Relationship Deal Breakers

Jamsiek

steddyeddy wrote: »

It's not a matter of not getting on with your in laws nox it's just that some people may feel smothered by them. Myself included. I value my space too much.

Agreed. And what if your partner wants to live beside his/her parents?
Something's gotta give

Malari

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

And whats wrong with that if the person gets on with the in-laws? If they dont well we are back to the deal breaker of not getting on with family members.

You can get on with them without wanting to live on their doorstep. If you want to, nothing wrong with that, but I prefer a bit of privacy and independence.

steddyeddy

Jamsiek wrote: »

Agreed. And what if your partner wants to live beside his/her parents?
Something's gotta give

Exactly its give and take. Not taking into consideration them other partners views would also be a deal breaker.

Jamsiek

Jamsiek wrote: »

Agreed. And what if your partner wants to live beside his/her parents?
Something's gotta give

If the two home places are too far away to easily travel between them (i.e. a couple from two different parts of the country) then a farm etc would mean there would be little choice but to set up home in that partners area (if they wanted to stay together of course).

I do see your point though.

Malari wrote: »

You can get on with them without wanting to live on their doorstep. If you want to, nothing wrong with that, but I prefer a bit of privacy and independence.

steddyeddy wrote: »

Exactly its give and take. Not taking into consideration them other partners views would also be a deal breaker.

Well at the very least with something like a farm it would be necessary to live quite close. You could buy a house a few miles away etc that could be a compromise if the person didn't want living right beside the in-laws however you would miss out on the advantages of being able to build the house you want.

Its also extremely handy to live very close to family if down the line kids come on the scene.

Malari

Ariel Famous Silkworm wrote: »

Its also extremely handy to live very close to family if down the line kids come on the scene.

Which brings me back to my other deal-breaker.

It just wasn't meant to be Ariel Famous Silkworm, you'll have to accept it, you and me have no future, we're just...two different people :pac:

Caonima

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

I'm pretty much the opposite, I never really wanted to leave (and only moved out at 23), I go home lots and very much look forward to being able to move back in the area again. Lots of my friends still live around and some are already working away on building houses at their home places in a similar way.

We would never get sick of each other or anything like that. I'd much prefer to be around than be missing my family.

I wouldn't find it at all constricting in anyway to be honest either.

Mind me asking where you live?

kunst nugget

Caonima wrote: »

Mind me asking where you live?

In the country, where the lands and the women are fertile, the men decide what cars to drive and anyone that doesn't drink and go to mass on a Sunday is a quare fella.

Caonima

kunst nugget wrote: »

In the country, where the lands and the women are fertile, the men decide what cars to drive and anyone that doesn't drink and go to mass on a Sunday is a quare fella.

Ah, county Meath, shur I know it well

steddyeddy

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

If the two home places are too far away to easily travel between them (i.e. a couple from two different parts of the country) then a farm etc would mean there would be little choice but to set up home in that partners area (if they wanted to stay together of course).

I do see your point though.





Well at the very least with something like a farm it would be necessary to live quite close. You could buy a house a few miles away etc that could be a compromise if the person didn't want living right beside the in-laws however you would miss out on the advantages of being able to build the house you want.

Its also extremely handy to live very close to family if down the line kids come on the scene.

But that's not the only issue. What if your other half wanted both of you to live by their parents instead?

Caonima

Caonima wrote: »

Mind me asking where you live?

Currently living in Cork city for work/study purposes but from county Galway and would intend living back there sooner or later.

steddyeddy wrote: »

But that's not the only issue. What if your other half wanted both of you to live by their parents instead?

I suppose that's something that would need to be discussed or understood before things got to the level of where you are going to live. You can't just leave a farm behind (and I wouldn't want to either).

Though if you start going out with someone from the other side of the country who has a family farm it would have to be in the persons head at least that at some point they would more than likely have to move there or to the general area at least if the relationship developed. Obviously it wouldn't be set in stone but it would certainly be a possibility.

cantdecide

Rasheed wrote: »

Hard beat the road frontage. That and milk quota .......

You really know how do drive a fella wild!!

mynameismud

Death

smash

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

Currently living in Cork city for work/study purposes but from county Galway and would intend living back there sooner or later.

What about career opportunities?

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

Though if you start going out with someone from the other side of the country who has a family farm it would have to be in the persons head at least that at some point they would more than likely have to move there or to the general area at least if the relationship developed. Obviously it wouldn't be set in stone but it would certainly be a possibility.

Why on earth would you have to move back there?

smash

smash wrote: »

What about career opportunities?

