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What do you think of people who never marry?

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12357…11

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    #122
    Lawrence1895
    Registered Users Posts: 7,627 ✭✭✭Lawrence1895


    Latchy wrote: »
    Cheating while in a relationship is bad enough but when it happens in a marriage ,the respect and trust is gone forever .

    ...and then you are not allowed to get re-married, because in the eyes of a Catholic Church, this would be a 'mortal sin'?


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    #123
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Lars1916 wrote: »
    ...and then you are not allowed to get re-married, because in the eyes of a Catholic Church, this would be a 'mortal sin'?
    Registry office - doesn't have to be a religious ceremony.


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    #124
    Miss Lockhart
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭Miss Lockhart


    Lars1916 wrote: »
    ...and then you are not allowed to get re-married, because in the eyes of a Catholic Church, this would be a 'mortal sin'?

    What has the church to do with this? Seems irrelevant to the point made.


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    #125
    Lawrence1895
    Registered Users Posts: 7,627 ✭✭✭Lawrence1895


    I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.


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    #126
    starlings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 683 ✭✭✭starlings


    OP is about people who never marry at all, not where they don't get married.
    seven_eleven wrote: »
    Whats your general opinion of people who never marry, or get into relationships? I mean people well past 25, and all the way up into their 60 beyond who have never had a life partner, or anybody significant in their lives?


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    #127
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Lars1916 wrote: »
    I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.
    Are you 10?


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    #128
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    The OP is about people that don't have ever a partner: spouse or otherwise.


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    #129
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    Latchy wrote: »
    Cheating while in a relationship is bad enough but when it happens in a marriage ,the respect and trust is gone forever .

    What? How is it different to cheating outside of marriage?


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    #130
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    What? How is it different to cheating outside of marriage?
    Different in the sense that if your in a relationship and one or the other cheats than you can chose to walk away with no legality issues to discuss that bind you together , such as in marriage .Of course cheating is cheating and I know the emotional turmoil involved is the same , in any relationship, married or not


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    #131
    Mr Benevolent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,456 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    Lars1916 wrote: »
    I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.

    Come on, do you seriously believe that? A legal marriage is a legal marriage.


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    #132
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    How do I feel about myself? Pretty good. And my life? Also pretty good.

    About having never met someone (yet)? Wish it weren't so but I can't change the past. I think I'll be happy whichever way that aspect of my life goes but would prefer to share my life with someone even if only for a little while.


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    #133
    Ando's Saggy Bottom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭Ando's Saggy Bottom


    As long as people are happy married or unmarried, nothing else really matters. If I was in my 30's and single though it would be the people that act all sorry for you that would boil my blood the most. Anyone who defines himself or bases their happiness on having a partner are the really pathetic ones tbh.


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    #134
    starlings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 683 ✭✭✭starlings


    Mr Benevolent wrote: »
    Come on, do you seriously believe that? A legal marriage is a legal marriage.

    in fairness to Lars1916, he's posting about attitudes he's heard, not what he thinks.


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    #135
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Ah marriage, where you bet someone half your stuff you'll love them forever.


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    #136
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    Latchy wrote: »
    Different in the sense that if your in a relationship and one or the other cheats than you can chose to walk away with no legality issues to discuss that bind you together , such as in marriage .Of course cheating is cheating and I know the emotional turmoil involved is the same , in any relationship, married or not

    But you can walk away from a marriage. Anyway thats not what i was questioning. What you said was when cheating in a marriage the trust is gone. Why would it be different just because you're married?


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    #137
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    krudler wrote: »
    Ah marriage, where you bet someone half your stuff you'll love them forever.
    Cohabit with someone for 5 years - 2 if you have children, and you do the same thing.


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    #138
    Lawrence1895
    Registered Users Posts: 7,627 ✭✭✭Lawrence1895


    starlings wrote: »
    in fairness to Lars1916, he's posting about attitudes he's heard, not what he thinks.

    Let's put it this way, I married into a family, who thinks that way...and they say, that it is 'normal' to get married in a church in Ireland.


