Why do people want to have Children

Malari

I don't think most people make the choice to have children based on practicalities of career and education, etc. they may delay having kids for those reasons, but whether they want them or not is just something that they feel.

I think more people choose not to have kids now because it's only recently become a proper choice.

cabla

Malari wrote: »

I don't think most people make the choice to have children based on practicalities of career and education, etc. they may delay having kids for those reasons, but whether they want them or not is just something that they feel.

I think more people choose not to have kids now because it's only recently become a proper choice.

I'd agree. I was only mentioning career because this has also become a factor in peoples lives now. I was only speaking to a lady in the airport yesterday and she said she lives where she lives for money, career and to play tennis and that was it! I agree this is her choice but the rat race seems to have replaced the parenting roles in a way. Even people that have children will leave their children in the care of others to continue with the rate race.

This is a general statement which is seen a lot more these days than days before. It's just a change in mind set and perhaps people delay because of this or people choose not to because of this as they've grown up with a different mind set of career, money and success rather than seeing raising children as a success in many other less fiscial ways.

Malari

Yes, and society in general doesn't place the same value on raising children.

donegaLroad

dynamited wrote: »

Obviously the baby making process is fun but seriously who actually wants to have children?

the human species is wired to reproduce.

cloud493

Cos my young un is literally the best thing in my life, she's bloody incredible.

Penny Tration

cabla wrote: »

I can understand how people don't want children these days.

- Career
- People are selfish
- No time
- Only time for themselves really - everyone seems to have turned into a narcissist these days with selfies etc.
- People don't want to take the time to love something and give the gift of life and if brought up right make changes to others lives too. Some people see that as self proclaiming, I'm not sure how though.

I'm actually surprised how many people don't want children. Maybe it's just the general idea on an internet forum and not the general public and the majority are young here and not thinking about children... yet.

I'm young but I want children. I know not now, but eventually. A child is something you will love unconditionally which is very rare and I think probably the one thing you can love unconditionally. That's special. To give life to something, to see it grow and guide it in the right way to enjoy life and hopefully make changes to others lives, directly or indirectly. It's part of you in another person that you can relate too, be close to and love.

No, it's not the one thing you can love unconditionally.

People who want children have selfish, narcissistic motives, too -

1. I want someone to love.

2. I want to bring up a child who will make a difference in the world.

3. I want that all encompassing, unconditional love.

4. I want family to love me, so I'm not alone in my old age.

People don't have children to make a difference in the world. They have children because they WANT to. It's about the parent's needs. If it were about providing love and a good life to a child, and nothing more, they'd forego having biological children, and adopt.

Wannabe parents are just as selfish as people who don't want kids.

bnt

lazeedaisy wrote: »

It's amazing the opinions here, it's not such a black and white topic.

I can't believe the selfish card comes up time and again.

It comes up again a few posts below yours. I don't get it either. The whole question reads to me like a question of risk vs. reward, where over time the risks have grown and the rewards have shrunk. They used to say "it takes a village to raise a child"; well, the village is gone, it's now all on you to do everything, and if you want anyone else to do anything for you, it's going to cost you (e.g. "childcare").

Yes, we are wired to reproduce, but we no longer have to be slaves to our wiring. In the natural world, populations of animals go through boom & bust cycles: we don't have to go through that, do we?

cabla

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

No, it's not the one thing you can love unconditionally.

People who want children have selfish, narcissistic motives, too -

1. I want someone to love.

2. I want to bring up a child who will make a difference in the world.

3. I want that all encompassing, unconditional love.

4. I want family to love me, so I'm not alone in my old age.

People don't have children to make a difference in the world. They have children because they WANT to. It's about the parent's needs. If it were about providing love and a good life to a child, and nothing more, they'd forego having biological children, and adopt.

Wannabe parents are just as selfish as people who don't want kids.

You know what I'd somewhat agree with it. I don't think it's as selfish as you may think and I'd imagine very sad and lonely people only having children to have someone in their old age.

The argument can also be made that it's quite selfless too as they know the work, financial pressure and exhaustion which will naturally come with a child.

