Why do women do this

schwalbe

schwalbe wrote: »

Newsflash,so have guys.

Does the name of the forum not give you any clues about who the focus is on here?

Nothing?

schwalbe

Candie wrote: »

Does the name of the forum not give you any clues about who the focus is on here?

Nothing?

I'm not confused at all about who the focus is on,did you think I was?

Sauve

schwalbe wrote: »

You guys are totally acting weird about this and claiming the whole body image bombardment thing as your own,you'd swear that guys aren't bombarded with the exact same stuff as girls are.Do you think the male role models we see are any different to yours?
You know Batman and all the superheroes right?Well they have a certain body type,just like Hulk Hogan and all that and even the male models have ideal bodies.Guys are subjected to the exact same stuff that girls are,we just don't claim the feeling we experience as our own like girls do.

Mod

To quote directly from the charter:

"First and foremost This forum is for the discussion of topics from a woman's point of view. We do welcome male input, but do bear in mind that this forum is first and foremost for the women of boards to have their say, from their point of view."

Please have a read of the forum charter before posting here again.

schwalbe

Sauve wrote: »

Mod

To quote directly from the charter:

"First and foremost This forum is for the discussion of topics from a woman's point of view. We do welcome male input, but do bear in mind that this forum is first and foremost for the women of boards to have their say, from their point of view."

Please have a read of the forum charter before posting here again.

Ok read it thanks,can we back to discussing why girls claim this whole thing as unique to them now please.

Millicent

schwalbe wrote: »

You guys are totally acting weird about this and claiming the whole body image bombardment thing as your own,you'd swear that guys aren't bombarded with the exact same stuff as girls are.Do you think the male role models we see are any different to yours?
You know Batman and all the superheroes right?Well they have a certain body type,just like Hulk Hogan and all that and even the male models have ideal bodies.Guys are subjected to the exact same stuff that girls are,we just don't claim the feeling we experience as our own like girls do.

The difference is, it's not how a good chunk of your worth is decided. Dustin Hoffman had an interesting perspective on this in light of his role in Tootsie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPAat-T1uhE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Legs.Eleven

schwalbe wrote: »

Ok read it thanks,can we back to discussing why girls claim this whole thing as unique to them now please.

Would you like to share your experiences as a man then? I don't think anyone would have a problem if you did. Fill us in but can you do it without getting ratty? There's no need for it.

WesternNight

schwalbe wrote: »

Ok read it thanks,can we back to discussing why girls claim this whole thing as unique to them now please.

I don't think anyone is claiming that it's unique to women.

Pressure about weight is by no means exclusively a woman's experience. It's experienced in a different way, and to a different extent, though, to men.

Henry9

beks101 wrote: »

....

OK, so take that as as read. What now then?
After all the sharing and empathy, how do you reach a solution? How do you make sure in a years time you're not in the same boat?

Once you've vented or expressed yourself or whatever, is the way of looking at things that has been expressed here a help or a hindrance?

Legs.Eleven

Henry9 wrote: »

OK, so take that as as read. What now then?
After all the sharing and empathy, how do you reach a solution? How do you make sure in a years time you're not in the same boat?

Once you've vented or expressed yourself or whatever, is the way of looking at things that has been expressed here a help or a hindrance?

I think people are just sharing their experiences and by the sounds of it, most of them are working on losing weight if they need to.


I really don't understand the rattiness.

Sauve

schwalbe wrote: »

Ok read it thanks,can we back to discussing why girls claim this whole thing as unique to them now please.

Mod
Schwalbe given a few days off for ignoring mod instruction.

Morag

schwalbe wrote: »

Ok read it thanks,can we back to discussing why girls claim this whole thing as unique to them now please.

No how about you stop derailing the thread and we can get back to discussing how for us women we struggle with weight issues and image issues and how food is often used to show love and to reward and the impact that has on us as women and mothers, thanks.


It has been very hard to try and no make food a reward when you are rearing kids, esp stuff which I know is bad for them.
Let's face it despite the over flowing fruit bowl they still want a chocolate spread sandwhich or crisps. It's hard esp when we celebrate and share with food, be it brithday cake, wedding cake, Sunday dinners or snacks and treats.

Henry9

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I think people are just sharing their experiences and by the sounds of it, most of them are working on losing weight if they need to.

