staring at disabled people?

Frank Lee Midere

I think people might be accepting this all on the word of the OP? Everybody staring? I spend a month in a wheelchair - not a perm disability but a bad break as a kid - and most people didn't see me never mind stare at me. Most of those who did were kind. Some kids weren't.

Czarcasm

Quazzie wrote: »

So you think people with disabilities are the problem and they should learn to deal with it, rather than people learning not to stare?

Quazzie will you stop reading into what's not written, I write in plain English, if I wanted to say something I'd say it. I never said people with disabilities are the problem, but they should be taught to deal with the fact that other people will have a problem with them and the world is not some fluffy cotton candy place where other people give a shìt as much as those closest to you.

Something unusual catches my attention, I'm going to stare, it's instinctive, because we don't all look the same. Whether that be a beautiful woman, or an old lady motoring down the street on a mobility scooter, I'll try to be discreet, but other people do feel it's their right to insult, belittle and degrade disabled people.

Actually, one of the best examples of how to counter insults from others is to learn not to take yourself too seriously, like this chap -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taTSxDVEHRM

PucaMama

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

I think people might be accepting this all on the word of the OP? Everybody staring? I spend a month in a wheelchair - not a perm disability but a bad break as a kid - and most people didn't see me never mind stare at me. Most of those who did were kind. Some kids weren't.

I dont use a chair, my condition just makes me look a little different. I can assure you adults are just as bad as children.

Why is it people are all for stepping in defending people when there talking about it on here but not once has that happened for me? All the times ive had groups of teenagers shouting abuse at me on a busy street? Or adult men doing the same at the spire on o connell street before? And thats only picking 2 examples. I hate people sometimes. And I see no excuse for their behaviour. :mad:

Boaty

Sky news took a break last night but just before the break they said what was coming up in the next half of the programme.
They were talking about disabled children in advertisments for 4 seconds.
Then then showed a clip of a football player running across the pitch after scoring a goal for 8 seconds.

Czarcasm

Duck's hoop wrote: »

Pity you weren't in a position to advise Rosa Parks, Mandela, Ghandi, and many others.

All those gay pride gals and dudes too.

Just put up and shut up, get used to it pal, it's going to happen, better just learn to cope with this discrimination.

Racial and homophobic discrimination has nothing to do with discrimination against people with disabilities. Try to stay on topic at least.

Why bother trying to change attitudes. Pointless.

You're a complete genius. As ever.

Aside from the irony of your berating others for being insulting, and then insulting strangers yourself, it wouldn't have taken you two seconds to do a post history search and come across my efforts to change attitudes on Boards towards people with intellectual disabilities.


Don't let that stop your righteous rants and twisting things people didn't say though.

Tasden

I don't think I'd say mainstream media don't deal with the issue, only earlier this month was international day of people with disability, and on every radio show or TV station it was discussed. Channel four constantly do shows about dating with disabilities etc. Rte did a documentary recently on the "taboos" of disabilities such as assisted sex and whatnot. Channel four has people with various disabilities introducing shows, not sure whether its related to something or not.

There's an app BTW by a lady in a wheelchair who rates places based on accessibility and attitude of staff and other aspects people with disabilities might encounter, and then the food or whatever else too. Can't remember the name right now. Might save you ringing around places in advance.And I learned about this app on spin 103.8, which is a pretty mainstream "young peoples" station so it is being discussed by people of all ages.

Tbh I prefer people to stare as opposed to do everything in their power to avoid eye contact/act like they don't notice. I don't have a disability but a relative of mine does and while he is not aware of staring I would be and i know its easy for me to brush it off as I'm only being stared at while in his company but I don't hold it against people, its natural to be curious. Now obviously I don't mean people gawking for a whole bus journey, but its only human to look and I prefer people looking and giving us a smile or whatever than desperately trying to act like they can't see and hear him yelling out and whatnot, staring at the floor/out the window/anywhere but in our direction. If people pretend not to see and notice the disability then it will never be talked about which is something op complained about. If we pretend not to see it then we don't talk about it. Most people don't stare, they look and you have a heightened awareness of them doing so because you know why they're looking.

Obviously none of that is in relation to people gawking or shouting abuse, but I personally wouldn't say that they are in the majority, and there's always going to be ignorant people who act the bollocks regardless of who is in front of them, and pick on whatever is most obvious.

