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No Chemistry

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  • 03-05-2014 2:25pm
    #1
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭


    So I was dating a girl for the last month or two. She rang me and told me there wasn't any chemistry from her side. A bit of a blow to the ego alright, especially after I paid for 2 expensive dinners Anyway she probably did me a favour, I was a little bit meh about the whole thing too. I got me wondering what I was doing wrong, I was funny, confident, open, a gentleman, I'm not bad looking, etc. In fairness she wasn't exactly a supermodel either if I'm honest, you'd also think a girl in her thirties would be a bit more willing to engage and perhaps give it more of a go. Sounds like I'm bitter but I'm really not, just wondering what I should take from this


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    #2
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,143 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    What is the confusion? You should take from it that she wasn't feeling any chemistry. Which you weren't either by the way you've described her. Honestly I can't think of anything more grim than starting something off with someone when there was such a mutual feeling of 'making do'.


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    #3
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Katgurl wrote: »
    What is the confusion? You should take from it that she wasn't feeling any chemistry. Which you weren't either by the way you've described her. Honestly I can't think of anything more grim than starting something off with someone when there was such a mutual feeling of 'making do'.

    sorry I didn't want to sabotage the previous thread so started a new one. What I mean is that we could have spent some quality time with each other, last night we snogged in her car, FFS talk about awkward. I suppose I'm disappointed after the effort I put and expected at least some more effort from her. In the month I was seeing her, I only met her 3 times due to whatever reason. As I said, a bit of a blow to the ego when someone doesn't find you attractive, especially if they are not particularly beautiful, leaves me wondering what I did wrong.


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    #4
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,100 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    lufties wrote: »
    So I was dating a girl for the last month or two. She rang me and told me there wasn't any chemistry from her side. A bit of a blow to the ego alright
    OK
    especially after I paid for 2 expensive dinners
    Eh wut? Her liking or not liking you was hardly predicated on whether you bought her a slap up meal or a takeaway curry.
    Anyway she probably did me a favour, I was a little bit meh about the whole thing too.
    So neither were up for it and now it's just an ego thing?
    I got me wondering what I was doing wrong, I was funny, confident, open, a gentleman, I'm not bad looking, etc.
    No chemistry = she just didn't fancy you. End. She may have liked you, but didn't want to jump your bones, or like you enough to hang around to see if that changed.
    In fairness she wasn't exactly a supermodel either if I'm honest, you'd also think a girl in her thirties would be a bit more willing to engage and perhaps give it more of a go.
    Yep I can see how you might be a catch with that mindset. Seriously. Read that back and think more on it. People can usually pick that kinda thinking up from a mile away.
    Sounds like I'm bitter but I'm really not, just wondering what I should take from this
    Your ego is bruised. You thought you felt less than she did and then she dropped the bomb. Buying stuff does not equal attraction. Some women will like you, some women won't. Depending on how attractive you actually are this ratio will vary. Keep looking, but leave some of your mindset at home.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #5
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Sounds like she just didn't fancy you. Not your fault.

    The comment about her giving it more of a go, referencing her age, is odd though. 30s isn't old, so if she's not feeling it, why settle? Would you settle for someone you really don't see yourself with, just because of your age?


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    #6
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    lufties wrote: »
    sorry I didn't want to sabotage the previous thread so started a new one. What I mean is that we could have spent some quality time with each other, last night we snogged in her car, FFS talk about awkward. I suppose I'm disappointed after the effort I put and expected at least some more effort from her. In the month I was seeing her, I only met her 3 times due to whatever reason. As I said, a bit of a blow to the ego when someone doesn't find you attractive, especially if they are not particularly beautiful, leaves me wondering what I did wrong.

    Not understanding how kissing in her
    car is awkward??

    It really does seem like you weren't necessarily head over heels for her either, people pick up on that.


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    #7
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    green_screen wrote: »
    Sounds like she just didn't fancy you. Not your fault.

    The comment about her giving it more of a go, referencing her age, is odd though. 30s isn't old, so if she's not feeling it, why settle? Would you settle for someone you really don't see yourself with, just because of your age?


    I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.


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    #8
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Tasden wrote: »
    Not understanding how kissing in her
    car is awkward??

