staring at disabled people?

stpaddy99

Have we really moved forward with disabled people?
we give them a few quid , but other than that whats changed? My nephew has a form of polio and hes a greta kid....he struggles around with crutches and splints...he uses wheelchair in many cases as he tires easily

but what gets to him most is the way people stare and some mock too
whenever we take him anywhere we have to ring in advance , are there steps, how many>? any disabled access ? disabled toilets etc
and its amazing how many do not

hes a greta positive kid, but this issue is simply never discussed on mainstream tv , news and radio and even in the papers ....how often is this on bbc news? how many disabled / wheelchair bound people are in eastenders? etc does it matter? Yes. recently we see remploy get closed. i worry about my nephew. I really do.

for me not enough is done or said...not enough money is invested ....yet other parties who get discriminated against get endless attention, sympathy and big money pay outs too

personally I think the discrimination disabled people get is worse than all other kinds of discrimination...because not only does it hurt emotionally, mentally etc but its also a practical problem of being difficult to live a proper full life ...thats before we even get to the medication, the pain, the doctor vists etc

PizzamanIRL

I don't know what way people will take this but when I think of people staring at disabled people I look at it like staring at a tiger or some exotic animal that you don't see everyday. If you saw one of those animals walking down the street you'd stare at them. That's why I think people stare at disabled people. People look out of curiousity even though it's rude.

I probably didn't word that too well to avoid offending the nit pickers.

As for the mocking, yeah that's just pathetic.

Pj!

People are naturally somewhat curious about things they don't see everyday. But that's no excuse for staring or mocking.

uch

When it's something you're not used to, you'll stare.,, get over it

Jesus Wept

WHEELCHAIR RAMP OPENING

Pj!

uch wrote: »

When it's something you're not used to, you'll stare.,, get over it

You'll look. But there's no need to be staring at a disabled kid.

RidleyRider

I hope your nephew had an awesome Christmas OP!

People are cruel. They stare, they gossip, they judge. Obviously everyone isn't like that but for the most part, they are. Anyone with a disability is seen as 'different' and in their minds requires staring when in actual fact, they're not. They're still human beings, still have feelings and just because they might not be able to do everything people without a disability can, it doesn't mean they need to stare until their necks do a full 360.

metaoblivia

Yeah, I think people stare because it's a curiousity, not because they're trying to be rude. That doesn't excuse it, but unless you're taught by someone that staring is rude, even if someone looks and/or acts differently than most people, it can be hard in the moment to catch yourself. When I was growing up, we had a group of severely disabled students (physically and mentally) who were generally kept away from the non-disabled students at all times. But you could volunteer to spend an elective class with them and work with them. Not many students did it, but those who did got a great education about how to work with and approach disabled people. In some ways, I wish the school would have made some sort of exposure or education about those students mandatory, because I think a lot of the reactions you see on the streets are just plain ignorance as a result of low exposure and interaction with disabled people.

Mocking is way out of line though and should be called out by any decent person who hears it.

Baron Kurtz

I'm greta. You're greta. We're all greta.

uch

Pj! wrote: »

You'll look. But there's no need to be staring at a disabled kid.

Never said that

J_E

It's something a lot of people aren't usually accustomed to dealing with. It's rude when it is more than a glance or note of curiosity. There's still a high degree of stigma around physical and mental disability in Ireland. It's hard to change unless people open up and talk about it. If I hear someone making a joke at the expense of a disabled person I'll shoot them down pretty fast, no place for that in our world today.

B.A._Baracus

I have a personal rule when it comes to walking past disabled people:

That's never stare and if you glance, break eye contact immediately, treat them like they are some other random stranger passing by. Because thats what they are... just another person

But I have seen a few people stare at a disabled person walking past them. Only caught in a few times in my life (guess I was just looking in the right place at the right time) and it does annoy me. Treat people with respect. It doesnt matter what their circumstances are.

Galwayguy35

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I have a personal rule when it comes to walking past disabled people:

That's never stare and if you glance, break eye contact immediately, treat them like they are some other random stranger passing by. Because thats what they are... just another person

But I have seen a few people stare at a disabled person walking past them. Only caught in a few times in my life (guess I was just looking in the right place at the right time) and it does annoy me. Treat people with respect. It doesnt matter what their circumstances are.