What's really wrong with it being somewhat selfish anyway? I think it can be as selfish NOT to have a child becasue you want to focus on you and your career (I know some people just don't want one). Maybe you're a parent and can answer? What else do you think you can love unconditionally?

Penny Tration

cabla wrote: »

You know what I'd somewhat agree with it. I don't think it's as selfish as you may think and I'd imagine very sad and lonely people only having children to have someone in their old age.

The argument can also be made that it's quite selfless too as they know the work, financial pressure and exhaustion which will naturally come with a child.

What's really wrong with it being somewhat selfish anyway? I think it can be as selfish NOT to have a child becasue you want to focus on you and your career (I know some people just don't want one). Maybe you're a parent and can answer? What else do you think you can love unconditionally?

I'm not disagreeing that choosing not to have kids is selfish. It is. I'm pointing out that having kids is also selfish. We are inherently selfish beings. We do selfish things.

I'm not a parent. I can't have children (or at least, I've only got about a 10% chance of conceiving). Nor do I want them.

Unconditional love isn't solely reserved for your children. I love my dog unconditionally. I love my parents unconditionally (as proven by still loving my dad to pieces, and that never wavering, despite him kicking me about like a football as a kid). I love my sisters unconditionally (again, proven by the fact that I had to pretty much raise two of them because of my mam developing severe disabilities after the day the youngest was born). Unconditional love is not reserved to people who have kids.

coffee_cake

cabla wrote: »

I can understand how people don't want children these days.

- Career
- People are selfish
- No time
- Only time for themselves really - everyone seems to have turned into a narcissist these days with selfies etc.
- People don't want to take the time to love something and give the gift of life and if brought up right make changes to others lives too.e.

Jesus christ

People don't want children because they're narcissists and brought up wrong?

It's a biological urge and desire. Some people want them, and some don't. Good for them, either way.
Just because you want them doesn't mean it's okay to insult people
Don't teach your child that attitude yea

One eyed Jack

cabla wrote: »

What's really wrong with it being somewhat selfish anyway? I think it can be as selfish NOT to have a child becasue you want to focus on you and your career (I know some people just don't want one).

There's everything wrong with thinking of yourself in making the decision to bring another human being into the world tbh. There's nothing selfish about not wanting to bring another human being into the world, there's no justification necessary.

Maybe you're a parent and can answer? What else do you think you can love unconditionally?

I'm a parent and that has no bearing on the fact that there's no shortage of people already in existence that I can love unconditionally.

eviltwin

I'm not sure why the word "selfish" keeps coming up here. You could argue 99% of the decisions we make on a daily basis are selfish. So what if they are? If you want kids/don't want kids and your reasons for that can be labelled "selfish" then so be it, who wants to be a martyr all the time. Its good to do the things that make you happy.

cabla

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

I'm not disagreeing that choosing not to have kids is selfish. It is. I'm pointing out that having kids is also selfish. We are inherently selfish beings. We do selfish things.

I'm not a parent. I can't have children (or at least, I've only got about a 10% chance of conceiving). Nor do I want them.

Unconditional love isn't solely reserved for your children. I love my dog unconditionally. I love my parents unconditionally (as proven by still loving my dad to pieces, and that never wavering, despite him kicking me about like a football as a kid). I love my sisters unconditionally (again, proven by the fact that I had to pretty much raise two of them because of my mam developing severe disabilities after the day the youngest was born). Unconditional love is not reserved to people who have kids.

Fair enough and good on you for still having the love after all that, I know I wouldn't be and I guess that's what I mean. It seems that you're a special case. I'd imagine that a lot of people in your situation wouldn't have the same feelings towards their father if he did that.

I just see children as being a bit different as even if they end up in prison I think there's always this weird part of you that wouldn't allow you to not love them. Again, this isn't for everyone, maybe the majority, while your unconditional love which you have shown may be the minority (except for the dog, everyone loves dogs).

