't it gone asap

It's reviewed and action take which is usually fast.
You will get an email from them

sadie1502

Ring her. Dont text her. I'd be very very firm if she starts laughing well then I would make it very clear you want it take down now you are getting off the phone and will give her five mins to get her sh$t together and get it off Facebook.

TG1

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

Thank you for the advice will facebook take long to look into the issue? I really wan't it gone asap

I've never done it but a friend wanted pics of her baby taken down and I know it took a few days... Not what you want to hear I know but it's a process, like everything else in life!

I'm sure you have already but I would take this as a lesson learned and be very careful about what you say or do in front of this person in future, she does not sound like a great colleague...

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

Ring her. Dont text her. I'd be very very firm if she starts laughing well then I would make it very clear you want it take down now you are getting off the phone and will give her five mins to get her sh$t together and get it off Facebook.

What's killing me is the fact I can't go to HR about the situation i'm pretty such they would take appropriate action if I did, and now i'm thinking if ring her and say something in the heat of the moment what's stopping her from making a complaint against me and the video being shown anyway. I really can't see myself staying calm when she finally answers to me

Niamhy_Li

TG1 wrote: »

I've never done it but a friend wanted pics of her baby taken down and I know it took a few days... Not what you want to hear I know but it's a process, like everything else in life!

I'm sure you have already but I would take this as a lesson learned and be very careful about what you say or do in front of this person in future, she does not sound like a great colleague...

I've reported it but still no sign of it gone yet, while in the mean time I have to look at comment's such as "she is the definition of pissed haha" and "talk about low cut trousers" from these other women she's friends with!!

sadie1502

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

What's killing me is the fact I can't go to HR about the situation i'm pretty such they would take appropriate action if I did, and now i'm thinking if ring her and say something in the heat of the moment what's stopping her from making a complaint against me and the video being shown anyway. I really can't see myself staying calm when she finally answers to me

I would keep calm but I would be firm with her you want it taken down now. It's inappropriate and does she enjoy making a fool out of you with all her pals making fun this could end up on 9gag or youtube and she will be sorry then.

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

I would keep calm but I would be firm with her you want it taken down now. It's inappropriate and does she enjoy making a fool out of you with all her pals making fun this could end up on 9gag or youtube and she will be sorry then.

That's another part that's worrying me the power of social media and how quickly things can go viral these days, especially because i'm so drunk in it and the whole constant stumbling and my trousers being down in the video people would find hilarious!!

I'm just sick that's me on the end of it.

sadie1502

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

That's another part that's worrying me the power of social media and how quickly things can go viral these days, especially because i'm so drunk in it and the whole constant stumbling and my trousers being down in the video people would find hilarious!!

I'm just sick that's me on the end of it.

Ring her up and tell her that this could easily go viral and it could one of her friends could post it you just don't know. Seriously can't get over her stupidity.

Faith

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

I've reported it but still no sign of it gone yet, while in the mean time I have to look at comment's such as "she is the definition of pissed haha" and "talk about low cut trousers" from these other women she's friends with!!

That's absolutely bullying, clear and simple.

Why do you feel that you can't go to HR?

To put it bluntly: A colleague took a video of you in an intoxicated, vulnerable and undressed state. Depending on your actual state of undress, it could be considered explicit also. She has shared that video publicly, without your consent, and is refusing to remove it. By allowing comments on it, she could be seen as encouraging bullying from others.

At best, she's a stupid f*cking bitch. At worst, she's a bully who is publicly harassing you. The more I think about it, the more it's making my blood boil on your behalf.

Niamhy_Li

Faith wrote: »

Why do you feel that you can't go to HR?

Depending on your actual state of undress, it could be considered explicit also.

f.

To be honest the last thing I want is more people seeing the video so by going to HR I feel like I'm running the risk of more embarrassment.

To be quite blunt and ashamed about the state of my undress - In my drunken state I never buckled my belt and fastened the top button on my trousers leaving the bathroom in the pub at the end of the night and got straight into the taxi after it, which resulted in them falling down to the point were my whole bum was exposed while stumbling along the path to my house which can be clearly seen in the video!!!!

I know people reading this will say it's my own fault and I deserve it for getting into that state and they are right to think that but I've honestly never being so drunk in my entire life and suffered a complete lack of judgement when it came to the end of the night.

I could handle comments and sly remarks about the state I was in trying to get to my house but not for 1 second will I accept a video being posted off me like that I'm sure everyone has been worse for wear at some point and being allowed forget about it this to me is just totally out of order and so unnecessary.

