What do you think of people who never marry?

Addle

I'm a spinster.
And I find this thread really patronizing!

Love2u

Addle wrote: »

I'm a spinster.
And I find this thread really patronizing!

Should we request they shut the thread down?

Annasopra

Love2u wrote: »

Should we request they shut the thread down?

No; it's actually quite interesting and thought provoking

ShadowHearth

I have to say this topic is very similar to: "why don't you have kids? You need kids! Got get some kids!" I am all about to be able to choose yourself and just do what you want, not just what is "normal" in society.

If person himself decides to not have a partner, he is happy with that choice, then fair fecks to them and I wish them best of luck.
Though we do have people who are alone not by their own choice. I do feel sorry for them, but I would never look down on them. Life can **** on you, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Micky Dolenz

What do I think about people who didn't get married? The same I think about most people really.

What an odd query.

Love2u

mango salsa wrote: »

No; it's actually quite interesting and thought provoking

I agree

nacho libre

seven_eleven wrote: »

Whats your general opinion of people who never marry, or get into relationships? I mean people well past 25, and all the way up into their 60 beyond who have never had a life partner, or anybody significant in their lives?

Do you think its kind of sad? Do you look down upon them, or see them as slightly weird people?

/QUOTE]

I'd only find it sad if the men or women are single because of what other people deem sinful behaviour. The reality is this still occurs, but thankfully it probably isn't as prevalent as in the past.

StompToWork

Very interesting thread (eventually!!)

In my formative adult years, I considered myself to be a totally gormless, shy, unattractive fella, mainly because I was a totally gormless, shy, unattractive fella!! My social graces were pretty damn poor, and honestly, I had given up on trying too hard to form intimate relationships, because I just found it too hard - did I mention that I was also lazy??

Once I made the decision that I was heading down bachelor-dom, I stopped looking at every girl wondering "would she go out with me", it was liberating. What it did mean, however, is that I stopped looking at the opposite sex as potential partners, and more as just friends or another fellow human being to get to know. Once you remove the romactic pressure from the picture, it actually seems to happen automatically. Not only will you find someone you are both physically and emotionally attracted to, you will discover that you have more of an insight as to how they truly feel about you as well, before anything is said or done.

Long and short of it is that myself and herself have now been together for the last 13 years (14 in May), and we love each other very much. We haven't married yet because a) We are lazy - Weddings take a hell of a lot of planning and b) they are bloody expensive!!! Obviously, while we don't really subscribe to the traditional view of weddings, we will have an honest to goodness traditional irish wedding when the time comes, as we would hate to let our families and friends down!!

dd972

There are people who are simply not 'relationship people' or 'marriage people', what happens naturally and effortlessly for the bulk of humanity doesn't materialise for them, it's usually down to quirks of personality and the lack of some kind of 'X factor' for want of a better description that means they can't cut it in this realm of life.

Statistically there probably is 'someone for everyone', but what if that someone is walking around in Reykjavik or Toulouse and they're never going to bump into them?

The lyrics to 'that's how people grow up' by Morrissey sum it all up well.

Truncheon Rouge

Well yes OP
I do think its sad that someone should not marry and live in a detached house with a pointy roof, chimney with smoke coming out of it, and four windows [+] and not have 2 children, one boy and one girl.

daddy goes to the factory in the car and mammy stays at home with the babies and makes dinner.
boys like football and girls like dolls.

any deviation from this is sad and unusual.

Love2u

Truncheon Rouge wrote: »

Well yes OP
I do think its sad that someone should not marry and live in a detached house with a pointy roof, chimney with smoke coming out of it, and four windows [+] and not have 2 children, one boy and one girl.

daddy goes to the factory in the car and mammy stays at home with the babies and makes dinner.
boys like football and girls like dolls.

any deviation from this is sad and unusual.

What's your point?

shopaholic01

Love2u wrote: »

What's your point?

That we're not sheep, obviously.

None of us are obliged to conform to what society considers normal, nor should we judge others who do/don't.

Latchy

dd972 wrote: »

There are people who are simply not 'relationship people' or 'marriage people', what happens naturally and effortlessly for the bulk of humanity doesn't materialise for them, it's usually down to quirks of personality and the lack of some kind of 'X factor' for want of a better description that means they can't cut it in this realm of life.

.

Also ...there are some who love the whole notion of romance and relationships but can't or won't, put the effort in to see how it pans out simply because the fear of rejection or failure (even once ) is to much for them to bare .

dd972

Latchy wrote: »

Also ...there are some who love the whole notion of romance and relationships but can't or won't, put the effort in to see how it pans out simply because the fear of rejection or failure (even once ) is to much for them to bare .

