Cringe worthy moments.

beks101

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/i-would-rather-be-hated-for-what-i-am-than-liked-for-what-i-pretend-to-be-30513857.html

DEFTLEFTHAND

Men with low testosterone levels hooking up with campus feminists and libs. Sometimes pretending to have such views on the off chance of getting lucky. I've witnessed that often.

In the jungle (human real world), the runts get ran off by the strong lions.

beks101

Just now at work, very hungover, talking over the phone to one of my colleagues in South Korea.

Responding to her, meant to say "right" or "got it", got stuck somewhere in between...

Colleague: So basically that's the situation, what I need you to do is blah blah blah....
Me: Right it
Colleague: Oh are you busy?
Me: No, not at all.
Colleague: Would you rather I write it down?
Me: No no, I have time to talk, why?
Colleague: I thought you were trying to get rid of me, asking me to write it in an email?
*Awkward pause*

Gran Hermano

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Men with low testosterone levels hooking up with campus feminists and libs. Sometimes pretending to have such views on the off chance of getting lucky. I've witnessed that often.

In the jungle (human real world), the runts get ran off by the strong lions.

Two words..
Male
Vegans

takamichinoku

When I was 17, I worked in a shop. One day, on the middle of the shop floor, the manager comes up to me asking "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" over and over. I'm just standing there all confused and he said "c'mon, you know French, I was asking you something; no clue what, I don't speak any ...what does it mean?"
So I've to awkwardly explain to him that he's after repeatedly asking me, in front of a load of people, to sleep with him. Dude got really pissed off with me for it too!

failinis

I came out to my best friend a few years ago, she was grand with it etc, but I said I was nervous about telling some of my other friends.
She offered to tell them for me, but I said naw, be better doing it myself on my own terms.

I forgot how rubbish she is at keeping things to herself...:rolleyes:

I think it was a Birthday we were out celebrating, and blind off her face she suddenly blurts out "Hey yousins, you know the way failinis' spine is bent, thats not the only thing, bender" then proceeded to run/stumble to a bathroom to be sick :eek: leaving me in a room with a few less than gay friendly people.
Wanted the ground to open up and swallow me
(Note, I have really bad scoliosis, hence spine thing) - found the funny side in the end.

Penny Tration

failinis wrote: »

I came out to my best friend a few years ago, she was grand with it etc, but I said I was nervous about telling some of my other friends.
She offered to tell them for me, but I said naw, be better doing it myself on my own terms.

I forgot how rubbish she is at keeping things to herself...:rolleyes:

I think it was a Birthday we were out celebrating, and blind off her face she suddenly blurts out "Hey yousins, you know the way failinis' spine is bent, thats not the only thing, bender" then proceeded to run/stumble to a bathroom to be sick :eek: leaving me in a room with a few less than gay friendly people.
Wanted the ground to open up and swallow me
(Note, I have really bad scoliosis, hence spine thing) - found the funny side in the end.

You saw a funny side to that?? Fair play. I would have punched her and subsequently cut all contact tbh

failinis

green_screen wrote: »

You saw a funny side to that?? Fair play. I would have punched her and subsequently cut all contact tbh

That reminds me..Well I did have it coming.

That particular friend has been blind in one eye since birth, and one Halloween the idiot that I am decided "hey I should get her a pirate eye patch to wear, that would be hilarious" - did not go down well.
Everyone looked at me like I was the devil incarnate but I was still laughing as she gave me the dirtiest look possible with one eye.
It's not a cringy story, I am laughing as I write that, but yeah, I should be ashamed of that.
So I think she got her own back for that.

KeepTheFaith

I started my first full time job about two years ago. I was a complete novice to the whole office environment and I was put sitting with a guy to train me in. At around 10:30am he said we'd go to the canteen for a short break and get some breakfast. As I was new the boss told me everything in the canteen was complimentary for the first couple of weeks.
We arrived into the canteen which had a small breakfast bar with sausages and eggs etc. Then there was a counter with about 15 different boxes of cereal on it. My mentor grabbed a bowl and went to get himself some cereal and I thought sure I'll do likewise. He poured his cereal and went to a table and I noticed him glancing at me looking a bit confused as I did the same. I arrived over to the table full of my new colleagues all looking at me with a mixture of pity and barely contained smiles. One leaned in and said "Just so you know that's just where people leave their cereal, it's not the canteen's..." So in full view of all my new team of workmates I had just gone up and poured myself a bowl of of someone's cereal within my first couple of hours at work. Haven't lived it down since.

Fozzydog3

loalae wrote: »

I was in the changing area of the UCD swimming pool in my swimming togs and I needed to go to the bathroom before going to the pool. In my hand I hand my hat, goggles and a tampon. There were 3 men standing in a circle close to the bathroom talking about maintenance work that needed to be done in the pool area (it had just been opened and a few bits still had to be done) and I had to cut through the circle to get past.

So I got into the bathroom, put on my cap and fit my goggles then realised I couldn't find the tampon. I looked out the door and it was on the floor smack bang in the centre of where the men were standing. I had to creep out and pick it up. I stayed in the bathroom until I knew for sure they were gone!

