Smacking yes or no

Snowie

Smacking a child is really down to one thing is the person taking their frustration out on the child or has the child warranted a smack on the arse?

If the childs done something wrong why not? but if the child is being a child then that's wrong?

J_E

Really shocking how many people think it's fine to hit a child. It doesn't solve the problem, merely instills fear in a child, fear does not equate respect, as a parent you earn trust and respect from a child, not blackmail them.

Seriously, the 'did me no harm' argument is such bull****, taking your own isolated experience and try fit it into the child development model as a whole.

God...where do I start with how many things are fundamentally wrong with it? It shows them it's okay to use violence to relieve anger or get a result, messes up a sense of trust in an adult, can physically hurt and be much more painful than ever necessary for a child to experience, and for children who seek attention, creates this vicious circle where they'll act up for the only attention they know. It doesn't teach them anything, only to fear their guardian and not get caught.

I have to live with an 8 year old with mild autism who swears and kicks through some days, can be quite violent and troublesome, would I ever dream of hitting him? Certainly not, if anything it'll create a worse situation. If you teach children good morals and show love and be a good example to them, they will change in ways that will never be possible through physical abuse.

OldNotWIse

Woman on the bus this morning smacks her child across the leg when he was acting up. He smacked he back so she smacked him again. :rolleyes:

Leftist

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Woman on the bus this morning smacks her child across the leg when he was acting up. He smacked he back so she smacked him again. :rolleyes:

weren't you banging on before about the right to smack a child?

Riddle101

If a kid is very bold then yes. It should be used as a last resort though. Casually smacking a kid for small things is a big no no to me. Some parents can be quite impatient and immediately resort to a smacking without thinking. There are other ways to punish a kid. But if all other options aren't enough, then yes a slap on the arse is appropriate.

OldNotWIse

Leftist wrote: »

weren't you banging on before about the right to smack a child?

Yes - whats your point?

Remind me to inform my OH who does not speak English as her first language that there is a new grammar rule - "speaking about" becomes "banging on about" when you do not agree with what is being spoken about hahahaaa, though personally I prefer "parping"

Ruudi_Mentari

well smacking kind of seems like big deal around here.

so I take it none of you guys ever got stuck, with a cigarette?!

OldNotWIse

Ruudi_Mentari wrote: »

well smacking kind of seems like big deal around here.

so I take it none of you guys ever got stuck, with a cigarette?!

yak! Stood on one once, worst pain ever- "cold heat" is the only way to describe it :mad: Did you get stuck with one??

Ruudi_Mentari

OldNotWIse wrote: »

yak! Stood on one once, worst pain ever- "cold heat" is the only way to describe it :mad: Did you get stuck with one??

My nan, jabbed me one time the crazy old dame. god rest her soul

rob316

Ive seen kids used as punching bags in public and in private and its abuse nothing else, they clearly have zero patience and understanding to be a parent.

Kids are little pricks when they want to be simple as, slapping the piss out of them will not fix that. It might temporarily shut them up but in the long term no. It will make your child fear you, what decent parent wants there child to fear them?

My mother always grounded me, fined me, took something from me, or gave me the silent treatment. Did it work? Yes and no, I was a troublesome teenager but when I got caught and my parents found out I always worried about what they were going to say not a smack in the mouth. I think that's the difference in the two methods of parenting.

_Kaiser_

Leftist wrote: »

Should have slapped the child. Beat the 4 year old and that'll teach her.

Ahh the over-reaction so typical of the PC nanny-state brigade to just about anything really!

How exactly does a light smack equate to beating a child?! I don't think ANYONE here is advocating "beating the tar" out of a child, no more than "beating" them with belts, wooden spoons etc

Get some perspective (that's a general comment to all the "won't someone please think of the children!" types). Facts are most of us here were probably given the occasional slap when we pushed our luck too far (and usually after several warnings no doubt) and I'm sure we turned out alright - but again that's entirely DIFFERENT to "beating" someone, but I guess without the dramatic overstatement the argument doesn't work as well!

