Smacking yes or no

mikom

matTNT wrote: »

I just finished my Leaving Cert and this year in one of our religion/SPHE type class thingys we did a show of hands as to who had been slapped as a child. It was truly interesting as those that were tended to be the ones who were a bit boisterous or more likely to be shooting quips at the teachers.

Therefore in this isolated case of 25-30 students slapping seemed to have exactly the opposite reaction of what one would expect. My theory is that slapping is the easy option for the weak willed or lazy parent. Maybe you are short on time and you don't have the patience to persevere with more successful methods and go for the quick fix option.

mikom wrote: »

Did you do anything about correlation and causation in the Leaving Cert?

matTNT wrote: »

Yes. Honours Maths :P

However I think in a group of 30 relatively diverse people from many different backgrounds, and countries (Spain, Bahrain etc.) that the sample was fairly random.

Also the speech that followed from our teacher alluded to my point about the negatives of this type of discipline for children.

Were the smacked ones smacked because they were brats as young children, and now continue to be brats?

Were the unsmacked ones left unsmacked because they were mannerly as young children, and now continue to be mannerly?

Dravokivich

50SofG wrote: »

my point is simple, i come from a back ground of a mother that would agrue that she only smacked, just like i hear a lot of people here saying.
she didn't and as i/we got older and stronge she punished me/us harder,
i/we were not bad kids, but that story above was me, thats what i remember, she would say now i was the one that was never smacked...

at 14 my mother beat me with a steel bar... she would still say a little smack done you no harm,
at 16 she stabbed me in the shoulder with a bread knife,
please do not tell me i mixing up the thread, i know the difference but i don't think some parent out there do... so i feel if i agree with a little punishment is ok my fear is that like my mother ... who decides what is a little and what is a lot....
i'm in my late fourties now my friend and i still will never forget the "little" smacks i got for been bold.
did they make me a better person... no... a f**ked up man who fights to do right by his family ... yes.... a man with to many secrets and darksides.... yes

Sorry to hear that, but those are not smacks and not what the majority of people here condoning smacks are condoning as such assault is clearly not a smack.

mikom

matTNT wrote: »

at 14 my mother beat me with a steel bar... she would still say a little smack done you no harm,
at 16 she stabbed me in the shoulder with a bread knife,
please do not tell me i mixing up the thread, i know the difference but i don't think some parent out there do... so i feel if i agree with a little punishment is ok my fear is that like my mother ... who decides what is a little and what is a lot....

Who decides whether being hit with an iron bar and stabbed with a knife are too much?.....

The law and mental health workers is my bet.

GreeBo

Tlachtga wrote: »

For those who are in favour of smacking - would you also be in favour of your child's childminder or teacher smacking your child?

If not, how can you expect them to control and discipline your child without the use or threat of physical violence, if you can't manage to do so yourself?

The should use the time honoured "I'll tell your parents" and then its back to me to discipline my child as I see fit?

The reason I wouldnt let someone else do it is that I dont know them.
I wouldnt have a problem with my wife, parents, siblings etc doing it.

GreeBo

Ush1 wrote: »

I wouldn't smack a dog either.

Why is the jump from not being able to reason with something to hitting them?

What would you do if you couldnt reason with a child that was doing something dangerous?

TwoShedsJackson

Never had and never will have kids at this stage but I would not hit them if I had done so. If a parent has to hit a child it is a sign of loss of control on the parent's part.

People can say 'ah sure it never did them/me any harm' but my Dad used to belt me and my two sisters when we were growing up and I resented the fu<k out of him about it until about five years ago.

Still do to some extent but have to try and get past it.

Ush1

GreeBo wrote: »

What would you do if you couldnt reason with a child that was doing something dangerous?

Stop them?

OldNotWIse

Ush1 wrote: »

I wouldn't smack a dog either.

Why is the jump from not being able to reason with something to hitting them?

I've just realised with horror that I would have no issue with someone smacking a child, but I'd be very angry if they slapped a dog! :eek:

OldNotWIse

GreeBo wrote: »

The should use the time honoured "I'll tell your parents" and then its back to me to discipline my child as I see fit?

