Too fussy

Nolimits12

This college degree thing is ridiculous!

I came from a generation where it was expected of us all to go to college straight after we did our leaving cert. Friends of mine and myself included all see our first degree as a completely idiotic decision. Now wish we didn't meet the 'norm' and instead, done something else rather than choosing our career at 17 years old.

This college malarky is bull, I will never force my kids to go to college after school like my parents. College is not the right choice for everyone.

Daisy78

riveratom wrote: »

Em what...?! I think we've moved onto something else now..!

I also wouldn't agree with that, as men are generally attracted to women who are younger than them, whereas the opposite is usually the case for women?

Why do you assume women would generally prefer older men...I'm intrigued by this assertion....older men would personally not appeal to me at all and many of my female peer group would feel the same way.

Wibbs

riveratom wrote: »

So, both get more cautious as they get older, but women more so than men

Speaking as a somewhat decrepit chappy and having observed a fair few number of men and women as they hit their 30's and 40's I'm not sure I agree. In my experience I've found women more open to falling in love again than men. However, I've found more women to be more vocal about being "fussy", even if like I said they're more open to options. I've found men much more likely to take a "never again" stance after a few bad experiences, though they're more likely to be publicly quiet about it. Yea basically I've found women more emotionally resilient when it comes to recovering after bad relationship experiences.

clairefontaine

Wibbs wrote: »

Speaking as a somewhat decrepit chappy and having observed a fair few number of men and women as they hit their 30's and 40's I'm not sure I agree. In my experience I've found women more open to falling in love again than men. However, I've found more women to be more vocal about being "fussy", even if like I said they're more open to options. I've found men much more likely to take a "never again" stance after a few bad experiences, though they're more likely to be publicly quiet about it. Yea basically I've found women more emotionally resilient when it comes to recovering after bad relationship experiences.

Really? I found the opposite. Well when I say that, what I mean, is that of couples I know where they break up, the man starts dating again sooner. Don't know if that's what you count as "emotionally resilient."

seenitall

riveratom wrote: »

Em what...?! I think we've moved onto something else now..!

I also wouldn't agree with that, as men are generally attracted to women who are younger than them, whereas the opposite is usually the case for women?

Really all I'm saying is that women are more cautious than men as they get older, although in general both get more cautious as they get older.

So, both get more cautious as they get older, but women more so than men

Hehe, completely disagree with that as a single woman now in her late thirties.

As I said, and I will say this time for whatever reason as I don't want to offend your whole age group and have you protest that you're not like that, twenty-something men have for a few years been the ones that are showing more interest in me than the ones that are closer to my age, let alone men older than me.

Therefore realistically, the young 'uns are the ones I should be paying more attention to (although I haven't managed that yet very successfully so far, on the whole - I keep thinking: NO, HE IS TOO YOUNG, let's not go there, and then I go for a thirty or a forty-something man where it's a regular wash-out).

And I do think that that is where a younger person's open-mindedness comes in; they simply seem to be less stuck in their ways and more open to me as a potential, than the older guys, who may or may not have settling down on their minds, as well.

I would have thought in the past it was bound to be the other way around, but it really is true!

On the cautiousness bit, yeah, we disagree, but I have already said my piece on that... so yeah.

riveratom

Daisy78 wrote: »

riveratom wrote: »

Why do you assume women would generally prefer older men...I'm intrigued by this assertion....older men would personally not appeal to me at all and many of my female peer group would feel the same way.

I thought it was fairly common knowledge that women went for guys around the same age or a bit older, and men generally preferred women around the same age or younger.

Sure in most married couples the man is generally older by a few years or so, no? Haven't seen any stats, that's just from what I reckon, and what I've observed over the years.

Also, based on my experience of online dating, I can tell you that I rarely/never see a woman's age range for a potential partner down as younger than her own age. In other words, if the woman is say 29, she will usually have 29-36 down as her desired age range, etc.

CathyMoran

riveratom wrote: »

Daisy78 wrote: »

I thought it was fairly common knowledge that women went for guys around the same age or a bit older, and men generally preferred women around the same age or younger.

Sure in most married couples the man is generally older by a few years or so, no? Haven't seen any stats, that's just from what I reckon, and what I've observed over the years.

Also, based on my experience of online dating, I can tell you that I rarely/never see a woman's age range for a potential partner down as younger than her own age. In other words, if the woman is say 29, she will usually have 29-36 down as her desired age range, etc.

From personal experience I tended to go for younger men and am married to a younger man.

Ah, it is tough, you need certain basic traits in someone to make a relationship work - the best piece of advice that I got from my late mother was to go for someone that I could always talk to and whom would never bore me.

riveratom

seenitall wrote: »

Hehe, completely disagree with that as a single woman now in her late thirties.

As I said, and I will say this time for whatever reason as I don't want to offend your whole age group and have you protest that you're not like that, twenty-something men have for a few years been the ones that are showing more interest in me than the ones that are closer to my age, let alone men older than me.

