Single life as a guy...

ElecKtrA

Onthe3rdDay wrote: »

If you have to change your ways in any major sense for a relationship, then you're in the wrong relationship. In a good relationship it should feel like you're getting your own way most of the time without any effort...for both parties.

I sometimes wonder looking at friends in relationships, really putting themselves out for the other person. There is no bad girl or guy, just two people that really shouldn't be together, but the fear of being alone makes certain individuals do daft things.

Yes, I concur with this But....what if you really really love your time on your own (self-confessed lone wolf )...and keep turning guys down :rolleyes:..that isn't cool, right?! Maybe I'm just a tad bit strange :rolleyes:

One of my girlfriends was always putting her self out of the way for her BF!!! She was there at his beck and call.. they are not together anymore (he dumped her!!!) and to be honest I never thought they were a match...but she was very hurt when he called it a day! He took full advantage of her kindness IMHO!!! some guys are just d*cks..I guess

Perhaps being selfish and thinking of No. 1 isn't such a bad idea after all :pac::P

donfers

People are becoming more and more entitled - "Why should I have to give up x/y for him/her???"

the unfortunate side-effect of this attitude for women is that there is a time limit on them in terms of having children - however the entitled me,me,me types perhaps aren't suited to having children in any case.

Attitudes do change in time though and this is where things get a little worrying as people may tire of the single life and be at a stage where they are ready to sacrifice some part of their life to share it intimately with another - sometimes they come to this realization when their best days are behind them in terms of looks and/or child-bearing ability at least, so they have a far smaller pool of potential life-partners to choose from when they finally feel like making that leap.

I predict both more and more people trying to get together when they are older and an increase in singletons beyond 35/40 years age bracket (invest in specialist dating sites for mature/older professionals now and make your fortune folks!!!) - in many ways this could be a good thing as there is still a little bit of stigma attached to this age bracket making a last play for love ("Oh look at your man/one - dating/nightclubbing at their age - pathetic!") and maybe this stigma will gradually disappear

However it will come down to the strength of the individual themselves - some will quietly wallow away in despair and loneliness while others will be happy in their own company while still forging strong social interactions with friends. It really is a new generation forming before our eyes and already I see some consequences of this among friends/acquaintances - not a pretty picture for some of them, women in particular seem to take it hard or maybe men just hide it better or maybe they're just better off left to their own devices. Who knows? Not me, I just speculate wildly

Knex*

ElecKtrA wrote: »

Yes, I concur with this But....what if you really really love your time on your own (self-confessed lone wolf )...and keep turning guys down :rolleyes:..that isn't cool, right?! Maybe I'm just a tad bit strange :rolleyes:

Few of my friends give out to me regularly enough for seeing a girl maybe twice, and then just stopping, and its pretty much just because I prefer the time to myself, really.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti social, by any means. I'd socialise 7 nights a week if I thought I could get away with it, but that's always on my own terms without the responsibility that comes with a relationship. Or the questions

I love being able to things in my own time, or on my own, or whatever, and all without consequence.

If someone comes along and makes me feel like I want to share that time with them, great. If not, I'm not going to feel guilty or strange about it, that's for sure.
I'm extremely relaxed about the whole thing, so much so that it can be to my own detriment purely from a sexual perspective.

I have one mate in particular who gets fairly exasperated by me not going on 1 extra date and doing the deed before ending things. I don't think I could ever willingly do that to someone actively seeking something more than a casual or fwb type scenario with me.

As much as I enjoy it, I don't crave it so its not gonna drive me into faking a relationship, or seeing things along a bit more for the sake of it.

Onthe3rdDay

donfers wrote: »

However it will come down to the strength of the individual themselves - some will quietly wallow away in despair and loneliness while others will be happy in their own company while still forging strong social interactions with friends. It really is a new generation forming before our eyes and already I see some consequences of this among friends/acquaintances - not a pretty picture for some of them, women in particular seem to take it hard or maybe men just hide it better or maybe they're just better off left to their own devices. Who knows? Not me, I just speculate wildly

I can't talk for women here but just turning 40 and not in a relationship for 2 years, and they've been 2 of the best years of my life in that area. Other areas not so much but life was made liveable by not having to deal with a relationship I didn't really want to be in.

