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Embarrassing problem at work after a drunk night out

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,159 ✭✭✭stinkle


    She broke your trust, that can be a difficult thing to get back from. I don't even know that I believe the part about her watching you through the window out of concern. She may have just told the other person that to save face. If she was so concerned about you then the clip would never have been posted in the first place, and if she had done that out of her own drunken foolishness, then she should have taken it down immediately once she sobered up herself and saw all the comments/likes flooding in. It's amazing how many prolific users of social media suddenly "don't know" or "didn't realise" about certain privacy settings when they're caught out posting something offensive or hurtful.

    Even the gift seems a tad OTT from her, like she's trying to buy your favour again.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,644 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Total agree Niamh you dont have to pretend anything. Distance yoruself from her if that is what makes this better for you. Thats all fine i just would not hold complete resentment towards the girl in question or think that everyone is like this.. By far there are some ejits out there who will take advantage or some who just do not know boundaries. But holding this one thing, this girl has done to you against her or associating it with her for the rest of your life will do no good.. thats it..

    bag of chips, said it yourself there you havent got over it, you say you have but your havent.....


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭groucho marx


    I could never forgive this. It was a horrid thing to do and she never knew how you could have reacted.
    Personally I'd look for a new job I couldn't be around a colleague that would stoop to post something like that putting your career on the line up on fb, disgusting thing to do.


  • Administrators Posts: 13,889 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Milly33 wrote: »
    bag of chips, said it yourself there you havent got over it, you say you have but your havent.....

    I think I have. But good of you, who knows nothing about me, to make such a judgement. Last time it crossed my mind was probably about 15 years ago when he walked into a bar I worked in! I ignored him all night and he had to get others to order for him. I kind of enjoyed the fact he spent about 20 minutes trying to get my attention before he realised he wasn't going to get served. That little victory have me a giggle! I was the only person serving that side of the bar. I've never forgiven him, and I don't believe I need to. He's a scumbag. Not someone I feel worthy of my forgiveness. But it has no bearing or affect on my life now. I haven't seen him or thought about him in about 15 years. Just because a person ocassionally remembers an incident from their past and how they felt at the time doesn't mean they're "not over it".


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,994 Mod ✭✭✭✭sullivlo


    Mod

    Okay folks. I think this thread has run its course. I don't think everyone will agree on one course of action, so for the sake of reducing circular arguments, I'm going to lock this thread.

    OP, if you would like it reopened, send me a PM and we can discuss.


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,994 Mod ✭✭✭✭sullivlo


    sullivlo wrote: »
    Mod

    Okay folks. I think this thread has run its course. I don't think everyone will agree on one course of action, so for the sake of reducing circular arguments, I'm going to lock this thread.

    OP, if you would like it reopened, send me a PM and we can discuss.

    Mod
    Thread reopened at request of OP.

    We'll be keeping a close eye on things - no personal abuse of anyone, no circular arguments, charter applies.


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 Niamhy_Li


    Just thought I'd give a quick update on this situation guys. I decided to go to HR about the whole situation and although I was quite embarrassed about discussing what happened and having to describe how drunk I was I was Happy with how professional the whole situation was handled.

    I had no intentions of going to HR until I was sitting at home on a Friday night and received the following message on what's app
    "Hi Hun I know things are still frosty between us and you think that I posted that video to make a show of you and embarrass you in front of everyone but that was honestly not my intention, I'm sending you this to prove I'm not a c**t because if I was I would of posted this instead, you can tell by me laughing I genuinely thought you would laugh when you seen it the next day that's the only reason I took it!! I'm going to delete it now so you don't have to worry I hope one day we can forget about this ridiculous carry on I am genuinely sorry enjoy your weekend xxxxxx"

    Attached was a video clip that lasted around 40 seconds of me completely naked stumbling and falling into everything and confusing the chair with the toilet seat (please remember how drunk I was).

