Introverts and extroverts

Sheepy99

NachoBusiness wrote: »

When I was young I was a confident extrovert but life turned me into an shy introvert. True story.

http://t.co/2zqmUySXgL

Kim Kardashi Un

Duggy747 wrote: »

I'd probably fall more under the class of hermit.

Me too. Hermits of the world unite!!!

Interrobang

Kim Kardashi Un wrote: »

Hermits of the world unite!!!

In our preferred manner, naturally.

Robsweezie

I hate loudness too and won't usually raise my voice to talk over it unless it's important or I have to. someone just put the kettle on and I was gonna tell them something trivial but wasn't arsed talking over the noise of the ****ing thing while it's boiling . that and I have sore throat and a bit of a cold :-(

AlteredStates

Im a hsp and introvert but extrovert on rare occasion

whiskeyman

This thread got me thinking.
Growing up, I was very introverted.
I shed some of this in college and feel I have a good balance now, but still am slightly introverted.

To all those who say they spend time with themselves etc... How much do you rely On technology to be there?
Whether it be internet, phone or even TV... do you think you have found solice interacting with technology instead of having to bother to interact with people?
This can have many pros... no fear or rejection / negative thoughts and you are in control.

metaoblivia

I definitely lean introverted. I really enjoy my alone time and will often spend weekends on my own. Sometimes that means I don't leave my house much - I just read, write, work on an art project, etc. Other times, it means I go out and have a little adventure all by myself.

I do like interacting with others, and I can spend a lot of time with my close friends. Unfortunately, they're all plane rides away, so I don't get to see them as much as I'd like. But we Skype and take trips to see each other. I also love to perform. I love singing and acting, and while I do get nervous right before I go onstage, it's more like a rush of excitement than debilitating nervousness. Once I'm up there, I love it. Some people see performing as an exclusively extroverted pursuit, but there are lots of performers who identify as introverts. It's a great way to connect with people without actually having to talk to them.

mickstupp

sbsquarepants wrote: »

To be honest, if you find anything that involves other humans highly stressful and anxiety inducing - it does kind of sound like something's not quite as it should be.

See that's what I'm talking about. Because my view on what counts as normal and happy doesn't fit in with other people's, therefore 'something's not quite as it should be'.

The 'should be' is what bothers me. The assumption. I'm perfectly happy and content on my own. But a lot of people don't think that's quite right. It's kind of the default view. 'Should be' implies that anything outside the norm isn't good / right / healthy. And that's not true.

Different strokes and all that. Way I see it, whenever I'm stressed, it's never due to work or deadlines, it's due to other humans being annoying gits. No humans, no stress. Thus, humans are the problem. I'm totally fine giving a class or presentation. Why anyone decides it's a good idea to talk to me afterwards is beyond me. I have an email address, they can use that and stay at a safe distance where I can pretend they're not real and that text is just appearing on my screen to be answered without acknowledging their existence as human. That way they can get a well-thought-out response and I can pretend they're not real. Happy solution for everyone. The face to face contact part can't die quick enough in my opinion.

whiskeyman wrote: »

To all those who say they spend time with themselves etc... How much do you rely On technology to be there?
Whether it be internet, phone or even TV... do you think you have found solice interacting with technology instead of having to bother to interact with people?

These days I'm mostly on the internet in some form or another. I can happily be active on a number of forums without feeling like I'm dealing with annoying people in my space. But even when I was a kid I was most often found with a book, far away from noisy people.

Sheepy99

FTA69 wrote: »

That's utterly brutal to be honest. I can't fathom it. Fair enough, people get a bang from different stuff but at the end of the day; if your free time is spent cooped up in the gaff on your tod interacting with nothing and nobody then that's pretty terrible. Jesus, there's even helplines and charities to try and stop that from happening to the elderly, never mind a presumably young person with opportunity.

Travel, go meet people, draw, exercise, see the world, get drunk with strangers, go to parties, meet a member of the opposite sex, learn a language, go dancing, go wine tasting, go to a gig, get on a bus in India and talk pidgin English b*llocks with an auld one.

There's so much more out there than four walls and a screen.

I think some people find it hard to make an initial plunge into the open sometimes, but once they're there they don't seem to mind it.

Sheepy99

bb1234567 wrote: »

Being an introvert has nothing to do with those two things. They're caused by anxiety. Introverted means you enjoy being on your own.

Introverted doesn't mean you enjoy it. There are plenty of introverts who would prefer to be more outgoing. I think the term describes what you generally do. Open to correction, although i'm pretty sure about the "enjoying" part.

bb1234567

Sheepy99 wrote: »

Introverted doesn't mean you enjoy it. There are plenty of introverts who would prefer to be more outgoing. I think the term describes what you generally do. Open to correction, although i'm pretty sure about the "enjoying" part.