I have several male friends who have gotten married and had kids over the last 10 or so years and all of them with one exception are terribly unhappy. I also have 3 or 4 male friends who aren't attached in any way and are now really enjoying life. They aren't short of female company but they're never going to commit unless it's the perfect person. They're not particularly lonely, the biggest complaint is lack of regular sex from time to time.

Loneliness has nothing to do with your relationship status it's to do with the individual themselves. I think society and peer pressure has a lot to answer for.

Onthe3rdDay

ElecKtrA wrote: »

Yes, I concur with this But....what if you really really love your time on your own (self-confessed lone wolf )...and keep turning guys down :rolleyes:..that isn't cool, right?! Maybe I'm just a tad bit strange :rolleyes:

One of my girlfriends was always putting her self out of the way for her BF!!! She was there at his beck and call.. they are not together anymore (he dumped her!!!) and to be honest I never thought they were a match...but she was very hurt when he called it a day! He took full advantage of her kindness IMHO!!! some guys are just d*cks..I guess

Perhaps being selfish and thinking of No. 1 isn't such a bad idea after all :pac::P

It's better to be strange if strange makes you happy. If there's a right guy out there for you, it's unlikely you'll turn him down. You have to do what makes you happy, not what others around you think is best.

Anyone who puts themselves out wildly for another is looking for trouble as far as I'm concerned. I'm still friends with ex-girlfriends but they were the ones that understood what I was and am like and at the same time I knew what they desired. Because our long term goals didn't match it was better we didn't carry on. However, I don't get on with another ex who was mad to marry, wanted to get a house and had her parents talk to me about the responsibilities that I had to take on. Even though I was younger at the time I had the sense to run away in the opposite direction. That didn't stop her from hassling me for the following 12 months, she wanted to get back together but on her terms.

The best any of us can do is to try to be happy. Who knows the exact right person for me could appear around the next corner, but I'm not going to be worrying about it if it never happens. Time on my own is great and long may it continue.

Daveysil15

Privileged White Male wrote: »

Girls I got to know in school. And everyone of them I was attracted to.

But what if you weren't attracted to them? Could you not just be friends with them then? Jasus you make it sound like any potential female friends are swimsuit models. I have a couple of good female friends. One of them wouldn't be attractive at all, while the other one if fairly average/decent looking.

Even if they were both gorgeous, they're both in relationships so its not like I'd try anything with either of them. Granted if they were single and attractive that might be a different story, but they're not, so they're just friends. If I want a single attractive woman for a relationship/shag I simply look elsewhere. It's not like I want to bed every woman I meet.

riveratom

It's crazy to say that you can't be friends with a woman if you're a guy! What you are basically saying is that every woman you could be friends with is also someone you automatically find attractive.

That's ridiculous - and impossible!

eyerer

I've never had a proper relationship and have been completely single for 8 years.
For a long time I focussed on myself and didn't mind, I did grow up mostly in my own company, and just tried to steer my life better.

Problem is I actually am lonely now.
I've not had a great history with women and have a complete lack of esteem when it comes to them, it's difficult for me to meet them. I always expect the worst and it makes me nervous when I'm interested.

My family think I'm weird and a disappointment in this sense. I feel embarrassed about it.
Of course being single has perks, but it does get old after a while.

NSAman

OK I hve had long term relationships but i am still single. I am late 40s.

Having had major responsibilities since an early age and having had to share accommodation with people all my life, I now find I have a life, a great group of friends and also the ability to change with the wind, which has lead to a career I would never have been able to do if I had been married.

I have never wanted children, I love them to bits but have never wanted any of my own. Some people will call me selfish, I love to travel globally and do so many times a year for work and pleasure. I look after my extended family and friends financially, have a ton of god children and fantastic supportive network of people for mutual support.

Being single for me, is liberation on a large scale.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I'm single and would prefer to stay that way for a while, a LTR ended last year and it made me realise a lot of things about myself and the world that I won't bore ye with :pac:

One thing I'm wondering though, I never want to have kids, never have wanted to. It just doesn't fit with my other priorities in life and this idea of creating a human life in case you change your mind or regret it when you're older seems very wrong-headed to me. However, I do quite like spending time with kids, it's exhausting and definitely not something I want in my life full-time, and after about two days max I'm always so glad to hand them back to whichever of my friends or relatives they belong to but it is sort of therapuetic or something, it does take you out of your head and your own problems and cheer you up if you're down, or it does for me anyway (obviously a lot of this is down to the individual kids).

