Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

No Chemistry

Options
124»

Comments

  • Options
    #92
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    When people use the phrase "no chemistry" I usually take it to mean that you don't share a sense of humour or have a similar style of conversation. Perhaps she was making remarks/jokes you didn't pick up on, or phrases from tv shows, books, etc. Small things that may not be apparent to one person but are glaringly obvious to the other and can be quite indicative of what interests people have.

    Or she could have been letting you down gently for some other reason...my dating friends have stopped going out with people for height disparities, not the same interest in going clubbing, being unadventurous in eating out, loads of different things they wouldn't actually tell someone to their face for fear of causing unnecessary upset or discussion.


  • Options
    #93
    the blunder years
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭the blunder years


    lufties wrote: »
    I thought this was the gentleman's club forum, not some self satisfied, self righteous forum where people come on to bitch , sneer and insult.

    In fairness lufties, I gave you an opinion without any name calling or attitude and your response was not pleasant. Just because I don't agree with your stance, doesn't mean I'm bitter or twisted or having a go at you, you put out your situation for people to comment on. If you want my honest opinion, you have an absolutely crap attitude to this woman at least, you didn't fancy yet when she had the gall not to fancy you it was mind boggling, come on. You've had a go at people who disagree with you, or can't see your way of thinking. Chemistry between two people is completely intangible, it's not two expensive dinners or a fumble in a car.


  • Options
    #94
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Malari wrote: »
    When people use the phrase "no chemistry" I usually take it to mean that you don't share a sense of humour or have a similar style of conversation. Perhaps she was making remarks/jokes you didn't pick up on, or phrases from tv shows, books, etc. Small things that may not be apparent to one person but are glaringly obvious to the other and can be quite indicative of what interests people have.

    Good point actually. I was seeing a guy and he didn't seem to understand sarcasm, or any funny movies I liked went over his head. There was nothing wrong with him but one of the best things about having a partner is laughing with them and I couldn't see that happening alot with this guy. Other people you would both tell the same jokes in response to something or you'd enjoy the same movies and it makes a big difference.


  • Options
    #95
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    Tasden wrote: »
    Good point actually. I was seeing a guy and he didn't seem to understand sarcasm, or any funny movies I liked went over his head. There was nothing wrong with him but one of the best things about having a partner is laughing with them and I couldn't see that happening alot with this guy. Other people you would both tell the same jokes in response to something or you'd enjoy the same movies and it makes a big difference.

    I was seeing a guy about 5 years ago and we had nothing in common at all (totally different senses of humour too) but the chemistry was there. Chemistry is completely inexplicable; it's either there or it's not, I think.


  • Options
    #96
    NordieSteve
    Closed Accounts Posts: 326 ✭✭NordieSteve


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    Are you taking the piss?

    I gave my opinion regarding your comment on women in their 30s and you responded with a sneery, sarcastic unnecessarily catty reply.


    Have you seen the other replies? The thread is full of half-baked assumptions and saying the OP must have been ugly as sin.

    Scary stuff in this thread, thankfully not representative of the majority of decent Irish girls out there.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #97
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Daisy78 wrote: »
    OP

    I recently dated a guy who I thought was the perfect man for me on paper.....good looking, smart, similar interests the whole package. I would consider myself to be attractive, reasonably intelligent with a wide range of interests and a decent social life. He was at the start very keen, there was physical attraction on both sides and we had lots to talk about. Except there was something missing .....we just didn't click at a certain level.I felt it and that came across to him. After the third date he didn't want anything more. I was very disappointed as I felt we had potential and was willing to give it a bit more time to see if a connection could develop. But he didn't feel the same. Whilst it's a kick in the teeth he probably did us both a favour......there just wasn't a connection there. It isn't a reflection on me just that we weren't a good fit for each other. Dating can be a bit soul destroying at times and it can feel like its a bit more than its worth to keep putting yourself out there. But feck it I decided to put my best dress on and took myself off to a local bar last weekend and flirted my little ass off with all of the men that crossed my path. I'm 35 and am probably considered to be left on the shelf material if you are to go by some social commentary. But I certainly will not settle for someone who isn't going to want all of me and vice versa and neither should you. I suggest you chalk this up to experience and when you do meet the right woman you'll be glad that this lady did you a favour.

    Good post! The first thing I thought was that I can't even attract a plain jane, what hope have I with an above average woman. Dating for me has been hit and miss, mostly miss if i'm honest. If I have a few beers I can chat and don't care too much. Without drink I fall into this persona of 'bland nice guy' this has always been my problem my whole adult life. I really need to get it sorted. Perhaps acting classes or something. I suppose at the end of the day we are who we are.


