Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

The crazy owls meeting is now in session. My brain is like a motor some nights. Revving away. I can't seem to find the accelerator to stop it.

Sometimes I just feel crazy. It is not a nice feeling.

CZ 453

greenfrogs wrote: »

Sometimes I just feel crazy. It is not a nice feeling.

Crazy how? Like going to smash the place up crazy or people are looking at me thinking I'm crazy

handbagmad

CZ 453 wrote: »

Had that before a few times. Let it out. Hopefully you'll feel better soon.

months of no emotions, and tonight they just all want to come flying out my eyeballs.

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

Crazy how? Like going to smash the place up crazy or people are looking at me thinking I'm crazy

Yah from friends/acquaintances. I just sometimes have a melt down. I feel like people are ignoring me and lonely and then I say I can't be friends with them. They are like whats is wrong. Instead I should just say I'm annoyed you did this rather than then throwing my toys out of the pram. I do this every few weeks. And usually I am just perceiving that there is an issue. I can't rely on my own judgement anymore. Its hard to see exactly what has happened as I don't want to identify myself and also feel like I will be judged as crazy by the people here.

CZ 453

greenfrogs wrote: »

Yah from friends/acquaintances. I just sometimes have a melt down. I feel like people are ignoring me and lonely and then I say I can't be friends with them. They are like whats is wrong. Instead I should just say I'm annoyed you did this rather than then throwing my toys out of the pram. I do this every few weeks. And usually I am just perceiving that there is an issue. I can't rely on my own judgement anymore. Its hard to see exactly what has happened as I don't want to identify myself and also feel like I will be judged as crazy by the people here.

You know sometimes you may actually be right. And you may be well within your right to cut people off. It's the fear of having no friends left is what plays on the mind.

I'd ask myself are these people really friends at all or are they just acquaintances?

greenfrogs

Also at the moment I have no job and am on illness benefit. To know that I am in such a bad place mentally that I am unable to work can be quite a burden on a person's shoulders. I actually envy those who are unemployed and are able to look for work.

CZ 453

handbagmad wrote: »

months of no emotions, and tonight they just all want to come flying out my eyeballs.

Are you on meds?

CZ 453

greenfrogs wrote: »

Also at the moment I have no job and am on illness benefit. To know that I am in such a bad place mentally that I am unable to work can be quite a burden on a person's shoulders. I actually envy those who are unemployed and are able to look for work.

Have you left employment because of illness?

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

You know sometimes you may actually be right. And you may be well within your right to cut people off. It's the fear of having no friends left is what plays on the mind.

I'd ask myself are these people really friends at all or are they just acquaintances?

You are dead right. If I didn't have this friend then I would rarely go out. So I know I am more reliant on them then they are on me. But to be fair they have been quite nice to me tonight. However I think I ignored all I learnt in cbt this weekend and this lead to me feeling down. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

Have you left employment because of illness?

I was let go due to poor performance. That happened on a thursday and by the next wednesday I was on anti-depressants.
I know I am not in the right frame of mind to work. Ill just be fired again.

CZ 453

greenfrogs wrote: »

I was let go due to poor performance. That happened on a thursday and by the next wednesday I was on anti-depressants.
I know I am not in the right frame of mind to work. Ill just be fired again.

Take your time and get well. No.1 priority is get well.

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

Take your time and get well. No.1 priority is get well.

Thanks. Night

handbagmad

CZ 453 wrote: »

Are you on meds?

Sorry i got up and had something to eat.

Yeah CZ im on meds.
Don't know what's going on with me.
Hoping its short lived.

loveisdivine

The last few days I haven't really felt anxious. But I don't really feel "normal" either. Kind of disconnected I suppose.

CZ 453

handbagmad wrote: »

Sorry i got up and had something to eat.

Yeah CZ im on meds.
Don't know what's going on with me.
Hoping its short lived.

It might just be them. Feeling better today?

CZ 453

loveisdivine wrote: »

The last few days I haven't really felt anxious. But I don't really feel "normal" either. Kind of disconnected I suppose.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
???

loveisdivine

CZ 453 wrote: »

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
???

Yes I've had that before. I have a fairly rare vision problem called Visual Snow and derealisation i sone of the symptoms of that.

Its hard to differentiate between derealization and actual real life problems.

Anyone else feel like they don't know if they are genuinely experiencing life, or if they are just putting on a front? I can't seem to tell

CZ 453

loveisdivine wrote: »

Yes I've had that before. I have a fairly rare vision problem called Visual Snow and derealisation i sone of the symptoms of that.

Its hard to differentiate between derealization and actual real life problems.

Anyone else feel like they don't know if they are genuinely experiencing life, or if they are just putting on a front? I can't seem to tell

Example-Big lovely cake. You eat some and say oh this tastes so nice but you're only saying it because it looked nice and you think you should be saying it.??? But it really tastes like a pedigree chum sandwich.

loveisdivine

CZ 453 wrote: »

Example-Big lovely cake. You eat some and say oh this tastes so nice but you're only saying it because it looked nice and you think you should be saying it.??? But it really tastes like a pedigree chum sandwich.

More like the other way around for me. I'll experience something, like eating cake enjoy it at the time I'm eating it, but then when I think back to it later I can't seem to find that joy I had. I only remember it in a negative way, or think that I must have been faking the joy in the first place.