The reason I wouldnt let someone else do it is that I dont know them.
I wouldnt have a problem with my wife, parents, siblings etc doing it.

Does that even work these days?

Gatling

It all boils down to positive communication and understanding why a child is actually misbehaving ,
I don't think there is such thing as an inherently bold child ,
Also we now have then whole pigeon holing of children ie a child who constantly misbehaves is blamed on everything from border line autism and add or adht disorders ,rather than a child that need positive attension and positive communication

garv123

Why are people putting a smack in the same category as getting stabbed, beaten with bars and belts and getting 10 shades of **** kicked out of you..

There is a huge difference.

lertsnim

garv123 wrote: »

Why are people putting a smack in the same category as getting stabbed, beaten with bars and belts and getting 10 shades of **** kicked out of you..

There is a huge difference.

It is always the same on these threads. Some people do not know the meaning of the word smack

Odysseus

OldNotWIse wrote: »

well perhaps nothing then, but seriously, making baby reindeer cry? What was she trying to do, make him feel guilty or ashamed? Is that acceptable?

No not IMO, if the experience of guilt and shame are part of the child accepting the consequence of there actions that is different, but that requires the child to have the capacity to experience it that way. So only with an older child.

Jiggers77

garv123 wrote: »

Why are people putting a smack in the same category as getting stabbed, beaten with bars and belts and getting 10 shades of **** kicked out of you..

There is a huge difference.

Clearly clobbering kids with metal bars and stabbing them is ridiculous, criminal and no sane person would condone it. It does seem that this thread has gone well off topic. Going back to the original posting the guy in question thought it appropriate to smack and use a belt in punishing kids not to batter them with bars and attack them with knives etc. This would be a fairly, typical guy mid 30's, homeowner, blue collar worker. Just your typical Joe Average. This is what I found surprising, that a relatively young person would have such old fashioned ideas! I have no doubt he is not alone in thinking this way.
Im not judging, but smacking, belting or any form of corporal punishment has no place today in parenting! It might have been the way to do things in the 70's, 80's and maybe even the 90's but I just dont think its appropriate today.

matTNT

mikom wrote: »

Who decides whether being hit with an iron bar and stabbed with a knife are too much?.....

The law and mental health workers is my bet.

lol I didn't post that.

OldNotWIse

Odysseus wrote: »

No not IMO, if the experience of guilt and shame are part of the child accepting the consequence of there actions that is different, but that requires the child to have the capacity to experience it that way. So only with an older child.

so what was the thinking behind telling him bambi is crying?? what function did it serve?

looking_around

I only got smacked once by the child minder. I was playing with matches..and lighting stuff...in the house..freaked her out S:. My mom never blamed her or got angry bout it.
Sometimes it's just whats needed.

Overall smacking is not the way to deal with children, there are many other punishments. But thats not to say, that sometimes it isn't the most effective way.

I've known or kid or two acting the right b0llox and could've definitely done with a smack. But a smack on the ass, isn't a beating, it's not using a spoon or a belt. But for the most other punishments should be considered.

Also, if a kid hits me, I will hit them back. Fcuk that. To the shock of one angry parent >.>

J_E

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Defenceless? You aren't challenging them to pistols at dawn. it's a quick smack for being a wee brat.

Also, I love that the add at the bottom of this page is for nappies and prominently features a baby's arse.

Yes, defenseless. What can a child do against a physically strong adult? Behind closed doors it can be a scary environment if an adult takes it too far. You never know how a child will react to physical violence.

mikom

matTNT wrote: »

lol I didn't post that.

I quoted 50SofG
I don't know how your username got in there........ apologies.

imtdub

I would have no problem in smacking if the little one steps out of line. Yes you've to be nice, caring, kind to your kids but now and then, when they cross the line they should be disciplined and that is all part of growing up.

Odysseus

OldNotWIse wrote: »

so what was the thinking behind telling him bambi is crying?? what function did it serve?

I have not got a clue, you asked was it acceptable, I respond no.