    This brought me to the conclusion that this girl is an out and out physco. After going through all the details and process with HR she came into work today and I heard she has informed everyone that she will be leaving the job on Friday and her reason for leaving is because "she just fancys a change of scenery and she feels she has outgrown her role within the company"

    Now I haven't discussed her leaving with anyone yet and I'm wondering has she been sacked/pushed out the door, or does she finally know what she done was unforgivable and can't face up to trying to explain her actions to people if someone asks her about the situation with me.
    Either way I'm just about over the whole situation and not afraid to admit that I'm happy she's going. I just don't know whether to ask has she been sacked or just leave it be and be happy that I won't have to see her face again.


  • Registered Users Posts: 604 ✭✭✭angeleyes


    I am so glad you got some closure Niamhy_Li and you don't have to work with this person again.

    Put it all behind you and enjoy life.


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Where did she take the video of you when you're completely naked?


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Jesus Niamh, you've been put through the mill by this wan. :(

    Put her behind you with the rest of this incident, and never look back. What a grade A C-U-Next Tuesday!


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,994 Mod ✭✭✭✭sullivlo


    Niamhy_Li wrote: »
    Just thought I'd give a quick update on this situation guys. I decided to go to HR about the whole situation and although I was quite embarrassed about discussing what happened and having to describe how drunk I was I was Happy with how professional the whole situation was handled.

    I had no intentions of going to HR until I was sitting at home on a Friday night and received the following message on what's app
    "Hi Hun I know things are still frosty between us and you think that I posted that video to make a show of you and embarrass you in front of everyone but that was honestly not my intention, I'm sending you this to prove I'm not a c**t because if I was I would of posted this instead, you can tell by me laughing I genuinely thought you would laugh when you seen it the next day that's the only reason I took it!! I'm going to delete it now so you don't have to worry I hope one day we can forget about this ridiculous carry on I am genuinely sorry enjoy your weekend xxxxxx"

    Attached was a video clip that lasted around 40 seconds of me completely naked stumbling and falling into everything and confusing the chair with the toilet seat (please remember how drunk I was).

    This brought me to the conclusion that this girl is an out and out physco. After going through all the details and process with HR she came into work today and I heard she has informed everyone that she will be leaving the job on Friday and her reason for leaving is because "she just fancys a change of scenery and she feels she has outgrown her role within the company"

    Now I haven't discussed her leaving with anyone yet and I'm wondering has she been sacked/pushed out the door, or does she finally know what she done was unforgivable and can't face up to trying to explain her actions to people if someone asks her about the situation with me.
    Either way I'm just about over the whole situation and not afraid to admit that I'm happy she's going. I just don't know whether to ask has she been sacked or just leave it be and be happy that I won't have to see her face again.

    TBH I'd just leave it as it is. I wouldn't ask any questions that may raise suspicions about her reason for leaving. You have closure on the situation, and hopefully have learned some life lessons about mixing business and pleasure (not in a preachy way!!!).

    Also if she is being dismissed for what she did, it's not really your story to tell.


  • Administrators Posts: 13,889 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    anna080 wrote: »
    Where did she take the video of you when you're completely naked?

    Obviously when she was outside the window "making sure she got to bed ok". I'd say she only stopped because the other friend arrived to see what was taking her so long. To think she had kept that video all this time.....

    Good on you for going to HR. Hopefully you will be able to put it behind you now. Nasty little bully who got her comeuppance. I'd say her leaving probably came about by "mutual agreement".

    Well done for standing up to her.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    Omg she is a psycho!!!


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,994 Mod ✭✭✭✭sullivlo


    sullivlo wrote: »
    Mod
    Thread reopened at request of OP.

    We'll be keeping a close eye on things - no personal abuse of anyone, no circular arguments, charter applies.

    Mod

    I know it wasn't a cool thing to do but can we stop referring to the camera holder as a psycho, no personal abuse.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,943 ✭✭✭from_atozinc


    so this other girl still has the video ?


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 Niamhy_Li


    so this other girl still has the video ?

