Letting family members using my computer- am I in the wrong?

Young Northern Man

green_screen wrote: »

It was jobseekers benefit, based on my earnings in my previous job. If I'd been on jobseekers allowance, it would be 144 per week.

And no, it's not a lot of dole.

its not a lot of dole you say?

I live in the North.

I could be wrong but as far as I know, jobseekers allowance up here is

55 sterling (about 70 euro) per week if you are 24 or under
72 sterling (about 90 euro) per week if you are 25 or older

4zn76tysfajdxp

When you're in your 20s and your parents start alluding to you moving out, it might be time to accept that you've outstayed your welcome.

I would suggest you promptly buy them a cheap secondhand desktop PC and start making plans to find your own place.

Penny Tration

Young Northern Man wrote: »

its not a lot of dole you say?

I live in the North.

I could be wrong but as far as I know, jobseekers allowance up here is

55 sterling (about 70 euro) per week if you are 24 or under
72 sterling (about 90 euro) per week if you are 25 or older

And the cost of living is lower.

That's not the point anyway. The point is, you refuse to move out, but refuse to follow your parents' rules in THEIR home. You can't have it both ways.

TeamJesus

I never got to my parent house - I was out on my own as soon as I got out of the womb!!!

Never mind these folks OP. Boasting about how early you moved out of the family home is a regular thing on boards. Makes them feel superior.

This is from someone who moved out early.. before the "sure you're probably still at home yourself" crowd start.

senordingdong

This is absurd
You live in their house. You are using their house. Let them use your poxy computer.
You say they give you lifts here and there. Why don't you just buy your own car?
-Because you wouldn't need once ALL the time? And it's easier to just use someone else's car now and then?

LegacyUser

OP, realistically your Dad can't have it every which way. Clearly you either have no job or a job that doesn't bring in a lot, but he still wants you to move out. Therefore (logically) he would not be against you renting, as you seem to be a good number of years away from buying a house. So I do think you are procrastinating about that.

I also think you have raised objections to you moving out based on your horror that you'd be on your own (yuck, apparently) or sharing with strangers (also yuck, apparently) because you have a very cushy time at home with the folks.

Here's another thing I took from your OP. You think your folks must have enough money for a computer because they are looking at second hand cars worth between 2,000 and 3,000? I'm not sure you realise just how much of a money drain a cheap car is. Get one for 1,000 and you'll potentially spend double that getting it through the NCT or equivalent. Do you even know whether they've had to get a credit union loan or something to be able to afford it? And this is the car that they are going to be ferrying you around in out of the goodness of their hearts.

So let me get this straight. You don't want to move out because "through no fault of your own" you are used to living with people and you wouldn't be able to afford holidays. You don't want to let them use your computer and refuse to think of buying them one "on principal", and you feel you've been too soft on them. You think 2,000/3,000 indicates that your folks have lots of ready money, in spite of this being put towards a much more essential item than a computer.

Sonny, you can't afford these "principals" of your's. You're coming across to me as a young fella with an outrageous sense of entitlement. I'll bet you've heard "shape up or ship out" before from your folks - maybe you could consider their needs for space sometime and do just that? How about Australia? Good jobs there I hear.....

And fear of leaving home at 24 "in case something goes wrong" honestly indicates that you should take the plunge ASAP, or this fear of your's is going to require counselling and your parents buying a crowbar.

750X

What's absurd is the condescending attitude towards this young man. What he wanted to know was - is he in the wrong; regarding his letting of family in his bedroom and use of his computer.

I don't particularly think you are in the wrong; although as I said before Sir; I think the best course of action is to buy them their own laptop. I know this could be costly for you; but I'm sure they're worth it - you will get your personal space back; they will have their own laptop - peace will return.

indigo twist

Young Northern Man wrote: »

1) if I was living alone, I wouldnt have any/much disposable income

2) sharing a house with strangers, are for serious?

3) my point is that you pay for and dont own it

1) So which do you value more - your independence or your disposable income? Also, do you think it's fair that your parents are stuck with you there indefinitely ... you seem to have this idea in your head that you won't move out until you're buying a house with your future partner - how many women will want to get into a relationship with an adult who still lives at home with their parents? It would be a major turn-off for many women (myself included) - I just wouldn't go there.

