Introverts and extroverts

bb1234567

GTX 780 wrote: »

I'm an introvert anyway.

I could go a few months without seeing my friends and it wouldn't phase me at all. I'd rather stay in most weekends, rather than wasting my money on watered-down sh!te.

You see, the thing that I find about a lot extroverts is, that they can't seem to comprehend how anyone can stay alone for more than a few days without talking to someone. I also find a lot of them find it hard to believe that a human can be happy living alone for large periods/all of their life. - Which leads to futile preaching.

I'm the type of person that could live the rest of my life alone, and still be one of the happiest people alive.

This x10000 Ive tried to explain this to so many extroverts but not one can even slightly comprehend this, actually I told this to one guy and he said that I was lying and just looking for attention and that nobody could live a happy life like that.

Frito

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Depends, I'm more than happy in my own company but will also talk to strangers without issue. Never had a problem doing presentations in college or talking in front of crowds etc.

But more than happy to chill on my own for a full day.

As a general rule, introverts wouldn't have a problem with public speaking.
Imagine after your presentation there was a function, and as a guest speaker you would need to mingle/network with the audience.
An extravert would excel at this, and go home feeling energised.
An introvert may or may not struggle with the small talk, but would go home feeling drained by it.

seventeen sheep

I'd definitely be an introvert. It doesn't mean I'm a loner or antisocial. However I'm not into small-talk at all - it feels so forced. And, while I like spending time with my friends (who I'm comfortable with), it can feel very draining getting to know new people.

RobertKK

An introvert who now lives alone, so more a hermit...

Prefer peace and quite to a noisy social occasion, like my animals which include cats :pac: but also the dog and cattle - some of which are pets, the cats are somewhere close to pets, they are suppose to catch and kill rodents...

Hate getting invited to parties, social events, I enjoy my own company and I have my dog who is very extroverted...
But if you knew me, you would say very introverted.

Whatever works for people is what they should do. I can do small talk, no problem, and talk for a long time. But I am happier on my own.

beks101

From reading this thread you'd think introversion was synonymous with "hates people...needs to be alone all the time...exhausted by company."

None of those things apply to me and I've always been an introvert at the heart of it.

I love people, would be quite confident socially, love meeting new people and look forward to meeting up with friends etc. I just always reach a 'saturation point' with people where I need to retreat for a while to re-energize. I need to get away or else I'm feeling antsy, stressed and like I haven't had a chance to process my thoughts. That might be retreating to my house for a few days, going for a long walk or run, taking a day to mill about on my own and get chores done etc without having to deal with social interaction.

That process of closing shop for a period after a time of being social is as absolutely vitally necessary to me as I'd imagine the process of being around people is to someone who's naturally extroverted, and I'd say that's the difference. I wouldn't want to be on my own indefinitely, but if I had to choose, I'd probably fare better that way than if I was stuck in a room full of people for the rest of my life.

Robsweezie

any HSPs (highly sensitive people) on here? theres a whole book on that as well as the renowned book on introverts by susan cain.

I would be a mild HSP myself and I feel it goes hand in hand with introversion. I feel uneasy being watched or having an ''audience'' when performing tasks. also I prefer to leave lights off around the house when I can as I find darkness more relaxing and less ''in your face'' than the saturation of unneeded light. the darkness representing ''quiet'' and the light being ''loud''. ive taken to showering in the dark recently because of this.

StewartGriffin

RobertKK wrote: »

An introvert who now lives alone, so more a hermit...

Prefer peace and quite to a noisy social occasion, like my animals which include cats :pac: but also the dog and cattle - some of which are pets, the cats are somewhere close to pets, they are suppose to catch and kill rodents...

Hate getting invited to parties, social events, I enjoy my own company and I have my dog who is very extroverted...
But if you knew me, you would say very introverted.

Whatever works for people is what they should do. I can do small talk, no problem, and talk for a long time. But I am happier on my own.

RobertKK,

Having read your post I've decided that I've fallen in love with you. I have found where you live and am coming to stay.
Put the kettle on.

bb1234567

Robsweezie wrote: »

any HSPs (highly sensitive people) on here? theres a whole book on that as well as the renowned book on introverts by susan cain.

