Playing Hard to Get

MagicSean

Siuin wrote: »

It's a back and forth debate- try not to get so pissy about it. I was talking about double standards against women in general, not just you.


I can understand this if someone feels the need for security, I think it's just sad that spontaneity and simply having sex because you like the person needs to suffer for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.

Well you've basically attacked every opinion put forward so far. I think you've come to the wrong place if you're looking for someone to justify your sexual appetite for you.

Siuin

MagicSean wrote: »

Well you've basically attacked every opinion put forward so far. I think you've come to the wrong place if you're looking for someone to justify your sexual appetite for you.

Attacked every opinion? Oh really? As far as I can see, I've disagreed with a number of opinions, but strongly agree with the vast majority of posters. LOL yes, that must be it- my ferocious sexual appetite and Catholic guilt must be getting the better of me :rolleyes:

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Siuin wrote: »

I just fail to understand the merits of sending a guy back home after a great date with a severe case of blue balls when we both clearly want to have sex.

I like you, can you please photocopy yourself.

Potatoeman

It’s actually abit weird not sleeping with someone that you like if you have had one night stands.

Siuin

Potatoeman wrote: »

It’s actually abit weird not sleeping with someone that you like if you have had one night stands.

Yeah, I agree that it's weird to not sleep with someone if you like them and there's no real reason not to. But it's not even just for those who have had one night stands in the past- I just think that if there's real chemistry between people and both want to have sex, then holding back simply because the girl is afraid that he won't respect her afterwards is really antiquated thinking.

Da Shins Kelly

Siuin wrote: »

I can understand this if someone feels the need for security, I think it's just sad that spontaneity and simply having sex because you like the person needs to suffer for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.

Spontaneity doesn't just suddenly disappear just because you've decided to take a bit of time to get to know someone rather than just having sex with them straight away.

Potatoeman

Siuin wrote: »

Yeah, I agree that it's weird to not sleep with someone if you like them and there's no real reason not to. But it's not even just for those who have had one night stands in the past- I just think that if there's real chemistry between people and both want to have sex, then holding back simply because the girl is afraid that he won't respect her afterwards is really antiquated thinking.

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

Da Shins Kelly

Potatoeman wrote: »

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

I've unfortunately seen it happen to friends. Not nice. People are not as progressive in their thinking about this stuff as we like to think.

Siuin

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

Spontaneity doesn't just suddenly disappear just because you've decided to take a bit of time to get to know someone rather than just having sex with them straight away.

I agree to an extent- all too often I've heard friends literally saying "ok, third date- this is it!" - they feel the need to wait until an 'acceptable' amount of time has passed before they'll allow themselves have sex, which for me kills the spontaneity of the whole act.

Potatoeman wrote: »

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

Agreed. I also think it's a sad reflection on our society that it does happen.
I also find it rather funny in a strange way - "omg, I can't believe you fúcked me! whore!" *pulls up pants*

Da Shins Kelly

Siuin wrote: »

I agree to an extent- all too often I've heard friends literally saying "ok, third date- this is it!" - they feel the need to wait until an 'acceptable' amount of time has passed before they'll allow themselves have sex, which for me kills the spontaneity of the whole act.

If that's what makes some people feel comfortable then who's to argue? Issues around sex are different for everyone. A society that pushes people to have sex as soon as possible because it's more 'spontaneous' and 'sure why wouldn't you?' is as bad as a society that guilts people over sex. People should just do whatever makes them comfortable without any pressure either way.

Da Shins Kelly

Siuin wrote: »

Agreed. I also think it's a sad reflection on our society that it does happen.
I also find it rather funny in a strange way - "omg, I can't believe you fúcked me! whore!" *pulls up pants*

This is true. These people will gladly have sex with a girl who offers it rather easily, but as soon as it's all over, they're all 'slut', 'whore', etc. Weird.

daisybelle2008

Potatoeman wrote: »

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

Holding off out of fear of being judged by some guys, implies that the judgement has value and gives weight to that opinion. Anyone who modifies their sexual behaviour for fear of other people's judgements can't really truly understand and enjoy their sexuality.

Siuin

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Holding off out of fear of being judged by some guys, implies that the judgement has value and gives weight to that opinion. Anyone who modifies their sexual behaviour for fear of other people's judgements can't really truly understand and enjoy their sexuality.

Exaaaactly!
Couldn't have said it better myself.

Gummy Panda

I was once told I play hard to get. I just didn't realise they liked me

mackg

partyguinness wrote: »

This 'playing hard to get' nonsense is for immature kids and those who think that "If I put out on the first date, I am a slag and he won't want to see me again."

This is the type of crap spouted by Womens/Girly mags and fills womens heads full of crap and notions. Depressingly too many women belleve that ****...:mad:

I have friends who do think like this. They will not see a girl who slept with them on the first date again. There was even one situation with a friend of mine and a girl where she slept with him the night they met but then refused to sleep with him again for a while in an effort to prove she wasn't that kind of girl.

