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No Chemistry

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24

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    #32
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    green_screen wrote: »
    You didn't fancy her, but complimented her and kissed her. Maybe she thought you were being fake?

    Ultimately, neither of you liked each other much. It's not a big deal.

    I was a bit meh but am not that shallow that would could love someone solely on looks, I was prepared to give it a bit of a go and see where it took us.


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    #33
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    lufties wrote: »
    Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.

    you didn't do anything wrong, the chemistry wasn't there. After two months you know if you like a person enough to continue and see what develops, she didn't like you enough. She isn't the bad guy here, its just the way it goes sometimes.


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    #34
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    lufties wrote: »
    Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.

    An effort with what though?
    Trying to feel attracted to you? An effort to ignore the fact her heart wasn't in it?

    If you don't feel some sort of connection with someone even on an emotional level then you're not going to entertain it any further especially if you don't find them that attractive.

    Perhaps she did give it a try and decided it definitely wasn't what she wanted.


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    #35
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,707 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    lufties wrote: »
    Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.


    i'm not attacking you i was giving you advice i'm sorry if i came across as aggressive
    i really don't think like you so i thought you'd benefit from knowing that you can get good looking nice women if you want and women need to be fancied by their partner
    not a bit but loads


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    #36
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Tasden wrote: »
    An effort with what though?
    Trying to feel attracted to you? An effort to ignore the fact her heart wasn't in it?

    If you don't feel some sort of connection with someone even on an emotional level then you're not going to entertain it any further especially if you don't find them that attractive.

    Perhaps she did give it a try and decided it definitely wasn't what she wanted.

    Its just frustrating, we kissed passionately the last two times we met then I get a dear john letter, its energy sapping more than anything, I wouldn't snog someone I hadn't any interest in.


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    #37
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    Its just frustrating, we kissed passionately the last two times we met then I get a dear john letter, its energy sapping more than anything, I wouldn't snog someone I hadn't any interest in.

    Are you just frustrated how your personal life is going more so than that girl, sorry if that is too intrusive.


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    #38
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    the blunder years wrote: »
    Are you just frustrated how your personal life is going more so than that girl, sorry if that is too intrusive.

    Not really, more so my love life at the moment. Otherwise things are good, friends, family, work etc.


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    #39
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    lufties wrote: »
    Its just frustrating, we kissed passionately the last two times we met then I get a dear john letter, its energy sapping more than anything, I wouldn't snog someone I hadn't any interest in.

    But its not that she wasn't interested, she felt the same way you did- just whatever - maybe she just decided she wanted more, you can hardly blame her for wanting proper love instead of settling for someone who isn't really that pushed about you.

    You want her to want you. She may have felt the same. Everyone wants to be loved and wanted, not just settled for.


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    #40
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    Not really, more so my love life at the moment. Otherwise things are good, friends, family, work etc.

    Yeah that's what I meant. You sound like an outgoing guy, I could be totally wrong but judging from your post you might over think a little.


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    #41
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    the blunder years wrote: »
    Yeah that's what I meant. You sound like an outgoing guy, I could be totally wrong but judging from your post you might over think a little.

    I'm always one who questions things and like to improve myself, become wiser etc..but I must say this has really baffled me. Maybe I was carrying around some sort of negative energy or body language, but for someone to say maybe we could meet again as friends but no chance of anything else is quite final.


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    #42
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    I'm always one who questions things and like to improve myself, become wiser etc..but I must say this has really baffled me. Maybe I was carrying around some sort of negative energy or body language, but for someone to say maybe we could meet again as friends but no chance of anything else is quite final.

    Sounds like you actually like this girl.


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    #43
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    the blunder years wrote: »
    Sounds like you actually like this girl.


    Lets just say I wasn't head over heels but I saw some potential in her.


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    #44
    I Heart Internet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,678 ✭✭✭I Heart Internet


    lufties wrote: »
    Anyway she probably did me a favour, I was a little bit meh about the whole thing too.......

    ....I got me wondering what I was doing wrong

    You answered your own question - you weren't into her and it showed, hence the lack of chemistry.


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    #45
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    lufties wrote: »
    I'm always one who questions things and like to improve myself, become wiser etc..but I must say this has really baffled me. Maybe I was carrying around some sort of negative energy or body language, but for someone to say maybe we could meet again as friends but no chance of anything else is quite final.

    But if she was a "ten" you'd understand, so just apply the same reasoning for that scenario to this girl.


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    #46
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    I Heart Internet wrote: »
    You answered your own question - you weren't into her and it showed, hence the lack of chemistry.

    It didn't show, I was into her a bit of course but I'm sure if she was scarlett johansson, I'd be more into her. In fairness what would a girl expect, to declare undying love after 3 dates. I was as enthused as anyone would be after a few dates.


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    #47
    Paudee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 488 ✭✭Paudee


    lufties wrote: »
    Lets just say I wasn't head over heels but I saw some potential in her.

    This is what I imagine people say when buying a horse.


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    #48
    I Heart Internet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,678 ✭✭✭I Heart Internet


    lufties wrote: »
    It didn't show, I was into her a bit of course but I'm sure if she was scarlett johansson, I'd be more into her. In fairness what would a girl expect, to declare undying love after 3 dates. I was as enthused as anyone would be after a few dates.

    You may have put on a good show, but if you were "meh" about it, she would have seen it. And she may have been "meh" about you in any case.

    You can't fake a real connection for long. People (men and women) know if a real spark isn't there.


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    #49
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    It didn't show, I was into her a bit of course but I'm sure if she was scarlett johansson, I'd be more into her. In fairness what would a girl expect, to declare undying love after 3 dates. I was as enthused as anyone would be after a few dates.

