staring at disabled people?

gormdubhgorm

The funniest one that happened me was a woman wheeling a pram who stared me out of it non- stop. So much so that she walked right into a tree! I was in stitches laughing and she disappeared as fast as she could.
Personally I would only stare a person if she had a nice arse, able bodied or disabled!
Eventually I learnt that as disabled person you have to be patient with able-bodied people.
1 Some are not very intelligent
2 Some take longer to get used to differences then others

As for disabled people thinking they are been stared at there are three stages of mobility are as follows which determine the level of the able bodied persons staring:
1 You are in a wheelchair - you will get a lot of patronising comments thrown at you and unwanted admiration - such as "fair play to you" - you may be stared at by able-bodied people if you make involuntary movements/noises and so on.

2 You have walking aids - If you have a frame questions will be asked - if you have crutches questions will be asked (able bodied people particularly relate to the crutches). There is hardly any staring at the crutches stage. This is because the able-bodied person may assume you are recovering from a leg break

3 You have no walking aids - but walk with a limp. This completely throws the able-bodied person as you are not in recovery - so what happened? It causes a heightened level of curiosity for able bodied people. There will be a lot of initial staring at first contact with most able bodied people who have not met you before.

For disabled people themselves sometimes, you can get to be paranoid and think EVERYONE is looking/staring at me. Whereas your novelty has in fact worn off as the able-bodied people have gotten used to you. In fact most able bodied people are willing to help you. However this leads on to another issue of how to gracefully refuse an able-bodied persons help where it is not required, gracefully. Example: refusing the offer of a seat on a bus the able-bodied person may be the one who ends up embarrassed!

So disabled people if you feel you are been stared at smile and wink, they might not be staring at your disability they might be looking at your arse!

flutered

gormdubhgorm wrote: »

The funniest one that happened me was a woman wheeling a pram who stared me out of it non- stop. So much so that she walked right into a tree! I was in stitches laughing and she disappeared as fast as she could.
Personally I would only stare a person if she had a nice arse, able bodied or disabled!
Eventually I learnt that as disabled person you have to be patient with able-bodied people.
1 Some are not very intelligent
2 Some take longer to get used to differences then others

As for disabled people thinking they are been stared at:
There are three stages of mobility are as follows:
1 You are in a wheelchair - you will get a lot of patronising comments thrown at you and unwanted admiration - such as "fair play to you" - you may be stared at by able-bodied people if you make involuntary movements/noises and so on.
2 You have walking aids - If you have a frame questions will be asked - if you have crutches questions will be asked (able bodied people particularly relate to the crutches). There is hardly any staring at the crutches stage. This is because the able-bodied person may assume you are recovering from a leg break
3 You have no walking aids - but walk with a limp. This completely throws the able-bodied person as you are not in recovery - so what happened? It causes a heightened level of curiosity for able bodied people.

For disabled people themselves sometimes, you can get to be paranoid and think EVERYONE is looking at me. Whereas your novelty has in fact worn off as the able-bodied people have gotten used to you. In fact most able bodied people are willing to help you. However this leads on to another issue of how to gracefully refuse an able-bodied persons help where it is not required, gracefully. Example: refusing the offer of a seat on a bus the able-bodied person may be the one who ends up embarrassed!

So disabled people if you feel you are been stared at smile and wink, they might not be staring at your disability they might be looking at your arse!

seen as i require a 48in waist trousers i doubt it, in ireland i am in the way, howeveer when i return to n.y. every one makes way for me, if they do not, a voice from the que will say make way, i recon it is because in the u.s. i am either seen as a military vet, or an injured athleate.

gormdubhgorm

flutered wrote: »

seen as i require a 48in waist trousers i doubt it, in ireland i am in the way, howeveer when i return to n.y. every one makes way for me, if they do not, a voice from the que will say make way, i recon it is because in the u.s. i am either seen as a military vet, or an injured athleate.

I never thought of military vet angle. But it is an interesting one. When it comes down to it is all based on perception, culture and where you are at that particular time.

