What do you think of people who never marry?

Love2u · 30-03-2013 12:06pm

sonic85 wrote: »

cheers but for me anyway its not really that simple. Im rubbish socially and literally cant create conversation in any way shape or form. ive met loads of people but what good is that when you cant say more than a couple of sentences to them?

I couldn't give a toss about marriage to be honest its not something that ill ever be in a hurry to do.

Don't worry about that, I too was in the same boat. I had everything going for me but I was so shy that I couldn't go on a date, it was terrible. I messed up so many opportunities because I couldn't talk. My advise is maybe start off reading some self help books, they really will help. You get great books out there can give you a good start. I have to say that I always liked a quiet man who didn't talk much, that way I didn't feel so awkward. Now I'm nearly 36 and I've grown out of the shyness, ill pretty much try and hold or start any conversation. Do something that scares you every day, as in try something like saying hello to someone on the street or in a shop, smile at people you see. I know it sounds ridiculous, but try it. Baby steps.

Love2u · 30-03-2013 12:10pm

Addle wrote: »

What has being a catholic got to do with asking someone out?!

Read the post again Addle. I was raised in a strict "catholic" house, we were told it was not appropriate to ask a man out! If you want to know what it has to do with Catholicism, you'll have to ask my parents that!

Daveysil15 · 30-03-2013 4:39pm

Pug160 wrote: »

A lot of men think women have it easier but stories like your prove otherwise. I have to raise my eyebrows at your last line though. I find it very difficult to believe a woman can be involuntarily celibate unless she's either a recluse, hideously unattractive or is extremely fussy. Although you may only want sex in a relationship. If that's the case I can understand. Anyway, I'm just being pedantic.

While Incel is overwhelmingly a male issue, see here: http://s1.zetaboards.com/anthroscape/topic/4920591/1/ it can affect women too. At least men have the option of hiring an escort. This may not be an option for women because of the lack of male sex workers, or else they just wouldn't consider it.

Love2u wrote: »

Do something that scares you every day, as in try something like saying hello to someone on the street or in a shop, smile at people you see. I know it sounds ridiculous, but try it. Baby steps.

That's actually fairly good advice. It's all too easy to get stuck in your own little comfort zone. Another quote from Baz Luhrmann, "Do one thing every day that scares you."

Ihatecuddles-old · 30-03-2013 4:57pm

Love2u wrote: »

Read the post again Addle. I was raised in a strict "catholic" house, we were told it was not appropriate to ask a man out! If you want to know what it has to do with Catholicism, you'll have to ask my parents that!

You won't ask a guy out because your parents told you its not ok?

I've often asked guys out, I've found that girls are just lacking in confidence in that regard.

Love2u · 30-03-2013 5:10pm

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

You won't ask a guy out because your parents told you its not ok?

I've often asked guys out, I've found that girls are just lacking in confidence in that regard.

Personally myself i prefer the man to ask me out, I would not approach him first, maybe I'm old fashioned :-/.

Daveysil15 · 30-03-2013 5:12pm

Love2u wrote: »

How does the man feel about the woman asking him out?

Feckin great actually. It makes for a nice change. :cool:

Ihatecuddles-old · 30-03-2013 5:15pm

Love2u wrote: »

Personally myself i prefer the man to ask me out, I would not approach him first, maybe I'm old fashioned :-/.

What if he's lacking in confidence? or thinks you're not interested?

I've found guys to be shocked when I've asked them out, I think its nice. Takes the pressure off them, the worst they can say is no. I'd rather ask and have them say no, than wait for them to ask me.

nacho libre · 30-03-2013 5:18pm

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

What if he's lacking in confidence? or thinks you're not interested?

I've found guys to be shocked when I've asked them out, I think its nice. Takes the pressure off them, the worst they can say is no. I'd rather ask and have them say no, than wait for them to ask me.

exactly. it is better. why are there not more ladies who think like you about:( i just suppose men like me are seen as being not desirable for the majority of women for this reason.

Daveysil15 · 30-03-2013 5:21pm

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

What if he's lacking in confidence? or thinks you're not interested?

