Sexy street harassment

kylith

suicide_circus wrote: »

My attitude is that I won't feel bad for checking out women who dress in a manner designed to get men to check them out. Although I will say that I certainly don't pass comment like the guys in the video. Yiz are probably right, thats a step too far.

And is an outfit like the one the lady in the video was wearing "designed to get men to check her out"? In my experience, anything relatively fitted or with a neck lower than your collarbones, or even their perception of how your jeans fit you, can invite comment.

Billy86

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

I was talking to a female friend about heckling from passers by to women walking down the street. I was giving her an insight into why I think it's done. For example, a builder getting the attention of a pretty girl. If she turns around, then the builder, for a short period of time, is part of that girl's life. She has acknowledged his existence. I was saying that the builder knows it will come to nothing but does it for the acknowledgement. She then told me she was walking home from work drinks, pissed and was heckled at by a builder. The end of the story was her in the front seat of the builder's car, frantically shagging him.

So maybe the success rate of such heckles is higher than one thinks and worth a shot.

They must have finished work very early that day if the construction site was still open by the time they had finished drinking.

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

People can wear what they want and it's annoying to have to listen to stupid comments from strangers, but at a certain point you have to question the brain power of someone who hasn't figured out how to prevent the comments.

For example you have every right to make eye contact with chuggers if you want but if you complain that they won't stop asking you to join their charity but continue to make eye contact as you walk past them then the issue is your intelligence.

How do you prevent the comments?

Meangadh

Weird thing is that the whole "sure you're wearing a tight top/short skirt, men are bound to comment" thing is actually kind of null and void considering that regardless of what a woman is wearing, they can get comments. I've been wearing the baggiest mankiest clothes and zero makeup going down the street and still gotten creepy comments.

I just don't understand the mentality of someone who just says random things to random people, regardless of the intention. Besides, do these men think that these women are going to strike up a conversation with them then? Or what is the point of making the comment? Maybe I'm cynical, but something tells me these men aren't doing it just to be friendly and hoping to strike up a conversation.

Pat Mustard

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I'm a man that causes people to noticeably cross the street when they see me coming, so I know when someone engages me in conversation out of the blue it's because they are looking for something. I find that pretty uncomfortable in itself, even if it's only a sheister selling insurance or a watch, so I can only imagine it's many many times worse with a more personal undertone.

Spot the Airtricity rep!

/crosses street

andrew

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

People can wear what they want and it's annoying to have to listen to stupid comments from strangers, but at a certain point you have to question the brain power of someone who hasn't figured out how to prevent the comments.

Women shouldn't be obligated to prevent the comments though; men should be obligated not to make them. People should be able to wear what they like and not have someone pass comment about it.

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Through trial and error I'm sure it becomes obvious which outfits result in more comments than others.

So if I get comments wearing jeans and a jumper - which has happened - what are my options then? Just accept it?

Comments are not okay. A few years ago I started running, I was very overweight and always got random people yelling at me. I suppose the natural reaction to that was just give up going on your logic.

darced

This post has been deleted.

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Why should someone be obliged not to make comments to someone else? What comments specifically should be banned. That's a bit too authoritarian for my liking.

If you saw a guy walking down the street and he looked really well, would you pass a comment to him?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Dr. Lollington wrote: »

Let's get real here though, I'm a woman and I know damn well that certain clothes will attract more attention than others.

In my experience, it's not even what I've been wearing that's been the strongest determining factor in the type and frequency of comments. It's where I am, how much alcohol the men around me have been consuming, and very importantly whether or not I'm on my own. If I'm with another woman or women the chances of a man on his own feeling the uncontrollable urge to "compliment" us diminishes for some reason; if I'm with a man (particularly my brother or boyfriend, both of whom are fairly big fellahs) the likelihood drops to near zero. Everyone comes down with a fierce dose of self-control/stinginess with compliments when they're going up against somebody their own size, funny that.

I'm generally very covered up when I'm out and about - to the point where I've been mistaken for a Muslim - and I still get comments ranging from "smile" to "howyih gorgeous" to "show us your tits". Obviously there are differences between those comments but they're all on the same spectrum, after year upon year of putting up with them the whole range get pretty ****ing tedious.