Just to give you a bit more of an insight on this woman, she has never once come across as a malicious person she is however very ditzy when it comes doing things but it is beyond me how a 32 year old woman cannot see anything wrong with this situation.

I am beyond fuming at this stage and there is no way any sort of relationship will exist once the issue is resolved.

sullivlo

OP I would echo what everyone else here says:
- report the post to Facebook (& obviously untag yourself in it
- I know it's hard but take a screenshot of the video on her page, in case you need it as evidence later on that she posted it.
- text/email your colleague requesting that you want the video removed as a matter of urgency and you feel you're being bullied by her in this situation. Screenshot the messages you have sent her with no reply.
- if there is no response again, just mention that you fully intend on taking this further in terms of your companies "dignity in work" policy. Screenshot this again.
- if there is no response, HR is the way forward.

skallywag

OP, from what I can gather you have not actually called her yet, but have just communicated via text?

I definitely think that you need to call her, and keep calling her until she picks up. People tend to take things far more seriously when you speak to them directly.

sadie1502

Yes a phone call or call to her house. She will know by your tone you mean business.

Dolbert

Tell her that you have been on to your solicitor and that she can expect a letter if the video is not removed immediately. If she refuses, contact a solicitor for real, but usually the mention of it is enough for these people.

Rosie Rant

She takes this video instead of looking after you like she was supposed to, posts it online and lets her friends post comments like "she is the definition of drunk" - well SHE is the definition of c*nt!

Like others have said, OP, report it on Facebook and review your privacy settings. I've reported a couple of things and it took a day or two. Unfortunately, you have to work with this child so you might have to at least be civil with her but definitely don't share a taxi with her again. Also, make sure she deletes it from her phone. Actually sit and watch her do it because she could easily put it on another site.

Niamhy_Li

Rosie Rant wrote: »

She takes this video instead of looking after you like she was supposed to, posts it online and lets her friends post comments like "she is the definition of drunk" - well SHE is the definition of c*nt!

Like others have said, OP, report it on Facebook and review your privacy settings. I've reported a couple of things and it took a day or two. Unfortunately, you have to work with this child so you might have to at least be civil with her but definitely don't share a taxi with her again. Also, make sure she deletes it from her phone. Actually sit and watch her do it because she could easily put it on another site.

She is still on annual leave until Thursday I have tried ringing her numerous times but her phone is off I've also tried viber and Fb but she hasn't been online at all! her sister messaged me saying she will try get in touch with her tonight.

I was thinking of fb messaging some of the women who have commented about me on the video and ask them to remove the comments and report the video in the hope it will be removed quicker but I'm worried how these women will react because I don't know them!

I have updated my privacy settings and also checked the video again and found out that the video is not "public" but is viewable to her entire friends list so potentially over 300 people have seen me in that state.

My hope is that the video is removed today and then it will give me the chance to calm down a bit and really give me a chance to think about what I will say when I confront her on Thursday. I don't feel upset I just feel complete anger at the moment.

Niamhy_Li

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

she has never once come across as a malicious person she is however very ditzy when it comes doing things but it is beyond me how a 32 year old woman cannot see anything wrong with this situation

You're not getting through to her how wrong this is and how upset you are about it. Let her know you've reported her to FB, not just the post (she'll shít a brick at the though of losing her social media mainline) and that you are going to HR about harassment as well ... whether you intend to or not.

Personally I agree with everyone that she sounds like a total wagon but if you think there's no malice involved, scaring the bejesus out of her is the way to go.

SarahMollie

OP, if you can't sort this out quickly directly with her, I really have to urge you to reconsider your reluctance to go to HR. If you really can't go through with this, then threaten (or really go to) a solicitor. The longer this video is online, the more damage is this is doing to you. You have to act swiftly.

Yes, you're going to look a bit silly in all likelihood, but she's going to come out of this way worse. Shes immature, a bully and a bit of a moron going by what you've told us so far.

HR are required to treat bullying situations with the utmost sensitivity. As this originated on what could be classed as a work night out, they'll want to deal with it swiftly. If this goes viral, it could cause a much bigger incident, so you really need to take all steps to get it removed as quickly as possible.

She deserves to be reprimanded by your employer, as its beyond inappropriate to treat a colleague this way, even if the incident in question happened after hours.

Milly33

Oh now OP sorry to hear you have to go through something like this..

