Why do people want to have Children

One eyed Jack

Tony EH wrote: »

Where did I say it was "wrong". You'll note that I have used neither of the words "bad" or "wrong". I've merely said, contrary to your statement that not having a kid is selfish, that the want of a child is a selfish act and I consider it more selfish than putting off having a child or forgoing it altogether because one may consider it unfeasible for whatever reason, most likely due to financial or career/work constraints in whatever form they may manifest themselves.

But why do you have to add in all those reasons for not having a child as if to justify reasons for not having a child? That's what I genuinely don't get?

The want of a child is a desire, it's not an act until you act upon that desire, so why is that desire in and of itself, selfish? Surely the only thing you can describe as selfish is actually how they go about having a child, if they choose to impose their will on another person for example.

(I'm reminded of a girl I knew only a week when I realised that she was more interested in my genes, as opposed to my jeans! She called me selfish then too! :pac:)

Hans Bricks

The thought of having a child with life long inhibiting mental illness like severe autism or Downs etc. seriously puts me off the thought of children. There's no way I'd have the patience or consideration to care for a man-child well into their adult years.

Then again I do feel an obligation to create offspring (especially a son), but I don't think I'm selfless enough.

Tony EH

One eyed Jack wrote: »

But why do you have to add in all those reasons for not having a child as if to justify reasons for not having a child? That's what I genuinely don't get?

I'm sorry. I can't make it any simpler.

anncoates

Sometimes it sucks to be human. At least most other species don't have the means to allow their most self absorbed or dimwitted numbers to endlessly question the basic reproduction of their species. It's definitely true that a surfeit of self awareness actually often makes a species more stupid or least more pointlessly solipsistic.

bnt

MonsterCookie wrote: »

Mmm. So I'm selfish for fathering 3 children? Wow!

I love them more than anything. I would die for them. I work my arse off to give them what they need. When I get home from work exhausted, I spend time with them, put them to bed, play with them, do homework, tell them stories and so on. That's selfish???

Is it also selfish to donate to charity, give food to homeless people and so on? Far less selfish not to bother eh?

It seems to me that many posters here appear to have a low opinion of parenthood or even parents in general...sad really.

As already pointed out by me and others, the selfish argument has got to go. But I must point out that the way parents feel today has little bearing on the decision you (hopefully) made years ago - the decision whether or not to have kids.

Of course all good parents love their kids, once they have them. I'm sure I would if I had kids. However, I have decided not to have kids, and am living with that decision. Loving your kids is the natural thing to do - so you should not try to use that as a post-facto justification for having kids in the first place.

MonsterCookie

bnt wrote: »

As already pointed out by me and others, the selfish argument has got to go. But I must point out that the way parents feel today has little bearing on the decision you (hopefully) made years ago - the decision whether or not to have kids.

Of course all good parents love their kids, once they have them. I'm sure I would if I had kids. However, I have decided not to have kids, and am living with that decision. Loving your kids is the natural thing to do - so you should not try to use that as a post-facto justification for having kids in the first place.

Ok, but my point was in direct response to a poster who said having children was more selfish than not having children. The act of having kids, knowing the bond that that will creat, is hardly selfish etc etc.

I didn't feel I needed to justify having kids:)

Addle

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." Oscar Wilde

Tearin It Up

I'm at an age where I should be thinking of having children if I want them, I'm early thirties and especially if I want a flock of kids now is the time.

But I have no desire to have kids, never did, and I don't see it happening any time soon.

I'm so, 'couldn't give a fcuk if it happens or not'.

I'm happy without them, I don't think I'll ever be happy with them. I like my space.

I really don't fancy following my mothers footsteps and minding men into their thirties. Her whole life revolved around her boys. If that's what having kids do to you, I'm not going there.

I'm an animal person and they will always be my babies. Animals allow you more freedom, you don't have to educate them and put them through primary and secondary school and college. You can go on holidays and put them into kennels, when can you put kids into kennels for two weeks?

Kwiecien

Canis Lupus wrote: »

I think 90% of people who have kids have them out of social conditioning and the other 10% are accidents.

I'm 33 never wanted them, still don't want them and my GF of 30 is the same. Parents can tell me till their blue in the face that once they smile it makes it all worthwhile etc but frankly the only people they're kidding are themselves. Childfree life = wonderful. If I want unconditional love I'll get a dog.

I'm 40 and still don't want them!

OldNotWIse

Tearin It Up wrote: »

I'm at an age where I should be thinking of having children if I want them, I'm early thirties and especially if I want a flock of kids now is the time.

But I have no desire to have kids, never did, and I don't see it happening any time soon.

