Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names] - Part II

Guy:Incognito

coolhull wrote: »

If it's official, and published in the media, then it must be true......

Well he did say it himself, in the media. You know the guy, the one that created the whole thing, Mark Facebook.:)

pmasterson95 wrote: »

Now it's official! It is published in the media. Facebook has just released his entry price:"

Also, its a wonder that Sony sells any ps4's at all, what with the pallet loads of them being given away for free because some eejit broke the seals on them all.

starling

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

Also, its a wonder that Sony sells any ps4's at all, what with the pallet loads of them being given away for free because some eejit broke the seals on them all.

I promised a FB friend that if she got the unsealed iPad she was posting about I would give her €1000. I have lost zero hours of sleep worrying that I might be called upon to make good on my offer.

Kovu

thesandeman wrote: »

What does he mean about mooning her?

I believe it's part of an old endearment- i.e. my sun, moon & stars. Things that cannot be bought.

American wife of a friend posts a selfie saying she doesn't like to brag but she is so proud of her genes, able to recover her great figure within weeks of giving birth to twins. Want to make a nice but pointed remark and say "well you're allowed a little self indulgence at a time like this" but my wife won't let me, she thinks the irony will be missed.

starling

Kovu wrote: »

I believe it's part of an old endearment- i.e. my sun, moon & stars. Things that cannot be bought.

Or he could be mangling that cheesy "I love you to the moon and back" sh1te that people keep coming out with....

starling

Deleted User wrote: »

American wife of a friend posts a selfie saying she doesn't like to brag but she is so proud of her genes, able to recover her great figure within weeks of giving birth to twins. Want to make a nice but pointed remark and say "well you're allowed a little self indulgence at a time like this" but my wife won't let me, she thinks the irony will be missed.

"I don't like to brag but..." Is like saying "I'm not racist but..." Your wife is right.

starling

starling wrote: »

"I don't like to brag but..." Is like saying "I'm not racist but..." Your wife is right.

What I really want to post is "you horrible cxxx, you have friends who don't have kids, and friends who are a bit body conscious, and you want to destroy them with one 'my kids are beautiful, I have a great figure' status update"

Frank Grimes

Deleted User wrote: »

What I really want to post is "you horrible cxxx, you have friends who don't have kids, and friends who are a bit body conscious, and you want to destroy them with one 'my kids are beautiful, I have a great figure' status update"

h8r. :pac:

fussyonion

"Sumtimes u just have to dust urself off an pick urself back up.... always remmberin tat ur worth it"

"so true hun xx"
"ye alri?"
"ye jus tinkin alsorts today n ive a migraine anal"
"alri darlin sure lie on tomorw or after u bring d kids 2 skool no need 2 get up"
"be in bed til dinner ha only gud ting bout being a stay at home mom"

starling

Deleted User wrote: »

What I really want to post is "you horrible cxxx, you have friends who don't have kids, and friends who are a bit body conscious, and you want to destroy them with one 'my kids are beautiful, I have a great figure' status update"

Erm well I wouldn't quite go that far, obviously you know her better but "you want to destroy them," seems a bit extreme, isn't it more likely that she's thoughtless as opposed to deliberately cruel?

starling

fussyonion wrote: »

"Sumtimes u just have to dust urself off an pick urself back up.... always remmberin tat ur worth it"

"so true hun xx"
"ye alri?"
"ye jus tinkin alsorts today n ive a migraine anal"
"alri darlin sure lie on tomorw or after u bring d kids 2 skool no need 2 get up"
"be in bed til dinner ha only gud ting bout being a stay at home mom"

Fúcking cracks me up every time someone uses "anal" like that, immature I know...

When I see "last poster, fussyonion" I know I'm about to see something good, can always rely on your news feed. Enough there for a dedicated thread

implausible

starling wrote:

Fúcking cracks me up every time someone uses "anal" like that, immature I know...

'Migraine anal' is even better!

brandnewaward

Nib wrote: »

dont mind dem hun notin only mouts n dis town msg me xoxo

hope ur ok hunzo.xx

brandnewaward

fussyonion wrote: »

"Sumtimes u just have to dust urself off an pick urself back up.... always remmberin tat ur worth it"

"so true hun xx"
"ye alri?"
"ye jus tinkin alsorts today n ive a migraine anal"
"alri darlin sure lie on tomorw or after u bring d kids 2 skool no need 2 get up"
"be in bed til dinner ha only gud ting bout being a stay at home mom"

migraine anal??? is that a new kind of sore hole?

sligojoek

brandnewaward wrote: »

migraine anal??? is that a new kind of sore hole?

Pain in the hole

Peppa Pig

Finally a great status from the Big Yin - even better if you can read it as he would say it

Really important message from Billy Connolly - please share ASAP ��

Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion ****ing chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bull****.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

**** 'em!!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times.... I don't ****ing care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know... Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.