Wait, you can swim with them on ? Several experiments in my younger days would have me believe that that would be an uncomfortable experience

Kovu

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

Wait, you can swim with them on ? Several experiments in my younger days would have me believe that that would be an uncomfortable experience

Dunno about you but I usually put tampons in me not on me:p

Then they work just fine for swimming!

Mollyd90

KeepTheFaith wrote: »

I started my first full time job about two years ago. I was a complete novice to the whole office environment and I was put sitting with a guy to train me in. At around 10:30am he said we'd go to the canteen for a short break and get some breakfast. As I was new the boss told me everything in the canteen was complimentary for the first couple of weeks.
We arrived into the canteen which had a small breakfast bar with sausages and eggs etc. Then there was a counter with about 15 different boxes of cereal on it. My mentor grabbed a bowl and went to get himself some cereal and I thought sure I'll do likewise. He poured his cereal and went to a table and I noticed him glancing at me looking a bit confused as I did the same. I arrived over to the table full of my new colleagues all looking at me with a mixture of pity and barely contained smiles. One leaned in and said "Just so you know that's just where people leave their cereal, it's not the canteen's..." So in full view of all my new team of workmates I had just gone up and poured myself a bowl of of someone's cereal within my first couple of hours at work. Haven't lived it down since.

Ah here, how were you to know that

Lou.m

Once when I was in a drama class doing improve I blew a giant spit bubble when I was talking. It was ok though I just laughed :-)

coffee_cake

KeepTheFaith wrote: »

I started my first full time job about two years ago. I was a complete novice to the whole office environment and I was put sitting with a guy to train me in. At around 10:30am he said we'd go to the canteen for a short break and get some breakfast. As I was new the boss told me everything in the canteen was complimentary for the first couple of weeks.
We arrived into the canteen which had a small breakfast bar with sausages and eggs etc. Then there was a counter with about 15 different boxes of cereal on it. My mentor grabbed a bowl and went to get himself some cereal and I thought sure I'll do likewise. He poured his cereal and went to a table and I noticed him glancing at me looking a bit confused as I did the same. I arrived over to the table full of my new colleagues all looking at me with a mixture of pity and barely contained smiles. One leaned in and said "Just so you know that's just where people leave their cereal, it's not the canteen's..." So in full view of all my new team of workmates I had just gone up and poured myself a bowl of of someone's cereal within my first couple of hours at work. Haven't lived it down since.

Some mentor if all he can do is give you dopey looks instead of explaining how it all works!!

daisydotty

A few years back, one of the my friends was due her first baby. She was the first one in our group to be pregnant. Anyway we decided to throw her a baby shower. So her mum, her granny, sisters and the friends all show up. Great night, doing all the games, presents etc.

So we were all sitting around chatting and trying to come up with a name and someone asked her "what himselfs' surname again?" so she replied " Roche". Cue all of us thinking away of all the names that go with Roche................ Few suggestions thrown out by the others "Jack" "Conor" "Luke" "Shane" "Jamie" etc............silence................happy out me after a few seconds just shouts "COCK". Not realising what I said for a few seconds, I look around and nearly died. Don't think her mother has forgiven me yet!!

Deranged96

When i was 6 I was in Hospital for a lengthy stint and one of the nurses used to give grief to me for running about the ward.
So she organised a "slow race" between me and another young fella, and whoever came last got a mars bar.
Anyway we had to go from a door to a portable TV set and I lost badly. Like WTF. All I had to do was walk behind your man (who had lserver learning disabilities )Herself and a couple of other nurses got a great laugh out of it mega cringe.

liz lemoncello

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

Wait, you can swim with them on ? Several experiments in my younger days would have me believe that that would be an uncomfortable experience

Experiments? Or attempts at using them?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I had a bad one a while ago. I was staying at my parents' house and me and the sister had been on a session the night before. So I get up around 1.30, still with a face full of make-up, hair all over the place, stinking of drink, you know yourself. I'd apparently just given up halfway through getting undressed because I still had my dress on but I had a big baggy pair of grey trackies on too (or who knows, maybe that seemed like a good look).

Anyways, there was no toilet roll in the downstairs bathroom so I went to the upstairs one and grabbed a couple of rolls, came back downstairs and this local guy who I've had a bit of a thing for for ages was sitting at the kitchen table, he'd been doing a bit of work for my dad and had called out to see him and just let himself in.

Bad enough to be standing there, holding toilet paper, wearing a dress and a pair of fatman pants, head like stig of the dump on me. I made it worse though by going to hand him one of the rolls you know when you're just frazzled and do things for no reason? I kind of caught myself halfway through and stopped, but he knew what I was doing. He knew I was going to take a shít too.

montyrebel

wait a minute, women ****e? :eek::eek::eek::mad:

rosie16

Last week I had to post a letter and the post-box wasn't where it used to be. So i went up to the information desk and asked where it was. But I couldn't remember the words 'post-box'. I knew it was post something but I had no idea what. I knew that I had forgotten before I went up to the desk. Feeling like a total idiot I said 'I would like to post a letter. Where's the thing for posting letters.' It was a real Bernard Black moment. I was feeling rough and sleep- deprived. 'Where's the thing, you know the thing!'