    She said she deleted it but after what's happened I just can't believe her, I have made it clear though that if the video is distributed in any way shape or form to friends or online I will be getting the guards involved.

    I never thought I'd say this at the beginning but a big part of me really doesn't care about the video anymore because the whole situation really took its toll and totally drained me.

    Of course I don't want anyone to see me naked and stumbling around and falling into things in my own home the way I did, nobody would like to be in that position but then again I think the majority of people would be on my side if something were to happen. It's just one of those ****ty things that happens in life and I'm sure there will come a time were Ill laugh about the drunken state I was in but for now I'll begin to move on from it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭groovyg


    Omg op you have been really put through the ringer. Instead of helping you she stood there videoing you and then when you got into the house she took a video of you getting undressed and stumbling around :eek: I'm sorry but that is seriously creepy and really messed up!! even more bizarre she kept it on her phone all this time. I find it hard to believe she's deleted it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 Niamhy_Li


    groovyg wrote: »
    Omg op you have been really put through the ringer. Instead of helping you she stood there videoing you and then when you got into the house she took a video of you getting undressed and stumbling around :eek: I'm sorry but that is seriously creepy and really messed up!! even more bizarre she kept it on her phone all this time. I find it hard to believe she's deleted it.

    The only way I could know for sure is by checking her phone but I'm not gonna go and do that. To this day I have no idea why I got naked in the kitchen then again I also sat down on the chair in the kitchen thinking it was the toilet I had litterally no idea what I was doing I was beyond pissed.

    The thought even crossed my mind that I might have been spiked at one stage but when I talked to the other girl that was out that night we measured the amount of drink we had and to put it in pint terms I had the equivalent of about 13 or 14 pints throughout the day and night which is a stupid and dangerous amount of alcohol to consume especially for a woman I'm amazed as well as scared that I was able to have that much. A huge lesson was also learned in that sense and Im lucky something worse didn't happen when I went to bed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    You "could" send her a solicitors letter detailing that you will take legal action against her unless she signs an affidavit swearing she has destroyed all video evidence.

    Apologies mods for calling the camera holder a psycho.

    I find it difficult to believe that anyone would be naive or so lacking in awareness as to think that videoing someone in a state of undress while they are drunk is acceptable in any way, shape or form.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭groovyg


    Niamhy_Li wrote: »
    The only way I could know for sure is by checking her phone but I'm not gonna go and do that. To this day I have no idea why I got naked in the kitchen then again I also sat down on the chair in the kitchen thinking it was the toilet I had litterally no idea what I was doing I was beyond pissed.

    The thought even crossed my mind that I might have been spiked at one stage but when I talked to the other girl that was out that night we measured the amount of drink we had and to put it in pint terms I had the equivalent of about 13 or 14 pints throughout the day and night which is a stupid and dangerous amount of alcohol to consume especially for a woman I'm amazed as well as scared that I was able to have that much. A huge lesson was also learned in that sense and Im lucky something worse didn't happen when I went to bed.

    Op you have nothing to feel bad about you went out had too much to drink it happens to a lot of people. I'm guilty of it myself have woken up a few times wondering how did I get home, my worst and most embarrassing one happened in college when I fell asleep in a toilet and had people throwing water over the door to wake me up. She should have been looking after you making sure you got into the house ok and didn't fall and hurt yourself instead she stands there videoing...just bizarre behaviour. I hope you can move forward and its all behind you


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  • Administrators Posts: 13,889 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I'd say she did delete it. Especially after work got involved. I would question though if what she did was actually illegal. Filming somebody naked without their consent? Through a window, in their own home? Maybe a solicitors letter might be worth the money. You wouldn't necessarily have to take it any further, but it would definitely make her realise that this wasn't a laugh.