+1 to this

When I'm passing I might glance but it baffles me why anyone who has any bit of cop on or manners would stay looking at anyone who has a disability.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

drdeadlift

Idiots

martinedwards

I think the paralimpics last year and the last leg with Adam Hills has helped this a LOT.

I'm mildly disabled, with a badge on the car but while I need a stick I'm not in a wheelchair or anything.

people are intrigued by the unusual, which is why the whole Indonesian bride thing kicked off.....

Annasopra

What Indonsian Bride thing?

Quazzie

I've a mate in a wheelchair, so I'm a bit perceptive of wheelchair user issues than most as I also worked as his PA for a year. The most remarkable and almost funny occasion we had was that we were in a pub in Temple bar one afternoon. My mate needed to use the toilet so we asked the bar man where the disabled toilets were. "upstairs" says yer man. He seen us looking pussled and baffled at how a wheelchair user could get upstairs to use them, and then came back and said "It's ok, we have a lift". Ah we thought with relief. "so where's the lift". "over there" says the barman, pointing to a lift that was in an elevated part of the bar, that was four steps up. This was in a busy city centre bar which was very tourist orientated.

A second incident, was when we were going on holidays, and we were in Dublin airport. My friend because he was in the wheelchair was at the front of the queue because he had to board to plane first for logistcal reasons. Just as we were about to board, a member of DAA staff who was organizing for my mate to board the plane, walks up and says "So can you walk or are you completely fúcked?" We were totally shocked and were absolutley livid. We know what he was trying to ask. He was looking to find out if my mate could handle the stairs of his disability was severe enough that he couldn't. The way he phrased it though was beyond reproach. This was a person that worked full time at assisting people with disabilities onto planes and this was how he spoke.

People with disabilities don't want special treatment. They just want equality, and sometimes that takes special treatment from others. What we as a country need to do is start accepting that treating someone as an equal doesn't mean you treat them the same as everyone else, but rather you treat them how you'd like to be treated.

the_syco

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

That's never stare and if you glance, break eye contact immediately, treat them like they are some other random stranger passing by.

Next time you get eye contact, give them a nod of the head (as in, "hello") before you break eye contact.

brooke 2

uch wrote: »

When it's something you're not used to, you'll stare.,, get over it

Did no one ever teach you that staring is rude??

Annasopra

the_syco wrote: »

Next time you get eye contact, give them a nod of the head (as in, "hello") before you break eye contact.

Agree with this. It seems rude to look at someone and then look away.

phatmanwc

uch wrote: »

When it's something you're not used to, you'll stare.,, get over it

You'll stare if you let yourself. You know what? I try not to stare at anyone, but if there is someone that catches my attention, admittedly because they might appear to be slightly different, I try even harder, and try to put myself in their position, and how I would hate to be stared at if I was them. It just takes a little effort and shift in your way of thinking for most people.

Canard

^Exactly. Their emotions are more important than anyone's fleeting curiosity.

Czarcasm

I think to suggest to people that they not stare is ridiculous. People ARE going to stare, and mock, and make little of people with disabilities. People staring is only one aspect of disability or difference that disabled people will have to deal with, and IMO it's far better to teach them how to cope with that aspect of their disability while also teaching them how to adapt to and interact with their world around them.

Quazzie

Czarcasm wrote: »

I think to suggest to people that they not stare is ridiculous. People ARE going to stare, and mock, and make little of people with disabilities. People staring is only one aspect of disability or difference that disabled people will have to deal with, and IMO it's far better to teach them how to cope with that aspect of their disability while also teaching them how to adapt to and interact with their world around them.

So you think it's acceptable to mock people with disabilities?

Annasopra

Czarcasm wrote: »

I think to suggest to people that they not stare is ridiculous. People ARE going to stare, and mock, and make little of people with disabilities.

Why is it ridiculous? Why should staring and mocking be acceptable?

Czarcasm

Quazzie wrote: »

So you think it's acceptable to mock people with disabilities?

mango salsa wrote: »

Why is it ridiculous? Why should staring and mocking be acceptable?

Down off the high horses now lads, you both know well that's not what I said at all. I never said it was acceptable, I said they should be taught to cope with this behaviour from others.

Legs.Eleven

uch wrote: »

When it's something you're not used to, you'll stare.,, get over it

I'd usually stare at the starer giving them the evils.


So you stand there, slack jawed, just gawking at someone like some toothless yokel?