    It really does seem like you weren't necessarily head over heels for her either, people pick up on that.

    Perhaps you are right, but I'm a good actor ;)

    Seriously though having a fumble in a car was awkward or perhaps thats the whole chemistry thing.


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    #9
    Greenmachine
    Registered Users Posts: 5,063 ✭✭✭Greenmachine


    If she is not feeling anything, what is wrong with her not wanting to invest any more in the relationship. Perhaps you were even looking for different things.


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    #10
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    lufties wrote: »
    I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.

    Maybe you get less choosy. Many don't. 33 isn't old and tbh it's quite insulting that you think she should give you more of a chance just because she isn't ten years younger.

    You said yourself you were 'meh' about her, so how were you emotionally attached?

    Sounds like a bruised ego more than anything else.


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    #11
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I think her giving it two months is fair enough. It's long enough to see if the relationship has potential without stringing someone along. You can't fake chemistry, its either there or its not. Seeing as you weren't really feeling it either it was probably the best thing. I can understand your ego is a bit bruised but that's the dating game for you.


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    #12
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    lufties wrote: »
    I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.

    No "we" don't. Some people might but some people wait until they find that someone who they get butterflies for and who loves them equally as much rather than settling for someone who is only alright and is only settling for them anyway. No point wasting time where there is no chemistry "giving it a go because the clock is ticking" when you could go out and meet someone you will actually love.

    Also, the fumble in the car, when there is chemistry that is anything but awkward in my experience anyway so I reckon it was just a case of no chemistry for whatever reason.


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    #13
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,707 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    your whole attitude stinks tbh i'm not trying to insult you but you should be looking to outdo your expectations not wonder why someone you plainly weren't really into wasn't really into you


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    #14
    OldRio
    Registered Users Posts: 5,937 ✭✭✭OldRio


    lufties wrote: »
    I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.


    Now lets put the handbreak on and look at the highlighted bit.
    I'm 55 and fussy as hell. Just because you get older does not mean desperation.


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    #15
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Tigger wrote: »
    your whole attitude stinks tbh i'm not trying to insult you but you should be looking to outdo your expectations not wonder why someone you plainly weren't really into wasn't really into you

    what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.


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    #16
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    OldRio wrote: »
    Now lets put the handbreak on and look at the highlighted bit.
    I'm 55 and fussy as hell. Just because you get older does not mean desperation.

    most of us want a family therefore 30-40 is a crucial time in our lives, surely you know this.


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    #17
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    lufties wrote: »
    what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.

    She told you why - there was no chemistry. Are you secretly just pissed she got in there and ended it before you did?


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    #18
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    lufties wrote: »
    what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.

    She's not attractive to you, so move on. You're making yourself sound very bad.

    Ever thought maybe you're not as attractive as you think you are? Maybe you were ugly to her, just as she was unattractive to you. Physical attraction is subjective anyway.


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    #19
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    You were meh about the whole thing and yet she's not allowed to feel the same :rolleyes:

    Why would anyone want to put in more effort with someone who insults how they look and thinks they should be grateful for any attention they get?? Even from someone who isn't into it?

    Get over yourself


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    #20
    OldRio
    Registered Users Posts: 5,937 ✭✭✭OldRio


    lufties wrote: »
    most of us want a family therefore 30-40 is a crucial time in our lives, surely you know this.

    When you get to my age every year is a crucial time.:D

    To be honest if you look at what you have written on this thread. You may get an idea of why the lady finished with you.


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    #21
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    green_screen wrote: »
    She's not attractive to you, so move on. You're making yourself sound very bad.

    Ever thought maybe you're not as attractive as you think you are? Maybe you were ugly to her, just as she was unattractive to you. Physical attraction is subjective anyway.

    I can only go on what I've been told most of my life, and that is that I am attractive, I never said I was Brad Pitt like you seem to think I have.

    By the way there's no need to insult me and tell me how bad I sound, Its a forum, for discussion.


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    #22
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    I have to agree with some of the posters here, you are insulted she was not into you but you not being into her was grand. I think your a bit hurt by the whole thing, maybe? .Also you have preconceptions about how people are suppose to act at a certain age you are setting yourself up for disappointment. As far as having chemistry with somebody it happens you can't force it.


