General Chat Thread (PLEASE READ POST #1)

SarahMollie

Toots wrote: »

Honestly what's worked best for me has been cutting right back on carbs. I don't mean atkins or anything but my diet previously would have been very carb heavy. I'm skint at the moment so rice and pasta etc were cheap ways of bulking out a dinner, but I use more veg now and it's working well.

This. I need to do this. But bread is so yummy....

I'm only trying to slim down to fit into dresses to be a guest to some (5) weddings this summer, but I can't seem to get my act in gear.

I'm also one of 4 bridesmaids in a wedding next year and am currently facing the propsect of being the fat bridesmaid Not that I'm a total heffalump, but the other 3 are all tiny, so I'm jsut bigger all around, height etc.

First wedding is in less than 3 weeks and I need to lose about 1.5inches off my waist to wear the dress that I want. I can't even bring myself to try it on to get an accurate assessment of how much I need to lose.

Whelp! :eek:

Addle

I seriously need to lose weight too.
Just have no discipline whatsoever.

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

SarahMollie

Addle wrote: »

I seriously need to lose weight too.
Just have no discipline whatsoever.

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

Wow, how inappropriate. What qualifies her to judge your relationship.

What justification did she have for coming to this conclusion!? The mind boggles.

She doesn't sound like a friend in my book.

Sapphire

Addle wrote: »

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

Why would he be in the photos? Usually you have just family photos - with and without spouses, and some group shots of all the guests combined.

Unless you two have a stormy or volatile relationship where you are running to her frequently because you fought with him I cant see why she would see fit to judge you like that. I'm not surprised it left things awkward. Are you going to go to the wedding?

Gatica

Addle wrote: »

I seriously need to lose weight too.
Just have no discipline whatsoever.

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

She doesn't sound like a very good friend. It's not of her business if you do or do not "go the distance". She shouldn't be judging.
I hope you've made it clear to her how upsetting something like that can be. Personally not sure how I'd feel about still going to her wedding after getting treated like that...

Addle

She just doesn't like him. He's not up to her 'standards'.
The only photos he'd be in are casual ones from the dinner table or dance floor.
She's a snob.

SarahMollie

Addle wrote: »

She just doesn't like him. He's not up to her 'standards'.
The only photos he'd be in are casual ones from the dinner table or dance floor.
She's a snob.

Theres no way to sugar coat this. She just sounds like a horrible person.

How dare she judge your relationship. There are very few valid reasons for not approving of someone elses partner, ie, if he's violent, a drug user/dealer, otherwise some sort of criminal etc.

If none of the above applies, then its none of her concern.

Some vague notion of "her standards" is a pathetic excuse.

Are you sure you want to go to this wedding/continue this friendship?

Addle

I'm going to go to the ceremony.
I don't know what's going to happen after that.

ChampagnePop

Addle wrote: »

I'm going to go to the ceremony.
I don't know what's going to happen after that.

That's just horrible, what a selfish cow. I wouldn't go myself I don't think in this situation, if she cared about you she'd invite him either way, that's what friends do.

stargazer 68

Addle wrote: »

I'm going to go to the ceremony.
I don't know what's going to happen after that.

She doesn't see you going the distance but you have been together longer than her and her OH (if I remember rightly)??? I think I would be cutting her out OP.

Addle

Thanks. I don't think she realises the effect of what she's said.
'He probably wouldn't be comfortable because he'd be the only non professional there'!!! Neither myself or the bride are professionals, and I'm sure plenty others won't be either.
I'll never be comfortable in her company again, so what's the point of trying.

Addle

The mass booklets are printed with my name as a reader...

SarahMollie

Addle wrote: »

Thanks. I don't think she realises the effect of what she's said.
'He probably wouldn't be comfortable because he'd be the only non professional there'!!! Neither myself or the bride are professionals, and I'm sure plenty others won't be either.
I'll never be comfortable in her company again, so what's the point of trying.

Not only a snob then but also a hypocrite - what a winner.

To put it kindly, shes totally lost the run of herself.

I wouldnt give two hoots about her mass booklet, I just wouldn't go. I couldn't bring myself to enable such pathetic behavior.

Addle

I can't see her changing the booklets.
We share a lot of acquaintances.
They'll all see my name.
I'll come out of it badly.
I think I'll just go to the ceremony and be done with it.

stargazer 68

Addle wrote: »

I can't see her changing the booklets.
We share a lot of acquaintances.
They'll all see my name.
I'll come out of it badly.
I think I'll just go to the ceremony and be done with it.

You are right. The way it will go - oh Addle didnt come because I didnt invite her boyfriend! You will come out of it the worst despite all the background info that others don't know. Unfortunately OP you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Toots

Wow what a bitch! The irony is you'll be in the photos and your friendship probably won't last the distance because of her.

Sapphire

Addle wrote: »

I can't see her changing the booklets.
We share a lot of acquaintances.
They'll all see my name.
I'll come out of it badly.
I think I'll just go to the ceremony and be done with it.

I think you might be right. Years ago, a friend fell out with me over me dating my now OH. I think her sister had a crush on him, but neither of us ever knew that. It was baffling, we were friends and regularly went out on lunch dates and nights out and then all of a sudden she blanked me when she heard we were dating. I think she thought I wasn't good enough for him or that he could do better with her sister.

A couple of months later, we got a very last minute invite to her wedding, A couple had dropped out and she didn't want empty chairs. I thought long and hard about not going but in the end we went, gave a lovely gift, and enjoyed the day.

I literally have not seen her in person since. But I'm proud that my actions were dignified at the time and I can look back and happily see that I wasn't petty in retaliation. So I think you are right to go to the ceremony. It wont give her any grounds to say that you cast a shadow on her big day. To other friends her reasoning will sound off too I'm sure.