Really is baffling how people are so self obsessed that they would think this kinda of a thing is funny...

What a B***H sorry I know tis a nasty word, but that is honestly such a horrible thing to do.... As you said she could have actually put her phone down and helped you into the house made sure you were ok.. Just goes to show what kind of person she is..

I hope her sister gets back to you asap, and to be honest OP I would not be worried about going to HR about this.. It is clearly overstepping the mark.. It is fine for her she gets to take the piss out of you and bugger off and holidays, while you have to deal with this... Not a very nice thing to do to someone...

I get you were drunk and I am sure we have all laughed at friends who get a little too drunk, but you don't do this kind of thing.. I get annoyed when people put pics of me on facebook so I can image how annoying this must be. Unfortunately Facebook is very slow at taking any action. I would keep reporting it and contact them saying you want it removed now....

And OP sod it do not let this get to you. Just wipe the slate clear, while people might make comments they have more than likely been there a few times themselves. People forget easily so don't worry and just try to say look feck it tis done I can not change it.. Don't let it get you down and then go dismantle her chair for when she gets back to work

miamee

I'm raging on your behalf OP. We've all had a night where you have a few too many and regret it afterwards but she was very immature to film you in the first place, nevermind to upload it to Facebook!
If you go to HR I'd also mention that you are worried that it could go viral and that since it was a work night out, it might look bad for the company too...and you'd really hate for that to happen.

Sunny Dayz

OP make sure to screenshot the image of the video on her fb page, screenshot the awful comments made by her friends, screenshot all the requests you have sent her (and her sister) to remove the video etc. Chances are the video could hopefully be removed by fb by the time she comes back from her annual leave. Then she may breeze in and make it look like you are making a fuss over nothing - which you clearly aren't.


I really hope you get this sorted OP. Like others have said it's a very immature to thing to do to someone when they are quite drunk.

skallywag

OP, it's a very nasty thing which this person has done to you, but that said I would most definitely advise against bringing this to the attention of anyone in HR.

I've interacted closely with HR and can confidently say that any HR staff that I know myself would run a mile from an incident like this, as it's most definitely an incident which occurred during private time, and is in no way connected to the workplace. Also, the fact that it's a private incident between employees at the end of a heavy night out will only cement their determination to keep well away.

I hope that you end up resolving this, but involving your workplace is not the way to go in my opinion.

I would leave going to HR until after the thing gets taken down, and after she deletes the video from her phone. I wouldn't want a possible revenge attack. I would definitely go after that though, that girl was on a night out with work colleagues and has caused massive distress and bullying because of her actions. I hope you can get across to her just how much damage she's done OP, and then I'd never give her the time of day again.

I really feel for you, this is an awful, humiliating and nasty episode, and I hope you get it sorted asap.

Niamhy_Li

I really appreciate all the helpful advice from everyone I honestly didn't know what to do about the whole situation so I set up this thread as a last resort hoping someone had been in a similar situation and could offer some guidance

Thinking about it again I probably could of lived with the video if I was just stumbling along the path in it the fact that my trousers are down in it has my blood boiling, firstly because I'm angry at myself for getting myself into that state for it to happen then secondly because I'm basically being made a fool out of because she felt the need to record it which can now be viewed by pretty much anyone and there has being nothing done about it whatsoever!!

As of now the video is still up but her sister has promised me she's going to try her best to get in contact with her when she gets home from work

intheclouds

Are you actually identifiable in the footage beyond her saying it is you and tagging you?

Is your face visible?

If so, I'd be informing her in no uncertain terms that as she is distributing obscene material that you are identifiable in you will have no choice but to contact the Guards and a solicitor about it.

Do contact them too. What she is doing is a milder version of revenge porn and while there isn't specific legislation I think you will find that the authorities will take a dim view of it. A solicitor will better advise but there is no way she should be allowed to get away with it. I'd go nuclear.

meeeeh

Op is your role in the company very customer oriented? It might be necessary to judge how much damage can company being aware of the video do to your promotion prospects and similar. Think things through, definitely get fb to take it down, go to HR if you think it's beneficial but I would not class it as a work night out. If it's starts circling around at work then you might have to inform HR anyway to prevent them from finding out from somewhere else. I know one of my friends is extremely sensitive about what footage of him ends online precisely because it could damage him (and the company) with the clients.

If it doesn't get removed quickly you might want to talk to solicitor what your options are. I'm sorry you are in this situation. A lot of us are just lucky there were less phone cameras and social media around when we were younger.

