Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

RabbleRouser2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124017306#Comment_124017306

Thank you, everyone. I know I've quoted Grem's post, but I do hope this post conveys my feelings to everyone.

My mom, her health had improved significantly up until the summer or autumn. We sought a second opinion on one doctor's diagnosis. Last year, a doctor had diagnosed her with cancer, and refused to treat her. What I discovered much later, was that the initial doctor had not carried out additional tests. Biopsy's and the more usual fare. When we got a second opinion, her symptom's pointed to something else, serious, treatable, but not cancer. They kept monitoring her. She was gaining weight, her appetite was increasing. The typical cancer symptoms didn't exist. One should have seen a steady decline, not a gradual improvement.

And there was improvement for months. But a kidney infection during the summer/ autumn was quite severe. And she never quite recovered. It required hospitalization for a few weeks, and IV drugs. When she was discharged, Her GP was fantastic, watching medications for negative interactions, switching medications to alternatives when there was an interaction. Just being very thorough.

In the days before her passing, it seemed like there was a gradual improvement. So what happened… it's not sunk in. I know the doctor's did everything they could. She was called home. And that's the most difficult thing to process. She's not here anymore.

In the weeks before her passing, I had this strange sense of 'dread'. I've spoken to my brother, and he told me he had it too. We never spoke about it until a day or so ago. Just this feeling that something wasn't right. Like the 'order' of things were not right. It's hard to describe.

We've been talking to my mom's siblings a lot, probably overstaying our welcome. It's important for us to share the memories of good things, the celebrate her life. She'd want us to be upbeat. At times, she'd even say 'Don't cry, you'll only upset me'. That's been lingering in my mind the last few days.