  • Options
    #98
    dee_mc
    Registered Users Posts: 7,175 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    lufties wrote: »
    Good post! The first thing I thought was that I can't even attract a plain jane, what hope have I with an above average woman. Dating for me has been hit and miss, mostly miss if i'm honest. If I have a few beers I can chat and don't care too much. Without drink I fall into this persona of 'bland nice guy' this has always been my problem my whole adult life. I really need to get it sorted. Perhaps acting classes or something. I suppose at the end of the day we are who we are.

    No. Seriously, no. I hope that's a joke!


  • Options
    #99
    maguic24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭maguic24


    lufties wrote: »
    I fall into this persona of 'bland nice guy' .

    You have to be yourself. :pac:


  • Options
    #100
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    dee_mc wrote: »
    No. Seriously, no. I hope that's a joke!

    yea apparently it came overcome shyness or being self concious.


  • Options
    #101
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    maguic24 wrote: »
    You have to be yourself. :pac:

    sometimes being yourself doesn't get the results you want.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #102
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    lufties wrote: »
    sometimes being yourself doesn't get the results you want.

    Do you think you were yourself with this girl?


  • Options
    #103
    dee_mc
    Registered Users Posts: 7,175 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    lufties wrote: »
    yea apparently it came overcome shyness or being self concious.

    Oh fab ok I thought you were thinking acting classes to help you act like yourself or something like that! Having an interesting hobby is probably good too in fairness.


  • Options
    #104
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,294 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    Mod note
    lufties - some (or all) of your comments in this thread are well below the standards we would expect in TGC. Please read the charter before posting here again to get a feel as to what is acceptable.


  • Options
    #105
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    NordieSteve wrote: »
    Have you seen the other replies? The thread is full of half-baked assumptions and saying the OP must have been ugly as sin.

    Scary stuff in this thread, thankfully not representative of the majority of decent Irish girls out there.

    Comments have come from both genders.


  • Options
    #106
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    Do you think you were yourself with this girl?

    ya I was for sure.


  • Options
    #107
    maguic24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭maguic24


    lufties wrote: »
    sometimes being yourself doesn't get the results you want.

    You have to be yourself. Being something you're not, is not sustainable in the long run and it's also very tiring.

    When I was younger I used to try and pretend to be X Y and Z and then as I got older I just said '**** it, if they like me, they like, if they don't well f*ck em. Their loss!'


  • Options
    #108
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    lufties wrote: »
    ya I was for sure.

    I genuinely think you can't do anything about chemistry and you can't force it either, unfortunately.


  • Options
    #109
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    lufties wrote: »
    In fairness she wasn't exactly a supermodel either if I'm honest, you'd also think a girl in her thirties would be a bit more willing to engage and perhaps give it more of a go
    "She's not that beautiful or young, so how dare she have this involuntary feeling of a lack of interest."
    Kinda disturbing tbh. :eek:
    The post would have been fine without that bit though - rejection sucks, but dude... don't be thinking along the lines above!


  • Options
    #110
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    I was seeing a guy about 5 years ago and we had nothing in common at all (totally different senses of humour too) but the chemistry was there. Chemistry is completely inexplicable; it's either there or it's not, I think.

    True enough, I think chemistry just depends on different things for different people but its the same in the sense that if it's not there its not there. In the same way that I could still have absolutely no chemistry with someone who is a carbon copy of myself when it comes to humor, just something isn't there and that's that.


  • Options
    #111
    Aidric
    Registered Users Posts: 13,589 ✭✭✭✭Aidric


    In my experience you should know if there's chemistry within the first 5 mins of meeting someone. It doesn't take 3 dates to bring it out.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #112
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    Tasden wrote: »
    True enough, I think chemistry just depends on different things for different people but its the same in the sense that if it's not there its not there. In the same way that I could still have absolutely no chemistry with someone who is a carbon copy of myself when it comes to humor, just something isn't there and that's that.

    I think it's simply that: chemistry. Literally chemistry. Or maybe it's more of a case of biology. I'm still scratching my head over some of the fellas I was attracted to in the past because on paper, it shouldn't have been the case but the sparks were there...



    Weird. And fascinating.


  • Options
    #113
    NordieSteve
    Closed Accounts Posts: 326 ✭✭NordieSteve


    lufties wrote: »
    Good post! The first thing I thought was that I can't even attract a plain jane, what hope have I with an above average woman. Dating for me has been hit and miss, mostly miss if i'm honest. If I have a few beers I can chat and don't care too much. Without drink I fall into this persona of 'bland nice guy' this has always been my problem my whole adult life. I really need to get it sorted. Perhaps acting classes or something. I suppose at the end of the day we are who we are.