Also ...there are people who work their arses off and put in all the efforts required bar throwing the kitchen sink at it to no avail.

Latchy

dd972 wrote: »

Also ...there are people who work their arses off and put in all the efforts required bar throwing the kitchen sink at it to no avail.

I know ...you've just quoted one .

Madam_X

Truncheon Rouge wrote: »

Well yes OP
I do think its sad that someone should not marry and live in a detached house with a pointy roof, chimney with smoke coming out of it, and four windows [+] and not have 2 children, one boy and one girl.

daddy goes to the factory in the car and mammy stays at home with the babies and makes dinner.
boys like football and girls like dolls.

any deviation from this is sad and unusual.

Not that the OP said they think that. They just asked whether some think that, and some do.
There are some people who think the idea of being single at all past your late teens is the most shocking fate there is. It's reflected in society too. People on this thread don't seem to have that view though.

Czarcasm

shopaholic01 wrote: »

That we're not sheep, obviously.

None of us are obliged to conform to what society considers normal, nor should we judge others who do/don't.

Can I be a pedantic prick just for the sake of it and point out that people just ARE judgemental, and there's nothing wrong with being judgemental, but it's actually HOW you judge other people, and how you treat them that matters, not the fact that you judge them.

I've known plenty of single people that never married, never dated, etc, hell we all laughed at the forty year old virgin, the pervy old man and the crazy cat lady. We weren't laughing at the person. We were laughing at the stereotype.

These people as individuals, some of them fitted the stereotype, more of them had different goals in life than I would want for myself, we differed on plenty of points of view, but we'd always respect each other.

To the other poster in this thread who says she has resigned herself to being single and not even forty years of age yet- stop thinking like that for christ sake and realise that the problem is you, not the people around you! You've a good 80 years left in you yet to sort out the crappy defeatist attitude and stop looking at what other people have that you don't, or vice versa.

On the idea that you're not able to converse with your work colleagues about their children and what not- just from my own personal point of view, we were all children once, and I listen to advice from other people who don't have children all the time, because they have young cousins, nieces and nephews that they all interact with on an almost daily basis (me personally though the last thing I want to be doing is talking about children, etc, I'd sooner listen to people talk about their OWN achievements rather than hear another story about how little johnny finally took a poo in his own house today rather than go to paul's house! Drives me fcuking spare, but that's just me!).

The single people you see aren't just "keeping themselves occupied to stave off the boredom and loneliness of singledom", they're enjoying LIFE, their life, and making the most of it, and more power to them climbing carantoohil or like one of my friends fecking off to the Dominican Republic for six months or however long she's going for. It's not MY thing, but it works for her!

My best friend I've known for near 20 years now was always round as a 40 stone snooker ball and has a glass eye from an accident when he tripped as a child and impaled his eyeball on a tree branch. It doesn't stop him doing a 100 mile round trip to Dublin every day as his job for the same last 20 years, I figured in all that time too he'd be forever friendzoned (popular local character, all the girls love him, but I could never imagine how that'd translate to the bedroom myself!), and for a long time it didn't, didn't bother him though as he had plenty of friends and a life full of activities, and it's only in the last two years that he met a girl and they're dating and having "great fun" (I'd to ask him to stop before he went TMI with the mental images!).

You might look at them and think "How? Dafuq?", because his girlfriend is an absolute stunner, but when you know him you'll understand that it's his attitude and his sense of humor she's attracted to, not just his physical attributes (I dared not ask the obvious "how does she even FIND your knob?" question), because again, it works for them, and they're both clearly happy together, and thankfully she hasn't tried to change him, etc.

I tried that once, because I didn't want him to die because of the health risks associated with his weight, I'd sooner he die of old age like everyone else, but he turned from being happy into being truly miserable, it didn't help him at all and so I realised that I had to accept him as he was and not try to change him to what suited me, rather I had to let him just be himself, and if I wasn't happy with it, that was MY problem, not his.

steddyeddy

Speak for yourself poster above. I would have to be a sad individual to judge people based on their life circumstances. I would rather concentrate on my own life.

Latchy

Madam_X wrote: »

Not that the OP said they think that. They just asked whether some think that, and some do.
There are some people who think the idea of being single at all past your late teens is the most shocking fate there is. It's reflected in society too. People on this thread don't seem to have that view though.

