Smacking yes or no

Odysseus

A very difficult question, I see a lot of people who where physically abused as kids so as we all know this has negative effects.

However, plently of people report that the physical abuse was the easy bit, the mind games some parents play can certainly casued more damage. So not smacking a child is not an indicator of a good parent in and by itself, there are many ways to mess with a child.

There is a difference between smacking, hitting and abusing a child in my opinion but others will disagree.

I have no problem with the level of force used on me as a child by my parents, it was within the norm at the time; I would not use that same level of force myself today, I would veiw it as inappropriate; however, that is not to say I am totally against any type of physical punishment for a child.

Often people with speak of things like the withdrawal of love, being humilated, being made to feel inferior or worthless etc the list can go on as having more of a significant impact on them that say some we certainly deem inapporpriate and abuseful such as a box with a closed fist.

Of course that is certainly not to condone such abuseful behaviour, but strangely sometimes people can cope a bit better with the physical as oppossed to emotional or psychological abuse/neglect.

What I would not stand over in my own life was the corporal punishment I recieved in school from when I started in Low Babies all the way through to secondary school. I am glad that seems to be a thing of the past, even though it was banned by the time I entered secondary school, it was still happening when I left.

Anyway, I certainly have no answers here, I certainly see the effect of all abuses every day, however, abuse needs to be separated from what we call smacking. However, the difficultly here is that there is not set definition of what smacking as a punishment from a parent would consist of. I think that changes from person to person.

Mr Benevolent

50SofG wrote: »

is parent punishing to teach or to get rid of their own anger?

Usually the latter.

humbert

WhiteRoses wrote: »

From what I've seen parents hit children when they lose control of the situation and as a last resort when nothing else is working, and usually out of frustration.

Losing control is bad parenting and doesn't really have anything to do with the method of discipline.

50SofG

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

Usually the latter.

so then the kids are learning to punch someone else for their anger issues.
i live this life and it's a hard circle to break, that's one thing i learned.
anger must be the easiest immotion to show:mad:

IM0

and the hitting in the face should never be done EVER EVER! in any way either!!

only slap on back of legs [dammmmmmmmmn that stung there in shorts and you very quicly learn not to do that again !!]

or occasional hand slaps, again stingy on palm!

never ever above waist, and above neck is frankly a mortal sin :mad:

Dtp79

Captain Chaos wrote: »

All the kids I see being brought up today with no smacking mostly are cheeky as fuk and run a muck constantly and don't think twice about. The parents are just like "stop that now jonny", it falls on deaf ears. If I acted like that when younger I'd be battered, so I didn't carry on like that.

Well said

caustic 1

Jeez the world is full of perfect people.

SpaceTime

I think all the corporal punishment and authoritarian schooling that went on in Ireland in the past had very serious negative impact on some people's confidence levels.

I find a lot of Irish (and British) people seem to lack a certain self assuredness that most other nations have in bucket loads.

let's face it, we've a dire historical approach to child rearing that stems from victorian and puritanical notions of punishment and 'spare the rod, spoil the child' etc etc

I think it has produced a lot of nervous wrecks as adults.

garv123

I grew up in the 90's and back then if any of us playing together did anything wrong the parents of said child came out and gave the child a smack across the ass. Yeah it stung a bit.. It did no physical damage and it wasn't going to turn you into a nutjob.. you got the bit of a slap and threat of a wooden spoon and you didnt do it again..


Now I have a 6 & 4 year old brother and sister... If they or their friends do something wrong, the parent has to just gives out to them and tells them not to do it again. As soon as the parent walks away they laugh and do it again..


A lot of the "dont smack your kids brigade" think their children are little angels when really they're the little smart arse ****s who run around in public and in shops screaming and roaring wrecking the place.

OldNotWIse

Duggy747 wrote: »

What about the wooden spoon, the Irish Mammy's nuclear option?

or the edge of a tea cloth.

50SofG

caustic 1 wrote: »

Jeez the world is full of perfect people.

all flawed, people, parent can only do their best, i don't believe there is a right and wrong answer to this.
so be kind...

OldNotWIse

Dtp79 wrote: »

Well said

Yup, my personal favourite, my best friends toddler is having a tantrum. What does she do? Tells him he's "making baby reindeer cry" ffs...

Dtp79

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Yup, my personal favourite, my best friends toddler is having a tantrum. What does she do? Tells him he's "making baby reindeer cry" ffs...

My sister in law punishes with hugs and stern words!!!

Miss Lockhart

Captain Chaos wrote: »

All the kids I see being brought up today with no smacking mostly are cheeky as fuk and run a muck constantly and don't think twice about. The parents are just like "stop that now jonny", it falls on deaf ears. If I acted like that when younger I'd be battered, so I didn't carry on like that.

And all the kids I see being smacked for discipline are cheeky little sh1ts that run wild and have no respect for anyone. I teach them every day. They get walloped for misbehaviour but they couldn't give a sh1t. Believe me, most of the tearaways moaned about on AH on a daily basis (the so called "skangers") come from homes where smacking is the go to response.

It's not the smack or lack of that determines whether the discipline is successful - it's the whole package of how the child is raised.

Personally I think resorting to smacking is failure. If you've had to go there then you have failed to deal with a situation and you have just taken the easy way out to ease your own frustrations. Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe that children who are smacked the odd time are damaged for life and nor do I think their parents have utterly failed in their roles, but I do think that the smack serves no disciplinary purpose and is a failure of parenting at that time. Either the parenting is successful overall and the smack is unnecessary or the parenting is not successful overall and the smack is futile.