My point is, as a woman with siblings and friends who have kids, my opportunities for spending time with them aren't likely to be limited and I can have a reasonable expectation of a best-of-both-worlds scenario. I doubt the same thing is true for men, presumably people are more leery of allowing single men unsupervised access to their kids, and it's probably worse the older you get. That very unfair situation seems like something that could make the whole loneliness problem a lot worse - both because it leads to a situation where you're less involved in the family life of your siblings and friends, and because you miss out on the mentally-healing powers of kids (I'm making children sound like pets here), and I'm wondering if it's something that bothers those of ye that are choosing to remain single? Maybe in general terms men just have a different attitude towards kids (e.g. if you don't want your own you're not particularly likely to be have any interest in other people's)?

Daveysil15

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

I'm single and would prefer to stay that way for a while, a LTR ended last year and it made me realise a lot of things about myself and the world that I won't bore ye with :pac:

One thing I'm wondering though, I never want to have kids, never have wanted to. It just doesn't fit with my other priorities in life and this idea of creating a human life in case you change your mind or regret it when you're older seems very wrong-headed to me. However, I do quite like spending time with kids, it's exhausting and definitely not something I want in my life full-time, and after about two days max I'm always so glad to hand them back to whichever of my friends or relatives they belong to but it is sort of therapuetic or something, it does take you out of your head and your own problems and cheer you up if you're down, or it does for me anyway (obviously a lot of this is down to the individual kids).

My point is, as a woman with siblings and friends who have kids, my opportunities for spending time with them aren't likely to be limited and I can have a reasonable expectation of a best-of-both-worlds scenario. I doubt the same thing is true for men, presumably people are more leery of allowing single men unsupervised access to their kids, and it's probably worse the older you get. That very unfair situation seems like something that could make the whole loneliness problem a lot worse - both because it leads to a situation where you're less involved in the family life of your siblings and friends, and because you miss out on the mentally-healing powers of kids (I'm making children sound like pets here), and I'm wondering if it's something that bothers those of ye that are choosing to remain single? Maybe in general terms men just have a different attitude towards kids (e.g. if you don't want your own you're not particularly likely to be have any interest in other people's)?

Having kids is not something I really think about. That may change in the future if I meet someone though. Sometimes I'll see a nice quite kid and think, "Ahh she's/he's lovely." I'd like to have a kid someday. But then I see a lot of other kids and think, "Sweet jesus no"

tashiusclay

cantdecide wrote: »

Well I mean more the distrust/ suspicion/ wariness of single men. I spent most of my twenties single and not exactly looking and I always felt there was a lot of distrust towards me. I, for one, soon gave up looking for romance in the 'usual' ways here in Ireland; I just hated being in social situations feeling that I had to try extra hard as a single guy to demonstrate that I could restrain myself from inappropriate flirtations with anything that moved. I hated the 'get lost loser' vibe that seems pretty acceptable. A certain amount of 'cantdecide's never had a real gf-that's a bit weird eh' appeared here and there. Things are also said about older bachelors too. These things are tough for some men I'm sure.

I think that distrust you speak of spans across a lot, if not all, areas of current Irish society, if you don't fit in and follow the crowd, and dare to speak your own mind, then you're seen as a bit odd, a bit "what's the story with that fella??".
If you don't follow the usual Irish life pattern of a wife/husband, regular secure job, larger mortgage than needed, 2.3 kids and a dog, and bitch down the pub all night long about the government etc and the way the country is ran but then never dare to go up outside Leinster house to protest about something in case Johnny 5/8's from next door might raise an eyebrow at you, then you're generally seen as a bit strange.
I've never let that attitude bother me one iota, and never will. Do/say/live your life in what ever way makes you happy from within, not what makes everyone else happy and accepting of you, and screw the begrudgers and naysayers.

Onthe3rdDay

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

Maybe in general terms men just have a different attitude towards kids (e.g. if you don't want your own you're not particularly likely to be have any interest in other people's)?

From my own experience I have only ever really known two men go on about having kids. Many that I know that got married were pushed into having kids by their wives, their own mothers and mothers in law! There was one person in particular who wanted to wait 3 or so years after the marriage before having any children (wanted to get the finances in order) 3 years after the marriage he has an 2 year old and another on the way.

