Introverts and extroverts

Interrobang

sbsquarepants wrote: »

anything that needlessly limits your potential is not good / right or healthy.

The thing is, that assumes quite a narrow definition of what is both needless and limiting.

Let's look at potential first. Potential for what? However much I try, I'm never going to be a champion ice-skater, for example. I don't have the balance or coordination for a start. But I reckon I have reached my potential in many other areas: two degrees; a masters; scholarship PhD; speak several languages and can pick others up very easily; play two instruments and can play music by ear or by sight reading without a second thought; have made all sorts of kids' toys, from knitted toys to carved hurls to fully wired and furnished dolls houses; have published written work and created and sold commissioned artwork; have built and implemented IT systems from scratch; have made some pretty awesome themed birthday cakes for kids; can turn my hand to anything crafty; have guided adults through everything from masters theses to degree subjects to adult literacy programmes; can gather, analyse and interpret data like a boss, and make it understandable and relevant for those who can't; can turn my kitchen into anything from an artist's studio to a science lab any wet weekend and keep my kids from climbing the walls...

Which brings me to the 'needless' part. I managed to achieve all this and more because my alone time is not needless, it's a necessary part of ensuring that I continue to function to the best of my ability. If I force myself into enduring situations that I actively dislike and that sap my energy, I'm not going to perform well in any area of my life.

sbsquarepants wrote: »

It's like any sort of fear or phobia - you can say it's fine sure I don't want to get in a plane / have a pet snake / go swimming / climb up a ladder or whatever so it's not a problem. But anyone who doesn't have that particular fear can see that things are not quite right.

But it's not a phobia. It's a preference for interacting in a particular way. I actively dislike large social gatherings, for example. I don't fear them, I just don't want to be there. Work events are painful for me because they put be in a situation where I'm expected to make small talk with people when I'd rather be curled up at home with a book. Work events with some sort of scheduled 'fun' activities are another level of hell again.

I find, almost universally, that while introverts may actively avoid the sort of things that extroverts are drawn to, they also understand that an extrovert's preferences are not 'right' or 'wrong', they are simply different from their own. It's rare to find an extrovert who adopts the same live-and-let-live attitude towards introverts.

Generic Dreadhead

This thread was ALWAYS going to end in a $hit slinging match

Robsweezie

Cormac... wrote:

This thread was ALWAYS going to end in a $hit slinging match

it's actually gone pretty well compared to usual AH standards.

Generic Dreadhead

Once I see quotes broken down by each sentence... my reaction goes like this ->:rolleyes:

Mesrine65

I'm not introverted, I just prefer my own company to the company of others.

Not really a people person.

Rosie Rant

I don't know. I don't think I'm either. I don't think I'm an introvert because they are not usually shy, whereas I am. I've always been shy. I'm not as bad as I was when I was a child. I wasn't able to talk to anyone when I was little. That's something I've slowly grown out of, but I still struggle socially.

I'm definitely not an extrovert, but with the right people, I can come out of my shell and be my weird, crazy self and not worry too much about what they think of me. I do often feel drained when I have to be in a large group of people but I think that's because my mind goes into overdrive, observing and thinking. I'm often caught staring into space. I suppose I'm more of a dreamer . I'm not unconfident, I'm perfectly secure about who I am. I do wish I was more of an extrovert sometimes. They make life look easy!

Interrobang

Cormac... wrote: »

Once I see quotes broken down by each sentence... my reaction goes like this ->:rolleyes:

Since mine are the only posts responding to separate points separately (professional habit, btw, stemming from legal requirements for unequivocal clarity, and not me trying to be arsey), if you've interpreted them as shīt slinging you couldn't be further from the truth. Shīt slinging would be me telling people to fūck right off with their bolloxology, but nobody has posted anything to warrant a reaction like that, and it wouldn't serve any reasoned discussion.