Billy Connolly

bruschi

Peppa Pig wrote: »

Finally a great status from the Big Yin - even better if you can read it as he would say it

Billy Connolly. A great man for the facebooking alright.

starling

bruschi wrote: »

Billy Connolly. A great man for the facebooking alright.

He's the funniest Grumpy Old Man ever.

Just looked at Facebook and had a damper put on my mood by some ****wit posting bloody inspiration pörn. If he can do this....your excuse is invalid! oMg so inspiring.....

Fücking patronising shïte.

Nib

"See u *girls name* ya dirty whore. Who do u think u are atal to go round talking about me givin me scandal callin me whores up around bunclody and every other town ur feekin everyone!! Walk on my face will ya. Dirty soft girl jealous fat burnt barqueued bastard. Burning your own self and blamin it on an innocent boy lookin for money. Hungry money grabbing bastard. Taken money of a sick boy who genuine not well. d filthy whore got caught feekin a 60year old married man travelling man dat sells furniture wannabe never will be. Bringin on married men for weeks blackmailing them for money not to tell der wife's! Ya rat bastard you can do what ya like to people and the minute someone says boo to u ya runs to the gaurds. Text men who have girlfriends and children callin der girlfriends tramps your the tramp with ur big hairy swampy goul. Ur all burnt out love dat ya hvata go with *boys name* a 16year old child dat don't know any better cuz nobody else wud have ya. Threatnin children must think someone afraid of u ya wake ferrite. Lyin around your house butt naked not even a sock on infront of a loads young fellas with ur bad burnt leg on display dat u done to urself yock!! In the back of vans and cars just lying there letting them all have Der way with ya u dirty bitch. I know a lot more than u think now and il keep goin now if u dnt stop ya big fishy flaps cuM bucket!! Around since ur 12 Nd 13 sellin urself knows dat for a fact aswell ya smelly prostitue nobody wants ya u Lonley dirty jealous whore dnt flatter urself to think any girl or boy or man or woman likes ya ‪#‎ScabbyBabby‬ ‪#‎burntout‬ ‪#‎walkingSTI‬ ‪#‎barbequed‬"

Who says Monday's are boring?

arayess

Nib wrote: »

"See u *girls name* ya dirty whore. Who do u think u are atal to go round talking about me givin me scandal callin me whores up around bunclody and every other town ur feekin everyone!! Walk on my face will ya. Dirty soft girl jealous fat burnt barqueued bastard. Burning your own self and blamin it on an innocent boy lookin for money. Hungry money grabbing bastard. Taken money of a sick boy who genuine not well. d filthy whore got caught feekin a 60year old married man travelling man dat sells furniture wannabe never will be. Bringin on married men for weeks blackmailing them for money not to tell der wife's! Ya rat bastard you can do what ya like to people and the minute someone says boo to u ya runs to the gaurds. Text men who have girlfriends and children callin der girlfriends tramps your the tramp with ur big hairy swampy goul. Ur all burnt out love dat ya hvata go with *boys name* a 16year old child dat don't know any better cuz nobody else wud have ya. Threatnin children must think someone afraid of u ya wake ferrite. Lyin around your house butt naked not even a sock on infront of a loads young fellas with ur bad burnt leg on display dat u done to urself yock!! In the back of vans and cars just lying there letting them all have Der way with ya u dirty bitch. I know a lot more than u think now and il keep goin now if u dnt stop ya big fishy flaps cuM bucket!! Around since ur 12 Nd 13 sellin urself knows dat for a fact aswell ya smelly prostitue nobody wants ya u Lonley dirty jealous whore dnt flatter urself to think any girl or boy or man or woman likes ya ‪#‎ScabbyBabby‬ ‪#‎burntout‬ ‪#‎walkingSTI‬ ‪#‎barbequed‬"

Who says Monday's are boring?

now that is a rant. that's brilliant
I'm off to search the hashtags...

bruschi

starling wrote: »

He's the funniest Grumpy Old Man ever.

Just looked at Facebook and had a damper put on my mood by some ****wit posting bloody inspiration pörn. If he can do this....your excuse is invalid! oMg so inspiring.....