Well maybe not enjoying. But I know that introverts are drained by social interaction while extroverts are energised by social interaction. So I sort of assume introverts 'enjoy' the situation that doesn't drain them emotionally and physically.

Interrobang

whiskeyman wrote: »

To all those who say they spend time with themselves etc... How much do you rely On technology to be there?
Whether it be internet, phone or even TV... do you think you have found solice interacting with technology instead of having to bother to interact with people?
This can have many pros... no fear or rejection / negative thoughts and you are in control.

Great question. I don't rely on technology, but it appeals to me because it allows me to interact with the world on my terms. Think of it not as a barrier to hide behind, but more like a filter that allows you to sift out the incessant noise and demanding immediacy of life in general.

For me, I don't seek solace in interacting with technology because technology is just a tool; it's moreso that I appreciate how it facilitates the space and quiet that I prefer. It's like a buffer that allows me to turn down the volume and suit my own preferences - kind of like being able to fast forward through all the shouty Barry Scott ads in order to get back to watching what you're interested in.

The internet is just one of a series of things that I've happily occupied myself with over the years. The tool may have evolved, but its purpose remains the same. Growing up in the 70s, for example, retiring to my room to lose myself in a book would, I suppose, have been the equivalent, and it's still a regular part of my routine. Time alone, regardless of what I do with it, is a way of finding balance and quiet and time to recharge after dealing with people in real life. I'm mentally healthier and physically more energised after time to myself.

Paramite Pie

Since humans evolved as group animals I do wonder if Introverts just carry older solitary genes that never completely phased out. In the past it would have surely been a disadvantage in many ways but in the future Introverts could be at an advantage - especially in Space where it'll be awful lonely for us Extroverts.

Packattack

Not sure if there is such a thing, or if you can permanently label someone’s personality in such a B&W fashion. We love labels in the western world, and love to be able to label a conditioned pattern of thinking. But nothing is permanent – everything is changing and adapting.

I am guilty of being an introvert, spending hours working on some ‘masterpiece’ on my own and then losing track of time and forgetting to eat. I hope to stop such perfectionism and try and get out more.

To me, an introverted life is a more stressful one and makes you prone to depression and soul searching. It can be great too though, when you look at the likes of Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton. But no doubt they had their eccentricities.

One is an extension of another I think. An extravert is just an introvert who got out their comfort zone more so, and is a life more lived. An extravert is someone who got out there and enjoyed more experiences than the quieter types.

I think anyway, but what would I know, or what would any of us know, it’s all just opinion.

Interrobang

Packattack wrote: »

To me, an introverted life is a more stressful one and makes you prone to depression and soul searching.

I don't know whether it makes you more prone to depression - I'd imagine that an extrovert who can't find an outlet for their need to interact would be equally prone to depression. I do find that my own depression gets worse, however, when I have to continually engage with people and don't get any downtime. For me, making time to be alone is crucial to my mental health and wellbeing. Acknowleding that need to withdraw and allowing myself to do so actually helps mitigate my depression enormously. But that's just what works for me.

Packattack wrote: »

One is an extension of another I think. An extravert is just an introvert who got out their comfort zone more so, and is a life more lived. An extravert is someone who got out there and enjoyed more experiences than the quieter types.

This assumes that introverts don't enjoy experiences, though. They do. They just enjoy different experiences.

IMHO, introverts and extroverts are not essentially the same 'type' who just happened to take different paths. They have fundamentally different needs, and meet those needs through the ways they interact with the world. As much as I find engaging with people exhausting, I know extroverts who are extremely uncomfortable and twitchy even at the suggestion of quiet time alone. Downtime is waaaaay outside their comfort zone; being in the thick of it is where they feel most at ease.

mickstupp

Interrobang wrote: »

I do find that my own depression gets worse, however, when I have to continually engage with people and don't get any downtime. For me, making time to be alone is crucial to my mental health and wellbeing. Acknowleding that need to withdraw and allowing myself to do so actually helps mitigate my depression enormously.

Me too, pretty much exactly that.

Dickerty

Hmm - I am an extrovert at heart, like being noticed and look to stand out. I recall being on a talent program in the US, and I was the first to volunteer to speak to the audience, 50 strangers all looking to make their own mark on the room.
According to a former mentor, I am "dangerously self aware"! I know what I am good at, I know I can command a crowd or a conversation.

But until I was in my 20s, I was very shy. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 20, didn't drink unti l was 24.
But once I realised my natural abilities (I can be very charming, quite wordy and witty), I turned into a different person.
Very much a metamorphosis.

