Do you intend to get married?

Fat Christy

I can't answer that question because I don't know the answer to it.

I neither want or don't want to. Depends on if I meet the right person, wouldn't be pushed on it but wouldn't be adverse to it either.

Right now no, but I'm very changeable.

Wibbs

The Corinthian wrote: »

Oh, I don't know about that... while naturally cases vary, I've noticed over the years, the tendency for some women to essentially, if not isolate, certainly cull many of their men's specifically single friends. Single female friends are frozen out almost immediately. Male single friends are first 'fixed up' by the woman and if they fail be become part of a couple are eventually dropped. Any reminder of single life is quietly and ruthlessly purged.

Yep I have seen that a few times alright. I'd add into said cull any pre marriage male friends of the wife too. Had that happen to me a few times. Maybe because I knew where the bodies were buried. I mean a new married life of suburban bliss surrounded by other couples might be at some social risk if I started a sentence in public along the lines of "jayzus lass, do you remember that time we were blotto and you…".

zeffabelli

Wibbs wrote: »

If for no other reason than I have a real talent for spotting and being attracted to highly camouflaged(at first) neurotics. The all's well early on(especially if you're younger and haven't learned to read the cues of woe to come) but when they get comfortable the nuttiness floats to the surface. The lurching from one emotional "crisis" to the next types. They're attracted to me too. Insane wibbs seeking missiles

.

If this is true, and it might just be a case of selective perceptions on your part- I dunno- but Ive heard both men and women come out with this before...and its likely then that a) you don't notice the non crazies or the non wounded - selective perception- so you like it at some level- maybe plugs into some heroism on your part OR b) there is something in you that alienates the stable ones... which means they pick up on something in you, an alarm rings...and they quietly exit.

This isnt just true for you....I dont mean to pick you out..it's just you gave a good example.

I have had some married friends and quite frankly I don't think it's so much a case of being frozen out, as getting fed up with the takeaway lifestyle and being babysitter of last resort.

Married people's lives change, sometimes their friends can change in turn, sometimes they just don't want to be part of that journey.

The only married people I've stayed close friends with are too closely-related to purge.

Personally I don't intend to marry, but it might happen if I fell in love with someone who couldn't be talked out of it.

The Corinthian

zeffabelli wrote: »

If this is true, and it might just be a case of selective perceptions on your part- I dunno- but Ive heard both men and women come out with this before...and its likely then that a) you don't notice the non crazies or the non wounded - selective perception- so you like it at some level- maybe plugs into some heroism on your part OR b) there is something in you that alienates the stable ones... which means they pick up on something in you, an alarm rings...and they quietly exit.

I reckon it's because the crazy ones tend to be willing to do things quite naturally in bed that one would hesitate to ask of a professional.

failinis

It would be lovely if I could have the option of getting married (if Stormont get their act together and pass same sex marriage) but I don't know if marriage would be for me, it depends on who I end up really!

zeffabelli

The Corinthian wrote: »

I reckon it's because the crazy ones tend to be willing to do things quite naturally in bed that one would hesitate to ask of a professional.

So essentially, what you are saying is the crazy ones are cheaper.

Hmn..no wonder the normal ones get alarm bells and run.

The Corinthian

zeffabelli wrote: »

So essentially, what you are saying is the crazy ones are cheaper.

Huh? Cheaper that what?

zeffabelli

The Corinthian wrote: »

Huh? Cheaper that what?

Doesn't matter.

What does matter is this.

Thing is I have heard this before from men and women ..."I have a tendancy to attract___________________".

If this is the case, there is a reason why you or they are attracting X. There is something in you or them, that alienates the more neurotypical or that through selective perception only notices them, or those that can discern ...if you attract BPDs as you say...which is that space between neurosis and psychosis..... eh... then ..well.... that's deserves some reflection and no its not that they are more adventurous in bed. That is just silly and not very understanding of what is a very serious mental health condition.

The Corinthian

zeffabelli wrote: »

If this is the case, there is a reason why you or they are attracting X.

I don't think either Wibbs nor I suggested that the reason did not likely lie in ourselves.

that's deserves some reflection and no its not that they are more adventurous in bed. That is just silly and not very understanding of what is a very serious mental health condition.

Call it shallow, but it might well be a significant reason for why it happens in the first place - after all, I was exploring the psychology of the men attracted to such women in question, not the womens'.

bolopapa

Not a thing of choice for me, it's a must.

Aglomerado

Nope. Crazy cat lady to the end.

:p

kinsy

Don't mind the idea of getting married but really don't want a wedding. I would love to elope but I hate the idea of upsetting my parents, though I think they half expect it at this stage- been with my partner a long time and we've both openly talked about our dislike of weddings and the silliness (IMO) of spending so much money on them. Not to mention how worked up people seem to get about them. You'll always upset someone when you plan a wedding, even if you have one you invite nobody to. It's mad really!

wuzziwig

I tried being married once. Wasn't for me. Won't be doing it again.

Wibbs

zeffabelli wrote: »

If this is true, and it might just be a case of selective perceptions on your part- I dunno- but Ive heard both men and women come out with this before...and its likely then that a) you don't notice the non crazies or the non wounded - selective perception- so you like it at some level- maybe plugs into some heroism on your part OR b) there is something in you that alienates the stable ones... which means they pick up on something in you, an alarm rings...and they quietly exit.

OR c) there are a lot of crazies.

Oh I've had more "stable" types, but TBH for me they tend to be more beige and suburban in mindset and that bores me after a while. Well I get bored pretty easily anyway, in romantic relationships, not friendships funny enough where they span double digit decades. The loopers are more craic in the short term and I was very rarely looking for the longterm so… Plus I tend to prefer more "arty" types which tends to bring more of the out there mindset to the table. When I was younger there would have certainly be the element of wanting to "save them" or whatever, but that got old really quickly. Never again would I go down that route.