The other interesting thing is that you rarely get men talking about children outside of possible sporting achievements. Women in a group that all have kids will talk about the kids. Men will talk about anything but the kids.

To be fair this might be an Irish/UK thing. There is a different male attitude to children in Sweden, Germany and other European countries in my opinion. However friends I have over their seem to have kids because they want them, not because it's the next step on the ladder.

As for the mentally-healing powers of kids I would also point out the Omen type kids that are also out there. It's a universal balance, for every child that calms you down, there's one that will drive you insane.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Having kids is not something I really think about. That may change in the future if I meet someone though. Sometimes I'll see a nice quite kid and think, "Ahh she's/he's lovely." I'd like to have a kid someday. But then I see a lot of other kids and think, "Sweet jesus no"

Aye it's definitely something women think about more, and think about earlier. I'd say most women would know by the time they're in their early twenties whether or not they'd like them.

But my point is more that a single woman in her thirties is probably going to be, or at least have the choice to be, a lot more involved in the family lifes of her relatives and close friends compared to a single man of the same age, because she'd be trusted as a babysitter and people are more likely to assume she has an interest in kids. There's a perception that women are more competent with and less likely to be dangerous to children, even if they don't have any of their own. It just seems like something that could make being male and single in your thirties and upwards potentially more lonely and isolating compared to women in the same situation.

Onthe3rdDay

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

Aye it's definitely something women think about more, and think about earlier. I'd say most women would know by the time they're in their early twenties whether or not they'd like them.

But my point is more that a single woman in her thirties is probably going to be, or at least have the choice to be, a lot more involved in the family lifes of her relatives and close friends compared to a single man of the same age, because she'd be trusted as a babysitter and people are more likely to assume she has an interest in kids. There's a perception that women are more competent with and less likely to be dangerous to children, even if they don't have any of their own. It just seems like something that could make being male and single in your thirties and upwards potentially more lonely and isolating compared to women in the same situation.

But that really depends on each individual. There are many that would find that same lack of children very freeing. I know men who are married and have children and they're some of the most depressed and lonely individuals I've ever come across. They're far more isolated now as they have to give up lifelong interests and disappear for years.

There are some that are unlucky in love but I think the vast majority of men and women get a chance to have a long term relationship. If most men want that sort of life they'll have opportunities to get it.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Onthe3rdDay wrote: »

But that really depends on each individual. There are many that would find that same lack of children very freeing. I know men who are married and have children and they're some of the most depressed and lonely individuals I've ever come across. They're far more isolated now as they have to give up lifelong interests and disappear for years.

There are some that are unlucky in love but I think the vast majority of men and women get a chance to have a long term relationship. If most men want that sort of life they'll have opportunities to get it.

I agree with all that, I'm sure we all know people with children who are pretty miserable. That's not what I'm getting at.

I'm saying that when you consider the group of people who choose to remain single and childless, the potential for the men within that group to end up isolated or lonely is probably higher than for the women; because just based on my own childhood and my observations now, single women have the choice to be integrated into the family lives of their friends and relatives because of cultural assumptions people make about men and women's attitudes towards and potential danger to children.

I'm a woman who doesn't want to have kids but my reading of the situation is that having a best-of-both-worlds situation (where you get to have relationships with kids, get to have the craic, but don't have the financial burden and responsibility and can hand them back at the end of the day) is much more possible for me than for a single man, especially an older single man.

From reading this thread, loneliness seems to be one of the main "cons" people are citing about being single, and I'm just wondering if men who are single have the same "well I like kids, but I have no interest in having any of my own" attitude that it seems to me a lot of single women have, and I'm wondering if these different cultural attitudes towards men and women concerning children could be something that's potentially making the loneliness/isolation worse for single men than single women.

what I'm not saying is "family life is better or more fulfilling than single life", or that having children makes anybody necessarily happier.

Onthe3rdDay

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

I'm saying that when you consider the group of people who choose to remain single and childless, the potential for the men within that group to end up isolated or lonely is probably higher than for the women; because just based on my own childhood and my observations now, single women have the choice to be integrated into the family lives of their friends and relatives because of cultural assumptions people make about men and women's attitudes towards and potential danger to children.