Annasopra

Czarcasm wrote: »

Down off the high horses now lads, you both know well that's not what I said at all. I never said it was acceptable, I said they should be taught to cope with this behaviour from others.

If you are taught to "cope" with it - that is accepting it

Patrickheg

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I have a personal rule when it comes to walking past disabled people:

That's never stare and if you glance, break eye contact immediately, treat them like they are some other random stranger passing by. Because thats what they are... just another person

Sounds a bit harsh, if you are caught staring would you not be better off to give a warm smile and then look away? Seems a bit cold to stare at someone and when caught break eye contact immediately

Duck's hoop

Czarcasm wrote: »

Racial and homophobic discrimination has nothing to do with discrimination against people with disabilities.

Don't let that stop your righteous rants and twisting things people didn't say though.

Discrimination is discrimination is discrimination. Are you suggesting discrimination on grounds of disability is not as serious as racial or homophobic discrimination?

I didn't twist anything. You said quite clearly that in your view people with disabilities should be 'taught to cope' with discrimination. Rather than expect others to change they should in fact accommodate them.

No righteous rants here.

I notice you reserve your vitriol for my post and not the previous 4 posters who questioned you.

Bananatop

People who insult or belittle others who have disabilities are w*nkers. But w*nkers don't only insult people with disabilities, they insult people who they perceive to be weak, they belittle people who might have made their way in the world through sheer hard work, they put down anyone who might have different opinion to them because they're scared of their opinion being challenged.

W*nkers exist solely to belittle people from every walk of life, and not just people with disabilities. I don't like the idea that people with disabilities can't cope with that, or need to be wrapped up in cotton wool just because some tool thinks he/she can take his/her sh*te life out on everyone else. We all know people who take their own inadequacies out on those who are less fortunate (whether they are less fortunate emotionally, financially, physically etc) but most sane thinking people see them for the w*nkers they are and move on.

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

People who insult or belittle others who have disabilities are w*nkers. But w*nkers don't only insult people with disabilities, they insult people who they perceive to be weak, they belittle people who might have made their way in the world through sheer hard work, they put down anyone who might have different opinion to them because they're scared of their opinion being challenged.

W*nkers exist solely to belittle people from every walk of life, and not just people with disabilities. I don't like the idea that people with disabilities can't cope with that, or need to be wrapped up in cotton wool just because some tool thinks he/she can take his/her sh*te life out on everyone else. We all know people who take their own inadequacies out on those who are less fortunate (whether they are less fortunate emotionally, financially, physically etc) but most sane thinking people see them for the w*nkers they are and move on.

Noone feels they need to be 'wrapped in cotton wool' and I dont tthink its fair we should be made feel we are over reacting to it. It is the usual remark from people who just dont understand what its like.

Bananatop

PucaMama wrote: »

It is the usual remark from people who just dont understand what its like.

You don't actually know me, and your comment is a thinly veiled 'You don't deserve to have an opinion about this'.

As another poster has pointed out, it's ironic that in a thread about disabled people not being accepted, different opinions are being slapped down because they don't meet certain criteria ie the general consensus.

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

You don't actually know me, and your comment is a thinly veiled 'You don't deserve to have an opinion about this'.

As another poster has pointed out, it's ironic that in a thread about disabled people not being accepted, different opinions are being slapped down because they don't meet certain criteria ie the general consensus.

Noone slapping down opinions im disagreeing with you. Its what I expect to be able to do in a discussion?

Bananatop

PucaMama wrote: »

It is the usual remark from people who just dont understand what its like.

PucaMama wrote: »

Noone slapping down opinions im disagreeing with you. Its what I expect to be able to do in a discussion?

I love discussing issues. But I would veer away from making a comment like the one in bold when discussing an issue with another person, because the comment is designed to dismiss the other person's opinion. Whether that was your intention or not, that was the impression I got.

Gummy Panda

What if we are having a staring match?

Czarcasm

Duck's hoop wrote: »

Discrimination is discrimination is discrimination. Are you suggesting discrimination on grounds of disability is not as serious as racial or homophobic discrimination?