I agree with OP and don't see any reason for it. Saying that it's not something I see going away any time soon. As long as women feel that they run the risk of being seen like this some will play it safe rather than risk a guy they like losing interest.

daisybelle2008

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

This is true. These people will gladly have sex with a girl who offers it rather easily, but as soon as it's all over, they're all 'slut', 'whore', etc. Weird.

This implies that sex is commodity a woman rations (offers) to a man.
We have tied sex up with emotion, judgement, exclusivity and repression.
Without the above judgements women would be freer to have more sex and enjoy their sexuality with men in a much less restrictive fashion.
I'd say the porn and sex trade would become almost extinct and everyone would be enjoying themselves a lot more. :P

Da Shins Kelly

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

This implies that sex is commodity a woman rations (offers) to a man.
We have tied sex up with emotion, judgement, exclusivity and repression.
Without the above judgements women would be freer to have more sex and enjoy their sexuality with men in a much less restrictive fashion.
I'd say the porn and sex trade would become almost extinct and everyone would be enjoying themselves a lot more. :P

Well, that was not the intended implication but rather just an expression.

irishgirl19

well I dont just wanna have sex with any Joe soap.
its an intimate act and I would like to get to know the person a little bit. in my experience some fellas are just after one thing

edit: actually now that I think of it, I can't say shiit, I didn't wait at all with my current fella and we couldnt be happier.

primrose_lily

Sorcha16 wrote: »

Maybe some people just like to build a rapport with someone before jumping into bed with them and is nothing to do with playing hard to get

I totally agree with this, im a firm believer in getting to know someone a little bit first before jumping into bed and sleeping with them! I mean i just couldnt sleep with someone or get up to 'stuff' with someone i barely knew..for me id feel a little used or something. Thats just me, everyone is different and in the moment i guess things can happen and if it feels right for you to just get straight to it then you shouldnt over think it.
I guess im a bit traditional when it comes to sex...i like to know who im sleeping with because at the end of the day you dont know who theyve slept with and you need to be safe.

As for the playing games....i dont agree with it..Yes being flirty is fun but you need to be honest about what you want at the end of the day. I wouldnt be stringing someone along only to say no and thats it. There is no point in messing with someones head like that!

Siuin

primrose_lily wrote: »

I totally agree with this, im a firm believer in getting to know someone a little bit first before jumping into bed and sleeping with them! I mean i just couldnt sleep with someone or get up to 'stuff' with someone i barely knew..for me id feel a little used or something. Thats just me, everyone is different and in the moment i guess things can happen and if it feels right for you to just get straight to it then you shouldnt over think it.
I guess im a bit traditional when it comes to sex...i like to know who im sleeping with because at the end of the day you dont know who theyve slept with and you need to be safe.

As for the playing games....i dont agree with it..Yes being flirty is fun but you need to be honest about what you want at the end of the day. I wouldnt be stringing someone along only to say no and thats it. There is no point in messing with someones head like that!

I'm not taking about casual sex with just about anyone- I'm saying that if you feel a connection with someone, you shouldn't allow the 'three date rule' or stupid assumptions about how a 'good' girl should behave inhibit you from having sex. If you feel uncomfortable about it, then fine, it's not good for you. However, I'd like to point out that just because you decide to have sex one the first, second, third time you meet them doesn't mean you won't be practicing safe sex.

Potatoeman

Siuin wrote: »

I'm not taking about casual sex with just about anyone- I'm saying that if you feel a connection with someone, you shouldn't allow the 'three date rule' or stupid assumptions about how a 'good' girl should behave inhibit you from having sex. If you feel uncomfortable about it, then fine, it's not good for you. However, I'd like to point out that just because you decide to have sex one the first, second, third time you meet them doesn't mean you won't be practicing safe sex.

Would you want to be with someone that judges you in that way?

Sorcha16

Siuin wrote: »

I'm not taking about casual sex with just about anyone- I'm saying that if you feel a connection with someone, you shouldn't allow the 'three date rule'

All sex with someone you barely know is casual. It can be intense and enjoyable but it's the knowing each other that makes it meaningful

primrose_lily

Siuin wrote: »

I'm not taking about casual sex with just about anyone- I'm saying that if you feel a connection with someone, you shouldn't allow the 'three date rule' or stupid assumptions about how a 'good' girl should behave inhibit you from having sex. If you feel uncomfortable about it, then fine, it's not good for you. However, I'd like to point out that just because you decide to have sex one the first, second, third time you meet them doesn't mean you won't be practicing safe sex.

