No Chemistry

lufties

So I was dating a girl for the last month or two. She rang me and told me there wasn't any chemistry from her side. A bit of a blow to the ego alright, especially after I paid for 2 expensive dinners Anyway she probably did me a favour, I was a little bit meh about the whole thing too. I got me wondering what I was doing wrong, I was funny, confident, open, a gentleman, I'm not bad looking, etc. In fairness she wasn't exactly a supermodel either if I'm honest, you'd also think a girl in her thirties would be a bit more willing to engage and perhaps give it more of a go. Sounds like I'm bitter but I'm really not, just wondering what I should take from this

Katgurl

What is the confusion? You should take from it that she wasn't feeling any chemistry. Which you weren't either by the way you've described her. Honestly I can't think of anything more grim than starting something off with someone when there was such a mutual feeling of 'making do'.

lufties

Katgurl wrote: »

What is the confusion? You should take from it that she wasn't feeling any chemistry. Which you weren't either by the way you've described her. Honestly I can't think of anything more grim than starting something off with someone when there was such a mutual feeling of 'making do'.

sorry I didn't want to sabotage the previous thread so started a new one. What I mean is that we could have spent some quality time with each other, last night we snogged in her car, FFS talk about awkward. I suppose I'm disappointed after the effort I put and expected at least some more effort from her. In the month I was seeing her, I only met her 3 times due to whatever reason. As I said, a bit of a blow to the ego when someone doesn't find you attractive, especially if they are not particularly beautiful, leaves me wondering what I did wrong.

Wibbs

lufties wrote: »

So I was dating a girl for the last month or two. She rang me and told me there wasn't any chemistry from her side. A bit of a blow to the ego alright

OK

especially after I paid for 2 expensive dinners

Eh wut? Her liking or not liking you was hardly predicated on whether you bought her a slap up meal or a takeaway curry.

Anyway she probably did me a favour, I was a little bit meh about the whole thing too.

So neither were up for it and now it's just an ego thing?

I got me wondering what I was doing wrong, I was funny, confident, open, a gentleman, I'm not bad looking, etc.

No chemistry = she just didn't fancy you. End. She may have liked you, but didn't want to jump your bones, or like you enough to hang around to see if that changed.

In fairness she wasn't exactly a supermodel either if I'm honest, you'd also think a girl in her thirties would be a bit more willing to engage and perhaps give it more of a go.

Yep I can see how you might be a catch with that mindset. Seriously. Read that back and think more on it. People can usually pick that kinda thinking up from a mile away.

Sounds like I'm bitter but I'm really not, just wondering what I should take from this

Your ego is bruised. You thought you felt less than she did and then she dropped the bomb. Buying stuff does not equal attraction. Some women will like you, some women won't. Depending on how attractive you actually are this ratio will vary. Keep looking, but leave some of your mindset at home.

Penny Tration

Sounds like she just didn't fancy you. Not your fault.

The comment about her giving it more of a go, referencing her age, is odd though. 30s isn't old, so if she's not feeling it, why settle? Would you settle for someone you really don't see yourself with, just because of your age?

Tasden

lufties wrote: »

sorry I didn't want to sabotage the previous thread so started a new one. What I mean is that we could have spent some quality time with each other, last night we snogged in her car, FFS talk about awkward. I suppose I'm disappointed after the effort I put and expected at least some more effort from her. In the month I was seeing her, I only met her 3 times due to whatever reason. As I said, a bit of a blow to the ego when someone doesn't find you attractive, especially if they are not particularly beautiful, leaves me wondering what I did wrong.

Not understanding how kissing in her
car is awkward??

It really does seem like you weren't necessarily head over heels for her either, people pick up on that.

lufties

green_screen wrote: »

Sounds like she just didn't fancy you. Not your fault.

The comment about her giving it more of a go, referencing her age, is odd though. 30s isn't old, so if she's not feeling it, why settle? Would you settle for someone you really don't see yourself with, just because of your age?

I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.

lufties

Tasden wrote: »

Not understanding how kissing in her
car is awkward??

It really does seem like you weren't necessarily head over heels for her either, people pick up on that.

Perhaps you are right, but I'm a good actor

Seriously though having a fumble in a car was awkward or perhaps thats the whole chemistry thing.

Greenmachine

If she is not feeling anything, what is wrong with her not wanting to invest any more in the relationship. Perhaps you were even looking for different things.

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.