I've found guys to be shocked when I've asked them out, I think its nice. Takes the pressure off them, the worst they can say is no. I'd rather ask and have them say no, than wait for them to ask me.

Personally I find it flattering and a huge boost for my delicate ego. :pac: Even if I don't find her attractive, I will always politely decline and in some cases still reciprocate the chat, as long as she's not been too aggressive.

Love2u · 30-03-2013 5:26pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Feckin great actually. It makes for a nice change. :cool:

Had I known this a few years ago I would not have been single for so long.

SHOVELLER · 30-03-2013 5:27pm

Legends

dark crystal · 30-03-2013 5:28pm

nowanathiest wrote: »

What I took from your quote Dark Horse was your very obvious implication that I must be single because in your eyes I am "difficult to please". Your a bit of a sniper aren't you........shoot the bullet then hide and pretend you didn't send it??

This time round you have accused me of being "bitter".........bitter about what exactly? I have a good life with nothing to be bitter about. My posting is a detatched observation of of the over 45's single scene currently, but I do appear to have touched a nerve with you with these observations.........anything you want to share with us?

Read your original post back again and then tell me who was doing the sniping.

Ihatecuddles-old · 30-03-2013 5:28pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Personally I find it flattering and a huge boost for my delicate ego. :pac: Even if I don't find her attractive, I will always politely decline and in some cases still reciprocate the chat, as long as she's not been too aggressive.

Exactly, everyone likes to feel attractive and desirable. Men are no different.

Love2u · 30-03-2013 5:29pm

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

What if he's lacking in confidence? or thinks you're not interested?

I've found guys to be shocked when I've asked them out, I think its nice. Takes the pressure off them, the worst they can say is no. I'd rather ask and have them say no, than wait for them to ask me.

That's true but I'd wonder would some guys think its off putting or desperado style !! ??

Ihatecuddles-old · 30-03-2013 5:33pm

Love2u wrote: »

That's true but I'd wonder would some guys think its off putting or desperado style !! ??

I haven't found that to be the case, I think guys like confident women that show an interest in them. You're not begging them, you're just simply asking if they fancy getting a drink sometime.

Do you see me as desperate for asking guys out? I definitely don't.

Daveysil15 · 30-03-2013 5:40pm

Love2u wrote: »

That's true but I'd wonder would some guys think its off putting or desperado style !! ??

Nothing desperate about it as long as you're not going around pouncing on every man you see, and giving off a, "Jasus I'm so horny I'd get up on a hairy hand," sort of vibe. Other than that you'll be grand.

Love2u · 30-03-2013 5:46pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Nothing desperate about it as long as you're not going around pouncing on every man you see, and giving off a, "Jasus I'm so horny I'd get up on a hairy hand," sort of vibe. Other than that you'll be grand.

Lol.

31-03-2013 8:29am

batistuta9 wrote: »

if it's not by choice that they've never had a long term relationship, significant person in their life, had a prospect of marriage whilst they would want these things then it's sad and you'd feel sorry for them

Not sure "feel sorry for" is the words I would use either. And if your interpretation of the OP is correct then why even limit the conversation to marriage? The world is full of people who want X in life but get Y instead - or nothing at all. Money - education - sex - relationships - children - that dream job - a role in a musical - we could list all day and not even dent the possibilities.

I can not honestly say I "feel sorry for" such people - I just grudgingly accept that this is the human condition and we can't always get what we want.

Earthhorse · 31-03-2013 1:21pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Not sure "feel sorry for" is the words I would use either. And if your interpretation of the OP is correct then why even limit the conversation to marriage? The world is full of people who want X in life but get Y instead - or nothing at all. Money - education - sex - relationships - children - that dream job - a role in a musical - we could list all day and not even dent the possibilities.

Sure, but they're not quite the same in that they don't fulfil that basic human need for intimate connection (not just intimate friendship). Money can be earned with hard work or you can save to build it up. Education is again mostly a question of working hard; plenty of books in your library, plenty of online resources, it may not be certification which we can't all afford but it still education.

