secret wedding/marriage

eviltwin · 12-01-2015 5:50pm

schemingbohemia wrote: »

But she apologised to Son not the OP, at least that's how I read it. That's not acceptable.

This.

OP you were the one she had a go with and yet she's saying sorry to him? Maybe she is a bit embarrassed but I'd be ringing her and saying that while I appreciate the apology and the gesture you'd like one too. Using your PND as a stick to beat you with is totally out of order. She had no right to do that.

Suucee · 12-01-2015 11:12pm

She apologised for the way she treated me. She said it to him not me.
im happier as OH is happier.
I wont be calling out there any time soon thats for sure. Im still annoyed so think i need time to cool also.
We'll see what happens anyway. She knows OH works all week so he cant call out with the kids so its up to her now if she wants to see them. I doubt she will call in while he is at work though.

kitten_k · 03-02-2015 3:24pm

Just read all this thread - sorry for the hassle you have had for just wanting a simple wedding.

How have things been with your MIL, SIL and Sis now Suucee?

Suucee · 03-02-2015 9:12pm

kitten_k wrote: »

Just read all this thread - sorry for the hassle you have had for just wanting a simple wedding.

How have things been with your MIL, SIL and Sis now Suucee?

Have only seen MIL a handful of times as i wont go out to hers unless OH is with me (used to go alot during the week when OH is working before this). Its been fairly awkward but its not fair on the kids as they do love seeing them.
She hasnt called here since. when we are there there is absolutely no wedding talk.

I txt SIL last week to just try clear the air and seemed pretty pointless. i basically said that "i know you feel i snapped, sorry but i do feel our wedding is about us bla bla bla bla"
anyway her reply was "yes you did snap and im not having it and apology accepted, i was only trying to give ye advice"
so i said then " that giving advice is different than saying our wedding isnt about us and storming out etc etc"
she never replied.
next day i had 2 missed calls so i msg'ed her and again she never replied. so the following day i sent her another msg saying i dont know what the issue is i wanted to call it quits but yet your not even replying.
she replied just saying
"im very busy, we called it quits, end of, time to move on"
i didnt even reply. just not worth it.

Landed out to MILs sunday afternoon and she was there. she completely ignored us and both our kids who she has not seen in weeks.

So its all still very awkward. we have the other SIL's bday at the weekend so that will be fun lol.

Oh and my own sis seems to have gotten over it all but is now saying she thinks she might try come home. it would be nice but i dont want her to start harping on about how much it cost and all that.

Still half regretting telling everyone. only half as seeing my mum so excited is great. i have the lil guy in a suit matching his daddy and it will be so cute. our daughters dress is very similar to mine.
mine only arrived today and my mum was lacing it up on me today and she started to well up and my daughter (2.5yrs) asked "whats wrong nanny? mammy is gorgeous"
so seeing my family getting so excited and happy and my own lil family is all that matters.
If his family continue to act like this and go around with sour pusses its only themselves that look bad.
Oh and FIL seems pretty happy too, brought us out to sort cake last week, he is organising that. and gave OH an envelope with a few quid in it today to put towards dj or food etc.

Gatica · 04-02-2015 8:57am

Glad to hear that not everyone's being unreasonable and giving you support.

the SIL and MIL are acting childish and selfish. The "move on" comment comes across more as a dig than an offer of peace, but hope I'm wrong.
The ones that'll suffer for this is them anyway as I'm sure everyone else will see what cows they're being. If she's no interest in seeing the kids then that's even worse, I'm glad they'll at least have one grandmother being happy to spend time with them.

kopfan77 · 04-02-2015 9:49am

Suucee wrote: »

Myself and my partner are together 11 yrs . Living together 8 yrs and have 2 kids.
basically we do not like the attention organisation or anything really to do with a wedding but on the other hand we want our relationship legalised.
He is not a legal gaurdian to our kids. We are not each others next of kin .
So we have decided to get married in a registry office and tell no one. Our parents are constanlty annoying us about it too.
we have told my sister and niece and they are going to be our witnesses .
has anyone done this before.
also what do we wear. Might sound like a stupid question but it hadnt really crossed my mind yet.

My wife and I did this last year. We didnt want a church wedding and didnt want any of the hassle of a traditional wedding. Couldnt bear the thoughts of 100+ people sitting down (and some of them only there because they had to be invited so as not to offend parents etc) and knowing that auntie mary didnt like the dinner and cousin thought the band were crap lol!

So we booked into the shelbourne in dublin for a few nights in feb of last year and got married in the registry office on 27th feb (a little tip...we emailed the shelbourne in advance explaining to them what we were doing and just dropped it in that if there was anything they could do to help make our day more special that it would be greatly appreciated....and they upgraded us to the JFK suite for the 3 nights.

My wife had her sister and her best mate stand with her, and I had two of my best mates.....and we were the only 6 people who knew about the whole thing!! We had an absolute blast!!

We still did the wedding suit/wedding dress....hired a fancy old fashioned vintage car, had a photographer take photos all the way through from the girls getting ready etc, the ceremony, beautiful photos in st stephens green, having pints after, had flowers and all that jazz. And then the 6 of us went for a slap up meal in marco pierre whites after and had a good old session afterwards....it was gas in the pubs later...people asking us did we really get married etc etc.

So we got married on the thurs....had the friday to ourselves in dublin to wander and do touristy stuff and eat in nice restaurants etc and then saturday we flew out on our honeymoon and only rang people and told them about it while at the airport lol

All in all I couldnt recommend this way of doing it highly enough

Cork 1980 · 07-02-2015 11:29pm

Suucee wrote: »

so seeing my family getting so excited and happy and my own lil family is all that matters.

Just remember this Suucee and I hope your day turns out how you want it. I've been reading the thread and have been feeling so p'd off on your behalf. Your SIL is out of order, plain and simple. You've tried to have an adult discussion about it, and she's refusing to sort it out. Ignore her and just focus on your family. Your MIL is probably embarrassed (rightly so) about how she spoke to you. She knows she should apologise to you but is unable to make that first step. At least some of the in-laws are being supportive and helping you. I hope that continues.

All the best for the day when it arrives. Hope you get the day you and the OH were originally hoping for.

Suucee · 24-02-2015 10:53pm

so 3 days to D day. all ok with MIL . back to normal but SIL still ignoring us and the kids (what they done i dont know) . she has had plenty of chance to speak to us and i did attemp speaking to her infront of her OH and mother and her mother answered.
i asked other SIL today is she going and she said yeah. with a kind of confused tone.
ah well it will be her sitting with a puss while everyone else is enjoying themselves.
we've also booked to go away for 2 nights and MIL going to mind the kids. it will be nice but im going to miss them so much.

MarieOC · 24-02-2015 11:30pm

It's her loss! You're going to have an amazing day don't give her a second thought.

kitten_k · 24-02-2015 11:57pm

Hope you have a great day Suucee.

eviltwin · 25-02-2015 12:03am

Try and put her out of your head and focus on enjoying the next few days. Hopefully someone will have stepped in and put some manners on her. She is being incredibly rude and selfish. And if she has a face like a smacked arse on the day ignore it. Have a wonderful day.

LynnGrace · 25-02-2015 10:28am

Suucee wrote: »

Still half regretting telling everyone. only half as seeing my mum so excited is great. i have the lil guy in a suit matching his daddy and it will be so cute. our daughters dress is very similar to mine.
mine only arrived today and my mum was lacing it up on me today and she started to well up and my daughter (2.5yrs) asked "whats wrong nanny? mammy is gorgeous"
so seeing my family getting so excited and happy and my own lil family is all that matters.
If his family continue to act like this and go around with sour pusses its only themselves that look bad.
Oh and FIL seems pretty happy too, brought us out to sort cake last week, he is organising that. and gave OH an envelope with a few quid in it today to put towards dj or food etc.

Keep this in mind, and that is just so lovely what your little girl said. Aww.
Honestly, someone who can carry on like this, and ignore small kids who haven't a clue what is going on, I would never look at them in the same way again, I just couldn't respect them. Ever.

I hope you have a fantastic day, you and your OH. Remember you will only do this once

, so hold your head high, and enjoy every minute of it.

westernlass · 26-02-2015 9:37am

Best of luck tomorrow. Hope you both have an amazing day

Grandadsbear · 26-02-2015 11:21am

Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow Suucee... I did something similar for my own wedding 6 years ago... Family only.

Had my parents, my best friend (as witness) and my husband had his Mother (Father R.I.P.) 7 siblings, with their husbands/wifes and children and the Priest.

My parents didn't mind, what I did once we were happy!!! Didn't go down that well with MIL and a couple of SIL's at first but I think despite themselves they had a good day... I don't really care.

Funnily enough of 2 SIL's, who had the BIG DAYS thought it was the best idea and most relaxed way and if they had their time over would have just done the same!!!

The main point is I had a wonderful day with my husband, a lovely meal in a hotel restuarant and a number of friends came in to the hotel bar that evening and just celebrated with us!!!

Pistachios & cream · 26-02-2015 1:41pm

Best of look tomorrow. Enjoy your day

Suucee · 26-02-2015 2:49pm

about 2 hours ago my sister that lives in NZ walked in the door. i was in such shock. cant believe after everything she came home for it .

witchgirl26 · 26-02-2015 5:15pm

Suucee - I really hope your wedding goes well for you tomorrow. I defo agree that everyone should have the day that they want for their wedding, not the day others think they should have.

One think I thought when reading how your MIL snapped at you is if she had suffered similar but hadn't had any help or was told to get on with it? Or had misinformation about the implications & how it could affect her son & grandchildren. Agree that a few weeks before a wedding is no time to be bringing it up at all but major events sometimes bring these things to the fore. Anyway glad it's back to normal with ye.

Toots · 26-02-2015 7:10pm

Suucee wrote: »

about 2 hours ago my sister that lives in NZ walked in the door. i was in such shock. cant believe after everything she came home for it .

That's awesome! I hope you have a really wonderful day tomorrow!

January · 26-02-2015 7:25pm

I hope you have a magical day tomorrow Suucee. Early congratulations to you and your husband and two little ones.

Dubl07 · 26-02-2015 8:24pm

Have a smashing day, Suucee.

ShazGV · 26-02-2015 8:26pm

Hope you have a great day tomorrow Suucee, congratulations!

KatW4 · 26-02-2015 9:01pm

Have a fab day tomorrow! How lovely that your sister surprised you! Congratulations

x

gumgum1 · 26-02-2015 9:29pm

Best if luck tomorrow suucee have the time of your life ...your wedding has made me think i would like a day like yours. I'm sure it will be amazing. ...

DaisyD2 · 26-02-2015 9:42pm

have a Fabulous day/weekend/Life! Blessings x

autumnrain · 26-02-2015 9:55pm

Read this whole thread today and wanted to wish you all the best for the day and for your life together.

To be honest weddings generally don't create what wasn't there, they highlight it. So if you'd done all this privately and told the begrudgers later, you'd have the same drama. At least you stood your ground beforehand and now you both have set a new standard for your married life in how you'll be treated and spoken to.
These demands to 'do what's expected' will come up again but now you know ye have each other's backs when things get rough.
That's worth celebrating and I hope ye celebrate in style! Congrats!