I would be a mild HSP myself and I feel it goes hand in hand with introversion. I feel uneasy being watched or having an ''audience'' when performing tasks. also I prefer to leave lights off around the house when I can as I find darkness more relaxing and less ''in your face'' than the saturation of unneeded light. the darkness representing ''quiet'' and the light being ''loud''. ive taken to showering in the dark recently because of this.

Hmm, I much prefer dark/dimly lit rooms than bright places too. I feel like people can't see me as well and less attention is brought to me, probably more psychological than anything else but still.

sbsquarepants

mickstupp wrote: »

I think what annoys me is the blanket assumption that there's something wrong with you if you'd rather be alone. That it's not healthy. Presumably all those people would prefer that I put myself in a highly stressful and anxiety-inducing environment (i.e. anything with other humans) just to prove that I'm 'healthy' in their view. Not sure why I should be suffering just to fit in with other people's ideas of what's normal.

To be honest, if you find anything that involves other humans highly stressful and anxiety inducing - it does kind of sound like something's not quite as it should be.

Smart Bug

Interesting article on the whole serial killer/introvert construct, not a scholarly one but an opinion piece:

http://kingdomofintroversion.com/2009/04/26/the-myth-of-introvert-sociopathy/

I'd be more introverted than otherwise, but what people need to realise is it's a scale, not a 1/0 type scenario.

This whole Amercanized cult of personality really pisses me off though. He who shouts loudest gets heard. You see it in the professional world in particular, people coming out with all kinds of sh!te at meetings, just to get noticed. What amazes me is that a lot of people fall for that kind of bull.

Sheepy99

NachoBusiness wrote: »

When I was young I was a confident extrovert but life turned me into an shy introvert. True story.

http://t.co/2zqmUySXgL

Kim Kardashi Un

Duggy747 wrote: »

I'd probably fall more under the class of hermit.

Me too. Hermits of the world unite!!!

Interrobang

Kim Kardashi Un wrote: »

Hermits of the world unite!!!

In our preferred manner, naturally.

Robsweezie

I hate loudness too and won't usually raise my voice to talk over it unless it's important or I have to. someone just put the kettle on and I was gonna tell them something trivial but wasn't arsed talking over the noise of the ****ing thing while it's boiling . that and I have sore throat and a bit of a cold :-(

AlteredStates

Im a hsp and introvert but extrovert on rare occasion

whiskeyman

This thread got me thinking.
Growing up, I was very introverted.
I shed some of this in college and feel I have a good balance now, but still am slightly introverted.

To all those who say they spend time with themselves etc... How much do you rely On technology to be there?
Whether it be internet, phone or even TV... do you think you have found solice interacting with technology instead of having to bother to interact with people?
This can have many pros... no fear or rejection / negative thoughts and you are in control.

metaoblivia

I definitely lean introverted. I really enjoy my alone time and will often spend weekends on my own. Sometimes that means I don't leave my house much - I just read, write, work on an art project, etc. Other times, it means I go out and have a little adventure all by myself.

I do like interacting with others, and I can spend a lot of time with my close friends. Unfortunately, they're all plane rides away, so I don't get to see them as much as I'd like. But we Skype and take trips to see each other. I also love to perform. I love singing and acting, and while I do get nervous right before I go onstage, it's more like a rush of excitement than debilitating nervousness. Once I'm up there, I love it. Some people see performing as an exclusively extroverted pursuit, but there are lots of performers who identify as introverts. It's a great way to connect with people without actually having to talk to them.

mickstupp

sbsquarepants wrote: »

To be honest, if you find anything that involves other humans highly stressful and anxiety inducing - it does kind of sound like something's not quite as it should be.

See that's what I'm talking about. Because my view on what counts as normal and happy doesn't fit in with other people's, therefore 'something's not quite as it should be'.

The 'should be' is what bothers me. The assumption. I'm perfectly happy and content on my own. But a lot of people don't think that's quite right. It's kind of the default view. 'Should be' implies that anything outside the norm isn't good / right / healthy. And that's not true.