As I said experienceing gulit and shame if it is part of the consequences of the childs actions, provoided they are old enough to process it is one thing. Making bambi cry, FFS she needs to cop on, and it was with an infant too for what what I can gather from your post. I can't see it having any useful content.

No not acceptable imo.

GalwayGuy2

Smacking isn't okay. Even if you're not smacking them hard, the child will still learn that aggression is a teaching/gaining tool.

What do people think about the threat of violence?

LoonyLovegood

It was usually a threat, I was smacked twice in my life and both times I bloody well deserved it! A tap across the back of the legs does no harm, apart from getting you to smarten up a bit. If I had to smack any future kids, I wouldn't take pleasure in it, I wouldn't want to, but I'd give them a swat with my hand. Big difference between that and the belt.

annettea

I'm totally against smacking it shows kids its okay to smack. I see it with some children they smack there brothers, sisters other children if they're being "bold". With that they get a smack for smacking. Some people say that kids run riot when they don't get smacked but you still see kids that get smacked run riot as well. You can raise children to be respectful without smacking you just need to learn the look ha.
I have now a baby and the MIL told me the benefits of smacking, still not going to do it. Its not nice, children don't know the difference between right or wrong its up to the parents to show them. There still can be discipline without smacking

TimeToShine

Thread needs a poll but for me a good smacking is pretty important...and a belt if need be. I remember when I was younger seeing my friends hurl abuse at their mother or tell them to "shut up" or even "get out" when they came into their room, I never would have even dared show that much disrespect to the people who raised me, and on the rare occasion that I did I was taught a lesson.

Obviously no-one condones senseless beating but I am with your 37 year old colleague on this one, I don't find it old fashioned at all that young men don't want their kids to be anything like some of the entitled little ****s running around the place. A good smack sets a tone that this kind of crap is unacceptable, and this constant tirade of claims about being a better parent because you don't hit your kids is absurd. Kids do not respond to reason and logic, which is why the belt comes out in the first place, and your children are not the unique snowflakes which defy this innate nature of childhood.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

This is a big thing for me, I don't particularly like children however, if I ever have any, NOBODY will raise their hand (much less their belt) to them. Not me, not their father, not their grandparents. No no no. It's just so wrong on so many levels, how you could even consider smacking a child is unbelievable, a grown adult hitting a child, no that just doesn't sit well with me at all.

How can you teach a child right from wrong when you get physical with them when they do something that's "wrong". So when a playmate comes along and does something that child deems to be "wrong" and hits them, how do you tell the child that's unacceptable that nobody has the right to hit another person, when you've been slapping them for whatever other reason?

Poor parenting resorting that that, tbh.

Systemic Risk

Duggy747 wrote: »

What about the wooden spoon, the Irish Mammy's nuclear option?

Yeah and one day I laughed and said it didn't even hurt and got a springy branch off a tree around the back of the legs. That learned me to keep my mouth shut. I have no doubt that I deserved it though, besides myself and my older brother inflicted way worse on each other than the parents ever could.

I don't think I could hit my child if I had one but at same time I would have preferred a slap from mother when I probably deserved it than the constant giving out and grumpiness of my father over the slightest thing. That can sour a relationship with a parent more and for a lot longer than an occasional slap for misbehaviour.

GreeBo

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Does that even work these days?

It does if you know you are going to get a wallop when you get home!

If, on the other hand, when you get home you know are going to get your parents sitting down with their arms around you and a cup of hot chocolate, explaining how they are disappointed in you but still love you very much....then I dont think its going to do to much, personally.

sunflower27

annettea wrote: »

children don't know the difference between right or wrong its up to the parents to show them. There still can be discipline without smacking

Ah come on now, kids of a certain age do know the difference between right and wrong and frequently push the boundaries. It's what they do to see what they can sometimes get away with.

FelixPop

I don't smack but I do have "The Look" that seems to put fear and obedience into the hearts of all five year olds! I lived in terror of the wooden spoon when I was small but don't remember ever being smacked with it - clever mammy marketing there I think!