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    #23
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    lufties wrote: »
    I can only go on what I've been told most of my life, and that is that I am attractive, I never said I was Brad Pitt like you seem to think I have.

    By the way there's no need to insult me and tell me how bad I sound, Its a forum, for discussion.



    It has little to do with looks, you can be very attractive but if there is nothing to back it up then it means little.


    I don't really see the problem here, you didn't really like her, she didn't really like you...now you're both free to find someone you connect with better. That's a good thing right? a


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    #24
    NordieSteve
    Closed Accounts Posts: 326 ✭✭NordieSteve


    Christ the guy just got dumped and people in here jump on him as usual.

    Get done up and go out on the pull tonight OP, no point in wallowing over someone that isn't interested.


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    #25
    NordieSteve
    Closed Accounts Posts: 326 ✭✭NordieSteve


    bluewolf wrote: »
    You were meh about the whole thing and yet she's not allowed to feel the same :rolleyes:

    Why would anyone want to put in more effort with someone who insults how they look and thinks they should be grateful for any attention they get?? Even from someone who isn't into it?

    Get over yourself

    No need for this tbh.


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    #26
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    lufties wrote: »
    I can only go on what I've been told most of my life, and that is that I am attractive, I never said I was Brad Pitt like you seem to think I have.

    By the way there's no need to insult me and tell me how bad I sound, Its a forum, for discussion.

    Where did I say that you think you're Brad Pitt? :confused: my point is, you may be attractive to SOME people, but clearly not to her. Similarly, she's not attractive to you, but may be a 'ten' to someone else.

    I'm not insulting you. I'm giving you an opinion based on what you've said. You're coming across very badly, and that may be food for thought. Could be that you came across just as badly to her.


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    #27
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,707 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    lufties wrote: »
    what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.
    the way what is?
    that someone you found unattractive dumped you (you don't have to go out with people you don't fancy you know)
    so your ego is bruised so f-ing what
    pick your self up and get woman that you'd be happy to fumble in a car


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    #28
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    green_screen wrote: »
    Where did I say that you think you're Brad Pitt? :confused: my point is, you may be attractive to SOME people, but clearly not to her. Similarly, she's not attractive to you, but may be a 'ten' to someone else.

    I'm not insulting you. I'm giving you an opinion based on what you've said. You're coming across very badly, and that may be food for thought. Could be that you came across just as badly to her.

    I was a bit meh about her but in fairness I didn't really know her that well,I was a gentleman with her, nice, confident, witty, took the lead, gave her compliments, snogged her passionately, groomed well... in fact I feel I didn't put a foot wrong. Still I was dumped, hence I'm wondering why. I knew she wasn't drop dead gorgeous but still I was prepared to get to know her and see where it took us.


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    #29
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    lufties wrote: »
    I was a bit meh about her but in fairness I didn't really know her that well,I was a gentleman with her, nice, confident, witty, took the lead, gave her compliments, snogged her passionately, groomed well... in fact I feel I didn't put a foot wrong. Still I was dumped, hence I'm wondering why. I knew she wasn't drop dead gorgeous but still I was prepared to get to know her and see where it took us.

    You didn't fancy her, but complimented her and kissed her. Maybe she thought you were being fake?

    Ultimately, neither of you liked each other much. It's not a big deal.


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    #30
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Tigger wrote: »
    the way what is?
    that someone you found unattractive dumped you (you don't have to go out with people you don't fancy you know)
    so your ego is bruised so f-ing what
    pick your self up and get woman that you'd be happy to fumble in a car

    Yes the way it is, Stop picking out sentences from my posts and attacking me, read them all in entirety instead. I said she could've made more of an effort and can;t figure out what I did wrong. She was ok but I was willing to get to know her.


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    #31
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    I was a bit meh about her but in fairness I didn't really know her that well,I was a gentleman with her, nice, confident, witty, took the lead, gave her compliments, snogged her passionately, groomed well... in fact I feel I didn't put a foot wrong. Still I was dumped, hence I'm wondering why. I knew she wasn't drop dead gorgeous but still I was prepared to get to know her and see where it took us.

    You were meh about her, and she was meh about you and the whole thing was meh. So what's the meh problem.


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