Different strokes and all that. Way I see it, whenever I'm stressed, it's never due to work or deadlines, it's due to other humans being annoying gits. No humans, no stress. Thus, humans are the problem. I'm totally fine giving a class or presentation. Why anyone decides it's a good idea to talk to me afterwards is beyond me. I have an email address, they can use that and stay at a safe distance where I can pretend they're not real and that text is just appearing on my screen to be answered without acknowledging their existence as human. That way they can get a well-thought-out response and I can pretend they're not real. Happy solution for everyone. The face to face contact part can't die quick enough in my opinion.

whiskeyman wrote: »

To all those who say they spend time with themselves etc... How much do you rely On technology to be there?
Whether it be internet, phone or even TV... do you think you have found solice interacting with technology instead of having to bother to interact with people?

These days I'm mostly on the internet in some form or another. I can happily be active on a number of forums without feeling like I'm dealing with annoying people in my space. But even when I was a kid I was most often found with a book, far away from noisy people.

Sheepy99

FTA69 wrote: »

That's utterly brutal to be honest. I can't fathom it. Fair enough, people get a bang from different stuff but at the end of the day; if your free time is spent cooped up in the gaff on your tod interacting with nothing and nobody then that's pretty terrible. Jesus, there's even helplines and charities to try and stop that from happening to the elderly, never mind a presumably young person with opportunity.

Travel, go meet people, draw, exercise, see the world, get drunk with strangers, go to parties, meet a member of the opposite sex, learn a language, go dancing, go wine tasting, go to a gig, get on a bus in India and talk pidgin English b*llocks with an auld one.

There's so much more out there than four walls and a screen.

I think some people find it hard to make an initial plunge into the open sometimes, but once they're there they don't seem to mind it.

Sheepy99

bb1234567 wrote: »

Being an introvert has nothing to do with those two things. They're caused by anxiety. Introverted means you enjoy being on your own.

Introverted doesn't mean you enjoy it. There are plenty of introverts who would prefer to be more outgoing. I think the term describes what you generally do. Open to correction, although i'm pretty sure about the "enjoying" part.

bb1234567

Sheepy99 wrote: »

Introverted doesn't mean you enjoy it. There are plenty of introverts who would prefer to be more outgoing. I think the term describes what you generally do. Open to correction, although i'm pretty sure about the "enjoying" part.

Well maybe not enjoying. But I know that introverts are drained by social interaction while extroverts are energised by social interaction. So I sort of assume introverts 'enjoy' the situation that doesn't drain them emotionally and physically.

Interrobang

whiskeyman wrote: »

To all those who say they spend time with themselves etc... How much do you rely On technology to be there?
Whether it be internet, phone or even TV... do you think you have found solice interacting with technology instead of having to bother to interact with people?
This can have many pros... no fear or rejection / negative thoughts and you are in control.

Great question. I don't rely on technology, but it appeals to me because it allows me to interact with the world on my terms. Think of it not as a barrier to hide behind, but more like a filter that allows you to sift out the incessant noise and demanding immediacy of life in general.

For me, I don't seek solace in interacting with technology because technology is just a tool; it's moreso that I appreciate how it facilitates the space and quiet that I prefer. It's like a buffer that allows me to turn down the volume and suit my own preferences - kind of like being able to fast forward through all the shouty Barry Scott ads in order to get back to watching what you're interested in.

The internet is just one of a series of things that I've happily occupied myself with over the years. The tool may have evolved, but its purpose remains the same. Growing up in the 70s, for example, retiring to my room to lose myself in a book would, I suppose, have been the equivalent, and it's still a regular part of my routine. Time alone, regardless of what I do with it, is a way of finding balance and quiet and time to recharge after dealing with people in real life. I'm mentally healthier and physically more energised after time to myself.

Paramite Pie

Since humans evolved as group animals I do wonder if Introverts just carry older solitary genes that never completely phased out. In the past it would have surely been a disadvantage in many ways but in the future Introverts could be at an advantage - especially in Space where it'll be awful lonely for us Extroverts.

Packattack

Not sure if there is such a thing, or if you can permanently label someone’s personality in such a B&W fashion. We love labels in the western world, and love to be able to label a conditioned pattern of thinking. But nothing is permanent – everything is changing and adapting.

I am guilty of being an introvert, spending hours working on some ‘masterpiece’ on my own and then losing track of time and forgetting to eat. I hope to stop such perfectionism and try and get out more.

To me, an introverted life is a more stressful one and makes you prone to depression and soul searching. It can be great too though, when you look at the likes of Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton. But no doubt they had their eccentricities.