Indeed ...The smug sections of society who like to fit everybody into little boxes will be the first to express shock at somebody who remains single past a certain age while hiding behind their own horror relationships and marriage's .

I feel for anybody who has tried but hasn't managed to find that somebody and to hell with what anybody else thinks .

thrashmetalfan

to be honest i think its just up the person in question as someone earlier on on this thread said "its diffrent strokes". kinda like this little dude here ahem:

Lawrence1895

It's just their very own choice

Czarcasm

steddyeddy wrote: »

Speak for yourself poster above. I would have to be a sad individual to judge people based on their life circumstances. I would rather concentrate on my own life.

That's why I said eddy it's HOW you judge people and HOW you treat them that's important, not the fact that you judge them. You form opinions on people you meet every day, and you'd have to be completely naive to think you don't judge people, because that just means you're not consciously aware of it.

I work with some of the worst in society, and some of the best, I can respect both equally and I treat both equally upon meeting them. As I learn more about them it can color my judgement of them in either a positive or negative light, and to suggest that decent people are no different from complete pricks is just cloud cuckoo land thinking. The world doesn't work like that, and people don't work like that.

Madam_X

Lars1916 wrote: »

It's just their very own choice

Not always.

hatrickpatrick

It's funny actually how society expects relationships to "progress" to marriage, even if the couple in question are perfectly happy to stay together without that aspect of it. You even see articles written which have "singles" on one end and "married" at the other - as if the idea of staying with someone for life but without a contract is so bizarre that it's not even worth considering.

I find that slightly peculiar myself.
You could call me cynical but I think that's an unfair way to describe my philosophy - for me anyway, I know I need motivation to stay committed to something. When I'm in a relationship, the fact that my girlfriend could dump me at any time if I f*ck things up too badly is a powerful motivator not to screw up, not to get lazy etc.
I honestly believe that the security of knowing someone can't leave without going through the bureaucracy of divorce can cause some people - some, not all - to think they can "get away with" more, if you like.

We all know stories of couples who were perfectly happy until they got married, whereupon one of them became more controlling, or the other decided to stop being romantic, or whatever. I would suggest that if you know that your partner can walk out the door at any time, you're more likely to put your relationship and their feelings first.

I don't think that's cynical, I think it's just logical. I'd apply it to myself as much as anyone else - I know I'm more likely to put my best foot forward when something isn't at all guaranteed and there's no security than when I feel like I'm "safe". I use that to remind myself to put in the effort.

What I don't like about it is that society seems to assume there's something "wrong" with people who don't go "all the way", as opposed to considering that they simply have an opinion that it's not a good idea. Guys in particular can be accused of "commitment phobia" or whatever, as if it's impossible to want to stay with one person, without having a contract to say so.

thrashmetalfan

Madam_X wrote: »

Not always.

i agree with madam x there. there are some very shy people out there that end up all by themselves. some people need a helping hand when it comes to meeting people or just getting to know someone not in a romantic way but rather as a friend.

Lawrence1895

thrashmetalfan wrote: »

i agree with madam x there. there are some very shy people out there that end up all by themselves. some people need a helping hand when it comes to meeting people or just getting to know someone not in a romantic way but rather as a friend.

But then we are talking about people who have difficulties in going into a relationship as such, or maintaining this relationship.

A marriage is just one way to maintain a relationship, and no guarantee for it whatsoever, imo

thrashmetalfan

Lars1916 wrote: »

But then we are talking about people who have difficulties in going into a relationship as such, or maintaining this relationship.

A marriage is just one way to maintain a relationship, and no guarantee for it whatsoever, imo

yes thats true i see your point.

The_Kew_Tour

I would rather be single and enjoying my life, then getting married and having regrets and not being happy as your partner is not the person he/she may be.

Im in my late 20's and I love been single.

Have lot of friends still single guess that helps alright. Most my mates from home are married or in relationship, but I know one or two of them that are not as happy as they make out and they or their partner has cheated.

shopaholic01

Czarcasm wrote: »

Can I be a pedantic prick just for the sake of it and point out that people just ARE judgemental, and there's nothing wrong with being judgemental, but it's actually HOW you judge other people, and how you treat them that matters, not the fact that you judge them.

I was merely explaining the meaning of a previous post. Don't judge me too harshly now!

Latchy

The_Kew_Tour wrote: »

Have lot of friends still single guess that helps alright. Most my mates from home are married or in relationship, but I know one or two of them that are not as happy as they make out and they or their partner has cheated.

Cheating while in a relationship is bad enough but when it happens in a marriage ,the respect and trust is gone forever .