OldNotWIse

rob316 wrote: »

Ive seen kids used as punching bags in public and in private and its abuse nothing else, they clearly have zero patience and understanding to be a parent.

Kids are little pricks when they want to be simple as, slapping the piss out of them will not fix that. It might temporarily shut them up but in the long term no. It will make your child fear you, what decent parent wants there child to fear them?

My mother always grounded me, fined me, took something from me, or gave me the silent treatment. Did it work? Yes and no, I was a troublesome teenager but when I got caught and my parents found out I always worried about what they were going to say not a smack in the mouth. I think that's the difference in the two methods of parenting.

Ex colleague told me his mother did the silent treatment on him. Left him an emotional wreck.

vitani

My dad used to refuse to speak to me if I'd misbehaved. It was horrible, and it still upsets me to remember it. It was completely unnecessary too. I was a complete and utter people pleaser as a child and a simple talking to would have been enough.

Shenshen

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

Ahh the over-reaction so typical of the PC nanny-state brigade to just about anything really!

How exactly does a light smack equate to beating a child?! I don't think ANYONE here is advocating "beating the tar" out of a child, no more than "beating" them with belts, wooden spoons etc

Get some perspective (that's a general comment to all the "won't someone please think of the children!" types). Facts are most of us here were probably given the occasional slap when we pushed our luck too far (and usually after several warnings no doubt) and I'm sure we turned out alright - but again that's entirely DIFFERENT to "beating" someone, but I guess without the dramatic overstatement the argument doesn't work as well!

I have to politely disagree... if someone were to slap me, I would indeed call it a violent attack and in no way different to beating.
I have the feeling you are trying to see a massive difference where there simply isn't any.
Both beating and slapping refer to actions designed to inflict pain by striking someone.

Matt_Trakker

Jiggers77 wrote: »

work colleagues

:mad:

OldNotWIse

vitani wrote: »

My dad used to refuse to speak to me if I'd misbehaved. It was horrible, and it still upsets me to remember it. It was completely unnecessary too. I was a complete and utter people pleaser as a child and a simple talking to would have been enough.

I feel your pain. I have a fear of being given the silent treatment. Sometimes when I fight with my OH and she doesnt talk to me its literally agony. I go pure mad, have even had panic attacks, have constant need for approval. Emotional abuse leaves just as many scars, if not more (not that its a competition or anything)

--LOS--

no never, it's disgusting and there is never any need for it, the smacking I got as a child could only be described as abuse and I find it bizarre that people are ok with that. I sometimes mind my little cousins who get spanked by their parents, they expect me to do it too, umm no, no chance.

J_E

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

Ahh the over-reaction so typical of the PC nanny-state brigade to just about anything really!

How exactly does a light smack equate to beating a child?! I don't think ANYONE here is advocating "beating the tar" out of a child, no more than "beating" them with belts, wooden spoons etc

Get some perspective ...

You're right, next time one of my friends does something to annoy me, sure I'll give him a good slap across the face, it's only a light smack, does nobody harm.

vitani

Cydoniac wrote: »

You're right, next time one of my friends does something to annoy me, sure I'll give him a good slap across the face, it's only a light smack, does nobody harm.

While I agree that smacking children is unnecessary, this argument doesn't make any sense. Would you normally ground your friend or confiscate his toys or send him to the naughty step? We don't tend to discipline other adults (unless that's what you're into) so the smacking analogy doesn't transfer across here.

Ruudi_Mentari

In sovietless russia the children smack you

OldNotWIse

vitani wrote: »

While I agree that smacking children is unnecessary, this argument doesn't make any sense. Would you normally ground your friend or confiscate his toys or send him to the naughty step? We don't tend to discipline other adults (unless that's what you're into) so the smacking analogy doesn't transfer across here.

I think I've finally realised why my friends never come back for a second visit

wolfpawnat

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I think I've finally realised why my friends never come back for a second visit

Hehe, Why are you disciplining adults is my question?