Something in me that might put of the "non wounded" is that I'd not be very domestic for the real want of a better word. Those Denny TV ads with the families gathering pre a wedding or going "up for the match" would be my idea of absolute hell to live in. Any time I've had to be in such a situation I've usually ended up chatting with the kids, rather than the adults, far less mind numbing. I realise that's not normal, but that's how it is and how I am.

coffee_cake

I do agree with zeffa that the type of people you surround yourself with tends to reflect something in you, whatever that is
It doesn't mean anyone is to blame for anything but yeah

Even wibbs is saying yeah he likes "crazies" because they are more fun and anything else is boring
There you go

seenitall

Wibbs wrote: »

OR c) there are a lot of crazies.

Oh I've had more "stable" types, but TBH for me they tend to be more beige and suburban in mindset and that bores me after a while. Well I get bored pretty easily anyway, in romantic relationships, not friendships funny enough where they span double digit decades. The loopers are more craic in the short term and I was very rarely looking for the longterm so… Plus I tend to prefer more "arty" types which tends to bring more of the out there mindset to the table. When I was younger there would have certainly be the element of wanting to "save them" or whatever, but that got old really quickly. Never again would I go down that route.

Something in me that might put of the "non wounded" is that I'd not be very domestic for the real want of a better word. Those Denny TV ads with the families gathering pre a wedding or going "up for the match" would be my idea of absolute hell to live in. Any time I've had to be in such a situation I've usually ended up chatting with the kids, rather than the adults, far less mind numbing. I realise that's not normal, but that's how it is and how I am.

oh oh oh the story of my life

I remember taking a Sunday walk in the park at about 24 y.o. with my then boyfriend - perfectly domesticated, perfectly lovely, perfectly beige fella. He would have been plenty content to live out his days with me. I remember a family of four passed us, all on their bikes, big and small, chatting pleasantly amongst each other, and I remember vividly how seeing that family there made me feel: no, thank you. NO. I don't want that type of situation, and I don't want that type of man, either. Ever!

Now, just how fecked up is that? It must be a bit messed up at least, because after I broke up with that poor guy, I've never had a beige, domesticated man again, and likely never will. Only the free-spirit, non-committal types for me, the type of guy where you never know what happens next, and mostly not in a good way, either. I even managed to marry one of those! Oh but they're so interesting, the stories they tell, the lives they've lived, their looks and their wit, they are so attractive, and it's all so exciting, and unconventional, and thrilling. :rolleyes: So passionate! (Excuse the rolley-eyes, but really a lost, alcoholic man-child would sometimes describe this type better) Oh Yes. I've learned, and I'm still learning. It's like I have a target on my forehead for this type and it definitely has a target on its forehead that only I can see and zoom in on, too.

And so it goes. The funny thing is, I sometimes think I've matured over the years and what-not, but really, no. The truth is that, even for all the hell I've been put through by several Mr. Wrongs, I don't regret leaving Mr. Beige in my past for one second. Because it isn't in me to be Mr. Beige's Mrs. It just isn't, no matter all the heartache and and misery accrued in vainly trying to hold on to one Mr. Wrong after another. It would really seem, that unhappiness has been my choice. Again, how fecked up is that?!

Another marriage? Well now, let me think, what could possibly go wrong... :pac:

eternal

Who'd have me sure? Who'd have me.

One eyed Jack

eternal wrote: »

Who'd have me sure? Who'd have me.

Don't all put your hands up at once lads! :pac:

You're far too sensible eternal, definitely needs more cookie, or is that kooky, I can never tell the difference, one makes a large lady, the other means she's crazy, I know which one I rather

KingBrian2

If I found someone I loved yes I possible would.

eternal

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Don't all put your hands up at once lads! :pac:

You're far too sensible eternal, definitely needs more cookie, or is that kooky, I can never tell the difference, one makes a large lady, the other means she's crazy, I know which one I rather

I'm both large and crazy so I should satisfy all needs. I'm not sensible though.

kfallon

There's nobody stupid enough to say 'Yes' to me :P

eternal

kfallon wrote: »

There's nobody stupid enough to say 'Yes' to me :P

How many have you asked

nicki11

Probably will eventually, I'm in a long term relationship and its come up before so its on the cards eventually. Wouldn't like to live in sin forever, people will talk or at least my granny will

kfallon

eternal wrote: »

How many have you asked

I wouldn't waste me breath

eternal

kfallon wrote: »

I wouldn't waste me breath

If you don't enter the lottery of love then you can't win the jackpot.

KingBrian2

eternal wrote: »

If you don't enter the lottery of love then you can't win the jackpot.

Someone's playing cupid.

To Elland Back

I'm happily married for nearly 30 years and it suits me (and my wife, hopefully). I have 2 sons and I don't think they will ever get married in the traditional sense. I hope they find a partner with whom they want to undertake some form of long term commitment, even if the ceremony centres around throwing a live chicken at a French mime artist, or something similar. There is no wrong way to have a loving relationship

eternal

KingBrian2 wrote: »

Someone's playing cupid.

Banta my son, banta.

ThinkProgress

Marriage is a sham!

It's a great environment for raising a family, but usually one of the worst things you could ever do in a relationship.

Marriage is the "relationship killer"!

The rare happy/successful marriages are actually just blind luck.

I'm never doing it. Or having kids either. (<--That's what people do when they have no imagination and don't know what else to do with their "adult" lives. I've never had that dilemma... my world makes perfect sense and I'm very happy!)