I really don't understand the rattiness.

What rattiness? The only one getting ratty is you.

Sauve

Enough with the sniping. Can we get back on topic now please.

Henry9

Morag wrote: »

No how about you stop derailing the thread and we can get back to discussing how for us women we struggle with weight issues and image issues and how food is often used to show love and to reward and the impact that has on us as women and mothers, thanks.


It has been very hard to try and no make food a reward when you are rearing kids, esp stuff which I know is bad for them.
Let's face it despite the over flowing fruit bowl they still want a chocolate spread sandwhich or crisps. It's hard esp when we celebrate and share with food, be it brithday cake, wedding cake, Sunday dinners or snacks and treats.

Lots of cultures, certainly the Spanish and the Italians, celebrate their meals with children present. I've seen the same thing in France as well.
France is a good example I think, they eat like kings there, but there's much less obesity in my experience.

Is it just a food quality issue? Or is it an attitude difference?

beks101

Henry9 wrote: »

OK, so take that as as read. What now then?
After all the sharing and empathy, how do you reach a solution? How do you make sure in a years time you're not in the same boat?

Once you've vented or expressed yourself or whatever, is the way of looking at things that has been expressed here a help or a hindrance?

I find it quite revelatory and self actualizing to acknowledge, articulate, discuss, debate, discover and share these kinds of issues. That's always been my way of understanding things and myself a bit better. So it's a help.

I know from experience that there are no easy "solutions" that don't require a full re-wiring of your brain and the world around you, and certainly a thread on an anonymous message board isn't the place to be looking for one.

Why is it so objectionable to "vent or express yourself or whatever", without coming to a pen-ultimate, fail-safe "fix"?

Lia_lia

Henry9 wrote: »

France is a good example I think, they eat like kings there, but there's much less obesity in my experience.

Is it just a food quality issue? Or is it an attitude difference?

They eat better food and smaller portions..

Lia_lia

Morag wrote: »

It has been very hard to try and no make food a reward when you are rearing kids, esp stuff which I know is bad for them.
Let's face it despite the over flowing fruit bowl they still want a chocolate spread sandwhich or crisps. It's hard esp when we celebrate and share with food, be it brithday cake, wedding cake, Sunday dinners or snacks and treats.

I don't really understand this. We never got sweets or anything like that when we were children as a reward. We just weren't allowed them!

And the whole birthday/wedding thing is a rare occasion...

Rosy Posy

Lia_lia wrote: »

I don't really understand this. We never got sweets or anything like that when we were children as a reward. We just weren't allowed them!

I felt like this when I first had kids. Then I noticed how my son behaved at a kids party where they did have sweets and unhealthy treats- he would just park himself by the food and gorge himself, preventing him from engaging in play like the other children. We started having occasional sweets, sticking to ones with actual ingredients in them as opposed to a cocktail of chemicals, and he chilled out about it more.

I think that this is analogous to the way that some people behave around food- by forbidding the 'bad' foods they take on a mystical quality beyond that of a mere foodstuff, with all sorts of emotional and judgemental values.

pwurple

Morag wrote: »

Let's face it despite the over flowing fruit bowl they still want a chocolate spread sandwhich or crisps.

Just don't have crisps or chocolate spread in the house. You buy this stuff, it didn't get into the house on its own. And I have never even had or seen had a chocolate sandwich.

Legs.Eleven

Henry9 wrote: »

Lots of cultures, certainly the Spanish and the Italians, celebrate their meals with children present. I've seen the same thing in France as well.
France is a good example I think, they eat like kings there, but there's much less obesity in my experience.

Is it just a food quality issue? Or is it an attitude difference?

As Lia said previously, in France, Italy and Spain (I live in Spain), they eat healthy food and less of it with no snacking between meals and no burgers, no heavy desserts. I also lived with a French family for a month when I was 16 and same thing. Small meals at specific times of the day and you could help yourself to the food in the middle of the table instead of being given your food.

I eat with my boyfriend's Spanish family quite a bit and mealtimes are a totally different affair to how they were when I was a kid or how they are as an adult when I go home. There were 7 of us in my family and dinner would be put in front of us (generally healthy food though) and we couldn't leave the table 'till everything on the plate was finished and very frequently there were tears or hiding of spuds/vegetables to flush them down the loo later. In Spain, you sit down, help yourself to what you can eat, enjoy it over a long time (too long in my opinion), leave the table and you don't think about food until the next meal. You eat what you want but dessert could be a yoghurt or a piece of fruit.

