Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Smacking yes or no
Options
Comments
-
-
-
-
-
Ihatecuddles wrote: »You also cant teach a child that its ok to hit people. What happens if he slaps another child in the playground, do you slap him and tell him its not ok to slap other kids??
Yep, and then you say 'hurts, doesn't it?'.
0 -
Advertisement
-
-
sunflower27 wrote: »Yep, and then you say 'hurts, doesn't it?'.
This is exactly what my parents done and it done me no harm and i didn't hit another kid again0 -
Do we deem physical violence as the answer for beings of less intelligence than us doing something we don't like?
Animals, children, the disabled, elderly, etc...
People who commit crime aren't smacked and told don't do that, we put them in jail.
Finally people who seem to know abit more than ' a shur a clip never hurt anyone'sunflower27 wrote: »The look of horror is a total over-reaction. It is a smack, no-one is cutting limbs off.
You have no idea whatsoever the effect that can have on others, just because you took it in stride ( based on your response) doesnt mean others will!!.af_thefragile wrote: »If the kid is being a right bollix and words and/or distraction isn't working then the occasional smack will do no harm.
Evidence please??? because research tells us that in doesCrooked Jack wrote: »Defenceless? You aren't challenging them to pistols at dawn. it's a quick smack for being a wee brat.
Also, I love that the add at the bottom of this page is for nappies and prominently features a baby's arse.
Yes defenceless, heres an idea based on your opinion, should we hit the disabled if they do something deemed unacceptable?? Well? based on yur logic it seems soNo, never. And for those of you who say it never did you any harm - how do you know ?
Exactly!!No, it doesn't.
Actually, it doesum adults dont usually slap each other for violence, more punching, kicking, BIIIIIIIIG difference, and when they do slap its a game of slaps and fun usually so there goes that arguement down in flames, plus if it was so traumatising to them they would hardly be recreating it as adults and teenagers in mess games would they
That post is laughable, youve never seen or heard of a girfriend slap her boyfriend out of temper?....oops look theres goes your argument...down in flamesIt teaches them that the have done something bold and have been punished. Unless the parent in question is consistently terrible the child will still have no doubt that they are loved and that the parent has their best interest at heart.
Children aren't computers, they recognise that different relationships obey different sets of rules.
No it teaches them that violence seems to be a parents answer when they lose control and have to assert their dominace via a display of superior physical strength over the childDo you think parents hit children to show anger? Seriously?
More than you can imagineWhiteRoses wrote: »From what I've seen parents hit children when they lose control of the situation and as a last resort when nothing else is working, and usually out of frustration.
100%A very difficult question, I see a lot of people who where physically abused as kids so as we all know this has negative effects.
However, plently of people report that the physical abuse was the easy bit, the mind games some parents play can certainly casued more damage. So not smacking a child is not an indicator of a good parent in and by itself, there are many ways to mess with a child.
There is a difference between smacking, hitting and abusing a child in my opinion but others will disagree.
I have no problem with the level of force used on me as a child by my parents, it was within the norm at the time; I would not use that same level of force myself today, I would veiw it as inappropriate; however, that is not to say I am totally against any type of physical punishment for a child.
Often people with speak of things like the withdrawal of love, being humilated, being made to feel inferior or worthless etc the list can go on as having more of a significant impact on them that say some we certainly deem inapporpriate and abuseful such as a box with a closed fist.
Of course that is certainly not to condone such abuseful behaviour, but strangely sometimes people can cope a bit better with the physical as oppossed to emotional or psychological abuse/neglect.
What I would not stand over in my own life was the corporal punishment I recieved in school from when I started in Low Babies all the way through to secondary school. I am glad that seems to be a thing of the past, even though it was banned by the time I entered secondary school, it was still happening when I left.
Anyway, I certainly have no answers here, I certainly see the effect of all abuses every day, however, abuse needs to be separated from what we call smacking. However, the difficultly here is that there is not set definition of what smacking as a punishment from a parent would consist of. I think that changes from person to person.
i would say the bit in bold here is keyand the hitting in the face should never be done EVER EVER! in any way either!!
only slap on back of legs [dammmmmmmmmn that stung there in shorts and you very quicly learn not to do that again !!]
or occasional hand slaps, again stingy on palm!
never ever above waist, and above neck is frankly a mortal sin :mad:
What makes the place you do it so different??I think all the corporal punishment and authoritarian schooling that went on in Ireland in the past had very serious negative impact on some people's confidence levels.