In short, you probably have more agency over those other life goals than you do whether someone wants to be with you because it's all down to the choices you make and not contingent on someone making a similar choice to be with you.

amacca · 31-03-2013 1:28pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

Sure, but they're not quite the same in that they don't fulfil that basic human need for intimate connection (not just intimate friendship). Money can be earned with hard work or you can save to build it up. Education is again mostly a question of working hard; plenty of books in your library, plenty of online resources, it may not be certification which we can't all afford but it still education.

In short, you probably have more agency over those other life goals than you do whether someone wants to be with you because it's all down to the choices you make and not contingent on someone making a similar choice to be with you.

totally agreed

you cant always get what you want

but if you try sometimes you get what you need

except imo when it comes to relationships for some people

xLexie · 31-03-2013 1:54pm

They obviously have smarts.
I know a couple who were married for almost 30 years, and apparently the last 25 years or so of the marriage, he lived downstairs, she lived upstairs. Great setup!

Czarcasm · 31-03-2013 4:37pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

Sure, but they're not quite the same in that they don't fulfil that basic human need for intimate connection (not just intimate friendship). Money can be earned with hard work or you can save to build it up. Education is again mostly a question of working hard; plenty of books in your library, plenty of online resources, it may not be certification which we can't all afford but it still education.

In short, you probably have more agency over those other life goals than you do whether someone wants to be with you because it's all down to the choices you make and not contingent on someone making a similar choice to be with you.

It's a question of individual perspectives and priorities really- you could say the same about someone who is perpetually single that they just haven't made enough effort to find somebody who would like to be with them in a romantic or sexual way.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 31-03-2013 4:47pm

Men and women aren't compatible. Different wavelengths.

starlings · 31-03-2013 4:54pm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Men and women aren't compatible. Different wavelengths.

maybe you're on the wrong frequency?

Tearwave · 31-03-2013 5:08pm

xLexie wrote: »

They obviously have smarts.
I know a couple who were married for almost 30 years, and apparently the last 25 years or so of the marriage, he lived downstairs, she lived upstairs. Great setup!

Class

Sound of Silence · 31-03-2013 5:31pm

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I haven't found that to be the case, I think guys like confident women that show an interest in them. You're not begging them, you're just simply asking if they fancy getting a drink sometime.

Do you see me as desperate for asking guys out? I definitely don't.

I definitely don't see it as desperation, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that belief.

Some girls have a tendency to be far too cryptic in their advances, so to meet someone who's clear on where they want to go is great.

Also, it helps out an awkward guy like myself.

Norwesterner · 31-03-2013 7:37pm

xLexie wrote: »

They obviously have smarts.
I know a couple who were married for almost 30 years, and apparently the last 25 years or so of the marriage, he lived downstairs, she lived upstairs. Great setup!

More common than you think.
Why do you think allotments and garden sheds etc are so popular with middle aged married men.
I know several married men who confided in me that they have been refused sex for over 2-3 years.
I know another who owns a quite large house, but spends his entire day in a small caravan parked out the back (where he cooks and eats alone and reads books).
I'm personally divorced and would NEVER remarry.
My sex life is more active than my first year of marriage.
I'm more relaxed. I have more freedom and independence.
I'm infinately more happy.
Me and the ex wife even get on better than when married.
I expect to die unmarried.

01-04-2013 1:41am

I have asked a few girls out myself, they've all used the "I have a boyfriend" line. I haven't asked anyone for about 5 years though.

01-04-2013 2:17am

Anyone here find that goin to a same sex school a social hindrance initially after leaving school?
I know quite a few guys in the class who were terrified of women!! Personally I found it arkward initially but college and work fixed all that buuuut some of those guys who were really bad socially stayed really bad.

01-04-2013 2:22am

Deleted User wrote: »

Anyone here find that goin to a same sex school a social hindrance initially after leaving school?
I know quite a few guys in the class who were terrified of women!! Personally I found it arkward initially but college and work fixed all that buuuut some of those guys who were really bad socially stayed really bad.

Definitely. That was my experience anyway. Nowadays I'm more comfortable talking to women than men though.

What do you think of people who never marry?

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