Onthe3rdDay wrote: » If you have to change your ways in any major sense for a relationship, then you're in the wrong relationship. In a good relationship it should feel like you're getting your own way most of the time without any effort...for both parties. I sometimes wonder looking at friends in relationships, really putting themselves out for the other person. There is no bad girl or guy, just two people that really shouldn't be together, but the fear of being alone makes certain individuals do daft things.
ElecKtrA wrote: » Yes, I concur with this But....what if you really really love your time on your own (self-confessed lone wolf )...and keep turning guys down :rolleyes:..that isn't cool, right?! Maybe I'm just a tad bit strange :rolleyes:
donfers wrote: » However it will come down to the strength of the individual themselves - some will quietly wallow away in despair and loneliness while others will be happy in their own company while still forging strong social interactions with friends. It really is a new generation forming before our eyes and already I see some consequences of this among friends/acquaintances - not a pretty picture for some of them, women in particular seem to take it hard or maybe men just hide it better or maybe they're just better off left to their own devices. Who knows? Not me, I just speculate wildly
ElecKtrA wrote: » Yes, I concur with this But....what if you really really love your time on your own (self-confessed lone wolf )...and keep turning guys down :rolleyes:..that isn't cool, right?! Maybe I'm just a tad bit strange :rolleyes: One of my girlfriends was always putting her self out of the way for her BF!!! She was there at his beck and call.. they are not together anymore (he dumped her!!!) and to be honest I never thought they were a match...but she was very hurt when he called it a day! He took full advantage of her kindness IMHO!!! some guys are just d*cks..I guess Perhaps being selfish and thinking of No. 1 isn't such a bad idea after all :pac::P
Privileged White Male wrote: » Girls I got to know in school. And everyone of them I was attracted to.
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » I'm single and would prefer to stay that way for a while, a LTR ended last year and it made me realise a lot of things about myself and the world that I won't bore ye with :pac: One thing I'm wondering though, I never want to have kids, never have wanted to. It just doesn't fit with my other priorities in life and this idea of creating a human life in case you change your mind or regret it when you're older seems very wrong-headed to me. However, I do quite like spending time with kids, it's exhausting and definitely not something I want in my life full-time, and after about two days max I'm always so glad to hand them back to whichever of my friends or relatives they belong to but it is sort of therapuetic or something, it does take you out of your head and your own problems and cheer you up if you're down, or it does for me anyway (obviously a lot of this is down to the individual kids). My point is, as a woman with siblings and friends who have kids, my opportunities for spending time with them aren't likely to be limited and I can have a reasonable expectation of a best-of-both-worlds scenario. I doubt the same thing is true for men, presumably people are more leery of allowing single men unsupervised access to their kids, and it's probably worse the older you get. That very unfair situation seems like something that could make the whole loneliness problem a lot worse - both because it leads to a situation where you're less involved in the family life of your siblings and friends, and because you miss out on the mentally-healing powers of kids (I'm making children sound like pets here), and I'm wondering if it's something that bothers those of ye that are choosing to remain single? Maybe in general terms men just have a different attitude towards kids (e.g. if you don't want your own you're not particularly likely to be have any interest in other people's)?
cantdecide wrote: » Well I mean more the distrust/ suspicion/ wariness of single men. I spent most of my twenties single and not exactly looking and I always felt there was a lot of distrust towards me. I, for one, soon gave up looking for romance in the 'usual' ways here in Ireland; I just hated being in social situations feeling that I had to try extra hard as a single guy to demonstrate that I could restrain myself from inappropriate flirtations with anything that moved. I hated the 'get lost loser' vibe that seems pretty acceptable. A certain amount of 'cantdecide's never had a real gf-that's a bit weird eh' appeared here and there. Things are also said about older bachelors too. These things are tough for some men I'm sure.
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » Maybe in general terms men just have a different attitude towards kids (e.g. if you don't want your own you're not particularly likely to be have any interest in other people's)?
Daveysil15 wrote: » Having kids is not something I really think about. That may change in the future if I meet someone though. Sometimes I'll see a nice quite kid and think, "Ahh she's/he's lovely." I'd like to have a kid someday. But then I see a lot of other kids and think, "Sweet jesus no"
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » Aye it's definitely something women think about more, and think about earlier. I'd say most women would know by the time they're in their early twenties whether or not they'd like them. But my point is more that a single woman in her thirties is probably going to be, or at least have the choice to be, a lot more involved in the family lifes of her relatives and close friends compared to a single man of the same age, because she'd be trusted as a babysitter and people are more likely to assume she has an interest in kids. There's a perception that women are more competent with and less likely to be dangerous to children, even if they don't have any of their own. It just seems like something that could make being male and single in your thirties and upwards potentially more lonely and isolating compared to women in the same situation.
Onthe3rdDay wrote: » But that really depends on each individual. There are many that would find that same lack of children very freeing. I know men who are married and have children and they're some of the most depressed and lonely individuals I've ever come across. They're far more isolated now as they have to give up lifelong interests and disappear for years. There are some that are unlucky in love but I think the vast majority of men and women get a chance to have a long term relationship. If most men want that sort of life they'll have opportunities to get it.