CZ 453

loveisdivine wrote: »

More like the other way around for me. I'll experience something, like eating cake enjoy it at the time I'm eating it, but then when I think back to it later I can't seem to find that joy I had. I only remember it in a negative way, or think that I must have been faking the joy in the first place.

Got ya now. . The cake is nice. Your reflection on the cake tasting nice is distorted.

loveisdivine

Thats it exactly!

Unfortunately though it extends to things way more important than just eating cake. Like my marriage. I enjoy my marriage, I'm happy when I'm with my husband, I love him dearly, but when I look back on the previous days I can only seem to feel negative about it.

Its hard to know if thats because theres genuinely something wrong. Or if its just anxiety skewing my perception of my world.

CZ 453

loveisdivine wrote: »

Thats it exactly!

Unfortunately though it extends to things way more important than just eating cake. Like my marriage. I enjoy my marriage, I'm happy when I'm with my husband, I love him dearly, but when I look back on the previous days I can only seem to feel negative about it.

Its hard to know if thats because theres genuinely something wrong. Or if its just anxiety skewing my perception of my world.

Ah yeah, the cake is just for example and communication purposes

What do you feel negative about? Him? What ye did together?

loveisdivine

CZ 453 wrote: »

Ah yeah, the cake is just for example and communication purposes

What do you feel negative about? Him? What ye did together?

Its hard to explain really. I feel negative about whether I'm happy in the marriage, or whether I can be happy going forward. We've had some issues lately but we are working on them.

Theres a little voice that keeps saying, what if you're doing the wrong thing or making the wrong choice? What if you're just delaying the inevitable? What if you're just pretending to be happy.

I'm probably not making much sense. I suppose its a sort of general Relationship Anxiety.

Call Me Jimmy

Just try and be as honest with yourself as possible that's all ye can do. Allow yourself to think good things and allow yourself to think bad things. Just thinking them doesn't have any material effect on anything and it can be quite therapeutic to let your mind process it all even hypothetically.

Last night I had a very weird experience. My life has been as low as it has ever has been. Not leaving my room really, not talking to anyone etc. but when I went to bed last night a wave relief came over me (thought it might be some form of medical emergency at one point), it was kind of like being on ecstacy in that I just started breathing and feeling.

A strange meditation began where I was breathing very naturally but allowing my mind to go as fast as it could. Usually when I try to meditate I don't allow the mental chatter or try and force my mind onto my breath but last night I followed my mind at a mile a minute while ALSO being conscious of the good feeling my body was producing. Every one of my problems that I think about suddenly had a solution. It went:

Let mind race into arena of the problem. Ah there's the solution. Next problem. Boom. Solution. Again, as fast as my mind could go.

But I'm back to normal now.

loveisdivine

I'm definitely in love. But I'm not entirely happy at the moment because of these issues we have. My husband knows this.

I know we can get through these issues and be as happy, if not happier, than before. Its just hard and being uncertain about the future causes me a lot of anxiety which in turn distorts my view of things.

1 day at a time.

CZ 453

loveisdivine wrote: »

I'm definitely in love. But I'm not entirely happy at the moment because of these issues we have. My husband knows this.

I know we can get through these issues and be as happy, if not happier, than before. Its just hard and being uncertain about the future causes me a lot of anxiety which in turn distorts my view of things.

1 day at a time.

That's the more important thing. You have to talk it all out together. You should be looking forward to the next day together.

Call Me Jimmy

Also keep in mind that your worries may not be specific to the person. As has been mentioned it could be commitment in general. I am not so sure about monogamy in the extreme long term, or commits like 'I love you and will love you forever'. Brains develop, people grow and change at different rates.

When in a relationship one can put all their thoughts and feelings onto a person, when they are really independent of that person. Of course there are things that go on, problems etc. if they can't be solved through communication or there are very strong feelings that the you don't enjoy each others company than that has to be addressed.

I find it toxic to get too close to a person because you can naturally become lazy and basic isolate yourselves together. So ye's are together but basically alone.

But I think if you are with the right person you'll know it by how you much time you ENJOY together, making each other laugh etc. if I had a friendship with no laughter it would not last long. Appearances and false images at the beginning of relationships cause us to get into it. Oh they're attractive, but long term this is not a good indicator.

handbagmad

CZ 453 wrote: »

It might just be them. Feeling better today?

thanks for taking time to reply.
Im not great to be honest, I did get the dog out for a little walk and have made a dinner to have later.
Im fighting, I just feel different and not really a good different.
Im on the same meds a while now and am not tempted to go messing with it as it has seemed to be doing the job.

I did just take a half valium, have a few for emergencies.

Im hoping its just getting accustomed to the dark nights or something but im not being silly, if im not feeling better in a few days ill go back to the doctor.
I don't want to be in that very scary place again.

Thanks for listening

loveisdivine

handbagmad wrote: »

thanks for taking time to reply.
Im not great to be honest, I did get the dog out for a little walk and have made a dinner to have later.

Well theres 2 positives right there Might only be small but its something none the less.

TrustedApple

Housemate has been at me all day

She refused to let me use the cooker all night for the past 3 hours and told me she needed all rings when i wonted to do was cook my soup.

She then when i am trying to watch i am a cleb she comes out and sits right in front of the TV and calls home and starts talking as load as she can.

I have now started to get the shakes over how angry she is making me when all i wonted to do was eat and watch TV she won't even let me !!!

A major problem i have when i get stressed i start coming out in huge blood spots on my forehead and my forehead was perfect for the past 6 months on to the last 3 weeks i have had countless large red spots on my forehead.