My life now (in my early 40s, serious job, wife and almost 4 kids) means I don't get to put myself out there as much.
Social events are more rare, usually weddings or family events, so I am not the party-animal I used to be!
For me, work is the outlet for my extrovertism - it allows me to influence people, to motivate others, to leave my mark ...

strawdog

Paramite Pie wrote: »

Since humans evolved as group animals I do wonder if Introverts just carry older solitary genes that never completely phased out. In the past it would have surely been a disadvantage in many ways but in the future Introverts could be at an advantage - especially in Space where it'll be awful lonely for us Extroverts.

My unresearched and unsupported thoughts on this are that hunter gatherer groups often seemed to have a place for the solitary shamanic figures to give guidance and do (witch) doctor stuff, hence a percentage of introverts stayed in the gene pool as it benefitted the group overall to have a few more thoughtful quiet people along with the outgoing and active talkers

sbsquarepants

mickstupp wrote: »

See that's what I'm talking about. Because my view on what counts as normal and happy doesn't fit in with other people's, therefore 'something's not quite as it should be'.

The 'should be' is what bothers me. The assumption. I'm perfectly happy and content on my own. But a lot of people don't think that's quite right. It's kind of the default view. 'Should be' implies that anything outside the norm isn't good / right / healthy. And that's not true.

First off, I'm not out to annoy or insult you in anyway so bear that in mind, but anything that needlessly limits your potential is not good / right or healthy.

It's like any sort of fear or phobia - you can say it's fine sure I don't want to get in a plane / have a pet snake / go swimming / climb up a ladder or whatever so it's not a problem. But anyone who doesn't have that particular fear can see that things are not quite right.

There is a world of difference in not wanting to take swimming lessons and not being able to. The end effect may be similar, you don't go swimming, but they are very different scenarios.

Gongoozler

But you're working on the assumption people don't talk to people can't, that's just silly.

Interrobang

sbsquarepants wrote: »

anything that needlessly limits your potential is not good / right or healthy.

The thing is, that assumes quite a narrow definition of what is both needless and limiting.

Let's look at potential first. Potential for what? However much I try, I'm never going to be a champion ice-skater, for example. I don't have the balance or coordination for a start. But I reckon I have reached my potential in many other areas: two degrees; a masters; scholarship PhD; speak several languages and can pick others up very easily; play two instruments and can play music by ear or by sight reading without a second thought; have made all sorts of kids' toys, from knitted toys to carved hurls to fully wired and furnished dolls houses; have published written work and created and sold commissioned artwork; have built and implemented IT systems from scratch; have made some pretty awesome themed birthday cakes for kids; can turn my hand to anything crafty; have guided adults through everything from masters theses to degree subjects to adult literacy programmes; can gather, analyse and interpret data like a boss, and make it understandable and relevant for those who can't; can turn my kitchen into anything from an artist's studio to a science lab any wet weekend and keep my kids from climbing the walls...

Which brings me to the 'needless' part. I managed to achieve all this and more because my alone time is not needless, it's a necessary part of ensuring that I continue to function to the best of my ability. If I force myself into enduring situations that I actively dislike and that sap my energy, I'm not going to perform well in any area of my life.

sbsquarepants wrote: »

It's like any sort of fear or phobia - you can say it's fine sure I don't want to get in a plane / have a pet snake / go swimming / climb up a ladder or whatever so it's not a problem. But anyone who doesn't have that particular fear can see that things are not quite right.

But it's not a phobia. It's a preference for interacting in a particular way. I actively dislike large social gatherings, for example. I don't fear them, I just don't want to be there. Work events are painful for me because they put be in a situation where I'm expected to make small talk with people when I'd rather be curled up at home with a book. Work events with some sort of scheduled 'fun' activities are another level of hell again.

I find, almost universally, that while introverts may actively avoid the sort of things that extroverts are drawn to, they also understand that an extrovert's preferences are not 'right' or 'wrong', they are simply different from their own. It's rare to find an extrovert who adopts the same live-and-let-live attitude towards introverts.

Generic Dreadhead

This thread was ALWAYS going to end in a $hit slinging match

Robsweezie

Cormac... wrote:

This thread was ALWAYS going to end in a $hit slinging match

it's actually gone pretty well compared to usual AH standards.

Generic Dreadhead

Once I see quotes broken down by each sentence... my reaction goes like this ->:rolleyes:

Mesrine65

I'm not introverted, I just prefer my own company to the company of others.

Not really a people person.

Rosie Rant

I don't know. I don't think I'm either. I don't think I'm an introvert because they are not usually shy, whereas I am. I've always been shy. I'm not as bad as I was when I was a child. I wasn't able to talk to anyone when I was little. That's something I've slowly grown out of, but I still struggle socially.

I'm definitely not an extrovert, but with the right people, I can come out of my shell and be my weird, crazy self and not worry too much about what they think of me. I do often feel drained when I have to be in a large group of people but I think that's because my mind goes into overdrive, observing and thinking. I'm often caught staring into space. I suppose I'm more of a dreamer . I'm not unconfident, I'm perfectly secure about who I am. I do wish I was more of an extrovert sometimes. They make life look easy!