2) Something you'll find when/if you start renting is that it is often SO much easier and better to live with strangers rather than friends or family. There is a fairer more equal dynamic in the houseshare; everyone is starting off on an even footing. I must have lived in maybe ten houseshares over the years, the majority of which were with strangers, and it would always be my preferred option. Plus, it's a great way to get to know new people.

3) In all fairness, you only get one shot at life. Personally I'd rather go out, meet new people, live in new places - even if it does mean I'm wasting money on "dead" rent. You know, after college, I was offered a job in an accounting firm in my hometown, I could have easily stayed at home with my parents for years, I could still be there now. But I moved out, I created a new life for myself on the other side of the country, I took advantage of some fantastic career opportunities, and I'm now happily settled with a great job and a lovely boyfriend and a small baby. And guess what - at 29, I'm STILL handing over "dead money" to my landlord every month, with no prospect of buying my own house anytime soon. But I'm perfectly happy to spend that "dead" money to have a real life right now. It's so worth it, and while I love my parents very much and get on brilliantly with them, I cannot imagine still living under there roof at this stage of my life.

Young Northern Man

-sminky- wrote: »

OP, realistically your Dad can't have it every which way. Clearly you either have no job or a job that doesn't bring in a lot, but he still wants you to move out. Therefore (logically) he would not be against you renting, as you seem to be a good number of years away from buying a house. So I do think you are procrastinating about that.

I also think you have raised objections to you moving out based on your horror that you'd be on your own (yuck, apparently) or sharing with strangers (also yuck, apparently) because you have a very cushy time at home with the folks.

Here's another thing I took from your OP. You think your folks must have enough money for a computer because they are looking at second hand cars worth between 2,000 and 3,000? I'm not sure you realise just how much of a money drain a cheap car is. Get one for 1,000 and you'll potentially spend double that getting it through the NCT or equivalent. Do you even know whether they've had to get a credit union loan or something to be able to afford it? And this is the car that they are going to be ferrying you around in out of the goodness of their hearts.

So let me get this straight. You don't want to move out because "through no fault of your own" you are used to living with people and you wouldn't be able to afford holidays. You don't want to let them use your computer and refuse to think of buying them one "on principal", and you feel you've been too soft on them. You think 2,000/3,000 indicates that your folks have lots of ready money, in spite of this being put towards a much more essential item than a computer.

Sonny, you can't afford these "principals" of your's. You're coming across to me as a young fella with an outrageous sense of entitlement. I'll bet you've heard "shape up or ship out" before from your folks - maybe you could consider their needs for space sometime and do just that? How about Australia? Good jobs there I hear.....

And fear of leaving home at 24 "in case something goes wrong" honestly indicates that you should take the plunge ASAP, or this fear of your's is going to require counselling and your parents buying a crowbar.

I dont know much about houses etc, how to go about renting one

I also dont earn enough

LifesgoodwithLG

Honestly Northern Lad we all do what's important to us in life. Each to their own.
A lot of posters gave suggested buying them a tablet or laptop or moving out. They are saving you a shed load of money so it would be a nice thoughtful gift while benefitting you by having your Computer back. Win Win


quote="Young Northern Man;92375264"]I haven't decided to live at home

I have lived at home since I was a baby and never had the chance to do otherwise

I dont have anyone to move out with

Also Im disadvantaged as I dont drive[/quote]

Stavro Mueller

So why aren't you earning enough?

Young Northern Man

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

So why aren't you earning enough?

My job is bad.

Young Northern Man

indigo twist wrote: »

1) So which do you value more - your independence or your disposable income? Also, do you think it's fair that your parents are stuck with you there indefinitely ... you seem to have this idea in your head that you won't move out until you're buying a house with your future partner - how many women will want to get into a relationship with an adult who still lives at home with their parents? It would be a major turn-off for many women (myself included) - I just wouldn't go there.

2) Something you'll find when/if you start renting is that it is often SO much easier and better to live with strangers rather than friends or family. There is a fairer more equal dynamic in the houseshare; everyone is starting off on an even footing. I must have lived in maybe ten houseshares over the years, the majority of which were with strangers, and it would always be my preferred option. Plus, it's a great way to get to know new people.