I have never ever seen a parent smack a child in a calm or controlled way, as claimed by so many proponents of smacking. It has always, without exception, been an act of anger and frustration.

barry181091

OldNotWIse wrote: »

or the edge of a tea cloth.

That motherf***ing tea cloth :P

mikom

garv123 wrote: »

A lot of the "dont smack your kids brigade" think their children are little angels when really they're the little smart arse ****s who run around in public and in shops screaming and roaring wrecking the place.

The kids probably have that flicky trendy kid hair as well.
Typically called Jack, Ethan, Ryan, Harry or Dean.

OldNotWIse

Dtp79 wrote: »

My sister in law punishes with hugs and stern words!!!

hugs?? is she very sweaty or soemthing?:D

OldNotWIse

mikom wrote: »

The kids probably have that flicky trendy kid hair as well.
Typically called Jack, Ethan, Ryan, Harry or Dean.

Vey uncool to say this but whats with all the boy kids with long hair?

caustic 1

I know a family who are all overweight, and the youngest child when he having tea takes out all the biscuits lines them up in front of him before anyone else can get at them, maybe five or six or more in a row, and no one says don't do that, just laughs and says are you going to eat all the biscuits, a big joke and he and whole family clearly overweight. That to me is more wrong than then odd smack for doing something wrong.

50SofG

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Vey uncool to say this bbut whats with all the boy kids with long hair?

long hair is a sign of strenght,

redappple

It's interesting that the majority of those who were smacked as children are pro, and those who weren't are against!

IM0

saw on the street recently, a toddler/child running out on the street, the mother nearly died when she had her afterwards, smak smak smak on the back of the legs, that is a very serious lesson the child needed to learn, never play in traffic, and as a result of the mothers reaction she wont be doing that again in a hurry, now if she spends her time hitting her as badly for trivial things then thats pointless the kid doesnt get to distinguish between something which is mildly annoying to the mother and something that her young life depends on, there needs to be a hierarchy of discipline, with the highest ones put on the one which can be fatal to the child

vitani

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Yup, my personal favourite, my best friends toddler is having a tantrum. What does she do? Tells him he's "making baby reindeer cry" ffs...

What would you suggest she do? A toddler having a tantrum shouldn't be punished, IMO. They're angry and frustrated and they've lost control of their feelings but they're not being bold or doing something wrong. They're simply not capable of reason at that age.

As long as the parent isn't giving in to the tantrum to placate the child, then they're doing all they can. Tantrums will ease off as the child grows up.

Boombastic

50SofG wrote: »

long hair is a sign of strenght,

It has to be swept sideways and need a lot of flicking and attention, covering half your face if poss...seriously lads?

50SofG

Boombastic wrote: »

It has to be swept sideways and need a lot of flicking and attention, covering half your face if poss...seriously lads?

are you hitting the age of baldness and grey my friend,,,it's ok

randombar

Think the thread is too broad, people talking about belts, beatings, violence etc. To me a smack is an open hand across the backside more shock than pain. Using belts etc. and talking about slaps is like comparing apples to oranges.

I remember hearing a guy on a radio show recently made the point that there are things kids can't do a couple of times to realise they are bad/dangerous, e.g. when his kid ran out onto the road he couldn't put him on the quiet step or just explain to the child how that's dangerous etc. in the hope that he would remember that.

Hopefully I won't have to resort to slapping my child, only time will tell, but I won't beat myself up over it if it happens as long as it's not in anger or frustration.

major bill

redappple wrote: »

It's interesting that the majority of those who were smacked as children are pro, and those who weren't are against!

We should defo have a poll on this thread to see how many were and weren't and those that were do they agree disagree.

RikkFlair

WhiteRoses wrote: »

It teaches children that if someone is bigger and stronger than you, they can hurt you and its okay. It teaches them that if someone does something they don't like, hurting them is a reasonable reaction. It gives them the message that its okay to hurt someone if you are angry with them.

Didn't teach me any of that whatsoever.

It taught me to stop acting the maggot and don't dare repeat what I did. It worked. Every child is different.

Jason Todd

vitani wrote: »

What would you suggest she do? A toddler having a tantrum shouldn't be punished, IMO. They're angry and frustrated and they've lost control of their feelings but they're not being bold or doing something wrong. They're simply not capable of reason at that age.

As long as the parent isn't giving in to the tantrum to placate the child, then they're doing all they can. Tantrums will ease off as the child grows up.

Agreed. I've a two year old and 9 times out of 10 I can talk him down from a tantrum. The time I can't I will just remove him from the room or remove him from the situation until he calms down.

If none of the above works I threaten to slap the arse off him. :p:p

I'm a believer that if you go in all guns blazing too much then it will have a diminishing effect as time goes on. They need to know that there is always a punishment above them on the scale of boldness if that makes sense.

GreeBo

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

If you have to resort to hitting a kid to get them to do what you want then you're not doing it right. Parents that hit kids regularly tend not to be too bright.

Child are not adults. They often cannot be reasoned with logically.
The do understand a smack though, in the same way a dog does.

A smack is not physical abuse.
Beating a child with a belt is clearly abuse. A slap across the arse is not.

Children need boundaries and often need a slap to enforce them, when your beautifully logical argument about why they shouldnt have put a knife in the toaster is met with a though provoking "but I wanted to!"