Maybe you get less choosy. Many don't. 33 isn't old and tbh it's quite insulting that you think she should give you more of a chance just because she isn't ten years younger.

You said yourself you were 'meh' about her, so how were you emotionally attached?

Sounds like a bruised ego more than anything else.

eviltwin

I think her giving it two months is fair enough. It's long enough to see if the relationship has potential without stringing someone along. You can't fake chemistry, its either there or its not. Seeing as you weren't really feeling it either it was probably the best thing. I can understand your ego is a bit bruised but that's the dating game for you.

Tasden

lufties wrote: »

I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.

No "we" don't. Some people might but some people wait until they find that someone who they get butterflies for and who loves them equally as much rather than settling for someone who is only alright and is only settling for them anyway. No point wasting time where there is no chemistry "giving it a go because the clock is ticking" when you could go out and meet someone you will actually love.

Also, the fumble in the car, when there is chemistry that is anything but awkward in my experience anyway so I reckon it was just a case of no chemistry for whatever reason.

Tigger

your whole attitude stinks tbh i'm not trying to insult you but you should be looking to outdo your expectations not wonder why someone you plainly weren't really into wasn't really into you

OldRio

lufties wrote: »

I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.

Now lets put the handbreak on and look at the highlighted bit.
I'm 55 and fussy as hell. Just because you get older does not mean desperation.

lufties

Tigger wrote: »

your whole attitude stinks tbh i'm not trying to insult you but you should be looking to outdo your expectations not wonder why someone you plainly weren't really into wasn't really into you

what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.

lufties

OldRio wrote: »

Now lets put the handbreak on and look at the highlighted bit.
I'm 55 and fussy as hell. Just because you get older does not mean desperation.

most of us want a family therefore 30-40 is a crucial time in our lives, surely you know this.

eviltwin

lufties wrote: »

what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.

She told you why - there was no chemistry. Are you secretly just pissed she got in there and ended it before you did?

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.

She's not attractive to you, so move on. You're making yourself sound very bad.

Ever thought maybe you're not as attractive as you think you are? Maybe you were ugly to her, just as she was unattractive to you. Physical attraction is subjective anyway.

You were meh about the whole thing and yet she's not allowed to feel the same :rolleyes:

Why would anyone want to put in more effort with someone who insults how they look and thinks they should be grateful for any attention they get?? Even from someone who isn't into it?

Get over yourself

OldRio

lufties wrote: »

most of us want a family therefore 30-40 is a crucial time in our lives, surely you know this.

When you get to my age every year is a crucial time.:D

To be honest if you look at what you have written on this thread. You may get an idea of why the lady finished with you.

lufties

green_screen wrote: »

She's not attractive to you, so move on. You're making yourself sound very bad.

Ever thought maybe you're not as attractive as you think you are? Maybe you were ugly to her, just as she was unattractive to you. Physical attraction is subjective anyway.

I can only go on what I've been told most of my life, and that is that I am attractive, I never said I was Brad Pitt like you seem to think I have.

By the way there's no need to insult me and tell me how bad I sound, Its a forum, for discussion.

the blunder years

I have to agree with some of the posters here, you are insulted she was not into you but you not being into her was grand. I think your a bit hurt by the whole thing, maybe? .Also you have preconceptions about how people are suppose to act at a certain age you are setting yourself up for disappointment. As far as having chemistry with somebody it happens you can't force it.

eviltwin

lufties wrote: »

I can only go on what I've been told most of my life, and that is that I am attractive, I never said I was Brad Pitt like you seem to think I have.

By the way there's no need to insult me and tell me how bad I sound, Its a forum, for discussion.

It has little to do with looks, you can be very attractive but if there is nothing to back it up then it means little.


I don't really see the problem here, you didn't really like her, she didn't really like you...now you're both free to find someone you connect with better. That's a good thing right? a

NordieSteve

Christ the guy just got dumped and people in here jump on him as usual.

Get done up and go out on the pull tonight OP, no point in wallowing over someone that isn't interested.

NordieSteve

bluewolf wrote: »

You were meh about the whole thing and yet she's not allowed to feel the same :rolleyes:

Why would anyone want to put in more effort with someone who insults how they look and thinks they should be grateful for any attention they get?? Even from someone who isn't into it?

Get over yourself

No need for this tbh.

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

I can only go on what I've been told most of my life, and that is that I am attractive, I never said I was Brad Pitt like you seem to think I have.