I find a lot of Irish (and British) people seem to lack a certain self assuredness that most other nations have in bucket loads.
let's face it, we've a dire historical approach to child rearing that stems from victorian and puritanical notions of punishment and 'spare the rod, spoil the child' etc etc
I think it has produced a lot of nervous wrecks as adults.
100% trueMiss Lockhart wrote: »And all the kids I see being smacked for discipline are cheeky little sh1ts that run wild and have no respect for anyone. I teach them every day. They get walloped for misbehaviour but they couldn't give a sh1t. Believe me, most of the tearaways moaned about on AH on a daily basis (the so called "skangers") come from homes where smacking is the go to response.
It's not the smack or lack of that determines whether the discipline is successful - it's the whole package of how the child is raised.
Personally I think resorting to smacking is failure. If you've had to go there then you have failed to deal with a situation and you have just taken the easy way out to ease your own frustrations. Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe that children who are smacked the odd time are damaged for life and nor do I think their parents have utterly failed in their roles, but I do think that the smack serves no disciplinary purpose and is a failure of parenting at that time. Either the parenting is successful overall and the smack is unnecessary or the parenting is not successful overall and the smack is futile.
I have never ever seen a parent smack a child in a calm or controlled way, as claimed by so many proponents of smacking. It has always, without exception, been an act of anger and frustration.
Thank you !!!What would you suggest she do? A toddler having a tantrum shouldn't be punished, IMO. They're angry and frustrated and they've lost control of their feelings but they're not being bold or doing something wrong. They're simply not capable of reason at that age.
As long as the parent isn't giving in to the tantrum to placate the child, then they're doing all they can. Tantrums will ease off as the child grows up.I wouldn't smack a dog either.
Why is the jump from not being able to reason with something to hitting them?
Because its what most have seen there parents do in the past when they were children...monkey see monkey do, what happens in the first 4 years determines alotI've always been at odds about this one. For years I always thought 'ah sure what's the harm, we got smacked'.
Then I started going out with a primary school teacher who handles classes of crazy inner city kids from the ages of 4-12.
If she can handle a class of them (and I mean kids who's parents are junkies and threaten to 'lacerate' teachers) and really control them without smacking, then why can't a parent manage their own child without resorting to it?
Looking back, most of the times I can remember being smacked (or witnessed people smacking) are when the parents have lost it and literally have nothing else to resort to. They're angry themselves, they're embarrassed, they just want the child to stop.
Ultimately, from the kids she deals with, the ones who are the biggest trouble makes and abuse other kids tend to be the ones who are whacked out of it all the time by their junkie parents.
So there's definitely a degree of learned behaviour I reckon.
Anyway, still not 100% on it either way, but I'm convinced enough not to smack my own kids if I ever have any. (Or at least do my damn best well not to! - I know there are 'running out in front of cars' incidents etc)
The part in bold!!! yes!For those who are in favour of smacking - would you also be in favour of your child's childminder or teacher smacking your child?
If not, how can you expect them to control and discipline your child without the use or threat of physical violence, if you can't manage to do so yourself?
Exactly!!!looking_around wrote: »I only got smacked once by the child minder. I was playing with matches..and lighting stuff...in the house..freaked her out S:. My mom never blamed her or got angry bout it.
Sometimes it's just whats needed.
Overall smacking is not the way to deal with children, there are many other punishments. But thats not to say, that sometimes it isn't the most effective way.
I've known or kid or two acting the right b0llox and could've definitely done with a smack. But a smack on the ass, isn't a beating, it's not using a spoon or a belt. But for the most other punishments should be considered.
Also, if a kid hits me, I will hit them back. Fcuk that. To the shock of one angry parent >.>
It is never acceptable to hit a childYes, defenseless. What can a child do against a physically strong adult? Behind closed doors it can be a scary environment if an adult takes it too far. You never know how a child will react to physical violence.
This!!!sunflower27 wrote: »Ah come on now, kids of a certain age do know the difference between right and wrong and frequently push the boundaries. It's what they do to see what they can sometimes get away with.