But things aren't perfect here: Spain now has the highest rate of child and adolescent obesity in Europe (last time I checked), so whatever good eating habits the Spanish had for years are disappearing.

http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/obesity-prevention-source/obesity-trends/global-obesity-trends-in-children/

Roesy

We recently moved house and when I was going through a box of old photos with my husband he was amazed to find out that I thought I was fat as a teenager. In retrospect I actually had a pretty enviable figure. I had a fairly distorted view of myself. I was 5'10 and 6 and 10 inches taller than my petite and quite skinny best friends. My figure was completely different to theirs but because a lot of the girls I ended up being around were more similar in build to them I somehow decided that their figures were the ideal and I was big/fat instead of realising that my shape was just different. Unfortunately, before I found my own sense of style, I used to try and pick similar outfits to my group and my mother would say 'you can't wear that, you're not like x or y' and then try and steer me towards something she considered more suitable which inevitably was too sedate or suited to an older person. I used take it that I was too fat for the other clothes instead of realising that they just looked indecent on me because of the length/neckline etc. She meant well and probably could have explained what she meant in a better way but herself and my aunts were always fairly critical of their figures.

My mother had an eating disorder when we were young kids. She was about 6 stone at one stage and at the time thought she looked the best she ever did. It has gone in the opposite direction now and she comfort eats and is quite overweight. She has good intentions but somewhat flawed ideas of what is 'good for you'. My aunts would be similar. I made a salad for lunch the other day and it had fresh olives and avocado in it. They were pretty concerned about how fattening the olives and avocado were and were a little baffled at my explanation that they were good fats. Same aunts would then ask was lasagne a good idea for lunch if they were trying to 'be good'.

mariaalice

Morag wrote: »

No how about you stop derailing the thread and we can get back to discussing how for us women we struggle with weight issues and image issues and how food is often used to show love and to reward and the impact that has on us as women and mothers, thanks.


It has been very hard to try and no make food a reward when you are rearing kids, esp stuff which I know is bad for them.
Let's face it despite the over flowing fruit bowl they still want a chocolate spread sand which or crisps. It's hard esp when we celebrate and share with food, be it brithday cake, wedding cake, Sunday dinners or snacks and treats.

This is the stage were ideas are formed by children, A packet of crisps or a nutella sandwich or a few sweets are not in themselves going to do any harm to a child it is all about how it is presented and how you present it is formed by your attitude to food.

For example my ex husband has a very practical attitude to food and he saw good eating habits with the children as a sort of training, the same as getting them in to a routine going to bed. When they came in from school they were given a small snack whatever was in the house no talk about what it was, after that they were not allowed to eat until dinner time and after dinner he would say you can eat what you like now, knowing full well that after eating a good dinner they were unlikely to gorge themselves on rubbish. The point is they were never allowed to spend all afternoon snaking, he though banning MC d was faddy nonsense and while I baked and we got biscuit's when shopping we never has bags of those mini treat's which he did consider crap. He is in his sixties now and is the same weight as when he was in his twenties he would buy himself a bar of chocolate now and then, but he dose not have any thoughts about buying himself chocolate good bad or indifferent he never saw any food as a reward or a treat. It was from him that I realised how much my mother went on about food( I was so use to it I thought it was normal) and about the difference between growing up in a family when food and weight was a not remarked upon in any great way ( his family)

B0jangles

On the general topic of the relationships women develop with/around food and eating, I think it's worth noticing the messages given out by pretty much all food advertising specifically aimed at women.

As far as I can judge, it all falls into 2 categories: weight-loss (Special K and so on) and secret special indulgence (every chocolate ad ever). The opening scene from "How to get Ahead in Advertising" sums it up pretty perfectly I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=pQc-zD7WrzA#t=83

It was true 25 years ago and it's still true now.

Legs.Eleven

Henry9 wrote: »

What rattiness? The only one getting ratty is you.

I was getting you mixed up with the other poster. My apologies.