Micky Dolenz

There is nothing wrong with spanking an adult.

wolfpawnat

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with spanking an adult.

In the right circumstances of course

iguy

My other half's sister has two kids, boy and girl, aged 5 and 6, and she has a 'chart',
if they curse, they get hit with a wooden spoon 5 times on the bare bottom as hard as she can hit them, if they want something in a shop and they don't get it and they moan about it, she will hit them three times on the bottom with her hand, and if they cry the actually kicks them once.
There is so many 'times' she will hit them for whatever they may do.
The father of the doesn't hit them because as he puts it he's too strong, but if the mother is not around he'll smack them on their hands.
I think its not right what she does, but feel I can't report her to the authorities, as my partner and partners family will despise me.

sunflower27

iguy wrote: »

My other half's sister has two kids, boy and girl, aged 5 and 6, and she has a 'chart',
if they curse, they get hit with a wooden spoon 5 times on the bare bottom as hard as she can hit them, if they want something in a shop and they don't get it and they moan about it, she will hit them three times on the bottom with her hand, and if they cry the actually kicks them once.
There is so many 'times' she will hit them for whatever they may do.
The father of the doesn't hit them because as he puts it he's too strong, but if the mother is not around he'll smack them on their hands.
I think its not right what she does, but feel I can't report her to the authorities, as my partner and partners family will despise me.

Report anonymously. That is child abuse.

Jiggers77

iguy wrote: »

My other half's sister has two kids, boy and girl, aged 5 and 6, and she has a 'chart',
if they curse, they get hit with a wooden spoon 5 times on the bare bottom as hard as she can hit them, if they want something in a shop and they don't get it and they moan about it, she will hit them three times on the bottom with her hand, and if they cry the actually kicks them once.
There is so many 'times' she will hit them for whatever they may do.
The father of the doesn't hit them because as he puts it he's too strong, but if the mother is not around he'll smack them on their hands.
I think its not right what she does, but feel I can't report her to the authorities, as my partner and partners family will despise me.

I think when there's implements being used these days to punish kids whether it be a wooden spoon or any other object like a belt etc then were talking abuse here no question!

Esoteric_

iguy wrote: »

My other half's sister has two kids, boy and girl, aged 5 and 6, and she has a 'chart',
if they curse, they get hit with a wooden spoon 5 times on the bare bottom as hard as she can hit them, if they want something in a shop and they don't get it and they moan about it, she will hit them three times on the bottom with her hand, and if they cry the actually kicks them once.
There is so many 'times' she will hit them for whatever they may do.
The father of the doesn't hit them because as he puts it he's too strong, but if the mother is not around he'll smack them on their hands.
I think its not right what she does, but feel I can't report her to the authorities, as my partner and partners family will despise me.

If a child is being abused, you have a legal obligation to report it.

movingsucks

iguy wrote: »

My other half's sister has two kids, boy and girl, aged 5 and 6, and she has a 'chart',
if they curse, they get hit with a wooden spoon 5 times on the bare bottom as hard as she can hit them, if they want something in a shop and they don't get it and they moan about it, she will hit them three times on the bottom with her hand, and if they cry the actually kicks them once.
There is so many 'times' she will hit them for whatever they may do.
The father of the doesn't hit them because as he puts it he's too strong, but if the mother is not around he'll smack them on their hands.
I think its not right what she does, but feel I can't report her to the authorities, as my partner and partners family will despise me.

Guessing smacking/abusing them doesn't stop their "bad" behaviour then if she keeps doing it...

I have never explored the arguments on this topic deep enough to come to a general conclusion on what I feel is "right" or "wrong" for what parents should be doing.

All I can do is comment on myself.

_For Me_ recourse to violence in any situation is a failure of intellect. I feel that when I attempt to resolve any kind of situation with violence then this is a failure on my part.

So for me using violence to correct a child is a failure of parenting and I have never done it and plan never to. So far as a father all my strict resolutions of situations has never required violence and have had the desired result - both in the moment and in terms of the long term development of my childs behaviour.