Thats how children learn by exploring boundaries
In conclusion its sad how little so many people who have posted in this thread know about child development...seriously its sad!!0 -
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
Really? why isnt it. How can you say how a child will percieve and act of physical violence? can you speak for them, are you aware of the long term implications it may have??
If a parent is in control at all times they need never smack a child. Its pure loss of control from a parents side. nothing else. i just spent 10 weeks in a placement working with 14 kids and i also went on another in a primary school in one of the most disadvantaged areas in Ireland where i often supervised up to 30 children at a time. Despite abundances of bad behaviour there was never an urge or attempt or even a thought in my head about becoming physically aggressive (call it what you want but thats exactly what it is) with any of them. If I can control that many without having to resort to something so asburd and wrong and im just a student, why cant anyone else? Its bad parenting whatever way you look at it
Theres no difference its the same thing, thats like saying, well i only had 2 drinks not 12 so i can drive its grand im not under the influence..no it isnt a slap or a punch is irrelevant..violence is violence!
We are not going to agree and that is fine. I am not going to keep going around in circles and can only speak of the experience of myself - no harm done.
Edit to add - smacking a naughty child is not a crime and I doubt it ever will be.0 -
-
-
Ive smacked my 7 yr old a couple a couple of times on the rump when he was younger, not hard, just enough to get his attention. I don't smack him now, there is no need, he knows by the tone of my voice when I bark that being bold time is over.
I have a two yr old as well, I've smacked him on the rump as well a couple of times. Now when he is being bold I tap him on the hand, not hard at all, I make a show of holding his hand and lifting mine and ask does he want to be smacked. The threat is move effective than the actual slap (not really a slap more a tap).
I'm an advocate of disciplining your child when the need arises. That being said, there is a line you don't cross. Don't slap a child if your very angry, if you leave a mark, it's to hard. For me it's about the threat, not the actual slap. I don't condone people going all Rambo on there child, your harming your child physically and mentally.
If you let a child be the boss, he/she will dictate your life for you. There is a happy medium IMHO when it comes to smacking children. It's more about the show of doing it, rather than the actual pain. I smacked my child once in anger, I sat him down and apologised, and explained that I was in the wrong not him. I slapped him quiet hard on the rump, not full force but it would have felt it anyway. Since then I've kept my anger in check when disciplining both them.
I seen what happens when the children rule the roost without proper discipline, it makes for a living hell for parents. The children go out into the big bad world totally unprepared. At the same time, disciplining and smacking your children should not be about harming them, but getting your point across without actually causing pain. Like I said, for me it's all it the show rather than the actual slap.
*i slap mammy too, put that's only when she asks me too 0 -
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
So conclusion, smacking the kid now and then is good and when they grow up it'll keep them in good stead.
I had thought that it was obvious how damaging it can be...Sigh!! guess ill have to start posting studies whichi prove it
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/06/27/peds.2011-2947.full.pdf+html
Link to a study showing the relationships between physical punishment and mental disorders. Results show it can lead to the development of a number of lifelong disorders such as Mania, Major depressive disorder,anxiety and alcohol and drug dependancy
Thats just one study Im certain there are plenty more0 -
-
I had thought that it was obvious how damaging it can be...Sigh!! guess ill have to start posting studies whichi prove it
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/06/27/peds.2011-2947.full.pdf+html
Link to a study showing the relationships between physical punishment and mental disorders. Results show it can lead to the development of a number of lifelong disorders such as Mania, Major depressive disorder,anxiety and alcohol and drug dependancy
Thats just one study Im certain there are plenty more
I think thats more about getting raped, tortured, punched etc not getting a bit of a slap on the bum.
I support scumbag parents hitting their little scumbags though!0 -
-
That seems to be a study of what they refer to as harsh physical punishment, specifically stating that it includes more severe forms of punishment than slapping (though not rape or sexual abuse).I had thought that it was obvious how damaging it can be...Sigh!! guess ill have to start posting studies whichi prove it
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/06/27/peds.2011-2947.full.pdf+html
Link to a study showing the relationships between physical punishment and mental disorders. Results show it can lead to the development of a number of lifelong disorders such as Mania, Major depressive disorder,anxiety and alcohol and drug dependancy
Thats just one study Im certain there are plenty more0 -
-
-
Advertisement
-
Advertisement