I guess everything is just relative in a way and ye we are all selfish but selfish acts can also be good acts. Noone in reality is going to give up everything they own, live in a bush because they think they're being selfish. At what point is selfishness turned to greed and harm. I don't think the selfish act of having a child is greedy its quite the opposite but the act of not having a child because of your career and choose not to for THAT reason or similar is greedy and inherently wrong. That may be getting into it a little too much but anyway, that's my two cents!

eviltwin

cabla wrote: »

I guess everything is just relative in a way and ye we are all selfish but selfish acts can also be good acts. Noone in reality is going to give up everything they own, live in a bush because they think they're being selfish. At what point is selfishness turned to greed and harm. I don't think the selfish act of having a child is greedy its quite the opposite but the act of not having a child because of your career and choose not to for THAT reason or similar is greedy and inherently wrong. That may be getting into it a little too much but anyway, that's my two cents!

Why is it harmful not to have children and focus on your career?

Who exactly is being "wronged"

coffee_cake

We all have different passions. Saying one is inherently wrong because you prefer the other

cabla

bluewolf wrote: »

Jesus christ

People don't want children because they're narcissists and brought up wrong?

It's a biological urge and desire. Some people want them, and some don't. Good for them, either way.
Just because you want them doesn't mean it's okay to insult people
Don't teach your child that attitude yea

Well that's a bit of a hypocritical reply there. I don't mean to insult anyone individually I just think there are a lot of extra factors these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these are the only reasons, I completely understand if people don't want children. I'm just saying I believe, and my opinion (no need to insult) that there's a lot more to it theses days with other expactations of people and their lives and what direction they go so they don't think about or want children. I never said it was wrong, it's their choice!

Penny Tration

cabla wrote: »

but the act of not having a child because of your career and choose not to for THAT reason or similar is greedy and inherently wrong.

No, it's not.

You say you're quite young. I imagine you'll mature a bit as you grow.

But since you're saying people who choose a career over having kids are wrong -

The world is over populated. So, it's equally as wrong to choose to have kids.

coffee_cake

cabla wrote: »

but the act of not having a child because of your career and choose not to for THAT reason or similar is greedy and inherently wrong.

cabla wrote: »

I never said it was wrong, it's their choice!

Is that right yeah

my opinion (no need to insult)

Saying people are selfish narcissists making "inherently wrong" choices IS an insult, and hiding behind "it's my opinion" won't cut it.

Go out into the world a bit, get to know people a bit better, and learn a little

Penny Tration

cabla wrote: »

Well that's a bit of a hypocritical reply there. I don't mean to insult anyone individually I just think there are a lot of extra factors these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these are the only reasons, I completely understand if people don't want children. I'm just saying I believe, and my opinion (no need to insult) that there's a lot more to it theses days with other expactations of people and their lives and what direction they go so they don't think about or want children. I never said it was wrong, it's their choice!

You said it was wrong in your last post.

eviltwin

cabla wrote: »

Well that's a bit of a hypocritical reply there. I don't mean to insult anyone individually I just think there are a lot of extra factors these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these are the only reasons, I completely understand if people don't want children. I'm just saying I believe, and my opinion (no need to insult) that there's a lot more to it theses days with other expactations of people and their lives and what direction they go so they don't think about or want children. I never said it was wrong, it's their choice!

But you did say it was wrong....

cabla

Well I guess this is why it's a debate and I don't like to get involved too much here on boards.

Having listened to the arguments I do take back the "wrong" comment. I understand and appreciate the points made. I also repect peopel's decision not to have a child. I guess the point I was trying to say is that, perharps there's a lot of people out there that wanted to have children but stopped because their career or something like this took over. I feel that's a shame and a sad state of afairs that someone may have had ambitions to have a child now has ambitions to own a nice car. That is all but as I say, their choice.

Also I have been exposed to a lot of things actually eventhough I am young. Some places people would have no desire to go and see some terrible acts of humanity. I live and work in a very harsh environment which may have somewhat warped my opinion.

coffee_cake

cabla wrote: »

Well I guess this is why it's a debate and I don't like to get involved too much here on boards.

Sure we can all learn something from each other in debates

fair play coming back on the rest of it

Penny Tration

cabla wrote: »

Well I guess this is why it's a debate and I don't like to get involved too much here on boards.

Having listened to the arguments I do take back the "wrong" comment. I understand and appreciate the points made. I also repect peopel's decision not to have a child. I guess the point I was trying to say is that, perharps there's a lot of people out there that wanted to have children but stopped because their career or something like this took over. I feel that's a shame and a sad state of afairs that someone may have had ambitions to have a child now has ambitions to own a nice car. That is all but as I say, their choice.