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » I'm saying that when you consider the group of people who choose to remain single and childless, the potential for the men within that group to end up isolated or lonely is probably higher than for the women; because just based on my own childhood and my observations now, single women have the choice to be integrated into the family lives of their friends and relatives because of cultural assumptions people make about men and women's attitudes towards and potential danger to children.
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » I'm a woman who doesn't want to have kids but my reading of the situation is that having a best-of-both-worlds situation (where you get to have relationships with kids, get to have the craic, but don't have the financial burden and responsibility and can hand them back at the end of the day) is much more possible for me than for a single man, especially an older single man.
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » From reading this thread, loneliness seems to be one of the main "cons" people are citing about being single, and I'm just wondering if men who are single have the same "well I like kids, but I have no interest in having any of my own" attitude that it seems to me a lot of single women have, and I'm wondering if these different cultural attitudes towards men and women concerning children could be something that's potentially making the loneliness/isolation worse for single men than single women.
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » what I'm not saying is "family life is better or more fulfilling than single life", or that having children makes anybody necessarily happier.
I'm a woman who doesn't want to have kids but my reading of the situation is that having a best-of-both-worlds situation (where you get to have relationships with kids, get to have the craic, but don't have the financial burden and responsibility and can hand them back at the end of the day) is much more possible for me than for a single man, especially an older single man.
Onthe3rdDay wrote: » You're probably right to an extent. However I do think it's more of a choice to be single today than say even 25 years ago. There were less opportunities to meet people when you and I were younger.
I get what you're saying. But I really don't get this being lonely as a con for those that are single. If men over 35 are lonely when they're single, they tend to hook up with someone relatively quickly (I know that's not the case for everyone.) It's far easier for me to get a date now at around the 40 mark when I'm not that interested, compared to when I was 25 and really making an effort. All my single male friends in their 40's appear to be real catches, especially the one's that are settled and secure. If any men are lonely because they're single I think they're more likely to be in their 20's when it can be very hard to get women to go out with them. If you're in your 40's and single it's far more likely to be out of choice.
I get that entirely. I would also like to point out that I do know people that are thrilled to be Married with loads of kids.
Knex. wrote: » Few of my friends give out to me regularly enough for seeing a girl maybe twice, and then just stopping, and its pretty much just because I prefer the time to myself, really. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti social, by any means. I'd socialise 7 nights a week if I thought I could get away with it, but that's always on my own terms without the responsibility that comes with a relationship. Or the questions I love being able to things in my own time, or on my own, or whatever, and all without consequence. If someone comes along and makes me feel like I want to share that time with them, great. If not, I'm not going to feel guilty or strange about it, that's for sure. I'm extremely relaxed about the whole thing, so much so that it can be to my own detriment purely from a sexual perspective. I have one mate in particular who gets fairly exasperated by me not going on 1 extra date and doing the deed before ending things. I don't think I could ever willingly do that to someone actively seeking something more than a casual or fwb type scenario with me. As much as I enjoy it, I don't crave it so its not gonna drive me into faking a relationship, or seeing things along a bit more for the sake of it.
Frank Dry Logging wrote: » But my point is more that a single woman in her thirties is probably going to be, or at least have the choice to be, a lot more involved in the family lifes of her relatives and close friends compared to a single man of the same age, because she'd be trusted as a babysitter and people are more likely to assume she has an interest in kids. There's a perception that women are more competent with and less likely to be dangerous to children, even if they don't have any of their own. It just seems like something that could make being male and single in your thirties and upwards potentially more lonely and isolating compared to women in the same situation.
LordNorbury wrote: » Pro's of being a single guy, not having to go through this to have sex...! :eek::eek::eek:http://www.independent.ie/life/husband-creates-spreadsheet-detailing-wifes-excuses-for-turning-down-sex-30450388.html
ElecKtrA wrote: » It was actually so refreshing to read your post! It sounds that you are definitely different from the ''norm''.
ElecKtrA wrote: » It's good to hear that there are guys out there who really know what they want and are not pressured to get involved in anything if it isn't with the right person For me...if that means remaining single for the rest of my life..then so be it! But I do get a bit of a kick out of dating :rolleyes::o
Dial Hard wrote: » That article really annoyed me. They made out that the husband basically made a show of himself by making the spreadsheet, but the fact that he did it speaks volumes about how utterly frustrated he is about the whole situation. The wife comes out of that looking far worse than he does, imo.
Knex. wrote: » That relationship is dead in the water, anyway.
Knex. wrote: » I think they both come out of it looking poorly, tbh. The prospect of that type of relationship is something that would terrify me, being honest. Husband's self esteem and happiness is clearly taking a battering, when he has to all but beg for sex. He probably should have approached his wife in an extremely open manner and said, "Look, I've been keeping track, and you are constantly rejecting my advances. I feel dreadful about it, and something needs to be done". Instead, he waited for her to be heading away for 10 days, and hit her with the spreadsheet and email. Immature and tasteless, for me. That relationship is dead in the water, anyway.
Dial Hard wrote: » Agreed. I'd love to see real statistics on how many people are living in virtually sexless relationships. It comes up in PI/RI all the time and I find it genuinely depressing.