For example: if a person with a disability has difficulty walking (with no walking aids) and happens to be in a pub or walking near a pub, automatically the assumption is that person has had too much to drink.
The disabled person may be told that you should not drink so much, as well as been stared at.

I think as disabled people we have to be aware of the perceptions of able bodied people.
Most able bodied people do not mean any harm and we should not be too hard on them.

bb1234567

Ive never seen adults staring at disabled people, a lot of children though. Must be horrible, I cant even imagine what that must be like for them:(

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

gormdubhgorm

bb1234567 wrote: »

Ive never seen adults staring at disabled people, a lot of children though. Must be horrible, I cant even imagine what that must be like for them:(

In a lot of ways children are far more sensible when it comes to this! They are just curious and ask questions.
When they get explanations they are happy then and off they go.

Some adults have a preconceived notion of disability and if you do not conform to that you get stared at by them. They may not have much associations with any disabled people so it messes with their head. They do not know how to react. Pity is the go-to emotion for these type of people. Then this changes to a condescending tone sometimes, which is unfortunate.

In contrast children are a blank canvas as far as learning and curiosity goes and are far more accepting once they are given a basic explanation.

I found that the general population is becoming more aware then years ago.
But the most difficult time for a younger disabled person in their teenage years where they have a heightened sense of self-consciousness. Eventually as a disabled person you get older and do not care about what people think. You have gone through all the scenarios, nothing is new you have seen it all, and just get on with it. To some adults it can be like meeting ET or some alien life-form. it is up to the disabled person to educate them by simply just being themselves.

FullblownRose

I don't think it's because people are curious, or intrigued, i think its because the people who do the staring are gormless people with little else to think about.

Cee-Jay-Cee

OP you are completely wrong in your belief that disabilities are ignored and disabled people are discriminated against in terms of access to buildings etc etc and it is exactly people like you that need to be educated and not those staring at someone disabled.

All new buildings and even existing public buildings have to be wheelchair accessible, have proper wash and toilet facilities and cater for those with disabilities. All new houses are the same, wheel chair ramps and low level light switches are mandatory.

You obviously don't watch much TV as all the soaps cover the issue of disabilities on a very regular basis and so your point in that respect is null and void.

So you have a disabled cousin and people stare at him every now and then. Get over it.

FullblownRose

CJC999 wrote: »

OP you are completely wrong in your belief that disabilities are ignored and disabled people are discriminated against in terms of access to buildings etc etc and it is exactly people like you that need to be educated and not those staring at someone disabled.

All new buildings and even existing public buildings have to be wheelchair accessible, have proper wash and toilet facilities and cater for those with disabilities. All new houses are the same, wheel chair ramps and low level light switches are mandatory.

You obviously don't watch much TV as all the soaps cover the issue of disabilities on a very regular basis and so your point in that respect is null and void.

So you have a disabled cousin and people stare at him every now and then. Get over it.

All existing buildings *don't* have those facilities, though. If you contact the wheelchair association and ask them, they will tell you how scare proper facilities and access really is.
It obviously hasn't occurred to you that the OP probably *does* try not to let it bother him. Have a little think about human nature and remember everyone has feelings and gets affected by things at times.

pickarooney

FullblownRose wrote: »

I don't think it's because people are curious, or intrigued, i think its because the people who do the staring are gormless people with little else to think about.

Could be a good film in the offing if the previous poster was paired up with one of the gawkers for some zany, socially awkward antics. Gorm and Gormless.

FullblownRose

pickarooney wrote: »

Could be a good film in the offing if the previous poster was paired up with one of the gawkers for some zany, socially awkward antics. Gorm and Gormless.

I had to laugh even if you are referring to me!

bb1234567

CJC999 wrote: »

OP you are completely wrong in your belief that disabilities are ignored and disabled people are discriminated against in terms of access to buildings etc etc and it is exactly people like you that need to be educated and not those staring at someone disabled.

