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No Chemistry

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13

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    #62
    jubella
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,528 ✭✭✭jubella


    lufties wrote: »
    with all due respect, that, like many posts here is too much of an ideal view in a non ideal world. We can all improve ourselves, the way we carry ourselves or perhaps how we engage with the opposite sex.

    Of we can all improve ourselves. But from what you said it seems like you did all the 'right' things. From the sounds of it, the two of you didn't click. How much would improving yourself fix that?


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    #63
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    dee_mc wrote: »
    OP I think you're a bit confused about your feelings for her, it sounds like you were both making an effort to really like each other and it just didn't come off.
    I think it's good to learn from what went wrong in a relationship, move on and try not to make the same mistake again.
    I'm not having a go but it seems to me that you slightly expected this girl to be grateful for your attention, and that you're more hurt because she was the one that rejected you than you are upset that a potentially great relationship ended.
    If I were you I'd take the lesson from the situation: if you're not feeling it, give it another couple of dates, or another couple of weeks, and if you're still not feeling it just gently let the girl know before she's too invested in the relationship/potential relationship. That's exactly what the lady did in this situation, even if you do feel she handled it badly.
    Don't feel that because you've reached your thirties you have to 'settle', or make the best of a not-so-great situation, just bide your time and be yourself and there's a good chance you'll meet someone you can feel more than 'meh' about :)

    I agree with you, that's what I'm trying to do, learn what mistakes I made, but of course I'll never know for sure. Its always nice to put things down to chemistry but there's always a reason there's no chemistry and I don't believe its just some spiritual thing.

    Regarding her appreciating my attention, thats not really true because I appreciated her's too. She said she wasn't feeling it from the start actiually but said it might come eventually, such a kick in the balls.


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    #64
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    jubella wrote: »
    Of we can all improve ourselves. But from what you said it seems like you did all the 'right' things. From the sounds of it, the two of you didn't click. How much would improving yourself fix that?


    I think it was all a bit awkward really, I was open and was just shooting the breeze, she was a bit more reserved hence I felt like I was in a job interview, like I was being tested or something. It all felt a bit uncomfortable looking back on it. anyway I prob sound like a drama queen starting a thread on this about it.

    I'm prob more pissed off really that I landed out over 100 pounds on two dinners :eek:


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    #65
    King of Pork
    Site Banned Posts: 21 ✭King of Pork


    Tigger wrote: »
    i'm not attacking you i was giving you advice i'm sorry if i came across as aggressive
    i really don't think like you so i thought you'd benefit from knowing that you can get good looking nice women if you want and women need to be fancied by their partner
    not a bit but loads

    You should leave the poor fook alone. He's been dumped that can be hard.


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    #66
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Tigger wrote: »
    i'm not attacking you i was giving you advice i'm sorry if i came across as aggressive
    i really don't think like you so i thought you'd benefit from knowing that you can get good looking nice women if you want and women need to be fancied by their partner
    not a bit but loads

    what? I really dont think you are reading my posts. I said I liked her but not head over heels, I in fact told her last night I found her attractive when she asked what I saw in her. In fairness, its not that easy to meet suitable people even via internet dating so I'm not just gonna dismiss someone after 3 dates when I think there might be some potential.

    you don't think like me? whats that another sneaky insult?


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    #67
    dee_mc
    Registered Users Posts: 7,175 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    lufties wrote: »
    I think it was all a bit awkward really, I was open and was just shooting the breeze, she was a bit more reserved hence I felt like I was in a job interview, like I was being tested or something. It all felt a bit uncomfortable looking back on it. anyway I prob sound like a drama queen starting a thread on this about it.

    I'm prob more pissed off really that I landed out over 100 pounds on two dinners :eek:

    There's another thing you can take from the experience, don't bring women on expensive dates if you're going to be annoyed at not getting a return on your investment.


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    #68
    Maphisto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,014 ✭✭✭Maphisto


    lufties wrote: »
    what are you on about? Its not an attitude, its being practical, if someone who isn't that attractive isn't into, its right kick in the proverbials. Its only natural to wonder why. If a really attractive total ten dumps you, its easier to take. I'm sorry it sounds shallow but thats the way it is.

    It does - big time.

    I'm curious though you said you paid for two dinners - why? You pay for the first one maybe, but the second is surely her turn to return the compliment. Unless of course you're like the Taoiseach and she like sells flowers part time. Otherwise you're just a meal ticket.


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    #69
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    dee_mc wrote: »
    There's another thing you can take from the experience, don't bring women on expensive dates if you're going to be annoyed at not getting a return on your investment.