You're probably right to an extent. However I do think it's more of a choice to be single today than say even 25 years ago. There were less opportunities to meet people when you and I were younger. From my point of view women seem to want more interaction with Family and Relatives than Men. I think certain parents are wary of certain men, it doesn't matter if they're single or attached.

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

I'm a woman who doesn't want to have kids but my reading of the situation is that having a best-of-both-worlds situation (where you get to have relationships with kids, get to have the craic, but don't have the financial burden and responsibility and can hand them back at the end of the day) is much more possible for me than for a single man, especially an older single man.

Again I understand this. Single female friends of mine enjoy the company of children. I do think they all want to have children in the long term. On the other hand I don't know any of my Single male friends that would want to spend a day in the company of Children. For some of them it would be absolute hell. There just isn't any real interest in Children or Minding them.

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

From reading this thread, loneliness seems to be one of the main "cons" people are citing about being single, and I'm just wondering if men who are single have the same "well I like kids, but I have no interest in having any of my own" attitude that it seems to me a lot of single women have, and I'm wondering if these different cultural attitudes towards men and women concerning children could be something that's potentially making the loneliness/isolation worse for single men than single women.

I get what you're saying. But I really don't get this being lonely as a con for those that are single. If men over 35 are lonely when they're single, they tend to hook up with someone relatively quickly (I know that's not the case for everyone.) It's far easier for me to get a date now at around the 40 mark when I'm not that interested, compared to when I was 25 and really making an effort. All my single male friends in their 40's appear to be real catches, especially the one's that are settled and secure. If any men are lonely because they're single I think they're more likely to be in their 20's when it can be very hard to get women to go out with them. If you're in your 40's and single it's far more likely to be out of choice.

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

what I'm not saying is "family life is better or more fulfilling than single life", or that having children makes anybody necessarily happier.

I get that entirely. I would also like to point out that I do know people that are thrilled to be Married with loads of kids.

NSAman

Interesting observations in most posts here. The one thing as a singleton, that annoys the hell out of me is "when are you giving us a day out?" I always reply to aunts and uncles that "you are going to give us a day out first!"

There is a stigma in Ireland about being single. You are viewed with suspicion. "How can he be happy by himself?" has been a question I know relatives have asked my mother when I am not around. While I see many happy couples and know many happy couples, I also know many couples who view my life with jealousy as they are unhappy in a marriage and are staying together for the sake of the kids.

OK, I am slightly different to most guys as I am seen a the councellor by both male and female (yes you can be best friends with women without fancying them) I tend to be the one people gravitate towards when they have problems cause I listen. The one thing that most male friends have said.. I wish I had remained unmarried. I married too soon. I love her BUT.... etc etc.. My female friends talk the ears off me and their biggest complaint is he is too tired, he doesn't help me with the kids/house/talk to me..

What irks me most of all as a single person, is that people do NOT understand why you would remain single. you are either gay or you are weird. OK I know I must be weird but just cause I am single does that make me gay? (not that there is anything wrong with being gay, have fantastic gay friends (most of whom are in relationships also).;))

Amazingly Ireland seems to have this fascination with people being married, I never get the same questions when I am abroad (which I am a lot)

Wibbs

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

I'm saying that when you consider the group of people who choose to remain single and childless, the potential for the men within that group to end up isolated or lonely is probably higher than for the women; because just based on my own childhood and my observations now, single women have the choice to be integrated into the family lives of their friends and relatives because of cultural assumptions people make about men and women's attitudes towards and potential danger to children.

I'd tend to agree with this alright. Plus I've noticed that women tend to have wider social networks as they go through life. They're more likely to pick up new friends as they go along. Men's friendships tend towards more stability overall, but they tend to make friends while younger and if they lose contact, they're less likely to seek replacements later on. The single guys I know who are the more content are those guys who follow the women's model of more continually feeding and updating their social networks.

I'm a woman who doesn't want to have kids but my reading of the situation is that having a best-of-both-worlds situation (where you get to have relationships with kids, get to have the craic, but don't have the financial burden and responsibility and can hand them back at the end of the day) is much more possible for me than for a single man, especially an older single man.

True again, though I'd reckon Onthe3rdDay's take on what many single men would have about being around kids would be more in play. I would certainly say my idea of purgatory anyway would be a day spent looking after kids. I'd rather pluck my beard off with tweezers.