I never said nor even suggested any such thing. I suggested we try and keep the thread on topic, which is people staring at people with physical or intellectual disabilities. Tasden hit the nail on the head and said it far better than I could when she said that by purposely ignoring people with disabilities you make them feel like they don't exist. You don't have to be a **** about it either and go out of your way to insult and patronise people with disabilities (before your next post asks "are you saying you're ok with insulting and patronising people with disabilities?").

I didn't twist anything. You said quite clearly that in your view people with disabilities should be 'taught to cope' with discrimination. Rather than expect others to change they should in fact accommodate them.

Good luck expecting humanity to change to suit the individual. That's really not the way it works, and setting up artificial structures like anti-discrimination laws in society really does nothing to effect change in individuals. You'll still get people staring, sniggering, finger pointing and just outright, unabashed insults - "hopalong cassidy, long john silver, pops, etc", the list goes on. I got "Ya handicapped bastard!" a couple of times (more referring to my intellectual capacity than my physical disability), but like anything else, that shìt gets old when you hear it all the time, like a bad comedian that never changes his material.

No righteous rants here.

Good, we can leave the homophobia and racism out of it then as I find they distract from what we're discussing here. As my mother used say - "If you want something, don't just want it because you see somebody else with it. Concentrate on making a case for why you need it yourself!". I knew that stacked the odds in her favour when my five brothers would get new shoes for example and I wouldn't, but it's something that's definitely stood to me. If you want to argue for equality for physically and intellectually disabled people, don't use any other minority to do so and say you want equality "just because"...

I notice you reserve your vitriol for my post and not the previous 4 posters who questioned you.

Meh, I love you, that's probably why.

Either that, or you're still reading far too much into what you think I'm saying in order to be offended.

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

I love discussing issues. But I would veer away from making a comment like the one in bold when discussing an issue with another person, because the comment is designed to dismiss the other person's opinion. Whether that was your intention or not, that was the impression I got.

And I find the comment about "wrapped in cotton wool" equally aggravating. Theres nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed at times with people. My point is that even a psychologist tried to suggest I thought it was worse than it really was or that I was almost exaggerating things to myself. So it does wind me up.

Tasden

PucaMama wrote: »

And I find the comment about "wrapped in cotton wool" equally aggravating. Theres nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed at times with people. My point is that even a psychologist tried to suggest I thought it was worse than it really was or that I was almost exaggerating things to myself. So it does wind me up.

And that's a valid reason for you to get wound up about it. But then there is someone who is equally wound up about people getting offended on their behalf when its actually not an issue for them. We can only speak for ourselves at the end of it all and how we experience something may be different to how someone else does so we can't really discount what they are saying either.

Bananatop

PucaMama wrote: »

And I find the comment about "wrapped in cotton wool" equally aggravating. Theres nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed at times with people. My point is that even a psychologist tried to suggest I thought it was worse than it really was or that I was almost exaggerating things to myself. So it does wind me up.

Fair enough, but I hope you realise that I didn't write my post to dismiss your experiences?

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

Fair enough, but I hope you realise that I didn't write my post to dismiss your experiences?

I realise that now I over reacted

Annasopra

Bananatop wrote: »

W*nkers exist solely to belittle people from every walk of life, and not just people with disabilities. I don't like the idea that people with disabilities can't cope with that

I work with people with disabilities who actually can't cope with it.

I don't like the idea that they should have to cope with it and accept it.

I don't like the idea that some people here just say people with disabilities should just shrug their shoulders and accept being treated badly and accept discrimination.

wp_rathead

Deleted User wrote: »

Educate yourselves on those with disabilities. Little things can make a big difference to your fellow human being. Like not speaking over someone in a wheelchair to talking their assistant instead. Or remembering that if someone has Downs' Syndrome that you don't call them a Downs' Syndrome child, but rather a person with Downs' Syndrown*.

cannot +1 this post enough

I work with adults with disabilities, will often assist them uptown, and can be so awkward meeting people who will talk directly to me going "Ah, aren't ya awful good - must need a lot of patience in your job" INFRONT OF THEM... :mad:

IvySlayer

Person in wheelchair runs over your toes, you end up apologising to them :P

Frank Lee Midere

PucaMama, at the risk of enticing the ire of the PC brigade any further, would it be fair to say that there was a socio-economic trend to the people who abuse you? You did mention "around the spire?"