3) In all fairness, you only get one shot at life. Personally I'd rather go out, meet new people, live in new places - even if it does mean I'm wasting money on "dead" rent. You know, after college, I was offered a job in an accounting firm in my hometown, I could have easily stayed at home with my parents for years, I could still be there now. But I moved out, I created a new life for myself on the other side of the country, I took advantage of some fantastic career opportunities, and I'm now happily settled with a great job and a lovely boyfriend and a small baby. And guess what - at 29, I'm STILL handing over "dead money" to my landlord every month, with no prospect of buying my own house anytime soon. But I'm perfectly happy to spend that "dead" money to have a real life right now. It's so worth it, and while I love my parents very much and get on brilliantly with them, I cannot imagine still living under there roof at this stage of my life.

theres numerous points Id make.

Firstly, I wouldnt want a woman to judge me based on where I live...

my parents are stuck with me indefinately? well yes, they created me...

You had a good experience with houseshares with strangers. you took a major risk though. It couldve worked out badly. Goodness only know what sort of people Id get if I did a houseshare with strangers


your doing well, I dont see myself moving out anytime soon, I just cant imagine doing it, the thought of it scares me.

IlmoNT4

Thinking that on principle your folks should sort out their own computing requirements sounds immature and entitled to me OP.

You are a grown man,you are living in their house, repeating what your parents say that renting is dead money. Do you have any thoughts of your own?

If I was living at home and in your situation

1. I'd be glad my folks let me stay
2. if it bothered me that much that they used my computer then I would buy them a cheap tablet.

I left home at 21 and in the time I did live with my parents, I built them a computer, taught them both how to use it. I bought both of them mobile phones and taught them how to use those. I paid the broadband bill and gave my mother money towards the household, as I was out working.

In return Mam made my dinner most nights when I got home from work and washed my clothes.I never asked her to do any of this, she just did it to help me out. Its a give and take OP when you live with family and its something you are going to have to learn if you ever enter into a relationship. Drop this principle stuff...Principles never get you very far. Look at the bigger picture, its how you treat the people you love. 150 euro will get you a tablet, which they will appreciate and in the long run solves your issue of not wanting to share your PC.
My parents repeated the renting is dead money, it didnt stop me from getting out into the world and renting for a whole 10 years :-0 and in that time I learnt how to share houses with strangers, how to share with partners, how to live alone, how to manage a house hold budget, went traveling, met people, stood on my own two feet.

Hope this helps you.

indigo twist

Young Northern Man wrote: »

theres numerous points Id make.

Firstly, I wouldnt want a woman to judge me based on where I live...

my parents are stuck with me indefinately? well yes, they created me...

You had a good experience with houseshares with strangers. you took a major risk though. It couldve worked out badly. Goodness only know what sort of people Id get if I did a houseshare with strangers


your doing well, I dont see myself moving out anytime soon, I just cant imagine doing it, the thought of it scares me.

It's not necessarily that a woman would judge you based on where you live, it's the practicalities of it. If you're dating somebody, generally you won't want to (or won't be able to afford to) go out somewhere nice every single time. It's nice to have cosy nights in, too. So what do you think would happen - you'd go to her place every single time? You can hardly invite her home to your parents house on a regular basis. Especially for overnights.

By the way, I've also had bad experiences in houseshares with strangers - in fact I've never had a houseshare where everything was rosy and happy all the time. But that's just normal life.

I think it's pretty clear that your issues here involve a lot more than just your computer and your family's use of it. Most adults in their mid-twenties would be itching to get away from the family home - it shouldn't be a scary prospect. I really hope you get over your fear of it. Can you identify exactly what scares you about it?

Stavro Mueller

I can understand why sharing with strangers is daunting but in truth it's where most people start out. Mostly these days people leave home to go to college and quite often that's straight into places with strangers. I'm guessing you never went to college if your job's bad. Maybe now is the time to try and see if there are any ways you can improve your prospects and get a better job. Are there any training courses you could do for example? Could you get better pay for the work you do if you moved somewhere else?

Whenever I went house sharing I usually went to daft.ie or the local paper. Occasionally I got wind of places through work colleagues. I went with my gut feeling here - if I liked the people in the house when I went to see it I took the room. Luckily my gut feeling seemed to work. Anyway if you don't like your house mates you can always move out and get somewhere else. If you share a house with 3 or 4 others the bills are split so the it's not too bad cost-wise.