Onthe3rdDay wrote: »

You're probably right to an extent. However I do think it's more of a choice to be single today than say even 25 years ago. There were less opportunities to meet people when you and I were younger.

+1

I get what you're saying. But I really don't get this being lonely as a con for those that are single. If men over 35 are lonely when they're single, they tend to hook up with someone relatively quickly (I know that's not the case for everyone.) It's far easier for me to get a date now at around the 40 mark when I'm not that interested, compared to when I was 25 and really making an effort. All my single male friends in their 40's appear to be real catches, especially the one's that are settled and secure. If any men are lonely because they're single I think they're more likely to be in their 20's when it can be very hard to get women to go out with them. If you're in your 40's and single it's far more likely to be out of choice.

+1000 on this one. Getting a date, hookup, brief affair, FWB, or actual relationship was a lot easier for me at 40 than it was from me at 20 and options were much wider. Age range of potential partners was wider too. pretty much from 25 to 45. It's like living in a completely different reverso universe of the younger man. Choice is one thing you have and if you're single it's far more likely to be out of choice.

TBH I'd go so far as to admit that if I hear men around that kinda age complaining they can't meet someone for a serious relationship, I have to say my sympathy level is low enough. They're either not looking very hard, have oddball expectations or there's something really obvious they need to change about themselves.

I get that entirely. I would also like to point out that I do know people that are thrilled to be Married with loads of kids.

Ditto.

ElecKtrA

Knex. wrote: »

Few of my friends give out to me regularly enough for seeing a girl maybe twice, and then just stopping, and its pretty much just because I prefer the time to myself, really.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti social, by any means. I'd socialise 7 nights a week if I thought I could get away with it, but that's always on my own terms without the responsibility that comes with a relationship. Or the questions

I love being able to things in my own time, or on my own, or whatever, and all without consequence.

If someone comes along and makes me feel like I want to share that time with them, great. If not, I'm not going to feel guilty or strange about it, that's for sure.
I'm extremely relaxed about the whole thing, so much so that it can be to my own detriment purely from a sexual perspective.

I have one mate in particular who gets fairly exasperated by me not going on 1 extra date and doing the deed before ending things. I don't think I could ever willingly do that to someone actively seeking something more than a casual or fwb type scenario with me.

As much as I enjoy it, I don't crave it so its not gonna drive me into faking a relationship, or seeing things along a bit more for the sake of it.

It was actually so refreshing to read your post! It sounds that you are definitely different from the ''norm''.

From what I can see, a high percentage of guys want to get into a relationship purely for the sexual perspective of it!!! :eek:...If that is the case then I can't see why a NSA relationship isn't the better option for them, as opposed to getting involved in something 'serious' driven mainly by a mans sexual desire, but also I understand that many girls don't mind this type of ''relationship''...in fact I'm going to name it a ''pseudo-relationship'' and there are many in existence :eek:

It's good to hear that there are guys out there who really know what they want and are not pressured to get involved in anything if it isn't with the right person For me...if that means remaining single for the rest of my life..then so be it! But I do get a bit of a kick out of dating :rolleyes::o

Dial Hard

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

But my point is more that a single woman in her thirties is probably going to be, or at least have the choice to be, a lot more involved in the family lifes of her relatives and close friends compared to a single man of the same age, because she'd be trusted as a babysitter and people are more likely to assume she has an interest in kids. There's a perception that women are more competent with and less likely to be dangerous to children, even if they don't have any of their own. It just seems like something that could make being male and single in your thirties and upwards potentially more lonely and isolating compared to women in the same situation.

That's assuming that single men actually want to be around kids on a regular basis, though. And in my experience, most men have virtually no interest in children that aren't their own.

LordNorbury

Pro's of being a single guy, not having to go through this to have sex...! :eek::eek::eek:

http://www.independent.ie/life/husband-creates-spreadsheet-detailing-wifes-excuses-for-turning-down-sex-30450388.html

amie91

Three years and I am bored of the single life! Gave online dating a go hasn't worked.. Perks of being single: the quite and being able to do what you want you want cant beat a bit of ME time .. I'm sure you will find her eventually but looking doesn't seem to work best off letting it happen and enjoy your single time Happy Thursday!