    Or you can just move on now and take it that she's learned her lesson. Can I ask, what has been the reaction of other people who were out with you that night? Obviously they'd notice you not being quite so friendly in work? Has anyone said anything to you about it?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,257 ✭✭✭BettePorter


    OP stop apologising about getting into the situation in first place. We've all been there! I cringe at flashbacks of some of the situations I ended up in with drink back in the day. I am soooooo happy that it was long before the age of clicking a button and having it waiting to come back to haunt me forever more. I hate to think how bad it will continue to get by the time my nieces are making their 'cringe moments'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Op I wouldn't worry about her showing other people. I know if someone showed me a video like that I would seriously question the mental capacity of someone who stood at their window and videoed their colleague in that state; it would make me wary of that person and I'd avoid them at all costs. It would not make me think any differently of you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 Niamhy_Li


    anna080 wrote: »
    Op I wouldn't worry about her showing other people. I know if someone showed me a video like that I would seriously question the mental capacity of someone who stood at their window and videoed their colleague in that state; it would make me wary of that person and I'd avoid them at all costs. It would not make me think any differently of you.

    I've been in plenty positions before where friends have gotten really pissed and fell asleep naked sitting on the toilet and stumbled around the room in the same state I was in particularly on holidays but although I did find some of the incidents funny I wouldn't dream of getting my phone out to record them such a messed up thing to do to someone. I no longer blame myself or anything like that it was so irritating trying to try understand why someone would find amusement from doing that.


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 20,364 Mod ✭✭✭✭RacoonQueen


    I'm delighted to hear you went to HR about this - I know it's hard to do but sometimes it just has to be done. Her behavior is so bizarre to me, most people would have been more concerned about getting you into bed safely than filming you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 390 ✭✭Sapphire


    I'm pretty sure that full video must break some sort of law - which ones, I'm not sure, but I imagine the posters over in Legal Discussion would be able to point you in the direction of them.

    Here's a short thread about it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056976866

    Or, its possible that her behaviour was gross misconduct in the company's eyes and she was offered the chance to leave on her own steam or be dismissed and possibly have it come back to bite her in future job searches.

    FWIW, I've been to a lot of office parties, and a fair few of them got a tad wild - people taking drugs, puking in front of the MD/ CEO, openly cheating, partial nudity - you name it. What she did to you is over the line. If you were my colleague, there would be nothing but concern for you and disgust for her.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,475 ✭✭✭Elliott S


    Niamhy_Li wrote: »
    The only way I could know for sure is by checking her phone but I'm not gonna go and do that. To this day I have no idea why I got naked in the kitchen then again I also sat down on the chair in the kitchen thinking it was the toilet I had litterally no idea what I was doing I was beyond pissed.

    You were in your own home, you can be naked anywhere you want! :)

    I can't believe how much of a hole she dug for herself. "Oh, I'm not a c**t because I only sent around the slightly less embarrassing for the two videos." :confused::eek: What bizarre logic. She clearly only sent you that text to try to relieve her own conscience, it had nothing to do with reassuring you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 390 ✭✭Sapphire


    Elliott S wrote: »
    You were in your own home, you can be naked anywhere you want! :)

    I can't believe how much of a hole she dug for herself. "Oh, I'm not a c**t because I only sent around the slightly less embarrassing for the two videos." :confused::eek: What bizarre logic. She clearly only sent you that text to try to relieve her own conscience, it had nothing to do with reassuring you.

    I think she was being passive aggressive and was attempting (to use a recent quote in the media) to put the OP "back in her box" and not to make waves. It smacks of "Ohhh... you thought that video was embarrassing? lol, look what I have here"

    And I am so glad the OP called her bluff. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,585 ✭✭✭smilerf


    A real friend shouldn't be putting up stuff that might embarrass someone
    Not in my book anyway


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭Payton


    Jesus I just seen this thread. What an nasty piece of work she is.
    To put someone through mental torture and anguish is beyond belief.
    Hopefully it has come to an end for you. It's not something that you can just put it 'back into the box' and get on with life. I'd be mindful of the woman scorned and maybe a solicitors letter to her wouldn't go a miss.


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