Dear god.

Quazzie

Czarcasm wrote: »

Down off the high horses now lads, you both know well that's not what I said at all. I never said it was acceptable, I said they should be taught to cope with this behaviour from others.

So you think people with disabilities are the problem and they should learn to deal with it, rather than people learning not to stare?

I can't believe people are defending staring at those with disabilities, I really really can't. I was brought up not to stare at anyone and that's exactly how I would bring up any children of mine. Yes, people will notice those who are different, that's natural, if I saw someone staring I would assume they lacked basic manners. And mocking? well then they really could have been brought up a lot better tbh.

Educate yourselves on those with disabilities. Little things can make a big difference to your fellow human being. Like not speaking over someone in a wheelchair to talking their assistant instead. Or remembering that if someone has Downs' Syndrome that you don't call them a Downs' Syndrome person, but rather a person with Downs' Syndrome.

You have no right to make someone else's life uncomfortable for no other reason than they are different to you.

Duck's hoop

Czarcasm wrote: »

Down off the high horses now lads, you both know well that's not what I said at all. I never said it was acceptable, I said they should be taught to cope with this behaviour from others.

Pity you weren't in a position to advise Rosa Parks, Mandela, Ghandi, and many others.

All those gay pride gals and dudes too.

Just put up and shut up, get used to it pal, it's going to happen, better just learn to cope with this discrimination.

Why bother trying to change attitudes. Pointless.

You're a complete genius. As ever.

Frank Lee Midere

I think people might be accepting this all on the word of the OP? Everybody staring? I spend a month in a wheelchair - not a perm disability but a bad break as a kid - and most people didn't see me never mind stare at me. Most of those who did were kind. Some kids weren't.

Czarcasm

Quazzie wrote: »

So you think people with disabilities are the problem and they should learn to deal with it, rather than people learning not to stare?

Quazzie will you stop reading into what's not written, I write in plain English, if I wanted to say something I'd say it. I never said people with disabilities are the problem, but they should be taught to deal with the fact that other people will have a problem with them and the world is not some fluffy cotton candy place where other people give a shìt as much as those closest to you.

Something unusual catches my attention, I'm going to stare, it's instinctive, because we don't all look the same. Whether that be a beautiful woman, or an old lady motoring down the street on a mobility scooter, I'll try to be discreet, but other people do feel it's their right to insult, belittle and degrade disabled people.

Actually, one of the best examples of how to counter insults from others is to learn not to take yourself too seriously, like this chap -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taTSxDVEHRM

PucaMama

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

I think people might be accepting this all on the word of the OP? Everybody staring? I spend a month in a wheelchair - not a perm disability but a bad break as a kid - and most people didn't see me never mind stare at me. Most of those who did were kind. Some kids weren't.

I dont use a chair, my condition just makes me look a little different. I can assure you adults are just as bad as children.

Why is it people are all for stepping in defending people when there talking about it on here but not once has that happened for me? All the times ive had groups of teenagers shouting abuse at me on a busy street? Or adult men doing the same at the spire on o connell street before? And thats only picking 2 examples. I hate people sometimes. And I see no excuse for their behaviour. :mad:

Boaty

Sky news took a break last night but just before the break they said what was coming up in the next half of the programme.
They were talking about disabled children in advertisments for 4 seconds.
Then then showed a clip of a football player running across the pitch after scoring a goal for 8 seconds.

Czarcasm

Duck's hoop wrote: »

Pity you weren't in a position to advise Rosa Parks, Mandela, Ghandi, and many others.

All those gay pride gals and dudes too.

Just put up and shut up, get used to it pal, it's going to happen, better just learn to cope with this discrimination.

Racial and homophobic discrimination has nothing to do with discrimination against people with disabilities. Try to stay on topic at least.

Why bother trying to change attitudes. Pointless.

You're a complete genius. As ever.

Aside from the irony of your berating others for being insulting, and then insulting strangers yourself, it wouldn't have taken you two seconds to do a post history search and come across my efforts to change attitudes on Boards towards people with intellectual disabilities.


Don't let that stop your righteous rants and twisting things people didn't say though.

Tasden

I don't think I'd say mainstream media don't deal with the issue, only earlier this month was international day of people with disability, and on every radio show or TV station it was discussed. Channel four constantly do shows about dating with disabilities etc. Rte did a documentary recently on the "taboos" of disabilities such as assisted sex and whatnot. Channel four has people with various disabilities introducing shows, not sure whether its related to something or not.