There are a number of possibilities including both the University and Institute of technology, along with the fact I will have a very good qualification (when I graduate) applicable to many different areas, especially if I keep whats available around home in mind and gain experience in the right area. Starting something myself is also a possibility.

It might take a while, I don't doubt that but something will come along eventually.

smash wrote: »

Why on earth would you have to move back there?

Well firstly and probably most importantly because that's where I want to live, I could never call anywhere else home and I want to be close to family and friends and secondly because there is a farm which I want to be involved in (and will have to be at some stage).

shopaholic01

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

Well firstly and probably most importantly because that's where I want to live, I could never call anywhere else home and I want to be close to family and friends and secondly because there is a farm which I want to be involved in (and will have to be at some stage).

I'd imagine it's very difficult for someone who isn't from a farming background to get involved with someone who is. I would hate the restrictions it would entail, you can't even go on a holiday without arranging someone to cover, no such thing as days off etc. What happens if you do get married and split up? Would your ex-wife get a share of the farm?

Rasheed

Up the aisle with a bouquet and back down with half a farm as they say.

I know of two lads, one a farmer and one not who are married to women from non farming backgrounds. It was accepted by both couples that they would build back home when jobs allow. Now that the time has come, one has baulked completely saying she doesn't want her children being brought up in the country and the other saying she can't leave her parents in Wicklow. Horrible situation to be in.

shopaholic01

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I'd imagine it's very difficult for someone who isn't from a farming background to get involved with someone who is. I would hate the restrictions it would entail, you can't even go on a holiday without arranging someone to cover, no such thing as days off etc. What happens if you do get married and split up? Would your ex-wife get a share of the farm?

It depends on the size of the farm and if it's a full time farm or a part-time farm. A part-time farm isn't as restrictive and an awful lot of farms are part-time nowadays. If you have family nearby arranging cover is usually not difficult, you just have to plan your holiday when its not a busy time, this is no different to any job really where people have to plan their holidays.

There are all the advantages too, for instance there is absolutely nothing like getting out of the office on a Friday evening and spending the weekend out around the farm. Its good for the soul.

Rasheed wrote: »

she doesn't want her children being brought up in the country

Absolute madness, there isn't a better place to grow up than the country, she is denying her kids a great childhood.

Caonima

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

...there isn't a better place to grow up than the country...

Kiddin' me, right?

SV

Caonima wrote: »

Kiddin' me, right?

Would you honestly consider a city environment to be better?

Caonima

SV wrote: »

Would you honestly consider a city environment to be better?

Suburbs of a city, maybe. I grew up in the arse-end of county Meath, on the Westmeath border. Nothing but fields and cows and townies driving cars around the place. Pub on a weekend, rinse and repeat. I was beyond bored most of the time. When I went to college, I fled the countryside. Cities have art galleries, cinemas, parks, culture, diversity, etc... things that can broaden a child's horizons and open them up to the world. The smell of cow shit and townies driving around the place in some one-horse town, or a countryside farmyard, are not conducive to raising a child or helping them grow and develop.

shopaholic01

How can a farm be part-time?

Caonima

Caonima wrote: »

Suburbs of a city, maybe. I grew up in the arse-end of county Meath, on the Westmeath border. Nothing but fields and cows and townies driving cars around the place. Pub on a weekend, rinse and repeat. I was beyond bored most of the time. When I went to college, I fled the countryside. Cities have art galleries, cinemas, parks, culture, diversity, etc... things that can broaden a child's horizons and open them up to the world. The smell of cow shit and townies driving around the place in some one-horse town, or a countryside farmyard, are not conducive to raising a child or helping them grow and develop.

I spend my time exploring the fields with the neighbours children, playing sports, working on the farm, driving tractors and cars before a lot of city kids could ride a bike. No noise, we could wander sound alone from a young age, no problems with falling in with the wrong crowd etc et etc. A city is no place to grow up imo.

shopaholic01 wrote: »

How can a farm be part-time?

Well by part-time I mean you would have an off farm job and would possibly rent out part of your farm and farm a smaller amount therefore the work load wouldn't be as big, less cows calving or sheep lambing so much easier to manage etc. it might even be just a hobby for some nowadays.

SV

Caonima wrote: »

Suburbs of a city, maybe. I grew up in the arse-end of county Meath, on the Westmeath border. Nothing but fields and cows and townies driving cars around the place. Pub on a weekend, rinse and repeat. I was beyond bored most of the time. When I went to college, I fled the countryside. Cities have art galleries, cinemas, parks, culture, diversity, etc... things that can broaden a child's horizons and open them up to the world. The smell of cow shit and townies driving around the place in some one-horse town, or a countryside farmyard, are not conducive to raising a child or helping them grow and develop.