Interrobang

Cormac... wrote: »

Once I see quotes broken down by each sentence... my reaction goes like this ->:rolleyes:

Since mine are the only posts responding to separate points separately (professional habit, btw, stemming from legal requirements for unequivocal clarity, and not me trying to be arsey), if you've interpreted them as shīt slinging you couldn't be further from the truth. Shīt slinging would be me telling people to fūck right off with their bolloxology, but nobody has posted anything to warrant a reaction like that, and it wouldn't serve any reasoned discussion.

Mesrine65

Interrobang wrote: »

Since mine are the only posts responding to separate points separately (professional habit, btw, stemming from legal requirements for unequivocal clarity, and not me trying to be arsey), if you've interpreted them as shīt slinging you couldn't be further from the truth. Shīt slinging would be me telling people to fūck right off with their bolloxology, but nobody has posted anything to warrant a reaction like that, and it wouldn't serve any reasoned discussion.

Eloquently put sir...huzzah

Spanish Eyes

I am a happy introvert. It's such a pity that the world is designed to accommodate extroverts! Even the word Introvert implies something negative, whereas Extrovert is positive and fun. That is so unfair. Introverts are lovely people, like me.... who just happen to thrive in quiet environments.

That is all. I work best on my own, no interruptions thank you. I like life being quiet, such as going out for a meal with OH or at most our two closest friends. Hate small talk, and having to do it. Pointless to me, but I do it when I have to. I avoid as many situations as I can though where small talk is inevitable.

Being invited to weddings and parties where I don't know too many people are a nightmare for me. Totally. I detest having to sit at a large table surrounded by people I don't know too well, and have to fill the time with, yes, you guessed it... smalltalk!

But I am sociable, and enjoy going out . Don't mind background noise in a pub or restaurant at all, but I do not enjoy the forced jollity and loudness of some occasions.

Anyhow, for all us introverts out there (wish they would come up with a better word for us creative and quiet types, it is SOOO negative sounding!) I was absolutely thrilled to bits to listen to Susan Cain on TED talks. She is an introvert herself, and in this talk she really gives introverts a positive spin. It is an amazing talk, and I recommend it for introverts and extroverts alike.

In fact the more extroverts that watch it the better! We introverts know what we are like, but it may explain to extroverts how we think, act and interract etc.

Please have a look at it. It is fascinating. And has had over 8 million views, so she is communicating something important!

This is the introductory blurb to whet your appetite!

"In a culture where being social and outgoing are prized above all else, it can be difficult, even shameful, to be an introvert. But, as Susan Cain argues in this passionate talk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world, and should be encouraged and celebrated."

Enjoy.

http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en

Fat Christy

Extroverts = Loud, obnoxious, attention seekers.

Introverts = Social inept hermits with bad hygiene.

Ambiverts = Obviously completely cray, cray with a split personality.

You can't win.

Interrobang

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I was absolutely thrilled to bits to listen to Susan Cain on TED talks. She is an introvert herself, and in this talk she really gives introverts a positive spin. It is an amazing talk, and I recommend it for introverts and extroverts alike.

Her book makes for great reading too: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-power-introverts-world-talking/dp/0141029196

Robsweezie

there's a good few myths about introverts that should be killed off and dispelled for good. there is no one size fits all approach to it, there are different levels of tolerance to socialising. we've no problem mixing and chatting, so long as it's worth our while and stimulates us. I don't think we're high maintenance or aloof, we just tire of crowds and noise and have a clear limit to how much we can handle. we're not a special "species" and you don't have to act a "certain way" around us or walk on eggshells.

there is a world of difference between introversion and the likes of the hikikomori phenomenon in Japan, which strikes me as just unhealthy and socially regressive. introversion and the need for solitude should never define you as a person, and if it does then it's a problem, especially if it holds you back from growing and progressing through life. that's where Japan is suffering, sadly.

eternal

I'm a per-vert.

mickstupp

sbsquarepants wrote: »

First off, I'm not out to annoy or insult you in anyway so bear that in mind, but anything that needlessly limits your potential is not good / right or healthy.

Well... in that case I'd have to say that at my current stage of life, being around other people is needlessly limiting my potential and is therefore not good, right, or healthy. I need to be alone and I need silence to produce my best work and research. I am reaching my potential because I'm giving myself a tonne of alone time and removing the things that were holding me back, namely people.

You're not remotely annoying or insulting me, I do see what you're getting at. It's just that when I read statements like yours, what I'm seeing is the point of view from within an assumed norm. The view that says whatever's outside the norm is odd or not right. And I don't agree that what may even count as the majority opinion is automatically good, right, or healthy.

I can be around other people, I just don't want to be, and I'm far happier when they're not around.