Also I have been exposed to a lot of things actually eventhough I am young. Some places people would have no desire to go and see some terrible acts of humanity. I live and work in a very harsh environment which may have somewhat warped my opinion.

Not many people have the balls to come back and post like you did, after everybody disagreeing. Fair play mate.

cabla

bluewolf wrote: »

Sure we can all learn something from each other in debates

fair play coming back on the rest of it

I do feel people get so angry here so quickly with opinions! haha. Btw I don't mean not having children is wrong I meant greed was wrong. That wasn't very well written I admit.

cabla

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Not many people have the balls to come back and post like you did, after everybody disagreeing. Fair play mate.

I've no issue saying I'm wrong and listening to others. If more people did it maybe we could all live a little easier. There's no shame in it. We should all be a bit more open minded I guess. And noone is right or wrong as it's not a science equation here it's a difference of opinion and respect I guess.

Where I live now I just see some rediculously selfless acts that people do for their family and children. It's tough to see and would like to help and make a difference but I'd have no idea how. Anyway, that's for another day.

One eyed Jack

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm not sure why the word "selfish" keeps coming up here. You could argue 99% of the decisions we make on a daily basis are selfish. So what if they are? If you want kids/don't want kids and your reasons for that can be labelled "selfish" then so be it, who wants to be a martyr all the time. Its good to do the things that make you happy.

I think it always comes up when talking about children because people want to reinforce the idea for themselves that they're making, or have made, the "right" choice, so those people who want children will call those who don't - selfish, and those who don't want children will call those who do - selfish. And people are offended by it because nobody likes to think of themselves as selfish. It's an inherently negative trait.

As you pointed out though, it's meaningless really to be judging other people by our own standards, it's not as if people who want children aren't going to have them, and people who don't want children are equally going to think they should have children so they're not seen as selfish.

The days of people having a football team of children are long gone, thankfully, but as well as adoption which Jenny mentioned earlier, there's also the options like foster care, or one I'm very much an advocate of which is 'mentoring' children.

Only just yesterday I met a woman whose child is being bullied in school and I found out the child is being bullied in school and suffering academically because of her dyspraxia. I asked the child's mother would she let me mentor the child and I'll see that they get all the resources and support they need to allow them to reach their potential. I was delighted personally when the child's mother agreed to it.

I have my own selfish reasons for wanting to see the child do well in school and in life in general, but I'm ok with that because the most important thing to me is seeing the child happy and seeing them fulfill their potential.

gormdubhgorm

Thespoofer wrote: »

When I was 36 I already had x2 sons ( aged about 15 and 4 at the time ).

My Wife told me one day that she's pregnant and I cried ( and not out of happiness ), I really did not want another.

Roll on 7 years later and it all makes sense now, a kind of, there's a reason for everything.
I am so happy now that she fell pregnant back then.

I am curious. Did it take 7 years for it to make sense? Or were the years leading up to seven the reason you cried in the first place?

Tony EH

cabla wrote: »

I can understand how people don't want children these days.


- People are selfish

I consider it far more selfish of people to WANT children. In fact it's an entirely selfish act. Bringing another life into existence (where uncertainty is the absolute factor) because you WANT something.

CarpeDiem85

I absolutely adore my daughter, she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I love looking after her and hearing her wee accent and language skills starting to develop now. Hearing her play with her teddy in the cot in the morning and then pretend to be asleep when I go in to lift her and then jump up and say 'Hiiiiyyaaaa' is the best way to start a day.

However, I respect the choice that some people make not to have children. That's entirely up to them. By the same token, I don't to be slammed for making the choice to have my daughter and hopefully future children too.

Let's respect each other's choices yeah.

Cienciano

Tony EH wrote: »

I consider it far more selfish of people to WANT children. In fact it's an entirely selfish act. Bringing another life into existence (where uncertainty is the absolute factor) because you WANT something.

Drop the selfish argument, because as pointed out on numerous occasions in this thread, its a ridiculous argument for both sides