There's an app BTW by a lady in a wheelchair who rates places based on accessibility and attitude of staff and other aspects people with disabilities might encounter, and then the food or whatever else too. Can't remember the name right now. Might save you ringing around places in advance.And I learned about this app on spin 103.8, which is a pretty mainstream "young peoples" station so it is being discussed by people of all ages.

Tbh I prefer people to stare as opposed to do everything in their power to avoid eye contact/act like they don't notice. I don't have a disability but a relative of mine does and while he is not aware of staring I would be and i know its easy for me to brush it off as I'm only being stared at while in his company but I don't hold it against people, its natural to be curious. Now obviously I don't mean people gawking for a whole bus journey, but its only human to look and I prefer people looking and giving us a smile or whatever than desperately trying to act like they can't see and hear him yelling out and whatnot, staring at the floor/out the window/anywhere but in our direction. If people pretend not to see and notice the disability then it will never be talked about which is something op complained about. If we pretend not to see it then we don't talk about it. Most people don't stare, they look and you have a heightened awareness of them doing so because you know why they're looking.

Obviously none of that is in relation to people gawking or shouting abuse, but I personally wouldn't say that they are in the majority, and there's always going to be ignorant people who act the bollocks regardless of who is in front of them, and pick on whatever is most obvious.

Annasopra

Czarcasm wrote: »

Down off the high horses now lads, you both know well that's not what I said at all. I never said it was acceptable, I said they should be taught to cope with this behaviour from others.

If you are taught to "cope" with it - that is accepting it

Patrickheg

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I have a personal rule when it comes to walking past disabled people:

That's never stare and if you glance, break eye contact immediately, treat them like they are some other random stranger passing by. Because thats what they are... just another person

Sounds a bit harsh, if you are caught staring would you not be better off to give a warm smile and then look away? Seems a bit cold to stare at someone and when caught break eye contact immediately

Duck's hoop

Czarcasm wrote: »

Racial and homophobic discrimination has nothing to do with discrimination against people with disabilities.

Don't let that stop your righteous rants and twisting things people didn't say though.

Discrimination is discrimination is discrimination. Are you suggesting discrimination on grounds of disability is not as serious as racial or homophobic discrimination?

I didn't twist anything. You said quite clearly that in your view people with disabilities should be 'taught to cope' with discrimination. Rather than expect others to change they should in fact accommodate them.

No righteous rants here.

I notice you reserve your vitriol for my post and not the previous 4 posters who questioned you.

Bananatop

People who insult or belittle others who have disabilities are w*nkers. But w*nkers don't only insult people with disabilities, they insult people who they perceive to be weak, they belittle people who might have made their way in the world through sheer hard work, they put down anyone who might have different opinion to them because they're scared of their opinion being challenged.

W*nkers exist solely to belittle people from every walk of life, and not just people with disabilities. I don't like the idea that people with disabilities can't cope with that, or need to be wrapped up in cotton wool just because some tool thinks he/she can take his/her sh*te life out on everyone else. We all know people who take their own inadequacies out on those who are less fortunate (whether they are less fortunate emotionally, financially, physically etc) but most sane thinking people see them for the w*nkers they are and move on.

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

People who insult or belittle others who have disabilities are w*nkers. But w*nkers don't only insult people with disabilities, they insult people who they perceive to be weak, they belittle people who might have made their way in the world through sheer hard work, they put down anyone who might have different opinion to them because they're scared of their opinion being challenged.

W*nkers exist solely to belittle people from every walk of life, and not just people with disabilities. I don't like the idea that people with disabilities can't cope with that, or need to be wrapped up in cotton wool just because some tool thinks he/she can take his/her sh*te life out on everyone else. We all know people who take their own inadequacies out on those who are less fortunate (whether they are less fortunate emotionally, financially, physically etc) but most sane thinking people see them for the w*nkers they are and move on.

Noone feels they need to be 'wrapped in cotton wool' and I dont tthink its fair we should be made feel we are over reacting to it. It is the usual remark from people who just dont understand what its like.

Bananatop

PucaMama wrote: »

It is the usual remark from people who just dont understand what its like.

You don't actually know me, and your comment is a thinly veiled 'You don't deserve to have an opinion about this'.