RacoonQueen

OP, 100% go to HR. There is no need for them to view the video and any good HR person will absolutely not even consider viewing the video. It is important IMO, to report the incident.

My blood is boiling on your behalf, I would be in bits if this was me. I have serious anxiety when photos are being taken of me when sober and dressed to the nines, never mind this! I am so sorry for you that this has happened.
Anything I've reported on Facebook in the past I've had responses on pretty quickly. Have seen something taken down within a few hours, get a couple of your real friends to report video on your behalf also. The more reports they get the quicker it will move along.

What a nasty, horrible girl she is.

Niamhy_Li

Just an update on the situation the video has been removed so I'm relieved to say the least about that! I didn't receive any notifications from Facebook though is this normal procedure not to receive any notification or does it mean she has removed the video herself?

Niamhy_Li

meeeeh wrote: »

Op is your role in the company very customer oriented? It might be necessary to judge how much damage can company being aware of the video do to your promotion prospects and similar. Think things through, definitely get fb to take it down, go to HR if you think it's beneficial but I would not class it as a work night out. If it's starts circling around at work then you might have to inform HR anyway to prevent them from finding out from somewhere else. I know one of my friends is extremely sensitive about what footage of him ends online precisely because it could damage him (and the company) with the clients.

If it doesn't get removed quickly you might want to talk to solicitor what your options are. I'm sorry you are in this situation. A lot of us are just lucky there were less phone cameras and social media around when we were younger.

My role with within the company is very much customer orientated dealing with female customers face to face so God forbid one of them seen me in the video I don't want to be looking at every customer walking through the door thinking have they somehow seen the video I'm already paranoid enough as it is!

I'm clearly identifiable in the video as there's a part in the video were I'm looking at the camera as I'm really stumbling back and forth along the foot path so I couldn't even try to deny that's it me even if I wanted to so I'm left with very little options if someone brings the situation up!!

Rosie Rant

Check the "other" section of your Facebook inbox OP. The message about it being taken down could be in there. I did get notifications when something I reported was reviewed, though. It's possible your "friend" took the video down herself after her sister called her.

Hooked

Hi all. Just stumbled across this thread... Sorry OP, no pun intended. I'm a bloke, who's wife has no problem telling so called 'friends' not to photograph her at events, or to ask (politely) for pics of her to be removed online.

I often wonder what type of 'friend' puts up that pic... You know, the one where you look plastered, camera caught you at the wrong moment... And thinks 'sure she won't mind'. Would you post it if it was YOU? Would you fück!

And as for a 30 something, work colleague, sharing that video of you. I'm sorry mods, what kind of fûckin imbecile thinks that's ok to do. They should be helping you not fiming you.

What on earth is the world coming to. Facebook, what's app, snapchat, tinder... Photographing food! Christ!

I mean I'm a designer, use computers, tablets and phones daily. But... I know when to put the thing down. Beggars belief sometimes. Rant over.

Well done OP. Fair dues for sticking up for yourself. 'Twas bang out of order!

Must go on FB now and say goodnight to all my friends with a witty 'meme' or status update.

As if.

Milly33

Yeah Happy Day OP!! Delighted for you...I would think that she took down the video..Experience with Facebook and reporting stuff unless you high up there, they tend to take a long time to do anything...

I hope this person apologises big time to you, and also understands what a silly thing she done..

A 32 yer old should know better, but then people have become obsessed with phones/facebook/media.. They get attention from it so it drives the stupidness in them. Only last week someone put a daft post up saying they could not understand why the doctor would not let her use snapchat while getting a procedure done, this is a 37 year old woman with a kid!! Did she really need to ask, or put such a daft thing on facebook.. Its for the reaction, the look at me factor...

Also, in hopes that this person does come back and apologies to you and is sincere about it. I would explain to her why you were so annoyed and that she did embarrass you but try to not go hell for leather on her, as she may honestly not have know what a daft thing she did... Just once she realises it was a daft thing to do.. And then tell her she owes you lunch for a few weeks... Really delighted now that it was taken down and you do not have to worry about it anymore

Niamhy_Li

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

Just an update on the situation the video has been removed so I'm relieved to say the least about that! I didn't receive any notifications from Facebook though is this normal procedure not to receive any notification or does it mean she has removed the video herself?

Don't forget to make sure the video is deleted from her phone, stand over her while she does that. Until that's gone you're not completely out of the woods yet.

I'm delighted for you that the video was taken down, you must be very relieved.