Un Croissant

This thread is my pride and joy. Wish my other threads could be more like this one.They just sit at home, eating all the food and studying Philosophy or some shîte.

Lisha

I salute you Un Croissant a simply epic thread

Summer wind

I was going into McDonalds with my mam my sister my niece and my little boy. They all walked in before me. I turned my head to look behind me and then turned around just in time to bounce my forehead off the glass entrance door.

It hurt like crazy and I was mortified because my lovely family fell around laughing and then most of the customers joined in. I had a big red lump on my forehead and then I'd to go up and order the food and walk through the whole place back to my table mortified:)

Daveysil15

I went into Burger King recently thinking it was KFC. I ordered a mighty bucket for one. The girl looked at me as if I was a dog with 10 willies. She said we don't have that. So I asked for a few other things off the top of my head. I went through the whole KFC menu. She remained perplexed. I then looked up and saw the sign said Burger King. I ended up just ordering the chicken burger. I sat down and noticed KFC on the opposite side.

Going Strong

Summer wind wrote: »

I was going into McDonalds with my mam my sister my niece and my little boy. They all walked in before me. I turned my head to look behind me and then turned around just in time to bounce my forehead off the glass entrance door.

It hurt like crazy and I was mortified because my lovely family fell around laughing and then most of the customers joined in. I had a big red lump on my forehead and then I'd to go up and order the food and walk through the whole place back to my table mortified:)

About 20 years ago. I was heading for work on a bright summer's morning. I'd left my sunglasses at home so was squinting like mad in the sunlight. I was walking along when I heard a loud "CLANG!" and found myself sitting on the ground. This man was standing over me, looking very concerned and saying something but it took me like forever to understand him. He was saying "Are you okay?" I was still wondering what had happened when I saw him pointing at the pole of a parking sign and said "You walked straight into it." Two girls came along and were trying not to laugh but doing a very bad job of it.

I staggered into work but was of no use as I had a huge lump on my forehead and a throbbing headache so I went home again and took the next couple of days off sick. I had to put up with a lot of "Are going going for a rematch with that pole again?" type comments for weeks afterwards.

coffee_cake

rosie16 wrote: »

Last week I had to post a letter and the post-box wasn't where it used to be. So i went up to the information desk and asked where it was. But I couldn't remember the words 'post-box'. I knew it was post something but I had no idea what. I knew that I had forgotten before I went up to the desk. Feeling like a total idiot I said 'I would like to post a letter. Where's the thing for posting letters.' It was a real Bernard Black moment. I was feeling rough and sleep- deprived. 'Where's the thing, you know the thing!'

lol
I was in germany and I couldnt remember the word for hand soap. At all. Too much of an eejit to look it up. Went to the lads in the supermarket "where's the thing for your hands ..."
thankfully they understood

Buona Fortuna

Years and years ago we were flying back to Luton from Knock after a 2 week holiday here.

A little back story. My wife insists on an electric toothbrush to clean her teeth. Me I don't really care and any old stick will do. Anyway we absolutely must take the electic toothbrush on holiday and no of course they won't go off in the case.

We check in, yep before all that computerised $hoite, and dump the cases (yes even before Ryanair took all the fun out of flying with the hand luggage only thing) and I'm looking round for the bar.

Next thing I'm called over the tannoy to airport security! OH has something really essential to do at this point. I make my way over to two grinning eejiots with our case buzzing away like a mad thing . Unpack the case. Show eejiots the toothbrush. Cue disappointed look on security man's faces. Missed the bar - time to board

thesandeman

It's worse if the scenario involves a three foot high bollard and you're a man.
I've been there.
I don't know if the pain or the embarrassment of going around in circles saying 'sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t' while holding my balls in the middle of a busy pedestrian street was the worst.


edit: That's in reply to Going Strong's post. The quote didn't come up for some reason.

TheBeardedLady

Sandra Fancy Bill wrote: »

I had a bad one a while ago. I was staying at my parents' house and me and the sister had been on a session the night before. So I get up around 1.30, still with a face full of make-up, hair all over the place, stinking of drink, you know yourself. I'd apparently just given up halfway through getting undressed because I still had my dress on but I had a big baggy pair of grey trackies on too (or who knows, maybe that seemed like a good look).

Anyways, there was no toilet roll in the downstairs bathroom so I went to the upstairs one and grabbed a couple of rolls, came back downstairs and this local guy who I've had a bit of a thing for for ages was sitting at the kitchen table, he'd been doing a bit of work for my dad and had called out to see him and just let himself in.

Bad enough to be standing there, holding toilet paper, wearing a dress and a pair of fatman pants, head like stig of the dump on me. I made it worse though by going to hand him one of the rolls you know when you're just frazzled and do things for no reason? I kind of caught myself halfway through and stopped, but he knew what I was doing. He knew I was going to take a shít too.

HAHAHAAHAHAA!! *Wipes tears from eyes*

The Pheasant2

Some absolute gold in this thread - in the library supposed to be studying for my final exam and am in tears trying to hold in the laughter; getting filthies from all around me :P