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Too fussy
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I must have missed the memo on that. Or else my genes must be defective.
I certainly didn't end up with a man who is successful and who can provide for me but I'm no worse off for it
I don't know about this stuff being biological. If there is scientific proof, fair play.
However, ever more women in the West are completely financially independent, and this is a trend that has been going in only one direction for decades now.
Therefore ever more men are able to 'marry up', so to speak, and ever more women have been having to 'marry down', (I put it in italics, as it's going against traditional social norms; I of course think the increasing financial parity between genders, with whatever consequences it brings, is a good thing).
So, to cut a long story short, I think many men are looking for wealth/money/financial savy and good standing in a woman these days, as well.
There was a guy recently in RI who seemed completely knocked for six when his girlfriend told him she wanted to be a housewife and a SAHM when they marry. He wanted advice on how to deal with her expectations because he never even envisaged he'd be the sole bread-winner.
Ok, the above is kind of an extreme example, but I have heard men say they would be looking for a woman with a good job. It's normal these days.
So where would biology fit into that?
I think it's more of a case of a disenfranchised gender not having much choice in the past but to 'latch on', so to speak, on to the partner's resources. As things are changing regarding this situation, we are seeing that pragmatic considerations such as this when choosing a partner, are not strictly the preserve of one gender.0 -
A preference such as a physical trait is fine. To disregard someone because of that off the bat is just shallow. This is a fact. And yes they have a right to be shallow.
To not consider someone because they're not studying something you want to is utter stupidity. I wouldn't even dignify that by calling it shallow. Again, the person has every right.
Yes, the person has every right, and you have every right to think of that what you will, and I have every right to think of you for your opinion what I will. We've established all that pretty firmly on this thread already, I'd say.
What's more interesting to me is how you can claim so confidently that someone's relationship will be unhealthy because they like dark-haired men or IT geeks so darn much, that they have in fact set their heart on finding themselves a dark-haired guy/an IT geek.
That is quite a leap. An amusing one, I have to say.0 -
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southsiderosie wrote: »The title of this thread is "Too fussy". The OP put down education as something on her 'list'. Now people are telling her that she is, in effect, being too fussy by putting it on her list, and this is somehow being seen as judgmental? We were asked to judge whether or not she is being too fussy!
Correct. We can all express our opinions on this thread. There are a few people who think the OP/others like her are being too fussy, or too shallow, or too snobbish with their checklists or preferences, and there are others who disagree. I disagree pretty strongly with judging the OP as too fussy etc. so IMO the people judging her thus are being a tad judgmental.
Surely not all that controversial for a TLL thread?0 -
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To be honest, I think a lot of women aren't fussy enough. Could apply to me in the past too. You learn to be more fussy as you go on.
The result largely being that there is a 'crunch period' around the late twenties and thirties, where there a 'stalemate' of sorts between the sexes. Women are afraid of picking the 'wrong guy' (whatever that is), and men get frustrated and look for someone younger and less 'fussy'. 0 -
men get frustrated and look for someone younger and less 'fussy'.
This cuts both ways. The younger guys I meet out and about these days seem to be much more interesting, laid back, open and all-round attention-worthy for any woman, than the older ones, who I find to be more critical, more cynical, and less open to new experiences in general.
I know it's a wild generalisation, but it also stands to logic in both genders. The more relationship fails or outright disasters (AKA experience, which comes with age) you've accumulated, the 'fussier' you get; and it can be a very good thing too, according to one's individual needs.0 -
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This cuts both ways. The younger guys I meet out and about these days seem to be much more interesting, laid back, open and all-round attention-worthy for any woman, than the older ones, who I find to be more critical, more cynical, and less open to new experiences in general.
I know it's a wild generalisation, but it also stands to logic in both genders. The more relationship fails or outright disasters (AKA experience, which comes with age) you've accumulated, the 'fussier' you get; and it can be a very good thing too, according to one's individual needs.
It's definitely a massive generalisation as I'm early 30s and know I don't match up with that description. Also, not everyone has had that many relationships over the course of their 20s or 30s, let alone bad ones.
My theory, as I mentioned above, is that it works much more this way for girls than guys. If you're a girl in your late 20s or 30s and you want marriage/family, then you probably feel there is a lot more 'risk' going into a relationship with someone and it not working out. So, the result is that women in this age group probably set 'the bar' a bit higher. A girl in her mid-20s might go with the flow a lot more and decide to just see where it goes.
I'm reminded of a date I went on last summer with a girl I met at a dating event. We had gotten on really well on the night and arranged to meet a week or so later. It went more like an interview than a date and all that was missing really was one of those big lamps you see at interrogations 0 -
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My theory, as I mentioned above, is that it works much more this way for girls than guys. If you're a girl in your late 20s or 30s and you want marriage/family, then you probably feel there is a lot more 'risk' going into a relationship with someone and it not working out. So, the result is that women in this age group probably set 'the bar' a bit higher. A girl in her mid-20s might go with the flow a lot more and decide to just see where it goes.
I'm not the only one here massively generalising, though.
As I said in my earlier post, it doesn't work much more for girls than guys, it works both ways equally. Men may not be as cautious as women, but they do get more jaded as they age. I never said you were one of those men.0 -
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I'm not the only one here massively generalising, though.
As I said in my earlier post, it doesn't work much more for girls than guys, it works both ways equally. Men may not be as cautious as women, but they do get more jaded as they age. I never said you were one of those men.
I know you didn't, I was just using myself as an example to highlight the generalisation - which you already knew about
I think you are talking about something else here though. I'm not referring to people getting more cynical or wary as they get older. I'm saying that all else being equal, women are more likely fussier than men because they have more to lose.0 -
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Hmmm. Perhaps, although, as you must know, having more to lose is very far from being the only reason people are 'fussy'.
True alright, although it's probably one of the major ones I would guess.What I am saying is that younger men are every bit more likely to 'go with the flow more and see where it goes' than the older ones, as is the case with women.
I think we don't agree so Surely that can't be right. Your average 24 year old girl or guy is likely to be more apt to just 'go with the flow' than your average 32 year old girl or guy (who may be thinking of settling down or looking to get married sooner rather than later, etc).
It's horses for courses all said though. Sure there are plenty of people out there who don't even want kids and/or marriage (albeit certainly in the minority).0 -
I think we don't agree so Surely that can't be right. Your average 24 year old girl or guy is likely to be more apt to just 'go with the flow' than your average 32 year old girl or guy (who may be thinking of settling down or looking to get married sooner rather than later, etc).
Completely confused now by the above, riveratom, as it seems to me that we do agree younger people of both genders seem more appealing prospects to the opposite sex in general, than the older ones. It may be for slightly different reasons, but nonetheless there.0 -
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Completely confused now by the above, riveratom, as it seems to me that we do agree younger people of both genders seem more appealing prospects to the opposite sex in general, than the older ones. It may be for slightly different reasons, but nonetheless there.
Em what...?! I think we've moved onto something else now..!
I also wouldn't agree with that, as men are generally attracted to women who are younger than them, whereas the opposite is usually the case for women?
Really all I'm saying is that women are more cautious than men as they get older, although in general both get more cautious as they get older.
So, both get more cautious as they get older, but women more so than men 0
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