Anyway it's pointless discussing this seeing as you're not moving out. Just get your olds a laptop and be done with it

mrsbyrne

OP you are ignoring a big red flashing sign in front of your eyes telling you "ITS TIME TO MOVE OUT!!!!"
What your trying to do is have your own private flat within the safe familiar confines of your childhood family home. Sorry OP you can't have your cake and eat it.
I do think your dad probably does feel that it's time for you to move on. As much for your own sake as for a bit of peace for them.
Make a plan . 2015 your gonna get a better job and go share with other's.

Young Northern Man

indigo twist wrote: »

It's not necessarily that a woman would judge you based on where you live, it's the practicalities of it. If you're dating somebody, generally you won't want to (or won't be able to afford to) go out somewhere nice every single time. It's nice to have cosy nights in, too. So what do you think would happen - you'd go to her place every single time? You can hardly invite her home to your parents house on a regular basis. Especially for overnights.

By the way, I've also had bad experiences in houseshares with strangers - in fact I've never had a houseshare where everything was rosy and happy all the time. But that's just normal life.

I think it's pretty clear that your issues here involve a lot more than just your computer and your family's use of it. Most adults in their mid-twenties would be itching to get away from the family home - it shouldn't be a scary prospect. I really hope you get over your fear of it. Can you identify exactly what scares you about it?

I really would avoid women who judge me based on where I live, it says more about them than it does about me.

Why could I not invite her to my parents house? Yes, itd be better to have a place of my own but....

I am itching to get away from my parents home. My parents and I dont get on well and are at each others throats all the time.

What scares me about moving out?

Many things:
* firstly, what your describing just doesnt feel right to me. My parents were married at my age and bought a house, never rented, the idea of renting with strangers would seem absurd to them (my parents are mega old fashioned)
* Im not a people person, dont have many friends, I see myself potentially not getting on with strangers
* financial concerns- my job doesnt pay enough, what if lose my job or something, id be out on the streets
* I would need a car first to be able to move away

SkyBlueClouds

Young Northern Man wrote: »

theres numerous points Id make.

Firstly, I wouldnt want a woman to judge me based on where I live...

my parents are stuck with me indefinately? well yes, they created me...

You had a good experience with houseshares with strangers. you took a major risk though. It couldve worked out badly. Goodness only know what sort of people Id get if I did a houseshare with strangers


your doing well, I dont see myself moving out anytime soon, I just cant imagine doing it, the thought of it scares me.

OP - You need to feel the fear and do it anyway. I'm in my mid 20's and left home at 21 for the first time to go to London (of all places) alone. I had never lived outside home before in Ireland and had to cope with finding a job, somewhere to live, and looking after myself all in the space of a month. A year and a half later (After 6 house shares and 3 jobs later) I'm back in Ireland. It didn't work out. Do I regret it? No. Was it easy? No. I've lived with a great number of weirdos and had to put up with a fair amount of crap. This will all stand to you in terms of life experience. At the end of the day you need to move out of your parents house at some point in the future - it's inevitable. You'll love the freedom and independence living in a house share can bring, and it'll strengthen the relationship with your folks when both of you aren't in each others pockets all the time.

You get out of life what you put into it.

As regards the laptop, invest in one. They are relitavly inexpensive, your parents will appreciate it, and they will no longer need to use yours. Win win.

Young Northern Man

SkyBlueClouds wrote: »

OP - You need to feel the fear and do it anyway. I'm in my mid 20's and left home at 21 for the first time to go to London (of all places) alone. I had never lived outside home before in Ireland and had to cope with finding a job, somewhere to live, and looking after myself all in the space of a month. A year and a half later (After 6 house shares and 3 jobs later) I'm back in Ireland. It didn't work out. Do I regret it? No. Was it easy? No. I've lived with a great number of weirdos and had to put up with a fair amount of crap. This will all stand to you in terms of life experience. At the end of the day you need to move out of your parents house at some point in the future - it's inevitable. You'll love the freedom and independence living in a house share can bring, and it'll strengthen the relationship with your folks when both of you aren't in each others pockets all the time.

You get out of life what you put into it.

As regards the laptop, invest in one. They are relitavly inexpensive, your parents will appreciate it, and they will no longer need to use yours. Win win.

are you living with parents now or with other people?

how did you end up going to London?

did you get offered a job over there or what?

Meauldsegosha

Young Northern Man wrote: »

I really would avoid women who judge me based on where I live, it says more about them than it does about me.