I'd have to agree with you on most points there but I believe growing up in a place where you can't even play in a back yard is not the place for a child.
That said, the suburbs of a city or big town, yeah, far more suitable than the backarsé of nowhere.

Caonima

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

I spend my time exploring the fields with the neighbours children, playing sports, working on the farm, driving tractors and cars before a lot of city kids could ride a bike. No noise, we could wander sound alone from a young age, no problems with falling in with the wrong crowd etc et etc. A city is no place to grow up imo.

Come on, there's 'wrong crowds' in every part of the country nowadays.

I just felt like I missed out on things growing up in the country. Where I grew up, it was a binary childhood - same parochial catholicism rammed down your throat, small choice of schools, no bookshops or cinemas or anything, same faces all the time, nothing to do but walk around fields and knacker-drink or go to the same piss-poor choice of pubs.... it was stultifying..

Malari

There's nothing wrong with kids growing up in cities! No better or worse than the burbs or the country, just a different experience.

Caonima

Caonima wrote: »

Come on, there's 'wrong crowds' in every part of the country nowadays.

I just felt like I missed out on things growing up in the country. Where I grew up, it was a binary childhood - same parochial catholicism rammed down your throat, small choice of schools, no bookshops or cinemas or anything, same faces all the time, nothing to do but walk around fields and knacker-drink or go to the same piss-poor choice of pubs.... it was stultifying..

Sure town was only a 20 minute drive away. I was driving the minute I turned 17 (tractor at 16 to the local town) and before that I could get a lift for one if my parents or other relations into the city for the cinema, shops etc. Same for ping out just get a lift to town and a taxi home never did any drinking in fields.

I didn't even move out for college, lived at home all through it never wanted to move into town much preffered having a car. As for Catholicism etc not everyone had wants to escape from it like you.

Wibbs

There are advantages and disadvantages to both rural and urban. On the rural front, there's a spanish or german(?) expression "small town, big hell" and that can certainly be the case. Fine if you're on the inside(usually), but god forbid you get ostracised.

Caonima

Makenzie Fierce Coriander wrote: »

Sure town was only a 20 minute drive away. I was. Driving the minute I turned 17 (tractor at 16 to the local town) and before that I could get a lift for one if my parents or other relations into the city for the cinema, shops etc. Same for ping out just get a lift to town and a taxi home never did any drinking in fields.

I didn't even move out for college, lived at home all through it never wanted to move into town. As for Catholicism etc not everyone had wants to escape from it like you.

Hand on heart, I can honestly say we're like chalk and cheese, sir

Snowie

Malari wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with kids growing up in cities! No better or worse than the burbs or the country, just a different experience.

Ok yes there is...


When I was a kid I could get away with murder. We could sneak out of windows meet up in a hay barn and get blazzed till 4 in the morning head back home and no one no any better. You cant do that in a city.

i could also walk into my garden and collect magic mushrooms then get my protable radio and walk for hours listening to all sorts of music and my friends , no one would be none the wiser.

I can drive on country roads correctly not a 40 km per hour with my high beams on full like most dublin city folk.

While there was plenty of kissing minor drug taking driving parents cars with out permission. There were never any guarda to catch us.

but most of all i could get jobs all year round working on farms picking sprouts in winter and I could plant. Pick strawberry's there was always away to get pocket money. Most of us could support our selves.

Growing up country life is the best you can get up to mischief and usually you get shouted at and be on your way... all good :cool:

shopaholic01

Snowie wrote: »

Ok yes there is...


When I was a kid I could get away with murder. We could sneak out of windows meet up in a hay barn and get blazzed till 4 in the morning head back home and no one no any better. You cant do that in a city.

i could also walk into my garden and collect magic mushrooms then get my protable radio and walk for hours listening to all sorts of music and my friends , no one would be none the wiser.

I can drive on country roads correctly not a 40 km per hour with my high beams on full like most dublin city folk.

While there was plenty of kissing minor drug taking driving parents cars with out permission. There were never any guarda to catch us.

but most of all i could get jobs all year round working on farms picking sprouts in winter and I could plant. Pick strawberry's there was always away to get pocket money. Most of us could support our selves.

Growing up country life is the best you can get up to mischief and usually you get shouted at and be on your way... all good :cool:

I think a lot of parents would want their children to have a different childhood!:P