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    #139
    starlings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 683 ✭✭✭starlings


    Lars1916 wrote: »
    Let's put it this way, I married into a family, who thinks that way...and they say, that it is 'normal' to get married in a church in Ireland.

    well it's certainly the norm if you look at the numbers.


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    #140
    Lawrence1895
    Registered Users Posts: 7,627 ✭✭✭Lawrence1895


    starlings wrote: »
    well it's certainly the norm if you look at the numbers.

    I did never believe them anyway, since I saw those figures in the latest census ;)


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    #141
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    shopaholic01 wrote: »
    I was merely explaining the meaning of a previous post. Don't judge me too harshly now! ;)


    Ah no, I kinda went off the point alright but the background to that post was I meet far too many of these self ascribed "forever alone" type of people that bemoan the fact that they see themselves "damned" to "eternal singledom", and looking at how "easy" it is for "everyone else".

    That, to me tbh, is just as judgemental in a negative light of somebody else as they think people are being of them. Eddie touched on it there, but people really DO have better things to be doing, well, most people do anyway, than thinking about "Awh poor so and so", etc.

    Some people can make relationships look easy, because they work at it, some people just don't see that some relationships can take more work than others, for some people it comes naturally, for some it doesn't.

    It's hard to say what I actually mean without using examples, but that'd look like I was attacking posters left, right and centre in this thread, so if I could just use the hypothetical example of a black Jewish gay guy in a wheelchair- he might be given to thinking any number of reasons why he's still single- "It's because I'm gay, it's because I'm black, it's because I'm jewish, it's because I'm in a wheelchair", etc, when the most obvious reason might just be that people don't like him because they think he's an asshole, and this might never occur to him because he thinks he's a lovely chap altogether.

    I've no doubt there's somebody out there for him that likes an obnoxious asshole, but they're pretty few and far between...



    just ask my wife how it's working out for her 16 years later! :p


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    #142
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    But you can walk away from a marriage. Anyway thats not what i was questioning. What you said was when cheating in a marriage the trust is gone. Why would it be different just because you're married?
    Well ok , not different . I was thinking that lots of people who are married will never stray simply because they are happily married and hold dear onto their marriage vows but if we say '' two timing '' instead ( which I know is the same as cheating ) then it would all depend on how secure your boy/girlfriend relationship was in the first place .

    A long term relationship can just be as secure or insecure as any marriage and all the emotional baggage that goes with it but the only difference ( which I should have pointed out) is that piece of paper .


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    #143
    Miss Lockhart
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭Miss Lockhart


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Ah no, I kinda went off the point alright but the background to that post was I meet far too many of these self ascribed "forever alone" type of people that bemoan the fact that they see themselves "damned" to "eternal singledom", and looking at how "easy" it is for "everyone else".

    That, to me tbh, is just as judgemental in a negative light of somebody else as they think people are being of them. Eddie touched on it there, but people really DO have better things to be doing, well, most people do anyway, than thinking about "Awh poor so and so", etc.

    Some people can make relationships look easy, because they work at it, some people just don't see that some relationships can take more work than others, for some people it comes naturally, for some it doesn't.

    It's hard to say what I actually mean without using examples, but that'd look like I was attacking posters left, right and centre in this thread, so if I could just use the hypothetical example of a black Jewish gay guy in a wheelchair- he might be given to thinking any number of reasons why he's still single- "It's because I'm gay, it's because I'm black, it's because I'm jewish, it's because I'm in a wheelchair", etc, when the most obvious reason might just be that people don't like him because they think he's an asshole, and this might never occur to him because he thinks he's a lovely chap altogether.

    I've no doubt there's somebody out there for him that likes an obnoxious asshole, but they're pretty few and far between...



    just ask my wife how it's working out for her 16 years later! :p

    You have a point and that certainly applies to some people, but in my experience it doesn't apply to the vast majority of long term reluctantly single people I know.

    They are normal, outgoing, friendly, caring, often attractive, interesting etc. But people are just not interested in them romantically. Most people who know them, especially those they have dated, are baffled as to why they are single. But they are.