Czarcasm

mango salsa wrote: »

I work with people with disabilities who actually can't cope with it.

I don't like the idea that they should have to cope with it and accept it.

I don't like the idea that some people here just say people with disabilities should just shrug their shoulders and accept being treated badly and accept discrimination.

Coping with the fact mango that other people may be insensitive, clueless, ignorant, or perhaps just want to go out of their way to offend people, is not the same as accepting being treated that way by people who really couldn't care less for how you feel.

Some people are just cnuts, but rather than teach people to be cynical of all people, you're far better off to teach them that those people are in the minority.

Bananatop

mango salsa wrote: »

I work with people with disabilities who actually can't cope with it.

I don't like the idea that they should have to cope with it and accept it.

I don't like the idea that some people here just say people with disabilities should just shrug their shoulders and accept being treated badly and accept discrimination.

I don't think we should accept discrimination, I think we should accept that there will always be people in this world who haven't got a clue how to treat others. To automatically assume that someone is discriminating against (general) you because of your sex/colour/ability/age etc is extremely limiting and damaging to one's self esteem. I personally would rather assume that someone who belittles me is an almighty tool rather than they're striking at the very core of my being.

Rasheed

I'm not going to read this thread because I'll probably only get upset but let's just say I have quite a bit of experience of dealing with the fallout of a disability. It's shiite, the whole thing is shiite from not being able to get into your favourite pub or having to ask complete strangers to help with the groceries because you can't reach them. Every aspect of your life is difficult. Every single aspect is a frustrating humiliating battle.

A person with a disability doesn't want to be treated with kid gloves. They don't want to have special privileges. They just want to be treated with the same respect that you would treat any other person.

And if you can't grasp that simple concept, just remember that anyone, and I mean anyone could become a person with a disability tomorrow. That could be you that can't speak properly because you've a brain injury or in a wheelchair because of a fall. And it could be you that people are staring at or pointing at. And think about that would make you feel.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I'm all for disabled people being treated equally but should exercise some cop on.

I know a girl with MS who's pretty bad on her feet and needs a walker to get around. She'll still insist on going to the only nightclub in our town, which is downright dangerous when she isn't the most steadiest on her feet. The smoking area is up about 2 flights of stairs, out on the roof and while she could go down the lift and out the front door to smoke outside the club, she says why should she, the best Craic is in the smoking area. It's also unfair on everyone with her as the entire night you're making sure nobody is banging into her, falling over her walker, or helping her up and down the stairs.

I think in some situations it's just better to admit that some places aren't suitable and to have a better, safer night, in a ground floor bar that is disability friendly.

GoAheadCaller

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm all for disabled people being treated equally but should exercise some cop on.

I know a girl with MS who's pretty bad on her feet and needs a walker to get around. She'll still insist on going to the only nightclub in our town, which is downright dangerous when she isn't the most steadiest on her feet. The smoking area is up about 2 flights of stairs, out on the roof and while she could go down the lift and out the front door to smoke outside the club, she says why should she, the best Craic is in the smoking area. It's also unfair on everyone with her as the entire night you're making sure nobody is banging into her, falling over her walker, or helping her up and down the stairs.

I think in some situations it's just better to admit that some places aren't suitable and to have a better, safer night, in a ground floor bar that is disability friendly.

Fair point but not really what the thread is about

Bananatop

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm all for disabled people being treated equally but should exercise some cop on.

I know a girl with MS who's pretty bad on her feet and needs a walker to get around. She'll still insist on going to the only nightclub in our town, which is downright dangerous when she isn't the most steadiest on her feet. The smoking area is up about 2 flights of stairs, out on the roof and while she could go down the lift and out the front door to smoke outside the club, she says why should she, the best Craic is in the smoking area. It's also unfair on everyone with her as the entire night you're making sure nobody is banging into her, falling over her walker, or helping her up and down the stairs.

I think in some situations it's just better to admit that some places aren't suitable and to have a better, safer night, in a ground floor bar that is disability friendly.

I can see where you're coming from, but I would still say fair play to your friend! She's fighting a battle every single minute of every single day, yet she still carries on. You've got to admire her guts! I don't know, but surely spending the night looking after someone with such courage far outweighs any other benefit you might get from the night out?