By the way there's no need to insult me and tell me how bad I sound, Its a forum, for discussion.

Where did I say that you think you're Brad Pitt? my point is, you may be attractive to SOME people, but clearly not to her. Similarly, she's not attractive to you, but may be a 'ten' to someone else.

I'm not insulting you. I'm giving you an opinion based on what you've said. You're coming across very badly, and that may be food for thought. Could be that you came across just as badly to her.

Tigger

lufties wrote: »

what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.

the way what is?
that someone you found unattractive dumped you (you don't have to go out with people you don't fancy you know)
so your ego is bruised so f-ing what
pick your self up and get woman that you'd be happy to fumble in a car

lufties

green_screen wrote: »

Where did I say that you think you're Brad Pitt? my point is, you may be attractive to SOME people, but clearly not to her. Similarly, she's not attractive to you, but may be a 'ten' to someone else.

I'm not insulting you. I'm giving you an opinion based on what you've said. You're coming across very badly, and that may be food for thought. Could be that you came across just as badly to her.

I was a bit meh about her but in fairness I didn't really know her that well,I was a gentleman with her, nice, confident, witty, took the lead, gave her compliments, snogged her passionately, groomed well... in fact I feel I didn't put a foot wrong. Still I was dumped, hence I'm wondering why. I knew she wasn't drop dead gorgeous but still I was prepared to get to know her and see where it took us.

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

I was a bit meh about her but in fairness I didn't really know her that well,I was a gentleman with her, nice, confident, witty, took the lead, gave her compliments, snogged her passionately, groomed well... in fact I feel I didn't put a foot wrong. Still I was dumped, hence I'm wondering why. I knew she wasn't drop dead gorgeous but still I was prepared to get to know her and see where it took us.

You didn't fancy her, but complimented her and kissed her. Maybe she thought you were being fake?

Ultimately, neither of you liked each other much. It's not a big deal.

lufties

Tigger wrote: »

the way what is?
that someone you found unattractive dumped you (you don't have to go out with people you don't fancy you know)
so your ego is bruised so f-ing what
pick your self up and get woman that you'd be happy to fumble in a car

Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.

the blunder years

lufties wrote: »

I was a bit meh about her but in fairness I didn't really know her that well,I was a gentleman with her, nice, confident, witty, took the lead, gave her compliments, snogged her passionately, groomed well... in fact I feel I didn't put a foot wrong. Still I was dumped, hence I'm wondering why. I knew she wasn't drop dead gorgeous but still I was prepared to get to know her and see where it took us.

You were meh about her, and she was meh about you and the whole thing was meh. So what's the meh problem.

lufties

green_screen wrote: »

You didn't fancy her, but complimented her and kissed her. Maybe she thought you were being fake?

Ultimately, neither of you liked each other much. It's not a big deal.

I was a bit meh but am not that shallow that would could love someone solely on looks, I was prepared to give it a bit of a go and see where it took us.

eviltwin

lufties wrote: »

Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.

you didn't do anything wrong, the chemistry wasn't there. After two months you know if you like a person enough to continue and see what develops, she didn't like you enough. She isn't the bad guy here, its just the way it goes sometimes.

Tasden

lufties wrote: »

Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.

An effort with what though?
Trying to feel attracted to you? An effort to ignore the fact her heart wasn't in it?

If you don't feel some sort of connection with someone even on an emotional level then you're not going to entertain it any further especially if you don't find them that attractive.

Perhaps she did give it a try and decided it definitely wasn't what she wanted.

Tigger

lufties wrote: »

Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.

i'm not attacking you i was giving you advice i'm sorry if i came across as aggressive
i really don't think like you so i thought you'd benefit from knowing that you can get good looking nice women if you want and women need to be fancied by their partner
not a bit but loads

lufties

Tasden wrote: »

An effort with what though?
Trying to feel attracted to you? An effort to ignore the fact her heart wasn't in it?

If you don't feel some sort of connection with someone even on an emotional level then you're not going to entertain it any further especially if you don't find them that attractive.

Perhaps she did give it a try and decided it definitely wasn't what she wanted.

Its just frustrating, we kissed passionately the last two times we met then I get a dear john letter, its energy sapping more than anything, I wouldn't snog someone I hadn't any interest in.

the blunder years

lufties wrote: »

Its just frustrating, we kissed passionately the last two times we met then I get a dear john letter, its energy sapping more than anything, I wouldn't snog someone I hadn't any interest in.