    Nah I don't mind that, I will accept when they offer to pay their share though, or leave them carry on when they reach for their purse at least.


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    #70
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Maphisto wrote: »
    It does - big time.

    I'm curious though you said you paid for two dinners - why? You pay for the first one maybe, but the second is surely her turn to return the compliment. Unless of course you're like the Taoiseach and she like sells flowers part time. Otherwise you're just a meal ticket.

    she said she maybe be losing her job soon, so I did it out of pity.


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    #71
    Maphisto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,014 ✭✭✭Maphisto


    lufties wrote: »
    she said she maybe be losing her job soon, so I did it out of pity.

    And you are the Taoiseach?

    Good Luck ;)


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    #72
    dee_mc
    Registered Users Posts: 7,175 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    lufties wrote: »
    Nah I don't mind that, I will accept when they offer to pay their share though, or leave them carry on when they reach for their purse at least.

    What you said was, 'I'm prob more pissed off really that I landed out over 100 pounds on two dinners eek.png'
    To be honest I expected you to be very annoyed at my 'return on investment' comment - your attitude kind of reinforces what I said earlier about expecting her to be grateful for your attention.
    You keep saying you were quite attracted to her (despite saying earlier that you weren't), but if you were attracted to her and having a good time why are you annoyed about 'losing' 100 pounds?


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    #73
    maguic24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭maguic24


    lufties wrote: »
    So I was dating a girl for the last month or two. She rang me and told me there wasn't any chemistry from her side. A bit of a blow to the ego alright, especially after I paid for 2 expensive dinners Anyway she probably did me a favour, I was a little bit meh about the whole thing too. I got me wondering what I was doing wrong, I was funny, confident, open, a gentleman, I'm not bad looking, etc. In fairness she wasn't exactly a supermodel either if I'm honest, you'd also think a girl in her thirties would be a bit more willing to engage and perhaps give it more of a go. Sounds like I'm bitter but I'm really not, just wondering what I should take from this

    If there's no spark, there's no spark.

    I wouldn't take it personally to be honest. You just need to find the spark. :)


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    #74
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,707 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    lufties wrote: »
    what? I really dont think you are reading my posts. I said I liked her but not head over heels, I in fact told her last night I found her attractive when she asked what I saw in her. In fairness, its not that easy to meet suitable people even via internet dating so I'm not just gonna dismiss someone after 3 dates when I think there might be some potential.

    you don't think like me? whats that another sneaky insult?

    i don't think like you
    how is that an insult?


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    #75
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    I'm going on 34 and even if I was single, I wouldn't waste my time on someone I didn't at least fancy. Who I've fancied in the past has ranged from the less conventionally good-looking to the very good-looking rugby head type. I'd rather be single than stuck with a man that didn't turn me on and that will never, ever change.


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    #76
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Tigger wrote: »
    i don't think like you
    how is that an insult?

    given the self righteous tone of your previous posts I can only interpet it as an insult.


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    #77
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    dee_mc wrote: »
    What you said was, 'I'm prob more pissed off really that I landed out over 100 pounds on two dinners eek.png'
    To be honest I expected you to be very annoyed at my 'return on investment' comment - your attitude kind of reinforces what I said earlier about expecting her to be grateful for your attention.
    You keep saying you were quite attracted to her (despite saying earlier that you weren't), but if you were attracted to her and having a good time why are you annoyed about 'losing' 100 pounds?

    think what you like...I meant that I let myself down buying paying for two expensive dinners, it might have come across as needy.


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    #78
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    I'm going on 34 and even if I was single, I wouldn't waste my time on someone I didn't at least fancy. Who I've fancied in the past has ranged from the less conventionally good-looking to the very good-looking rugby head type. I'd rather be single than stuck with a man that didn't turn me on and that will never, ever change.

    I'm delighted for you, honestly I am ;)


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    #79
    maguic24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭maguic24


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    I'm going on 34 and even if I was single, I wouldn't waste my time on someone I didn't at least fancy. Who I've fancied in the past has ranged from the less conventionally good-looking to the very good-looking rugby head type. I'd rather be single than stuck with a man that didn't turn me on and that will never, ever change.

    I'm the same and I'm no looker tbh. I would never settle for someone I'm not attracted to. Where's the fun in that?


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    #80
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    maguic24 wrote: »
    I'm the same and I'm no looker tbh. I would never settle for someone I'm not attracted to. Where's the fun in that?



    Yep, that's what male plutonic friends are for.


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    #81
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    lufties wrote: »
    I'm delighted for you, honestly I am ;)

    If this attitude comes across IRL, that may well be why she wasn't attracted.