I'm so, 'couldn't give a fcuk if it happens or not'.

I'm happy without them, I don't think I'll ever be happy with them. I like my space.

I really don't fancy following my mothers footsteps and minding men into their thirties. Her whole life revolved around her boys. If that's what having kids do to you, I'm not going there.

I'm an animal person and they will always be my babies. Animals allow you more freedom, you don't have to educate them and put them through primary and secondary school and college. You can go on holidays and put them into kennels, when can you put kids into kennels for two weeks?

Once all their shots are up to date I can't wait to have kids, and at 31....am starting to panic that it might not happen for me, but sometimes before we go out and I can simply take herself for peepees and the number 2, leave down a bowl of water and some dried food and tuck her into (albeit our) bed with lyric on before we go to the pub....I think, you would never get away with doing that to a child!

5star02707

dynamited wrote: »

Obviously the baby making process is fun but seriously who actually wants to have children?

They want to pass their genes and continue their bloodline :pac:

Mr. teddywinkles

Tearin It Up wrote: »

I'm at an age where I should be thinking of having children if I want them, I'm early thirties and especially if I want a flock of kids now is the time.

But I have no desire to have kids, never did, and I don't see it happening any time soon.

I'm so, 'couldn't give a fcuk if it happens or not'.

I'm happy without them, I don't think I'll ever be happy with them. I like my space.

I really don't fancy following my mothers footsteps and minding men into their thirties. Her whole life revolved around her boys. If that's what having kids do to you, I'm not going there.

I'm an animal person and they will always be my babies. Animals allow you more freedom, you don't have to educate them and put them through primary and secondary school and college. You can go on holidays and put them into kennels, when can you put kids into kennels for two weeks?

Cant understand that you know you don't want your own kids. Looking at someone else's kids is very different.
Yea people whinge why did I have them but there are ups too.
The point is you wont know till you have your own.
The selfish argument is stupid.
The time you sacrifice out of your own time to rare your kids proves this.

OldNotWIse

Mr. teddywinkles wrote: »

Cant understand that you know you don't want your own kids. Looking at someone else's kids is very different.
Yea people whinge why did I have them but there are ups too.
The point is you wont know till you have your own.
The selfish argument is stupid.
The time you sacrifice out of your own time to rare your kids proves this.

That is very condescending.

And I prefer my kids medium-rare.

Dravokivich

Tearin It Up wrote: »

I'm at an age where I should be thinking of having children if I want them, I'm early thirties and especially if I want a flock of kids now is the time.

But I have no desire to have kids, never did, and I don't see it happening any time soon.

I'm so, 'couldn't give a fcuk if it happens or not'.

Fair enough, I consider that to be reasonable.

but the rest of the post is a bit crazy...

Tearin It Up wrote: »

I'm happy without them, I don't think I'll ever be happy with them. I like my space.

Kids are very happy in their own space. My son is always going around doing his own thing at 14 months. All he needs from me is to clean him and feed him.

Tearin It Up wrote: »

I really don't fancy following my mothers footsteps and minding men into their thirties. Her whole life revolved around her boys. If that's what having kids do to you, I'm not going there.

That says more about your brothers I reckon. Not all blokes grow up like that. I don't even know any who have.

Tearin It Up wrote: »

I'm an animal person and they will always be my babies. Animals allow you more freedom, you don't have to educate them and put them through primary and secondary school and college. You can go on holidays and put them into kennels, when can you put kids into kennels for two weeks?

Kids and animals are two completely different things. But sure if you want to send a kid off for a bit of time, I find there's always grand parents who'd be more than happy to mind'em for a while. You seem to be anticipating more problems than there are with raising kids. Keeping pets I find, has the potential to be harder as it takes up much more time.

Supergurrier

Think about it this way.

You are the result of evolution from your line since the beginning of life itself. Think of all the hardships and struggles for survival.

But now millions of years later with all of todays modern luxuries your evolutionary line dies because you cant be arsed.

Thats arrogance

Dravokivich

Supergurrier wrote: »

Think about it this way.

You are the result of evolution from your line since the beginning of life itself. Think of all the hardships and struggles for survival.

But now millions of years later with all of todays modern luxuries your evolutionary line dies because you cant be arsed.

Thats arrogance

No, arrogance would be expecting everyone to reproduce, like how the folks here in work expect me to wear pants.

Whether or not someone wants to do it is up to them and it's only a problem if someone they are in a relationship with has an opposing opinion on the subject.

OldNotWIse

Supergurrier wrote: »

Think about it this way.

You are the result of evolution from your line since the beginning of life itself. Think of all the hardships and struggles for survival.

But now millions of years later with all of todays modern luxuries your evolutionary line dies because you cant be arsed.

Thats arrogance

I'm sure my parents will be devastated to find out that adopting my brother was a completely pointless exercise since he cannot "carry on the evolutionary line". Off with his head and all that.

Mr. teddywinkles

OldNotWIse wrote: »

That is very condescending.

And I prefer my kids medium-rare.

How is it condescending. Its like anything in life. Problem is if you don't want them when you have them there's no return to sender

cabla

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I'm sure my parents will be devastated to find out that adopting my brother was a completely pointless exercise since he cannot "carry on the evolutionary line". Off with his head and all that.

I'm pretty sure being adopted doesn't make you infertile...

eviltwin

Mr. teddywinkles wrote: »

How is it condescending. Its like anything in life. Problem is if you don't want them when you have them there's no return to sender

It is condesending. Its implying people who don't want children would change their minds if they had a child. That is would somehow suddenly make sense to them and they would see the error of their ways. Not so. I'm sure for some people it is true but not for all.

Dravokivich

cabla wrote: »

I'm pretty sure being adopted doesn't make you infertile...

That wasn't the point though. It was that he does not continue the line of those who raised him.

OldNotWIse

cabla wrote: »

I'm pretty sure being adopted doesn't make you infertile...

I'm pretty sure that's not the point I was making.

OldNotWIse

Mr. teddywinkles wrote: »

How is it condescending. Its like anything in life. Problem is if you don't want them when you have them there's no return to sender

What does that even mean?

OldNotWIse

eviltwin wrote: »

It is condesending. Its implying people who don't want children would change their minds if they had a child. That is would somehow suddenly make sense to them and they would see the error of their ways. Not so. I'm sure for some people it is true but not for all.

Exactly. I really want kids and cant wait to have them but I still take offence when people spout this rubbish. As if we will only "see the light" when we procreate, and that until such point we are living in the dark, like pseudo half-beings with nothing to contribute to society.

Mr. teddywinkles

OldNotWIse wrote: »

What does that even mean?

It means if you haven't done it how do you know? Well I could also be petty here too. Telling people they shouldn't have kids is offensive too. What's the point to this thread.

One eyed Jack

Mr. teddywinkles wrote: »

It means if you haven't done it how do you know?

I haven't done a lot of things in life, like jumping off cliffs, because I've seen what happens to other people who jump off cliffs... it doesn't end well. That's how I know.

That's how I also know it's a meaningless, patronising phrase when it comes to having children or not.

Well I could also be petty here too. Telling people they shouldn't gave kids is offensive too. What's the point to this thread.

You're right, that is petty. I don't know too many people who base any life changing decisions on the opinions of people on the internet.

OldNotWIse

Mr. teddywinkles wrote: »

It means if you haven't done it how do you know? Well I could also be petty here too. Telling people they shouldn't have kids is offensive too. What's the point to this thread.

So the only way we can justifiably form an opinion on something is to do it first? You're forgetting that kids come with a no returns policy yet you advocate that people who don't want them should have them anyway just to see. That's totally irresponsible. And stupid. Have you ever slept with someone of the same sex? No? How can you be sure you're straight? :P

OldNotWIse

There's an ad on at the moment for baby wipes and the tiny baby in that does make me want to have kids. The thing must be no more than a week old! And he's snuggled into the actress (who I presume is his mammy) like a little angel. I have to turn up the volume on the TV when it comes on because the sound of my biological clock drowns out everything else!

Malari

OldNotWIse wrote: »

There's an ad on at the moment for baby wipes and the tiny baby in that does make me want to have kids. The thing must be no more than a week old! And he's snuggled into the actress (who I presume is his mammy) like a little angel. I have to turn up the volume on the TV when it comes on because the sound of my biological clock drowns out everything else!

And I have never felt anything remotely maternal when I see things like this. I look at babies and kids and feel exactly nothing. Never have. It's just in me. I don't base my non-desire to have kids on anything I see or experience or on the lives of friends with kids, it's just something I feel.

OldNotWIse

Malari wrote: »

And I have never felt anything remotely maternal when I see things like this. I look at babies and kids and feel exactly nothing. Never have. It's just in me. I don't base my non-desire to have kids on anything I see or experience or on the lives of friends with kids, it's just something I feel.

And I respect that I don't know why I feel the way I do either, but I accept it and know I wont be happy without children, the same way that I accept there are people who would be unhappy with them. The problem comes when people don't respect these differences and try to impose their will on others thinking that because it is right for them it must be right for everyone else. And from experience....it is the ones who already have kids who are the worst offenders in this regard.