Are you just frustrated how your personal life is going more so than that girl, sorry if that is too intrusive.

lufties

the blunder years wrote: »

Are you just frustrated how your personal life is going more so than that girl, sorry if that is too intrusive.

Not really, more so my love life at the moment. Otherwise things are good, friends, family, work etc.

Tasden

lufties wrote: »

Its just frustrating, we kissed passionately the last two times we met then I get a dear john letter, its energy sapping more than anything, I wouldn't snog someone I hadn't any interest in.

But its not that she wasn't interested, she felt the same way you did- just whatever - maybe she just decided she wanted more, you can hardly blame her for wanting proper love instead of settling for someone who isn't really that pushed about you.

You want her to want you. She may have felt the same. Everyone wants to be loved and wanted, not just settled for.

the blunder years

lufties wrote: »

Not really, more so my love life at the moment. Otherwise things are good, friends, family, work etc.

Yeah that's what I meant. You sound like an outgoing guy, I could be totally wrong but judging from your post you might over think a little.

lufties

the blunder years wrote: »

Yeah that's what I meant. You sound like an outgoing guy, I could be totally wrong but judging from your post you might over think a little.

I'm always one who questions things and like to improve myself, become wiser etc..but I must say this has really baffled me. Maybe I was carrying around some sort of negative energy or body language, but for someone to say maybe we could meet again as friends but no chance of anything else is quite final.

the blunder years

lufties wrote: »

I'm always one who questions things and like to improve myself, become wiser etc..but I must say this has really baffled me. Maybe I was carrying around some sort of negative energy or body language, but for someone to say maybe we could meet again as friends but no chance of anything else is quite final.

Sounds like you actually like this girl.

lufties

the blunder years wrote: »

Sounds like you actually like this girl.

Lets just say I wasn't head over heels but I saw some potential in her.

I Heart Internet

lufties wrote: »

Anyway she probably did me a favour, I was a little bit meh about the whole thing too.......

....I got me wondering what I was doing wrong

You answered your own question - you weren't into her and it showed, hence the lack of chemistry.

Tasden

lufties wrote: »

I'm always one who questions things and like to improve myself, become wiser etc..but I must say this has really baffled me. Maybe I was carrying around some sort of negative energy or body language, but for someone to say maybe we could meet again as friends but no chance of anything else is quite final.

But if she was a "ten" you'd understand, so just apply the same reasoning for that scenario to this girl.

lufties

I Heart Internet wrote: »

You answered your own question - you weren't into her and it showed, hence the lack of chemistry.

It didn't show, I was into her a bit of course but I'm sure if she was scarlett johansson, I'd be more into her. In fairness what would a girl expect, to declare undying love after 3 dates. I was as enthused as anyone would be after a few dates.

Paudee

lufties wrote: »

Lets just say I wasn't head over heels but I saw some potential in her.

This is what I imagine people say when buying a horse.

I Heart Internet

lufties wrote: »

It didn't show, I was into her a bit of course but I'm sure if she was scarlett johansson, I'd be more into her. In fairness what would a girl expect, to declare undying love after 3 dates. I was as enthused as anyone would be after a few dates.

You may have put on a good show, but if you were "meh" about it, she would have seen it. And she may have been "meh" about you in any case.

You can't fake a real connection for long. People (men and women) know if a real spark isn't there.

the blunder years

lufties wrote: »

It didn't show, I was into her a bit of course but I'm sure if she was scarlett johansson, I'd be more into her. In fairness what would a girl expect, to declare undying love after 3 dates. I was as enthused as anyone would be after a few dates.

Your making snarky comments about her looks, yet baffled why she dumped you. Are you looking for self examination or are you indignant. You said you look to improve yourself and to become wiser, making comments like this doesn't help.

lufties

the blunder years wrote: »

Your making snarky comments about her looks, yet baffled why she dumped you. Are you looking for self examination or are you indignant. You said you look to improve yourself and to become wiser, making comments like this doesn't help.

Ah get off your moral high ground, some people are more attractive than others, its a fact of life. I'd consider myself fairly attractive although I know my league.

the blunder years

lufties wrote: »

Ah get off your moral high ground, some people are more attractive than others, its a fact of life. I'd consider myself fairly attractive although I know my league.

You sound like a chancer, are feelings hurt ah boo. Your league, which one premier, championship or conference league.