Plankton1

In general, what are the 'rules' with inviting OHs? My fiance has a huge family and will have to cut people out to get the numbers down, so if we have to cut out people we would actually like to be there, then I don't want to invite OH's that I've never even met.
(We do know most of our current guestlist's partners, it's just the case for a few people)

Toots

Plankton1 wrote: »

In general, what are the 'rules' with inviting OHs? My fiance has a huge family and will have to cut people out to get the numbers down, so if we have to cut out people we would actually like to be there, then I don't want to invite OH's that I've never even met.
(We do know most of our current guestlist's partners, it's just the case for a few people)

I think it depends a lot on individual circumstances, obviously if numbers are genuinely an issue then hopefully people would understand. In Addle's case though she was the only one who didn't get a +1 which is lousy, so if there are people who don't get a +1 make sure they'll know plenty of others there and sit them with people they know.

StripedBoxers

I have to say if any of my friends were to treat me or judge my relationship like that they friendship would be ended there and then and no way in hell would I go within 50 feet of that wedding, reading or not.

As for what other friends/acquaintances would say/think, I wouldn't have any issue in telling them exactly why I didn't go, I sure as hell wouldn't hide it anyway.

Personally I wouldn't want someone like that as a friend and I sure as hell wouldn't want to play a part in their wedding, regardless of what might be said.

The bride is fully to blame, she is the one who has royally fcuked things up by behaving the way she has.

I can't over her audacity and downright nastiness.

tea_and_cake

Wow Addle that's just nasty! I'd agree with others and go to the ceremony and maybe not the meal.

I'm getting married in November and inviting all +1s even ones who don't exist. My fiancé wasn't invited to a very good friends wedding (we were together 3months at that stage) due to tight numbers in the venue. Initially was a bit annoyed but realised I wasn't alone and when I saw the venue I totally understood so there was no issue.

For my wedding, costs per person are low and there are about 4 guests who don't have +1s that I don't know as they are single so have given them all a +1. But that's my opinion and budget. I was at a wedding last yeat where all cousins were invited but not +1s. Didn't bother me!

baby and crumble

Our decision re: +1's are that if we know they are in a relationship they'll get a joint named invite. Otherwise, they'll get a personal invite. Tbh I don't want people I have never met at my wedding. There will be no-one there who doesn't know at least 4 or 5 other people though so I don't think it's a problem.

Gatica

We checked before sending invites with anyone we'd not seen in a while if there was anyone in their life they'd like to bring to the wedding. There are some that are no longer together and that we'd not met before our wedding, but it turned out that they were part of their life for a good few events and weddings after, so we were glad we invited them. Whether their relationship works out wasn't any of our business. It could just as equally have been their soulmate that they'd only been seeing 2 weeks, and then we'd regret not having them there. Not my place to judge. However, since everyone invited had been part of a rather large group of friends, we didn't give random +1's. We also didn't invite cousins we were not close to, as the family is huge.

We didn't have huge numbers anyway, so it wasn't an issue. I'd understand if it was a really small wedding and only close people were invited, in that case I guess even partner +1's would be optional. However, a rule kind of needs to be applied broadly to be fair to the guests, e.g. only married couples and those in long term relationships, not choosing and picking a few from that and isolating one person like Addle.

SarahMollie

So my OH and I were talking about this last night. We're in the middle of going to a lot of weddings at the moment, all quite different, and I suppose you can't help but think what you'd do yourselves. Also, we're kinda secretly plotting to get married next year but we've decided that we don't want to do anything until after the summer at the earliest because we want to fly under the radar and just enjoy all the other weddings, and then have a short engagement.

We've agreed that while the prospect of someone we don't know at our wedding wouldn't be the ideal scenario, that we'd be happy if all our guests are happy. All of his friends are coupled up so theres no real issue there, but two of my friends are single so if they happen to meet someone, I'd like to give them to option to bring them if they feel its what they want.

Also, I only have one close cousin and he hasn't seen cousins in years, so it will be just my cousin who I actually know thats invited. It would actually be weirder for me to have 14 cousins in attendance that I havent seen much of since childhood, and goodness knows how many on his side that are also virtual strangers, than allowing my close friends to bring someone if it will increase their enjoyment of the day.

We've obviously not planned much, just agreed that we want a lowish numbers wedding (60-80) and minimum fuss. And a huge honeymoon

kitten_k

Crazy!! (Sorry to the people hoping for an update on Lau & Cake Guy)

http://www.her.ie/life/wedding-guest-shocked-to-receive-note-from-newlyweds-asking-for-more-money/292212

Gatica

Came up in General Chat recently: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=99632919
linking http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

Feel sorry for that OP, from that thread she didn't want it going viral or have her "name" plastered/associated with a news story.

messrs

kitten_k wrote: »

Crazy!! (Sorry to the people hoping for an update on Lau & Cake Guy)

http://www.her.ie/life/wedding-guest-shocked-to-receive-note-from-newlyweds-asking-for-more-money/292212

Damn you!!! :P when I saw this was updated, I (prob like other people aswell) assumed it was Lau coming in to announce her engagement!!!

kitten_k

messrs wrote: »

Damn you!!! :P when I saw this was updated, I (prob like other people aswell) assumed it was Lau coming in to announce her engagement!!!

Sorry :o:o:o

Lau2976

messrs wrote: »

Damn you!!! :P when I saw this was updated, I (prob like other people aswell) assumed it was Lau coming in to announce her engagement!!!

Definitely won't happen anytime soon!

messrs

Lau2976 wrote: »

Definitely won't happen anytime soon!

ah you never know