    Your making snarky comments about her looks, yet baffled why she dumped you. Are you looking for self examination or are you indignant. You said you look to improve yourself and to become wiser, making comments like this doesn't help.


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    #50
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    the blunder years wrote: »
    Your making snarky comments about her looks, yet baffled why she dumped you. Are you looking for self examination or are you indignant. You said you look to improve yourself and to become wiser, making comments like this doesn't help.

    Ah get off your moral high ground, some people are more attractive than others, its a fact of life. I'd consider myself fairly attractive although I know my league.


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    #51
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    Ah get off your moral high ground, some people are more attractive than others, its a fact of life. I'd consider myself fairly attractive although I know my league.
    You sound like a chancer, are feelings hurt ah boo. Your league, which one premier, championship or conference league.


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    #52
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    the blunder years wrote: »
    You sound like a chancer, are feelings hurt ah boo. Your league, which one premier, championship or conference league.

    Chancer eh? you sound bitter and twisted ready to take your anger out on an honest poster who is open to discuss something.


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    #53
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    Chancer eh? you sound bitter and twisted ready to take your anger out on an honest poster who is open to discuss something.

    I'am bitter, twisted, angry and shout from my moral high ground, just your typical boards poster. Anyway have a nice weekend, and remember there is somebody for everybody.


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    #54
    jubella
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,528 ✭✭✭jubella


    OP, the vibe I get from your posts is that you maybe thought you were out of this girl's league and that you thought you were doing her a favour by putting in the effort and seeing how it went. Then she didn't feel a spark with you and now your ego is hurt.
    She wasn't into it, that's life. There could be a multitude of reasons why, none of which any of us here will ever know. There's no point dwelling on it too much, move on and hopefully you'll find someone that doesn't make you say "meh".


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    #55
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    jubella wrote: »
    OP, the vibe I get from your posts is that you maybe thought you were out of this girl's league and that you thought you were doing her a favour by putting in the effort and seeing how it went. Then she didn't feel a spark with you and now your ego is hurt.
    She wasn't into it, that's life. There could be a multitude of reasons why, none of which any of us here will ever know. There's no point dwelling on it too much, move on and hopefully you'll find someone that doesn't make you say "meh".

    Ya fair enough I can accept that, doesn't make it any less annoying. I suppose I thought there was some magical thing I did wrong. I suppose its more scary than anything else, when you can't even keep an average looking girl attracted to you.

    I'll have to try 'up my game', but I don't even how, hence I'm on here thrashing it out.


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    #56
    jubella
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,528 ✭✭✭jubella


    lufties wrote: »
    Ya fair enough I can accept that, doesn't make it any less annoying. I suppose I thought there was some magical thing I did wrong. I suppose its more scary than anything else, when you can't even keep an average looking girl attracted to you.

    I'll have to try 'up my game', but I don't even how, hence I'm on here thrashing it out.

    That's just it though, there's no formula for making someone attracted to you. If it's not there it's not there - one of life's great mysteries! And anyway, if you're looking for something long term, you want them to like you for who you are, without having to 'up your game'.
    I can understand why you'd be annoyed by it though, sure it's only natural.


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    #57
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    There's more to attraction than looks. Take Jessica Simpson before she put on the weight. She was super hot but there's no way I'd go out with her for 3 months. She'd drive me mad. Or Julia Roberts. She's meant to be gorgeous but I think she's ordinary at best. To be fair you do come across as a bit full of yourself


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    #58
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    professore wrote: »
    There's more to attraction than looks. Take Jessica Simpson before she put on the weight. She was super hot but there's no way I'd go out with her for 3 months. She'd drive me mad. Or Julia Roberts. She's meant to be gorgeous but I think she's ordinary at best. To be fair you do come across as a bit full of yourself

    Haha thanks I love to come on here to be insulted. I'm not full of myself at all in fact I'm fairly down to earth, sensitive and genuine. I've lived around the world but the very odd time I'd get/charm a very attractive woman, hence I know my limitations.


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    #59
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    jubella wrote: »
    That's just it though, there's no formula for making someone attracted to you. If it's not there it's not there - one of life's great mysteries! And anyway, if you're looking for something long term, you want them to like you for who you are, without having to 'up your game'.
    I can understand why you'd be annoyed by it though, sure it's only natural.

    with all due respect, that, like many posts here is too much of an ideal view in a non ideal world. We can all improve ourselves, the way we carry ourselves or perhaps how we engage with the opposite sex.


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    #60
    dee_mc
    Registered Users Posts: 7,175 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    OP I think you're a bit confused about your feelings for her, it sounds like you were both making an effort to really like each other and it just didn't come off.
    I think it's good to learn from what went wrong in a relationship, move on and try not to make the same mistake again.
    I'm not having a go but it seems to me that you slightly expected this girl to be grateful for your attention, and that you're more hurt because she was the one that rejected you than you are upset that a potentially great relationship ended.
    If I were you I'd take the lesson from the situation: if you're not feeling it, give it another couple of dates, or another couple of weeks, and if you're still not feeling it just gently let the girl know before she's too invested in the relationship/potential relationship. That's exactly what the lady did in this situation, even if you do feel she handled it badly.
    Don't feel that because you've reached your thirties you have to 'settle', or make the best of a not-so-great situation, just bide your time and be yourself and there's a good chance you'll meet someone you can feel more than 'meh' about :)


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    #61
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    professore wrote: »
    There's more to attraction than looks. Take Jessica Simpson before she put on the weight. She was super hot but there's no way I'd go out with her for 3 months. She'd drive me mad. Or Julia Roberts. She's meant to be gorgeous but I think she's ordinary at best. To be fair you do come across as a bit full of yourself

    Jessica simpson was always as common as muck, no thanks.


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