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    #82
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    green_screen wrote: »
    If this attitude comes across IRL, that may well be why she wasn't attracted.


    :)


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    #83
    Chipped Nails
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭Chipped Nails


    lufties wrote: »
    I accept that, although at 33/34 You'd think she'd give more of a go. As I said, we get less choosey as we get older due to biological clocks etc, including me. If we met in our own environments and gave it a chance then perhaps there might have been something. I don't know its a weird feeling where I feel a bit short changed as I kind of bought into her emotionally but not in a weird way bunny boiler way.

    Regardless of age if you are not feeling you are not feeling, there's no point in forcing something especially so early on.


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    #84
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    green_screen wrote: »
    If this attitude comes across IRL, that may well be why she wasn't attracted.

    I thought this was the gentleman's club forum, not some self satisfied, self righteous forum where people come on to bitch , sneer and insult.


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    #85
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Chipped Nails wrote: »
    Regardless of age if you are not feeling you are not feeling, there's no point in forcing something especially so early on.

    ya but in fairness I wasn't crazy about her but was willing to give it a go. She really musn't have been attracted to me at all and this came as a shock to the system if I'm honest


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    #86
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    lufties wrote: »
    I thought this was the gentleman's club forum, not some self satisfied, self righteous forum where people come on to bitch , sneer and insult.


    Are you taking the piss?

    I gave my opinion regarding your comment on women in their 30s and you responded with a sneery, sarcastic unnecessarily catty reply.


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    #87
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    lufties wrote: »
    I thought this was the gentleman's club forum, not some self satisfied, self righteous forum where people come on to bitch , sneer and insult.

    I'm not bitching, sneering or insulting. I'm making observations based on what you've posted. You've wondered why this woman wasn't attracted to you. I'm giving an opinion as to why she may not have been attracted.

    If you really feel I'm being insulting or bitchy, feel free to report my post and I'll accept an infraction/ban if a mod feels I've been insulting.

    What I'm posting, though, is an observation based on your posts. If you don't like the opinions being given, you have the option to put us on ignore, tell us you no longer want our opinions, or ask for the thread to be locked.


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    #88
    Aidric
    Registered Users Posts: 13,589 ✭✭✭✭Aidric


    lufties wrote: »
    think what you like...I meant that I let myself down buying paying for two expensive dinners, it might have come across as needy.

    It's pretty normal collateral in the dating process. It didn't work out, move on.


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    #89
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    green_screen wrote: »
    I'm not bitching, sneering or insulting. I'm making observations based on what you've posted. You've wondered why this woman wasn't attracted to you. I'm giving an opinion as to why she may not have been attracted.

    If you really feel I'm being insulting or bitchy, feel free to report my post and I'll accept an infraction/ban if a mod feels I've been insulting.

    What I'm posting, though, is an observation based on your posts. If you don't like the opinions being given, you have the option to put us on ignore, tell us you no longer want our opinions, or ask for the thread to be locked.

    well you seem to have nothing positive to contribute so ya please don't bother posting. I could do without your opinions.


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    #90
    lufties
    Registered Users Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭lufties


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    Are you taking the piss?

    I gave my opinion regarding your comment on women in their 30s and you responded with a sneery, sarcastic unnecessarily catty reply.

    I said I was delighted for you that you are like that, I honestly had nothing else to say regarding your post.


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    #91
    Daisy78
    Registered Users Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Daisy78


    OP

    I recently dated a guy who I thought was the perfect man for me on paper.....good looking, smart, similar interests the whole package. I would consider myself to be attractive, reasonably intelligent with a wide range of interests and a decent social life. He was at the start very keen, there was physical attraction on both sides and we had lots to talk about. Except there was something missing .....we just didn't click at a certain level.I felt it and that came across to him. After the third date he didn't want anything more. I was very disappointed as I felt we had potential and was willing to give it a bit more time to see if a connection could develop. But he didn't feel the same. Whilst it's a kick in the teeth he probably did us both a favour......there just wasn't a connection there. It isn't a reflection on me just that we weren't a good fit for each other. Dating can be a bit soul destroying at times and it can feel like its a bit more than its worth to keep putting yourself out there. But feck it I decided to put my best dress on and took myself off to a local bar last weekend and flirted my little ass off with all of the men that crossed my path. I'm 35 and am probably considered to be left on the shelf material if you are to go by some social commentary. But I certainly will not settle for someone who isn't going to want all of me and vice versa and neither should you. I suggest you chalk this up to experience and when you do meet the right woman you'll be glad that this lady did you a favour.


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