Its not about being a 'good girl' and im not saying you wouldnt practice safe sex, like i said if it feels right for you to sleep with someone on the first date then thats fine for you, if you have that connection.
For me i just dont know could i do that even if i felt a connection with them. For me it would mean more to wait a little. Each to their own, i would never judge anyone about their decisions. Im just giving me 2 cents here. Sometimes a person doesnt know how they are going to act in a certain situation until it happens.

otto_26

Siuin wrote: »

I really don’t understand it. What is it with some guys' need to feel as if they should really have to work hard and suffer in order to sleep with a woman for her to be of any value? I just fail to understand the merits of sending a guy back home after a great date with a severe case of blue balls when we both clearly want to have sex. Hell, at times I think it’s best to cut to the chase early in order to clear the sexual tension so that you can really get to know the person without your judgement being clouded by the overwhelming urge to ride them senseless.

A male friend of mine (well, I use the term loosely as he’s really a ‘facebook friend’, which is an entirely different matter altogether) recently told me that I should have played harder to get in order to retain the attention of a guy I was dating, but to be honest I’m simply far too direct a person and feel that it’s a little immature to have to revert to such childish tactics to keep a guy keen.

If I like someone, why should I need to fúck with his head and build up this persona of a Woman of Mystery in order to keep his attention? After all, when we eventually do have sex, aren't we back to where we started anyway? It’s just sex; it’s a natural urge just like any other, so why put the pússy on a pedestal and build it up to be something it’s not? I wouldn't even call it a Madonna/Whore complex – just a matter of some guys feeling as if they always need to hunt for their food and if they don’t get a chance to stalk and kill it, then it can’t have been all that tasty to begin with.

Just… why?!

Men like to think their girlfriend isn't a slut, she wouldn't just head out on a night and pick up a stranger for sex.

If we are seeing a girl and had sex with her on the first night you met her as a man some of us have to ask ourselves "what makes me so special that she had sex with me tonight?"

The answer is............. Nothing...

So you have to think about how many men she has slept with and how easy she was and then decide if that's the type of women you want as your girlfriend... most men rather like to think their girlfriend isn't easy or a slut.

Nothing wrong with being a slut it is the 21st century just giving my opinion to questions in thread.

Siuin

otto_26 wrote: »

Men like to think their girlfriend isn't a slut, she wouldn't just head out on a night and pick up a stranger for sex.

If we are seeing a girl and had sex with her on the first night you met her as a man some of us have to ask ourselves "what makes me so special that she had sex with me tonight?"

The answer is............. Nothing...

So you have to think about how many men she has slept with and how easy she was and then decide if that's the type of women you want as your girlfriend... most men rather like to think their girlfriend isn't easy or a slut.

Nothing wrong with being a slut it is the 21st century just giving my opinion to questions in thread.

Here we go with the 'slut' assumption... I would consider myself very far from bring a slut- I'm in my mid 20s and only ever slept with 4 guys. However, I fail to see the logic of waiting until we're a few weeks into a relationship when I feel that connection with him. If a guy has failed to see what is special, then you're obviously on two very different levels.

Sorcha16 wrote: »

All sex with someone you barely know is casual. It can be intense and enjoyable but it's the knowing each other that makes it meaningful

I disagree- I don't think knowing someone is a matter of time or dates. I've had meaningful sex early in a relationship simply because we felt comfortable in eachother's company and felt we clicked on a mental level.

suicide_circus

The chase can be fun.....but a good ride is more fun.

Duggy747

I'm apparently quite good at playing hard to get.

Primarily because I never even notice when they're flirting with me, my dopey head would just be floating about in the clouds while they're doing their thing to get my attention. :pac:

It's pretty bad when you find out years later about some girls who wanted to get with you but didn't even pick up on their advances *slaps forehead*

Emeraldy Pebbles

mackg wrote: »

Saying that it's not something I see going away any time soon. As long as women feel that they run the risk of being seen like this some will play it safe rather than risk a guy they like losing interest.

And, right or wrong, a lot of men wouldn't want a potential girlfriend to be someone who slept with lots of other men.

coffee_cake

It's sad people still think this way

segaBOY

Wimmins have the task of bearing a child for 9 months and in many cases looking after said child for 18+ years. It is their instinct to look for a partner who is most suitable to provide for said offspring, even in this day and age when contraception is widely used-it is hard to override instinct. For example, women like men with muscles because back in prehistoric times they were better hunters back could protect the woman and baby. Arguably women like guys with career prospects these days for the same reason (awaits "I'm an independent woman who doesn't need a man with money" comments). There is a whole science behind sexual attraction and much of it comes down to childbearing and what is best for potential offspring, even finding the smell of your partner attractive usually means that your genes are more compatible for a healthier offspring.

Men do not have the same level of concerns and thus are happy to get the poke while it's going.

So playing hard to get is probably a mechanism to figure out if the man is worthy or not.

Get over it sunshine, not everything in life is easy!