Why could I not invite her to my parents house? Yes, itd be better to have a place of my own but....

I am itching to get away from my parents home. My parents and I dont get on well and are at each others throats all the time.

What scares me about moving out?

Many things:
* firstly, what your describing just doesnt feel right to me. My parents were married at my age and bought a house, never rented, the idea of renting with strangers would seem absurd to them (my parents are mega old fashioned)
* Im not a people person, dont have many friends, I see myself potentially not getting on with strangers
* financial concerns- my job doesnt pay enough, what if lose my job or something, id be out on the streets
* I would need a car first to be able to move away

Excuses, excuses, excuses. You are an adult just because your parents were married, had a house at your age and believe renting is dead money doesn't mean you have to agree with them.

How do you know you won't get on with strangers? Have you tried it? Thousands of people house share with strangers some get on some don't but that's life. You are never going to get on with every person you meet.

Nobody knows what the future holds, not moving out because you MAY lose you job is silly. You can't live your life in fear because of something that might happen.

Why do you need a car to move. Look for somewhere to live that has public transport links or somewhere close to your job so you can walk to work.

SkyBlueClouds

Young Northern Man wrote: »

are you living with parents now or with other people?

how did you end up going to London?

did you get offered a job over there or what?

Finished Uni, tried to find a graduate job here and couldn't. Kept on a cleaning job I had, worked full time, saved up the money to emigrate in search of opportunity.

I'm back living with my parents (temporarily) and using the money I saved from working in the UK to go to Australia on a working holiday in October. It wasn't easy to leave the comforts of living at home - but I've done it once and can easily do it again. You have to push yourself.

Stavro Mueller

Young Northern Man wrote: »

I really would avoid women who judge me based on where I live, it says more about them than it does about me.

Why could I not invite her to my parents house? Yes, it'd be better to have a place of my own but....

I am itching to get away from my parents home. My parents and I dont get on well and are at each others throats all the time.

You're latching onto the women thing too much. I doubt a women who likes you would discount you solely on the basis of where you live. It would raise some eyebrows though, especially if you stay living here into your late twenties.

It's telling that you're not getting on well. If you moved out, it would certainly improve things between ye. You're an adult, they're adults. The house is getting too small for the three of you.

What scares me about moving out?

Many things:
* firstly, what your describing just doesnt feel right to me. My parents were married at my age and bought a house, never rented, the idea of renting with strangers would seem absurd to them (my parents are mega old fashioned)

You're not your parents and this is a different era. Mine lived at home until the day they got married and I don't think they even went away on a holiday before they tied the knot

* I'm not a people person, don't have many friends, I see myself potentially not getting on with strangers

You could surprise yourself. You don't have to be best buddies with your housemates anyway. A bit of friendliness and courtesy goes a long way.

* Financial concerns- my job doesn't pay enough, what if lose my job or something, id be out on the streets

The job you have isn't the only one out there. Have you even changed jobs since you started working? If the worst came to the worst, you could always move home. A thing, incidentally, that's far easier to do if you're house-sharing than living on your own. The fear of losing your job will be even greater should you get a mortgage. It's a chance everyone takes when they buy a house.

* I would need a car first to be able to move away

Why? Can you not look for a new job and a house that's within walking/cycling/bus distance? Then if you want to come home to visit your parents can collect you.

Stavro Mueller

Just to add...

If I speak to my father about it and suggest him to buy a laptop, he will possibly threaten to throw me out of the house. He always tries to get me to move out every time we have even a minor disagreement, its like an easy way out for him.

If your father's saying this, then you should start listening to what he's saying. Not trying to tiptoe around the laptop issue. I can understand why you're frustrated - I'd feel exactly the same if that had happened to me. I'm pretty sure the conversation I'd have had with them over it would've been civilized and not ended in a meltdown.

You've got to ask yourself why is it that your father wants to kick you out? Is it simply down to a clash of personalities or is it something more? For what it's worth I think you've worn out your welcome at home. I also think your parents are worried that you're never going to move out of home and will be on their floor forever. Have you ever thought that maybe they'd like the house to themselves at this stage?