Fücking patronising shïte.

point was lost, that wasnt a Billy Connolly quote. Might be an amusing piece, but has nothing to do with Billy Connolly. It's one of those things that are funny in themselves, but people want to put a name to them to try make it funnier. Like the Marilyn Monroe internet or texting quotes.

sligojoek

Nib wrote: »

"See u *girls name* ya dirty whore. Who do u think u are atal to go round talking about me givin me scandal callin me whores up around bunclody and every other town ur feekin everyone!! Walk on my face will ya. Dirty soft girl jealous fat burnt barqueued bastard. Burning your own self and blamin it on an innocent boy lookin for money. Hungry money grabbing bastard. Taken money of a sick boy who genuine not well. d filthy whore got caught feekin a 60year old married man travelling man dat sells furniture wannabe never will be. Bringin on married men for weeks blackmailing them for money not to tell der wife's! Ya rat bastard you can do what ya like to people and the minute someone says boo to u ya runs to the gaurds. Text men who have girlfriends and children callin der girlfriends tramps your the tramp with ur big hairy swampy goul. Ur all burnt out love dat ya hvata go with *boys name* a 16year old child dat don't know any better cuz nobody else wud have ya. Threatnin children must think someone afraid of u ya wake ferrite. Lyin around your house butt naked not even a sock on infront of a loads young fellas with ur bad burnt leg on display dat u done to urself yock!! In the back of vans and cars just lying there letting them all have Der way with ya u dirty bitch. I know a lot more than u think now and il keep goin now if u dnt stop ya big fishy flaps cuM bucket!! Around since ur 12 Nd 13 sellin urself knows dat for a fact aswell ya smelly prostitue nobody wants ya u Lonley dirty jealous whore dnt flatter urself to think any girl or boy or man or woman likes ya ‪#‎ScabbyBabby‬ ‪#‎burntout‬ ‪#‎walkingSTI‬ ‪#‎barbequed‬"

Who says Monday's are boring?

Was that posted before? I felt a deja vu when I read the bit about the young lads and the burnt leg.

jamesbere

Man that's some rant

Paddy Cow

sligojoek wrote: »

Was that posted before? I felt a deja vu when I read the bit about the young lads and the burnt leg.

It's definitely been posted before. I remember reading it the last time and thinking I'd have to remember some of the insults such as "big hairy swampy gowl" :eek::pac:

Nib

Someone shared it on my newsfeed. It may well have been posted before. Apologies.

Worth another post. #BigFishyFlapsCumBucket

El Weirdo

Nib wrote: »

"See u *girls name* ya dirty whore. Who do u think u are atal to go round talking about me givin me scandal callin me whores up around bunclody and every other town ur feekin everyone!! Walk on my face will ya. Dirty soft girl jealous fat burnt barqueued bastard. Burning your own self and blamin it on an innocent boy lookin for money. Hungry money grabbing bastard. Taken money of a sick boy who genuine not well. d filthy whore got caught feekin a 60year old married man travelling man dat sells furniture wannabe never will be. Bringin on married men for weeks blackmailing them for money not to tell der wife's! Ya rat bastard you can do what ya like to people and the minute someone says boo to u ya runs to the gaurds. Text men who have girlfriends and children callin der girlfriends tramps your the tramp with ur big hairy swampy goul. Ur all burnt out love dat ya hvata go with *boys name* a 16year old child dat don't know any better cuz nobody else wud have ya. Threatnin children must think someone afraid of u ya wake ferrite. Lyin around your house butt naked not even a sock on infront of a loads young fellas with ur bad burnt leg on display dat u done to urself yock!! In the back of vans and cars just lying there letting them all have Der way with ya u dirty bitch. I know a lot more than u think now and il keep goin now if u dnt stop ya big fishy flaps cuM bucket!! Around since ur 12 Nd 13 sellin urself knows dat for a fact aswell ya smelly prostitue nobody wants ya u Lonley dirty jealous whore dnt flatter urself to think any girl or boy or man or woman likes ya ‪#‎ScabbyBabby‬ ‪#‎burntout‬ ‪#‎walkingSTI‬ ‪#‎barbequed‬"

Who says Monday's are boring?

Was Fishy Flaps Cum Bucket tagged in this? Please, please post her response if so.

arayess

Paddy Cow wrote: »

It's definitely been posted before. I remember reading it the last time and thinking I'd have to remember some of the insults such as "big hairy swampy gowl" :eek::pac:

ya big fishy flaps cuM bucket!!

pc7

sligojoek wrote: »

Was that posted before? I felt a deja vu when I read the bit about the young lads and the burnt leg.

Nearly sure it was posted before

Paddy Cow

Nib wrote: »

Someone shared it on my newsfeed. It may well have been posted before. Apologies.

Worth another post. #BigFishyFlapsCumBucket

No need to apologise. It's the post that keeps on giving

starling

bruschi wrote: »

point was lost, that wasnt a Billy Connolly quote. Might be an amusing piece, but has nothing to do with Billy Connolly. It's one of those things that are funny in themselves, but people want to put a name to them to try make it funnier. Like the Marilyn Monroe internet or texting quotes.

Oh I see...:o thanks! I still think he's the funniest GOM ever though

Paddy Cow wrote: »

It's definitely been posted before. I remember reading it the last time and thinking I'd have to remember some of the insults such as "big hairy swampy gowl" :eek::pac:

Same...I am strangely fond of "wake ferrite," too!