One is an extension of another I think. An extravert is just an introvert who got out their comfort zone more so, and is a life more lived. An extravert is someone who got out there and enjoyed more experiences than the quieter types.

I think anyway, but what would I know, or what would any of us know, it’s all just opinion.

Interrobang

Packattack wrote: »

To me, an introverted life is a more stressful one and makes you prone to depression and soul searching.

I don't know whether it makes you more prone to depression - I'd imagine that an extrovert who can't find an outlet for their need to interact would be equally prone to depression. I do find that my own depression gets worse, however, when I have to continually engage with people and don't get any downtime. For me, making time to be alone is crucial to my mental health and wellbeing. Acknowleding that need to withdraw and allowing myself to do so actually helps mitigate my depression enormously. But that's just what works for me.

Packattack wrote: »

One is an extension of another I think. An extravert is just an introvert who got out their comfort zone more so, and is a life more lived. An extravert is someone who got out there and enjoyed more experiences than the quieter types.

This assumes that introverts don't enjoy experiences, though. They do. They just enjoy different experiences.

IMHO, introverts and extroverts are not essentially the same 'type' who just happened to take different paths. They have fundamentally different needs, and meet those needs through the ways they interact with the world. As much as I find engaging with people exhausting, I know extroverts who are extremely uncomfortable and twitchy even at the suggestion of quiet time alone. Downtime is waaaaay outside their comfort zone; being in the thick of it is where they feel most at ease.

mickstupp

Interrobang wrote: »

I do find that my own depression gets worse, however, when I have to continually engage with people and don't get any downtime. For me, making time to be alone is crucial to my mental health and wellbeing. Acknowleding that need to withdraw and allowing myself to do so actually helps mitigate my depression enormously.

Me too, pretty much exactly that.

Dickerty

Hmm - I am an extrovert at heart, like being noticed and look to stand out. I recall being on a talent program in the US, and I was the first to volunteer to speak to the audience, 50 strangers all looking to make their own mark on the room.
According to a former mentor, I am "dangerously self aware"! I know what I am good at, I know I can command a crowd or a conversation.

But until I was in my 20s, I was very shy. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 20, didn't drink unti l was 24.
But once I realised my natural abilities (I can be very charming, quite wordy and witty), I turned into a different person.
Very much a metamorphosis.

My life now (in my early 40s, serious job, wife and almost 4 kids) means I don't get to put myself out there as much.
Social events are more rare, usually weddings or family events, so I am not the party-animal I used to be!
For me, work is the outlet for my extrovertism - it allows me to influence people, to motivate others, to leave my mark ...

strawdog

Paramite Pie wrote: »

Since humans evolved as group animals I do wonder if Introverts just carry older solitary genes that never completely phased out. In the past it would have surely been a disadvantage in many ways but in the future Introverts could be at an advantage - especially in Space where it'll be awful lonely for us Extroverts.

My unresearched and unsupported thoughts on this are that hunter gatherer groups often seemed to have a place for the solitary shamanic figures to give guidance and do (witch) doctor stuff, hence a percentage of introverts stayed in the gene pool as it benefitted the group overall to have a few more thoughtful quiet people along with the outgoing and active talkers

sbsquarepants

mickstupp wrote: »

See that's what I'm talking about. Because my view on what counts as normal and happy doesn't fit in with other people's, therefore 'something's not quite as it should be'.

The 'should be' is what bothers me. The assumption. I'm perfectly happy and content on my own. But a lot of people don't think that's quite right. It's kind of the default view. 'Should be' implies that anything outside the norm isn't good / right / healthy. And that's not true.

First off, I'm not out to annoy or insult you in anyway so bear that in mind, but anything that needlessly limits your potential is not good / right or healthy.

It's like any sort of fear or phobia - you can say it's fine sure I don't want to get in a plane / have a pet snake / go swimming / climb up a ladder or whatever so it's not a problem. But anyone who doesn't have that particular fear can see that things are not quite right.

There is a world of difference in not wanting to take swimming lessons and not being able to. The end effect may be similar, you don't go swimming, but they are very different scenarios.

Gongoozler

But you're working on the assumption people don't talk to people can't, that's just silly.