My guess is that with your sibling(s) it was on the cards that they'd be moving out and getting married anyway. You on the other hand sound like you're going nowhere. You're afraid to move out, I bet you're afraid to change jobs and if you're not careful you could find yourself still cooped up in that bedroom at 30 or 40. Still in that badly paid job, still unable to drive. What I'm trying to say is that you need to step out of your comfort zone and develop a life for yourself that isn't at home.

bur

Just in case it hasn't been suggested..You should move out OP, too old to be living with mam and dad still.

LegacyUser

Young Northern Man, I think between us all (yourself included) we've identified that the computer is the least of your issues. The much more majorly huge elephant in the room is that you're terrified of moving out and how to go about it.

The odd time your Dad has mentioned it has been on the back of a row, right? I wonder if your parents would actually help you take the first step though, if you (NICELY!) started a conversation about it by saying "Mum, Dad....I don't know what to do to move out. I'd like to, but I don't know where to start and I'm afraid of messing up". For Christ's sake though don't say "You gave birth to me and raised me and I'm entitled to stay as long as I like", because YOU AREN'T.

Some people (it's true) will need parental support all their lives and some will be socially disadvantaged enough to have to remain at home (not sure if you genuinely fall into this category). Others may make use of assisted living, and most others will give it their best shot on their own but fall back on their families from time to time as things don't work out or in an interim period while plans are made. However, there are no rules that say a parent must put up with endless procrastination and objections for ever. My own boys are growing up with the knowledge that they move out to go to college or work at 18 because there is no alternative in the small rural area we live in. They can't stay here as there is no work and no hope of getting a car, and I can't afford to keep them, but I will help them live away from home. Maybe your parents will too.

TBH, it sounds like you and your parents need to sit down together and try to come up with a plan. Big time. Don't consider buying anything else - start saving immediately, is my advice.

Tiddlypeeps

You keep saying you are scared because something could go wrong. If you parents have put up with you living with them for this long it means they really care about you, so I can guarantee it would not be an issue for you to move back in with them if something goes horribly wrong, like losing your job or something. You have a decent safety net so there is no reason not to take the leap, the worst that can happen is you end up right back where you are now.

CaraMay

It constantly baffles me on here, the number of people who think they are entitled to live with their parents during adulthood.

Do you freely use their tv in the house? Do you use their fridge and shower? If so, why is it not acceptable for them to use your pc???

Living at home is a privilege and your parents are doing you a huge favour by letting you stay there but it looks like it's time for you to move out and stand on your own feet. Everyone stepping into independence has concerns but most people push through them as independence is a huge step forward.

Put a plan in place to move out (a) to prove to yourself you can do it and (b) to protect your deteriorating relationship with them.

emuhead

Hi OP

Im in my thirties and the last time I lived at home was in my twenties for a couple of weeks between house shares. I know if I needed help my parents would help me in a heartbeat and that gives me peace of mind as I've been on a couple of short term contracts. Saying that it would be absolutely dire straits before I asked them, out of respect for their privacy and home. As others have said, living at home as an adult is a privilege and not an right. Moving out is not as black and white as it seems to you. You won't be cast adrift by your family, but if things continue the way they are, you could damage your relationship with them.

And *please* buy them a decent tablet or laptop. You can buy a decent refurbished laptop in oxfam for 150 euros approx if you don't have a lot of cash right now. A new one would be nicer but please treat them to one. Yes they have money to buy a second house, but appreciation is what this is about. Principles are fine, but in 10 years time, what will matter more?

FurBabyMomma

Dear Lord OP, can you take one minute to take a look at yourself and maybe listen to some of the outside perspective you've received here?

You want everything your own way. You want to live in your parents' home (not yours) and expect them to adhere to your rules of privacy and property - but won't move out.

You don't want them to use your expensive computer but won't by them a cheap piece of technology - 'on principal'.

You say you job isn't good - yet from the sounds of things you spend every evening on said computer (and begrudge them '45mins on Gumtree') instead of using that time to upskill, retrain or take on a second job.

You say you've few friends and are not good at making them - yet from the sounds of things you make little effort to socialise and meet new people (probably due to what I've said in the last point).

Do you honestly think that a better job, opportunity to get a mortgage and a partner/wife are just going to fall into your lap if you continue with this cycle of behaviour? Either YOU make the effort to change your life to what you want to be or you'll be in your 40s, still living at home and still bitching about your parents, who btw are under no obligation to keep you hanging around. Grow up and get yourself a life!!!