Therefore realistically, the young 'uns are the ones I should be paying more attention to (although I haven't managed that yet very successfully so far, on the whole - I keep thinking: NO, HE IS TOO YOUNG, let's not go there, and then I go for a thirty or a forty-something man where it's a regular wash-out).

And I do think that that is where a younger person's open-mindedness comes in; they simply seem to be less stuck in their ways and more open to me as a potential, than the older guys, who may or may not have settling down on their minds, as well.

I would have thought in the past it was bound to be the other way around, but it really is true!

On the cautiousness bit, yeah, we disagree, but I have already said my piece on that... so yeah.

So the guys who are older than you or around the same age as you have less interest than the guys in their 20s?

You do realise you've just proven me right and that you do in fact agree with me, don't you?

Wibbs

clairefontaine wrote: »

Really? I found the opposite. Well when I say that, what I mean, is that of couples I know where they break up, the man starts dating again sooner. Don't know if that's what you count as "emotionally resilient."

Dating again and being fully open I'd see as two slightly different things or can be CF. They're dating, but are they serious about actually dropping their emotional guard if you know what I mean.

Part of this might be what S is getting at here;

seenitall wrote: »

And I do think that that is where a younger person's open-mindedness comes in; they simply seem to be less stuck in their ways and more open to me as a potential, than the older guys, who may or may not have settling down on their minds, as well.

And I'd agree as this is also something I've seen more in my male mates and acquaintances too. I have found - and this is generally lest I take flak for it:) - that men as they age are less adaptable than women. Both emotionally and in their lifestyles. More likely to as you say set in their ways. Among my male mates the exceptions to this do tend to stand out.

seenitall

riveratom wrote: »

So the guys who are older than you or around the same age as you have less interest than the guys in their 20s?

You do realise you've just proven me right and that you do in fact agree with me, don't you?

Whatever you say, riveratom. As long as we agree the younger guys and girls are a more attractive (and realistic, I suppose) proposition for both our genders!

Daisy78

riveratom wrote: »

Daisy78 wrote: »

I thought it was fairly common knowledge that women went for guys around the same age or a bit older, and men generally preferred women around the same age or younger.

Sure in most married couples the man is generally older by a few years or so, no? Haven't seen any stats, that's just from what I reckon, and what I've observed over the years.

Also, based on my experience of online dating, I can tell you that I rarely/never see a woman's age range for a potential partner down as younger than her own age. In other words, if the woman is say 29, she will usually have 29-36 down as her desired age range, etc.

Over the years that may be the case as up until recent times it made sense for women to choose an older partner as they would have more life experience, be more secure financially and would act as a surrogate "father figure", those being the days where women moved from their fathers house to their husbands. Given that this scenario for the most part no longer exists women are no longer restricted to choosing from a certain demographic or age group...the world is our oyster.

Now notwithstanding the above I will say this.....I think its natural for people to have preferences in what they would Like in a mate, things that you would feel are essential to form and maintain attraction. But I think you would do yourself a disservice if you didn't keep an open mind and a sense of curiosity when it comes to dating/romance as you could miss out on somebody that is so right for you but might not tick many of your boxes. As another boardsie posted there is nothing nicer than being surprised by someone that you wouldn't have initially considered.

clairefontaine

Wibbs wrote: »

Dating again and being fully open I'd see as two slightly different things or can be CF. They're dating, but are they serious about actually dropping their emotional guard if you know what I mean.

Part of this might be what S is getting at here;

And I'd agree as this is also something I've seen more in my male mates and acquaintances too. I have found - and this is generally lest I take flak for it:) - that men as they age are less adaptable than women. Both emotionally and in their lifestyles. More likely to as you say set in their ways. Among my male mates the exceptions to this do tend to stand out.

Ah ok I get you. In that case, in my experience, I can't say I have noticed any trend in either gender one way or another, the ones I know have so many variables, it's impossible to say.

Also I don't know how concious these things are, law of attraction and all that, law of projection and laws of repellent. Technically it's all a choice, or we like to think it is, but I'm not so certain of that.

LegacyUser

I know men and woman who are in there 30's and early 40's and they are not in relationships.

I know some single women who have a list of what they want in a man and are not willing to consider anyone who does not tick all there so called box's mean while some men will only go out with a certain type of woman or with a woman who have a so called good job.
I know several couples who when they first meet it was not love at 1st sight and as they got to know the other person properly they found someone who loved them.
They made time for each other, supported each other during exams, during times of family problems and showed the other person how well they fitted with each other and in there lives.

To meet someone you need to be happy with your own life and what you can offer another person. I think that most men and women don't want to get involved with someone who is going to become there shadow. It is important to keep your own friends and interests when you are going out with some one or are married.

Some women want marriage and children when some men don't want a family and you need to be honest with your other half about issues like these.