Mesrine65

Interrobang wrote: »

Since mine are the only posts responding to separate points separately (professional habit, btw, stemming from legal requirements for unequivocal clarity, and not me trying to be arsey), if you've interpreted them as shīt slinging you couldn't be further from the truth. Shīt slinging would be me telling people to fūck right off with their bolloxology, but nobody has posted anything to warrant a reaction like that, and it wouldn't serve any reasoned discussion.

Eloquently put sir...huzzah

Spanish Eyes

I am a happy introvert. It's such a pity that the world is designed to accommodate extroverts! Even the word Introvert implies something negative, whereas Extrovert is positive and fun. That is so unfair. Introverts are lovely people, like me.... who just happen to thrive in quiet environments.

That is all. I work best on my own, no interruptions thank you. I like life being quiet, such as going out for a meal with OH or at most our two closest friends. Hate small talk, and having to do it. Pointless to me, but I do it when I have to. I avoid as many situations as I can though where small talk is inevitable.

Being invited to weddings and parties where I don't know too many people are a nightmare for me. Totally. I detest having to sit at a large table surrounded by people I don't know too well, and have to fill the time with, yes, you guessed it... smalltalk!

But I am sociable, and enjoy going out . Don't mind background noise in a pub or restaurant at all, but I do not enjoy the forced jollity and loudness of some occasions.

Anyhow, for all us introverts out there (wish they would come up with a better word for us creative and quiet types, it is SOOO negative sounding!) I was absolutely thrilled to bits to listen to Susan Cain on TED talks. She is an introvert herself, and in this talk she really gives introverts a positive spin. It is an amazing talk, and I recommend it for introverts and extroverts alike.

In fact the more extroverts that watch it the better! We introverts know what we are like, but it may explain to extroverts how we think, act and interract etc.

Please have a look at it. It is fascinating. And has had over 8 million views, so she is communicating something important!

This is the introductory blurb to whet your appetite!

"In a culture where being social and outgoing are prized above all else, it can be difficult, even shameful, to be an introvert. But, as Susan Cain argues in this passionate talk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world, and should be encouraged and celebrated."

Enjoy.

http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en

Fat Christy

Extroverts = Loud, obnoxious, attention seekers.

Introverts = Social inept hermits with bad hygiene.

Ambiverts = Obviously completely cray, cray with a split personality.

You can't win.

Interrobang

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I was absolutely thrilled to bits to listen to Susan Cain on TED talks. She is an introvert herself, and in this talk she really gives introverts a positive spin. It is an amazing talk, and I recommend it for introverts and extroverts alike.

Her book makes for great reading too: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-power-introverts-world-talking/dp/0141029196

Robsweezie

there's a good few myths about introverts that should be killed off and dispelled for good. there is no one size fits all approach to it, there are different levels of tolerance to socialising. we've no problem mixing and chatting, so long as it's worth our while and stimulates us. I don't think we're high maintenance or aloof, we just tire of crowds and noise and have a clear limit to how much we can handle. we're not a special "species" and you don't have to act a "certain way" around us or walk on eggshells.

there is a world of difference between introversion and the likes of the hikikomori phenomenon in Japan, which strikes me as just unhealthy and socially regressive. introversion and the need for solitude should never define you as a person, and if it does then it's a problem, especially if it holds you back from growing and progressing through life. that's where Japan is suffering, sadly.

eternal

I'm a per-vert.

mickstupp

sbsquarepants wrote: »

First off, I'm not out to annoy or insult you in anyway so bear that in mind, but anything that needlessly limits your potential is not good / right or healthy.

Well... in that case I'd have to say that at my current stage of life, being around other people is needlessly limiting my potential and is therefore not good, right, or healthy. I need to be alone and I need silence to produce my best work and research. I am reaching my potential because I'm giving myself a tonne of alone time and removing the things that were holding me back, namely people.

You're not remotely annoying or insulting me, I do see what you're getting at. It's just that when I read statements like yours, what I'm seeing is the point of view from within an assumed norm. The view that says whatever's outside the norm is odd or not right. And I don't agree that what may even count as the majority opinion is automatically good, right, or healthy.

I can be around other people, I just don't want to be, and I'm far happier when they're not around.