Barely There

Dr. Lollington wrote: »

I have a low-cut lacy black dress that I've actually never worn. I tried it on one night and my bf nearly had a heart attack. He asked me not to wear it out because it would attract too much attention and make him uncomfortable.

Your bf sounds very insecure.

kylith

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Why should someone be obliged not to make comments to someone else? What comments specifically should be banned. That's a bit too authoritarian for my liking.

I would read that "be obliged to" as 'have the decency to'.

BoJack Horseman

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Why should someone be obliged not to make comments to someone else? What comments specifically should be banned. That's a bit too authoritarian for my liking.

Its not about "banning".

Its about self control.

People should consult a medical professional if the mere sight of another human causes them to lose the run of themselves.

kylith

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Accept you can't control other people, you can control yourself and how you deal with unwelcome comments.

Exactly, you can't control how other people dress, you can only control yourself and how you interact non-intrusively with other people by, for example, not making unwelcome comments to them.

Last_Minute

Are there any women in this thread who might not see themselves as pretty or good looking in this thread who would actually like to recieve comments from guys such as the ones in the video?

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Accept you can't control other people, you can control yourself and how you deal with unwelcome comments.

So if someone is rude to me that's my responsibility? You can't just shout out anything you want to someone because you feel like it. We have to filter our words. We do it all the time and just accept that as normal polite conduct. It doesn't make it any more acceptable if the target of your comment is a woman.

Billy86

Meangadh wrote: »

Weird thing is that the whole "sure you're wearing a tight top/short skirt, men are bound to comment" thing is actually kind of null and void considering that regardless of what a woman is wearing, they can get comments. I've been wearing the baggiest mankiest clothes and zero makeup going down the street and still gotten creepy comments.

I just don't understand the mentality of someone who just says random things to random people, regardless of the intention. Besides, do these men think that these women are going to strike up a conversation with them then? Or what is the point of making the comment? Maybe I'm cynical, but something tells me these men aren't doing it just to be friendly and hoping to strike up a conversation.

I would actually pass comment the very, very odd time, but not like the lads in the video - more so if someone just looked a bit down and if it didn't involve shouting at or stopping them on the street (also not if I was with friends). I would however always make an effort to disqualify myself right off the bat ("look I'm not trying to give off the wrong impression/get your number/I have a girlfriend/etc.... but just had to say you're looking wonderful, have a good day"). Like I said I only do it the rare time but I've never had a negative reaction from it for whatever reason.

Now if I were trying to chat someone up, commenting on their looks would be one of the last things I would start off with! :pac:

kylith

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

People are entitled to make comments to other people.

And I'm entitled to point out to you that the majority of women in this thread have said that such comments make them uncomfortable, at least, and that by insisting that you have the right to make such comments despite this you are revealing yourself to be an unpleasant person with no regard, respect, or empathy for other people in general or women in particular.

You are literally saying "I will say whatever I like about you and your appearance, and I don't give a sht how it makes you feel".

Barely There

Last_Minute wrote: »

Are there any women in this thread who might not see themselves as pretty or good looking in this thread who would actually like to recieve comments from guys such as the ones in the video?

Are you offering your services?

BrokenHero

Paige Brave Poker wrote: »

if I'm with a man (particularly my brother or boyfriend, both of whom are fairly big fellahs) the likelihood drops to near zero. Everyone comes down with a fierce dose of self-control/stinginess with compliments when they're going up against somebody their own size, funny that.

lol.

Yeah, cause them thinking one of the guys is either your boyfriend or husband wouldn't have anything to do with it.

andrew

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Why should someone be obliged not to make comments to someone else? What comments specifically should be banned. That's a bit too authoritarian for my liking.

Because making comments in passing to someone you don't know which you know makes them uncomfortable or scared is a crappy thing to do. I'm not saying it should be illegal (because that's not practical), I'm just saying you shouldn't do it. And if you didn't before, now you know it makes women uncomfortable, because this thread and that video have told you it does.