Malari

Rosy Posy wrote: »

I felt like this when I first had kids. Then I noticed how my son behaved at a kids party where they did have sweets and unhealthy treats- he would just park himself by the food and gorge himself, preventing him from engaging in play like the other children. We started having occasional sweets, sticking to ones with actual ingredients in them as opposed to a cocktail of chemicals, and he chilled out about it more.

I think that this is analogous to the way that some people behave around food- by forbidding the 'bad' foods they take on a mystical quality beyond that of a mere foodstuff, with all sorts of emotional and judgemental values.

I don't know if that is a direct result of having being denied treats though. I think a lot has to do with the person themselves.

There were 3 of us and we were all treated equally. We were given sweets or squares of chocolate out of a pack, not a whole pack to ourselves when we were very little. I still find it a bit weird finishing a whole chocolate bar in one go! My brother doesn't!

My siblings would have a tendancy to put on weight a bit. I've never had that tendancy.

Lia_lia

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I eat with my boyfriend's Spanish family quite a bit and mealtimes are a totally different affair to how they were when I was a kid or how they are as an adult when I go home. There were 7 of us in my family and dinner would be put in front of us (generally healthy food though) and we couldn't leave the table 'till everything on the plate was finished and very frequently there were tears or hiding of spuds/vegetables to flush them down the loo later. In Spain, you sit down, help yourself to what you can eat, enjoy it over a long time (too long in my opinion), leave the table and you don't think about food until the next meal. You eat what you want but dessert could be a yoghurt or a piece of fruit.

But things aren't perfect here: Spain now has the highest rate of child and adolescent obesity in Europe (last time I checked), so whatever good eating habits the Spanish had for years are disappearing.

http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/obesity-prevention-source/obesity-trends/global-obesity-trends-in-children/

Same idea in France. I lived there when I was a kid and in primary school we got 3 course meals for lunch All healthy food though. Got ice cream maybe once a week..

Same as Spain though! Kids are getting heavier. And more people are eating fast food. My Dad has lived in France for 21 years and he says it's been rapidly "turning into America" for the past 10 years..

seosamh1980

B0jangles wrote: »

On the general topic of the relationships women develop with/around food and eating, I think it's worth noticing the messages given out by pretty much all food advertising specifically aimed at women.

As far as I can judge, it all falls into 2 categories: weight-loss (Special K and so on) and secret special indulgence (every chocolate ad ever). The opening scene from "How to get Ahead in Advertising" sums it up pretty perfectly I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=pQc-zD7WrzA#t=83

It was true 25 years ago and it's still true now.

There is actually an ad for Galaxy chocolate that makes me embarrassed to be female. It basically says that we all have a secret stash of chocolate that we eat to comfort/enjoy ourselves when nobody is looking. Wtf?

Edit: This is it!

meeeeh

I think that a lot of us are remembering how it was in our childhood. Eating habits did not change just in Ireland, they changed everywhere. I sometimes talk to people back home and I see that their eating habits or even lifestyles are completely different and then I have to remember that I was 15 twenty years ago. And most of those kids were not even born then. And even I changed my eating habits from what they were in my childhood.

B0jangles

seosamh1980 wrote: »

There is actually an ad for Galaxy chocolate that makes me embarrassed to be female. It basically says that we all have a secret stash of chocolate that we eat to comfort/enjoy ourselves when nobody is looking. Wtf?

Edit: This is it!

I actually had that very ad in mind when I was writing the post!

Also does anyone else remember an ad for pizza that had a bunch of models dressed up as sexy girl builders tucking into a take-away pizza and it was totes ok for them to do so because the pizza chain now had low-fat cheese?

I tried to find it on youtube but no luck so far.

Scarinae

B0jangles wrote: »

On the general topic of the relationships women develop with/around food and eating, I think it's worth noticing the messages given out by pretty much all food advertising specifically aimed at women.

As far as I can judge, it all falls into 2 categories: weight-loss (Special K and so on) and secret special indulgence (every chocolate ad ever). The opening scene from "How to get Ahead in Advertising" sums it up pretty perfectly I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=pQc-zD7WrzA#t=83

It was true 25 years ago and it's still true now.

Some of these brands are owned by the same parent companies, which makes perfect sense from a marketing point of view – convince people to buy your calorie-rich foods, and then sell them the diet food to make up for it, so either way you’re making money. For example, Unilever owns both the Ben & Jerry’s and Slimfast brands.