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    #144
    take everything
    Registered Users Posts: 9,805 ✭✭✭take everything


    krudler wrote: »
    Ah marriage, where you bet someone half your stuff you'll love them forever.

    Genuine LOL.
    Brilliant.


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    #145
    Gone Drinking
    Registered Users Posts: 2,809 ✭✭✭Gone Drinking


    I had aspergers once.. sure they made my wee smell funny but I've had no problem with relationships.

    Here's my favourite recipe:

    http://www.myhalalkitchen.com/2010/04/a-recipe-for-spring-asparagus-burgers/


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    #146
    Pat Mustard
    Registered Users Posts: 9,554 ✭✭✭Pat Mustard


    shopaholic01 wrote: »
    Cohabit with someone for 5 years - 2 if you have children, and you do the same thing.

    Absolutely insane.

    Insane, but true.


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    #147
    starlings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 683 ✭✭✭starlings


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    It's hard to say what I actually mean without using examples, but that'd look like I was attacking posters left, right and centre in this thread, so if I could just use the hypothetical example of a black Jewish gay guy in a wheelchair- he might be given to thinking any number of reasons why he's still single- "It's because I'm gay, it's because I'm black, it's because I'm jewish, it's because I'm in a wheelchair", etc, when the most obvious reason might just be that people don't like him because they think he's an asshole, and this might never occur to him because he thinks he's a lovely chap altogether.

    I've no doubt there's somebody out there for him that likes an obnoxious asshole, but they're pretty few and far between...

    This is assuming your chippy example wants to be in a relationship. Fair enough. But the judgement you've written about here is really just guesswork.

    My elderly relatives ask why I'm not married, as though there's a concrete reason for it - rather than complex interactions between me and other people that didn't last, and as I only have a lopsided version of each story I can't even judge it myself. What really confuses them is that I don't really mind. I actually like a good conundrum.

    (I do judge their reasons for asking though - my conclusion is that, as farmers, they are in the business of livestock and want to get me a ram :-P)


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    #148
    Clandestine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,466 ✭✭✭Clandestine


    I don't think ill of them. Marriage seems somewhat pointless to me, like several other social conventions.


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    #149
    The Big Red Button
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    Lars1916 wrote: »
    I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.

    And eh, what if you're not religious? You can't ever be 'properly' married?


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    #150
    Lawrence1895
    Registered Users Posts: 7,627 ✭✭✭Lawrence1895


    chatterpillar wrote: »
    And eh, what if you're not religious? You can't ever be 'properly' married?

    If you are not religious, you don't deserve to get 'properly' married? Because you are (I quote my in-laws) 'not normal' if you are not religious.


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    #151
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Miss Lockhart wrote: »
    You have a point and that certainly applies to some people, but in my experience it doesn't apply to the vast majority of long term reluctantly single people I know.

    They are normal, outgoing, friendly, caring, often attractive, interesting etc. But people are just not interested in them romantically. Most people who know them, especially those they have dated, are baffled as to why they are single. But they are.


    Well sure, my example above couldn't be applied across the board, because different people want different things, and like I said earlier in the thread, you can even discover things later on in a relationship about a person that can color your judgement of them in a negative, or even more positive light as it sometimes turns out.

    I presume by the bolded bit above that this has happened to your reluctantly single friends- maybe they felt the person they were dating just wasn't right for them, even though that person thought they were. I've seen that happen a lot too (christ my mother any time I'm talking to her still insists on telling me how great such and such a girl would've been for me even though this girl has twenty years later moved on! Get over it already mam ffs! :pac:), but I would then suggest that the person doesn't really have a right to complain about being single when they are aware of the fact that they are attractive to a lot of people, just not the people they themselves are attracted to... if that makes sense?

    I encourage anyone to have standards, and set them as high for themselves as they can, because as someone else earlier mentioned in the thread- it's better to be on your own and miserable, than to double your misery and inflict same misery on somebody who you don't "really" want to be with but are just settling for them for the sake of not being single.

    In that scenario a person is doing themselves no favors, and even worse- they're doing the other person no favors either!


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