As another poster has pointed out, it's ironic that in a thread about disabled people not being accepted, different opinions are being slapped down because they don't meet certain criteria ie the general consensus.

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

You don't actually know me, and your comment is a thinly veiled 'You don't deserve to have an opinion about this'.

As another poster has pointed out, it's ironic that in a thread about disabled people not being accepted, different opinions are being slapped down because they don't meet certain criteria ie the general consensus.

Noone slapping down opinions im disagreeing with you. Its what I expect to be able to do in a discussion?

Bananatop

PucaMama wrote: »

It is the usual remark from people who just dont understand what its like.

PucaMama wrote: »

Noone slapping down opinions im disagreeing with you. Its what I expect to be able to do in a discussion?

I love discussing issues. But I would veer away from making a comment like the one in bold when discussing an issue with another person, because the comment is designed to dismiss the other person's opinion. Whether that was your intention or not, that was the impression I got.

Gummy Panda

What if we are having a staring match?

Czarcasm

Duck's hoop wrote: »

Discrimination is discrimination is discrimination. Are you suggesting discrimination on grounds of disability is not as serious as racial or homophobic discrimination?

I never said nor even suggested any such thing. I suggested we try and keep the thread on topic, which is people staring at people with physical or intellectual disabilities. Tasden hit the nail on the head and said it far better than I could when she said that by purposely ignoring people with disabilities you make them feel like they don't exist. You don't have to be a **** about it either and go out of your way to insult and patronise people with disabilities (before your next post asks "are you saying you're ok with insulting and patronising people with disabilities?").

I didn't twist anything. You said quite clearly that in your view people with disabilities should be 'taught to cope' with discrimination. Rather than expect others to change they should in fact accommodate them.

Good luck expecting humanity to change to suit the individual. That's really not the way it works, and setting up artificial structures like anti-discrimination laws in society really does nothing to effect change in individuals. You'll still get people staring, sniggering, finger pointing and just outright, unabashed insults - "hopalong cassidy, long john silver, pops, etc", the list goes on. I got "Ya handicapped bastard!" a couple of times (more referring to my intellectual capacity than my physical disability), but like anything else, that shìt gets old when you hear it all the time, like a bad comedian that never changes his material.

No righteous rants here.

Good, we can leave the homophobia and racism out of it then as I find they distract from what we're discussing here. As my mother used say - "If you want something, don't just want it because you see somebody else with it. Concentrate on making a case for why you need it yourself!". I knew that stacked the odds in her favour when my five brothers would get new shoes for example and I wouldn't, but it's something that's definitely stood to me. If you want to argue for equality for physically and intellectually disabled people, don't use any other minority to do so and say you want equality "just because"...

I notice you reserve your vitriol for my post and not the previous 4 posters who questioned you.

Meh, I love you, that's probably why.

Either that, or you're still reading far too much into what you think I'm saying in order to be offended.

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

I love discussing issues. But I would veer away from making a comment like the one in bold when discussing an issue with another person, because the comment is designed to dismiss the other person's opinion. Whether that was your intention or not, that was the impression I got.

And I find the comment about "wrapped in cotton wool" equally aggravating. Theres nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed at times with people. My point is that even a psychologist tried to suggest I thought it was worse than it really was or that I was almost exaggerating things to myself. So it does wind me up.

Tasden

PucaMama wrote: »

And I find the comment about "wrapped in cotton wool" equally aggravating. Theres nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed at times with people. My point is that even a psychologist tried to suggest I thought it was worse than it really was or that I was almost exaggerating things to myself. So it does wind me up.

And that's a valid reason for you to get wound up about it. But then there is someone who is equally wound up about people getting offended on their behalf when its actually not an issue for them. We can only speak for ourselves at the end of it all and how we experience something may be different to how someone else does so we can't really discount what they are saying either.

Bananatop

PucaMama wrote: »

And I find the comment about "wrapped in cotton wool" equally aggravating. Theres nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed at times with people. My point is that even a psychologist tried to suggest I thought it was worse than it really was or that I was almost exaggerating things to myself. So it does wind me up.

Fair enough, but I hope you realise that I didn't write my post to dismiss your experiences?

PucaMama

Bananatop wrote: »

Fair enough, but I hope you realise that I didn't write my post to dismiss your experiences?

I realise that now I over reacted