All new buildings and even existing public buildings have to be wheelchair accessible, have proper wash and toilet facilities and cater for those with disabilities. All new houses are the same, wheel chair ramps and low level light switches are mandatory.

You obviously don't watch much TV as all the soaps cover the issue of disabilities on a very regular basis and so your point in that respect is null and void.

So you have a disabled cousin and people stare at him every now and then. Get over it.

My house is new and doesnt have a ramp or low level light switches??

cocker5

bb1234567 wrote: »

My house is new and doesnt have a ramp or low level light switches??

My house is new too, no low reaching lights or ramps? yes disablity toilet but nothing else, infact the doors downstairs IMO are just as narrow as normal doubt you could fit a wheelchair through to be honest.

My father is disabled, walks (very slowly) with a walking aid and is brain damaged…. people of all ages are rude, inconsiderate and plain selfish when I bring him out and about.
That’s just from my experience and a lot of times the kids don’t even bat an eye lid it’s the parents.

Bogan

I'm so concious not to look that I end up looking really awkward.

Demonique

Czarcasm wrote: »

I think to suggest to people that they not stare is ridiculous. People ARE going to stare, and mock, and make little of people with disabilities. People staring is only one aspect of disability or difference that disabled people will have to deal with, and IMO it's far better to teach them how to cope with that aspect of their disability while also teaching them how to adapt to and interact with their world around them.

Why not teach disabled people to cope with being stared at AND teach people not to stare and mock disabled people at the same time?


*Of course coping with being stared at could involve giving the person who's staring the 'aul one-fingered salute and/or telling them to f**k off

Demonique

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't see her as being selfish, and tbh, I don't really go out with her much anymore (for no reason related to her illness either), however, I don't think my attitude is cold either. I just personally don't like the fact we all have to pay in 10 euro of a Saturday night to look after 1 girl, nobody ends up having a good night, it's not all about one person you know. When she is out, there are way more suitable places to go out where everyone could have a good, safe, fun night, I don't see why she needs to be dragging herself around a nightclub and up and down stairs to prove a point.

And she ISN'T able to get up and down the stairs that's the problem. She needs someone to carry her walker up the stairs, she faces the wall and holds onto the rail and needs someone to link her up and down the stairs. When she could just go over to the lift, get a lift down to the ground floor by the door and have a smoke outside, reducing the stress on herself and on everyone else.

The nightclub can't refuse to let her in either because they'd be in big trouble, but it's a hazzard on everyone there. Her, us, and anyone drunk at the bar not expecting an aid to be behind them when they step backwards.

If you don't want to go to that nightclub then tell her to suck it up and refuse to go with her

Demonique

wprathead wrote: »

cannot +1 this post enough

I work with adults with disabilities, will often assist them uptown, and can be so awkward meeting people who will talk directly to me going "Ah, aren't ya awful good - must need a lot of patience in your job" INFRONT OF THEM... :mad:

I was with a group of other Aspie adults and two of the boys were doing that teenage thing (they were 18/19) of pushing and shoving each other, me and other girl moaned about them because it was embarrassing and some old bag started having a go at us because "you have it hard enough, you need to stick together".

So because we're all disabled I can't have an opinion on other disabled people acting like twits in public? We are able to look after ourselves and have a voice for ourselves, I wish I had told the old bag to mind her own business and f**k off

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

I think that perhaps you are speaking throughout this thread about people with intellectual disabilities who perhaps sometimes need to be taught life skills because they are differently abled.

A lot of PWD don't like the term differently abled as it sounds like a PC term made up by non-disabled folks in order to not offend us.

Lawrence1895

Not only staring can be annoying, but also addressing someone with names, such as 'Pet' or 'Love', says someone, who works with people with disabilities.

Or even asking me, if the guy, I'm working with, needs something...as if it was so hard, to talk to that guy directly :rolleyes:

Lone Stone

Always cracks me up how kids look at my mam in her power chair its a mix of wtf and i want one

But its natural to stare most people dont even know they are doing it.