Smiles35

I had an Aunt that emigrated to Boston. ''Get a life, freshy'' was her line.




Died a spinster.

RoboRat

People are entitled to make comments to other people.

Disagree, so if you see an overweight person you are entitled to say 'hey fatty, do some exercise' or 'hey gonzo, get a nosejob' to somebody with a big nose.

I have had my fair share of dealings with ignorant women in pubs/ clubs... saying hello and being told to fcuk off. I have an issue with that as I think a pub/club is an acceptable place to try and meet somebody and you don't know their relationship status so a simple 'sorry, I'm with somebody' would suffice but I think that every women has the right to be able to walk down the street without having to listen to what a bloke thinks of them.

I don't think that a bloke saying Hi or hello is harassment but anything about a woman's appearance is, be it good or bad.

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Do you want to live in a world where it is illegal to be rude?

Who said anything about making it illegal?

Pat Mustard

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Do you want to live in a world where it is illegal to be rude?

It would be interesting if there was one day a year where it was illegal to be rude.

Also, it might stimulate the economy by creating opportunities for lawyers and Gardai.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

BrokenHero wrote: »

lol.

Yeah, cause them thinking one of the guys is either your boyfriend or husband wouldn't have anything to do with it.

So what? "show us your tits" is a chat up line is it? So it's something you only say to women who are clearly single? People check my finger for a ring before they tell me to smile do they? Is it a bigger nono to pay a "compliment" to a woman who's already taken than to pass comments that are clearly making a single woman uncomfortable?

Lol indeed. Cop on to yourself.

FactCheck

Last_Minute wrote: »

Are there any women in this thread who might not see themselves as pretty or good looking in this thread who would actually like to recieve comments from guys such as the ones in the video?

Every single woman I know receives these comments regularly. Regardless of what she looks like. I would say the very young, the very beautiful, and the very fat receive more but everybody gets some. I suspect race plays a part too - I have a very beautiful friend who is Asian and walking around Paris with her was genuinely frightening to me at times.

The main variable isn't women and what they do/how they dress. As others have already said, it's the men and where they are and what they're doing. It is much less common in general in Ireland. It is widespread in cities on the Continent. Cities in the US are more variable - there are some neighbourhoods were it is constant and some where it isn't present at all. Drink plays a factor, especially in Ireland. It is also widespread in certain communities - I'm deliberately not saying races, because it's definitely not that simple - it's a community and an attitude thing, much more nuanced than skin colour.

BoJack Horseman

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

How do you know they lost the run of themselves, maybe they make the conscious choice to make a comment.

A conscious choice to harass is no more noble or acceptable.

FunLover18

I don't understand how people can be so defensive about their right to 'compliment' a complete stranger. I never do it and I never would because I have no idea how they would take it or what they might read into which is fair enough. They know nothing about me or my intentions and so if there's even a chance of making them feel uncomfortable or harassed what's the point? I don't think there's anything PC about it it's just common sense in my book, yet the way people are going on about it you'd swear it was the death of society.

Tasden

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Accept you can't control other people, you can control yourself and how you deal with unwelcome comments.

I have a seven year old. She plays out in the garden and regularly comes in whinging about one of the kids saying something mean and yep you're right I do tell her she and I cant control what other people do or say to her but that she should tell them that its not nice and how it makes her feel when they do that so they know not to do it again.

If one of the kids came to me and said that she had called them names, would I tell them "deal with it, I cant control what she says, get over it", no! I'd teach her common decency, that she should care about how her actions make others feel and that she shouldn't be saying things that might hurt them.

Two way street kind of thing. Women do learn how to deal with the comments and how it makes them feel- having a system re taxis and getting in and out at certain stops so nobody is left alone with a leery taxi man, having a phone up to their ear while walking alone, walking where certain street lights/main roads are if its dark even if its the longer route. Half of the stuff some women feel they have to do because the "responsibility is on them to prevent some pervert who cant control his urges". Your argument is very close to "she wore a short skirt, she was asking for it" btw. Or is it only with comments that men cant control themselves?

If my 7 year old can learn to be decent and when to keep her mouth shut so can a grown man tbh.