Dial Hard

LordNorbury wrote: »

Pro's of being a single guy, not having to go through this to have sex...! :eek::eek::eek:

http://www.independent.ie/life/husband-creates-spreadsheet-detailing-wifes-excuses-for-turning-down-sex-30450388.html

That article really annoyed me. They made out that the husband basically made a show of himself by making the spreadsheet, but the fact that he did it speaks volumes about how utterly frustrated he is about the whole situation. The wife comes out of that looking far worse than he does, imo.

Knex*

ElecKtrA wrote: »

It was actually so refreshing to read your post! It sounds that you are definitely different from the ''norm''.

That's definitely a rather safe assumption. :pac:

ElecKtrA wrote: »

It's good to hear that there are guys out there who really know what they want and are not pressured to get involved in anything if it isn't with the right person For me...if that means remaining single for the rest of my life..then so be it! But I do get a bit of a kick out of dating :rolleyes::o

Yeah, but I suppose its also probably easy for me to say this now and have this perspective, as I am relatively young in my early to mid 20's. Time is on my side, if I ever do want to settle down with someone. Most new people that I am introduced to and get a while talking to, think I am way older, and when I press them as to why, they usually say because of the way I talk and act. So perhaps the perspective above is something that will continue to be reinforced, rather than change dramatically due to some social pressure as I age.

Right now, I'm fairly content in seeing how things pan out in that regard. I've so much more going on in my life, and I mean that in a positive way rather than in a dramatic, things up shit creek, kind of way, that I don't dwell on it all too long.

Also, there's nothing wrong with getting a kick out of dating, if that's what the emoticons were suggesting. Don't shame yourself over that! Especially not with the attitude you seemingly go into them with. Seems pretty fun and healthy to me

I kinda rambled a bit there, as I always seem to do on these sorts of topics, so my apologies to any poor person who read this!

Knex*

Dial Hard wrote: »

That article really annoyed me. They made out that the husband basically made a show of himself by making the spreadsheet, but the fact that he did it speaks volumes about how utterly frustrated he is about the whole situation. The wife comes out of that looking far worse than he does, imo.

I think they both come out of it looking poorly, tbh. The prospect of that type of relationship is something that would terrify me, being honest.

Husband's self esteem and happiness is clearly taking a battering, when he has to all but beg for sex. He probably should have approached his wife in an extremely open manner and said, "Look, I've been keeping track, and you are constantly rejecting my advances. I feel dreadful about it, and something needs to be done".

Instead, he waited for her to be heading away for 10 days, and hit her with the spreadsheet and email. Immature and tasteless, for me.

That relationship is dead in the water, anyway.

Dial Hard

Knex. wrote: »

That relationship is dead in the water, anyway.

Agreed.

I'd love to see real statistics on how many people are living in virtually sexless relationships. It comes up in PI/RI all the time and I find it genuinely depressing.

LordNorbury

Knex. wrote: »

I think they both come out of it looking poorly, tbh. The prospect of that type of relationship is something that would terrify me, being honest.

Husband's self esteem and happiness is clearly taking a battering, when he has to all but beg for sex. He probably should have approached his wife in an extremely open manner and said, "Look, I've been keeping track, and you are constantly rejecting my advances. I feel dreadful about it, and something needs to be done".

Instead, he waited for her to be heading away for 10 days, and hit her with the spreadsheet and email. Immature and tasteless, for me.

That relationship is dead in the water, anyway.

It's a lot more common that you would think, I reckon. I was extremely taken aback recently when I was having a chat with some married mates about sex. One mate reported never getting oral sex, basically since he got married, and this is a young lad in his 30's, I found this difficult to get my head around (no pun intended!), but the consensus that night amongst a few of my married mates was, "it completely changes when you get married, no question about it", and this wasn't always down to kids being present, some of these couples were without kids, so the usual (reasonable enough I suppose), explanation of kids taking up time and energy wasn't there.

As a single guy dating regularly, I shudder when I think I could end up in a relationship like this where certain acts of sexual intimacy appear to be taken off the table after marriage, and I'll be honest about it, it completely turns me off the idea of marriage.

Knex*

Dial Hard wrote: »

Agreed.

I'd love to see real statistics on how many people are living in virtually sexless relationships. It comes up in PI/RI all the time and I find it genuinely depressing.

Its like being trapped in negative equity, with marriage being the economy collapse :pac:

Although, some of those poor feckers actually have to suffer both

amie91

what is the big deal about oral!? seriously ..