    I used to be like that years ago. You'll find that people walk all over you in any way, shape or form nevermind dating with this attitude. Always be assertive, let people know that you aren't a pushover and what you want out of life. Some women find it a turn on that a guy knows what he wants and is honest enough about it.

    I dated a girl a while back and it was going great, no bedroom stuff out of 4 or 5 dates but the chemistry was brilliant so I was willing to wait. Then after a month or so I started to get frustrated and sat down with her to see what the issue was and wasn't she attracted? All the kissing and extra stuff we did but never the full on stuff. She said she was saving herself for marriage :eek:, so that was the end of that. Moral of the story is, always make sure you know the relationship is going in the direction you want and never assume it is.

    I also wouldn't date someone who didn't at least offer to half the bill at the date (IMO it's the person who asks who should pay but that is for another thread).

    Chalk this one down to experience and please don't let this thread put you off dating. At least you can meet some great people on the way.


  • Options
    #114
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    lufties wrote: »
    In fairness what would a girl expect, to declare undying love after 3 dates.
    Hardly. Big difference between that and not being "meh".
    NordieSteve wrote: »
    The thread is full of half-baked assumptions and saying the OP must have been ugly as sin.
    Are there really all those comments about the OP being ugly? He has posted a lot of extraordinary stuff himself - that's bound to shape responses. She should have forked out on dates too though.


  • Options
    #115
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    You are disappointed because you got no capital gains on your investment. You can tick all the boxes and follow all the rules, but if she didn't feel it she didn't feel it and there is nothing you can do about it. Two months is enough time to be able tell.

    Chemistry is a mystery, it is there or it isn't.


  • Options
    #116
    Moonberry
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭Moonberry


    lufties wrote: »
    Good post! The first thing I thought was that I can't even attract a plain jane, what hope have I with an above average woman. Dating for me has been hit and miss, mostly miss if i'm honest. If I have a few beers I can chat and don't care too much. Without drink I fall into this persona of 'bland nice guy' this has always been my problem my whole adult life. I really need to get it sorted. Perhaps acting classes or something. I suppose at the end of the day we are who we are.

    I think the plain Jane comment here pretty much says it all. Chemistry is about more than looks and while physical attraction is obviously important there's no point in being with someone because you consider them to be your equal on some imaginary ranking scale.

    Chemistry and attraction has a lot to do with compatible personalities and a great (or awful!) attitude and sense of humour can really swing things one way or the other. If any of the attitude that has come across in your posts in this thread comes across irl, maybe that's something you need to look at rather than worrying about your chances with a more attractive woman.

    If the level of regard that you've shown this woman here came across at all to her irl then it really doesn't surprise me that she doesn't feel the chemistry, because there doesn't seem to be much coming from your side towards her either. Both you and the woman mentioned deserve to be with people that you're compatible with and attracted to on all levels.


  • Options
    #117
    I Heart Internet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,678 ✭✭✭I Heart Internet


    lufties wrote: »
    I thought this was the gentleman's club forum, not some self satisfied, self righteous forum where people come on to bitch , sneer and insult.

    You don't come across as no gentleman lufties.


  • Options
    #118
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    lufties wrote: »
    I'm always one who questions things and like to improve myself, become wiser etc..but I must say this has really baffled me. Maybe I was carrying around some sort of negative energy or body language, but for someone to say maybe we could meet again as friends but no chance of anything else is quite final.
    lufties wrote: »
    ya but in fairness I wasn't crazy about her but was willing to give it a go. She really musn't have been attracted to me at all and this came as a shock to the system if I'm honest

    Many, many posts by the OP and many, many insightful replies in and he's still baffled.

    Op felt he was punching below his weight and that she should be grateful for the attention (that much is crystal clear), and is horrified to realise that she probably felt the same.

    How hard can it really be to understand that someone just isn't into you?


  • Options
    #119
    dee_mc
    Registered Users Posts: 7,175 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    Candie wrote: »
    Many, many posts by the OP and many, many insightful replies in and he's still baffled.

    Op felt he was punching below his weight and that she should be grateful for the attention (that much is crystal clear), and is horrified to realise that she probably felt the same.

    How hard can it really be to understand that someone just isn't into you?

    Maybe there should be a sequel to the (shockingly bad) He's Just Not That Into You... She's Just Not That Into OP


  • Options
    #120
    Sauve
    Registered Users Posts: 22,646 ✭✭✭✭Sauve


    Train wreck of a thread tbh.
    Closed.


  • Advertisement
This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement