Are we really leaving it too late?

mood

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't think they mean it quite as it sounds. Fact are that over 35 risks increase to both mother and child, a woman of that age may need more supervision than a younger mum.

I read a few time that the age of the father is also a factor with regard for the health of the baby. The media always try to pin the blame on the mother :rolleyes:

mood

Roadtrippin wrote: »

I agree. Apart from career choices and other reasons that women may have to leave it until later to have children, men need to be more educated and aware of what 'the biological clock' actually means. Some may still not care and will never want to have children before they are in their later thirties but I reckon a lot of men also don't know about fertility issues and how it could affect their partner's chances to conceive a healthy baby.
Also, I reckon that men have become a lot more commitment-phobic than they ever have in the past... Not all but definitely more than in the past. More choice, more freedom, more negative views attached to 'being tied down'...

Yes. In my parents day they were generally virgins on their wedding night and I think people married earlier to have sex and move out of home or they got caught and married asap. Life is very different now.

mood

WhiteRoses wrote: »

That isn't what I meant at all, I wasn't aware the term "geriatric pregnancy" was a medical one, as far as I was aware there was just low risk and high risk. I'm high risk myself.
I just found it crazy that the word geriatric was used when its a word I'd associate with senior citizens, not someone 35+ having a child. I would have thought someone aged 35+ was just high risk.

My mother had 4 children 34+. All healthy :rolleyes:

eviltwin

mood wrote: »

I read a few time that the age of the father is also a factor with regard for the health of the baby. The media always try to pin the blame on the mother :rolleyes:

True but a dad doesn't carry a baby, the baby is a lot more dependant on the health of the mother than that of the father, she needs to think of her own health and wellbeing too.

CaraMay

The health and quality of the sperm does come into it too and younger men tend to have healthier sperm.

IvyTheTerrible

CaraMay wrote: »

The health and quality of the sperm does come into it too and younger men tend to have healthier sperm.

I always thought that the reason the emphasis is more on the age of the mum was because we women have our eggs from birth, and so the older we are, the longer they have been exposed to all sorts of bad things, while sperm are made fresh throughout the male's life.

eviltwin

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I always thought that the reason the emphasis is more on the age of the mum was because we women have our eggs from birth, and so the older we are, the longer they have been exposed to all sorts of bad things, while sperm are made fresh throughout the male's life.

You could be right, I know here in Ireland fertility clinics have a cut off of 35 for a potential egg donor, that could be the reason.

CaraMay

Yep the eggs do age but the health of the father affects the quality of sperm and the older the Dad the riskier the sperm quality is.

tatabubbly

I'm 24 and freaking out. I've got my masters but like all other couples our age, me and my oh can't get full time jobs.

I want kids. I'd have them tomorrow but my oh wants to wait for two more years. I'm seriously worried that we won't have the energy or might have fertility problems as its a common theme in my oh's family.
I feel my clock already shouting loudly. My mum had 3 kids at this stage and i know from her that she said that having them younger is better.

Roadtrippin

tatabubbly wrote: »

I'm 24 and freaking out. I've got my masters but like all other couples our age, me and my oh can't get full time jobs.

I want kids. I'd have them tomorrow but my oh wants to wait for two more years. I'm seriously worried that we won't have the energy or might have fertility problems as its a common theme in my oh's family.
I feel my clock already shouting loudly. My mum had 3 kids at this stage and i know from her that she said that having them younger is better.

You're 24. No need to freak out yet! Your mum had 3 kids at this stage because it was an entire different generation! What's the rush at your age?

Lucyfur

I have decided, that after 2 years of trying, with 2 miscarriages, that in 6 months time, I shall be pregnant with little difficulty :cool:

I have a 10 year old. I got pregnant on the pill. I was quite young.

starlit

tatabubbly wrote: »

I'm 24 and freaking out. I've got my masters but like all other couples our age, me and my oh can't get full time jobs.

I want kids. I'd have them tomorrow but my oh wants to wait for two more years. I'm seriously worried that we won't have the energy or might have fertility problems as its a common theme in my oh's family.
I feel my clock already shouting loudly. My mum had 3 kids at this stage and i know from her that she said that having them younger is better.

You are young no need to rush but is anyone any bit ready when they have kids? If you want to have them as soon as maybe try for one and see what happens but if your oh wants to wait maybe best to do it other wise he might not feel ready, put it to your oh and see if ye can compromise and see in a year's time if he be ready but if he put it on the long finger after 2 years then ye need to discuss things further but at least he is considering the idea but I suppose some partners its harder for them to understand if one wants one now and the other doesn't.

Have kids when its right feels right and only when you want them and partner has a say in the matter. If you are anxious about having them, no harm in trying at first and see how things go? But if you want to wait another while in a few years time then wait if you think it suit but kids aren't made to suit you they are brought into the world regardless of life's plans. How many things really go to plan?

I'm 27 nearly 28, no partner, like to have kids some day but not been with someone long enough to get to a serious stage. Always thought i'd be married with kids by 28. Doesn't look like its going to happen any time soon, was sure 27/28 be my magic number to meet my future partner though but then again

I've to get a few things off the ground - career and a place of my own and maybe go back to college even work and travel abroad even so still feel young yet but not getting any younger, still feel like I am 21! I need a better standard of living and be able to afford to look after a child, give it the best start in life and time I suppose. Not really ready to have kids I think but would love to have one some day if it happens for me.

For me I think I need a bit more growing up a bit to do yet I've matured a bit since college but think I need a bit more life experiences first and meet a partner I am willing to settle down with and hopefully have kids with whether or not that be before or after marriage I don't know, more than likely in marriage if that happens. You don't have to be married to have kids! Though saying that I need a bit more experience in life not just the usual things before kids comes along, lack experience in a lot of things so need to work on that which some you wouldn't expect someone of my age to lack in !!

You don'e great to have a masters at 24!! Well done, well I suggest go travelling or work abroad and travel together like a work holiday kind of thing if looking for a job is an issue, can you do the jobbridges? If not maybe venture out of Ireland for a short time and then see about having kids if not have them now if you can no pressure like. You really can't plan your life around kids as they are only human's themselves but you don't have to drop everything to have kids if you not ready or you have a few things experience in life first then have kids when you done all that and ready to settle.

I think if you have met your partner and want to have kids with them some day then why wait? I wouldn't hang around though after a certain age, baby making can take a long time to achieve and a short time you don't know what to expect when it makes three....

Enjoy your 20's while you can, kids are for a life time but its hard to plan your life around kids as kids can just happen when its right...

I very much agree the factor doesn't just lie for women it affects men too. Age will always come into, fertility equals the age of the person people forget that!

ilovesleep

My relationship history is sh1te. I've been single more often than been hooked up. I've always wanted to have kids. Ever since I was about 6 or 7 years of age. It's always been there. I'm 30 now and no sign of it happening. I'm not in a position to really.

I'm single and have no partner which is probably the main reason. Meeting men is a difficulty with a sh1te social life. But then I'm of the opinion that meeting someone in a pub where drink is involved is a terrible way to meet a partner. So what else is there? Tried the internet dating and fcuk, no, never again. May do the lisdonvarna (spelling?) match making festival next year, maybe. But then I get on better with animals than I do with men. I'm shy too espically starting out meeting new people and then there's other times where I am not so shy.

So that's some problems. And then I'm back living at home and fcuking skint. Have very little money. So that's a huge difficulty too. How the hell would I provide for a child?

ilovesleep

Was at a family function as well recently and many of my cousins in and around my own age and even younger have babies and kids now. My mother was delighted to be left holding babies. A few weeks ago we heard of the news of someone else having a baby and my mother gave out to us - well none of ye are ever going to make me a grandmother. So the pressure is on definately.

starlit

ilovesleep wrote: »

My relationship history is sh1te. I've been single more often than been hooked up. I've always wanted to have kids. Ever since I was about 6 or 7 years of age. It's always been there. I'm 30 now and no sign of it happening. I'm not in a position to really.

I'm single and have no partner which is probably the main reason. Meeting men is a difficulty with a sh1te social life. But then I'm of the opinion that meeting someone in a pub where drink is involved is a terrible way to meet a partner. So what else is there? Tried the internet dating and fcuk, no, never again. May do the lisdonvarna (spelling?) match making festival next year, maybe. But then I get on better with animals than I do with men. I'm shy too espically starting out meeting new people and then there's other times where I am not so shy.

So that's some problems. And then I'm back living at home and fcuking skint. Have very little money. So that's a huge difficulty too. How the hell would I provide for a child?

In a similar position to you. Been single more and longer than been with someone and not been with many for a long lasting relationship to last to be honest not saying I haven't dated. I have but as I get older finding it harder to meet men compared to when I was younger? As is mine my relationship history is a lot to be desired! My social life is a lot to be desired also but it no different to if I were working or studying, though go out more often now but have less opportunities to go I suppose.

Maybe if I had a career and a place of my own I probably have a better social life not that I don't go out and meet people though but not meeting enough I would say maybe. So now that i've a bit more time I suppose I'd try to join something maybe. I've always liked to have kids but not till late 20's early 30's at least. Though never felt broody only say in the last while I don't know why but I know myself its not the best time for me to have a child and rather be married but I don't care whether I be married or not.

I don't know I think the pub scene is better than the club and online dating scene but be good to get out there join things and get involved in activities if you aren't working or meeting up with friends as much or not much opportunities to widen your circle maybe try to do that, widen your circle. I know drink is involved in a pub but at least you get a chance to speak to the person compared to club/cinema scene. To be honest I think the online dating is worse to meet someone, I think its grand short term, hook up and meet people and get dates the quick way but not always plain sailing. Online dating didn't work for me either and gave up on it quiet easily, joined and left out of boredom. Maybe I am commitment phob I don't know??? Or drifting seems to be the usual reason - outgrowing each other not suited?

It be a bit of fun and a laugh but don't take it too seriously, matchmaking festival be something different but if it just meeting people not intending to meet someone you never know what happen but best to just enjoy it not expecting anything from things are more likely to happen naturally in that way I think, its something different than the usual and its a bit of craic and banter!

Most importantly be yourself and happy with yourself then you find love when you least expect it and the most unlikely or unexpected places!

Same here better relating to animals and babies/children. Then again I guess its all on who you meet! The more people you meet the better chance of finding someone and knowing who you like/want and of course the person you think is your soulmate might not be who you think it be could be someone unexpected you never imagined or couldn't wish for more to be your soulmate, great to know but its more fun looking and finding out when it happens!

Online dating for me was dire never again - waste of time!

If you shy try to do something like fun activity or join a club improve your confidence in chatting to men, smile and hello says a lot!

True, it be hard alright but doesn't stop you from going out and enjoying yourself or dating? Doesn't have to be serious just fun and casual, no such things as love at first sight, lust at first sight even if you get a good gut feeling about the person!

rannerap

ilovesleep wrote: »

Was at a family function as well recently and many of my cousins in and around my own age and even younger have babies and kids now. My mother was delighted to be left holding babies. A few weeks ago we heard of the news of someone else having a baby and my mother gave out to us - well none of ye are ever going to make me a grandmother. So the pressure is on definately.

My mam is the same, She would be delighted If I got pregnant. When I was younger she used to warn me not to. But the last year or so she has started pointing out cute babies, and looking at baby clothes. I am the oldest and my younger brother and sister are gay and don't want kids so the pressure is definitely on My bfs mam would be delighted too. He is the youngest at 27. His older sister is mid 30s and has just broken up with her long term bf so its not looking likely for her any time soon. His older brother got married last year and he and the wife are still building careers and live in different countries at the mo!so not gonna happen there for a while either. His parents are getting on a bit and would really like some soon.

rainbow kirby

My mother has pretty much outright said that she wants grandchildren and preferably sooner rather than later. Funny thing is she aimed that pretty much equally at me and my 19 year old sister... No pressure or anything!

mood

rainbow kirby wrote: »

My mother has pretty much outright said that she wants grandchildren and preferably sooner rather than later. Funny thing is she aimed that pretty much equally at me and my 19 year old sister... No pressure or anything!

But would she be ok with you two becoming single parents? I don't know what age you are but I assume your sister is not in a long term, stable relationship at 19!

People should have kids because they want them no to keep their parent happy.

havetoquit

Sad reading some of this and takes me back to when I went through some of it, as I think do far more people than we realize.

The part that made me most sad was reading of mother's comments regarding babies, because I honestly do not believe that they truly mean it, but I do know that it touches a nerve, particularly if one is not in a secure relationship and also financially secure. The comments are insensitive really, but not intended to be.

My friend's mother made the same such remarks and she received a comment that made her think very deeply about the impact of them.

What if the daughters in question may not even be able conceive, or there is health issue with the prospective father which would prevent it? What if for very serious and premeditated reasons, the person has made a conscious decision not to have a child?

Nobody seems to consider that there are also those who through no fault of their own, simply do not experience any longing to have a child

How awful that anyone should feel under pressure of any kind to bring a child into the world.

Mothers who do this need to be gently reminded that we do not have children just to make them happy or to feel useful once their own have left home. It comes across as very selfish.

There are so many children out there who are sadly lacking in parental love and time, as they spend more time with their grand parents than their parents, often only seeing them for very short periods during the working week.

There are many potential parents of high principle and with a serious sense of responsibility out there who do not see this as the ideal way for a child to develop and want to be very much to be more hands on during the formative years of their children's lives. They often have to wait until their circumstances change to be able to do this.

Whilst it is wonderful that so many grandparents want to care for their grandchildren and make such a selfless contribution to their wellbeing, not all parents want to drop their children off each day on the way to work and not see them again until dinner time, or bedtime story time. Many come home exhausted and feel so guilty that they have missed out on the child's day and do not often have the time or energy to chat at length with them.

Many mothers would gladly stay at home during their children's early development and enjoy all the wonderful aspects of motherhood, but they simply cannot because of financial circumstances.

We are living in such economically challenging times and I admire those who give adequate consideration to having children and when to have them and it cannot be easy.

As parents we must endeavor to support and respect our daughter's decisions and be there for them, not exert pressure on them.

That is just my own opinion and is not meant to be misinterpreted as anything other than such and certainly not intended to offend anyone, regardless of their own opinions on the subject.

tatabubbly

doovdela wrote: »

You are young no need to rush but is anyone any bit ready when they have kids? If you want to have them as soon as maybe try for one and see what happens but if your oh wants to wait maybe best to do it other wise he might not feel ready, put it to your oh and see if ye can compromise and see in a year's time if he be ready but if he put it on the long finger after 2 years then ye need to discuss things further but at least he is considering the idea but I suppose some partners its harder for them to understand if one wants one now and the other doesn't.

Have kids when its right feels right and only when you want them and partner has a say in the matter. If you are anxious about having them, no harm in trying at first and see how things go? But if you want to wait another while in a few years time then wait if you think it suit but kids aren't made to suit you they are brought into the world regardless of life's plans. How many things really go to plan?

I'm 27 nearly 28, no partner, like to have kids some day but not been with someone long enough to get to a serious stage. Always thought i'd be married with kids by 28. Doesn't look like its going to happen any time soon, was sure 27/28 be my magic number to meet my future partner though but then again

I've to get a few things off the ground - career and a place of my own and maybe go back to college even work and travel abroad even so still feel young yet but not getting any younger, still feel like I am 21! I need a better standard of living and be able to afford to look after a child, give it the best start in life and time I suppose. Not really ready to have kids I think but would love to have one some day if it happens for me.

For me I think I need a bit more growing up a bit to do yet I've matured a bit since college but think I need a bit more life experiences first and meet a partner I am willing to settle down with and hopefully have kids with whether or not that be before or after marriage I don't know, more than likely in marriage if that happens. You don't have to be married to have kids! Though saying that I need a bit more experience in life not just the usual things before kids comes along, lack experience in a lot of things so need to work on that which some you wouldn't expect someone of my age to lack in !!

You don'e great to have a masters at 24!! Well done, well I suggest go travelling or work abroad and travel together like a work holiday kind of thing if looking for a job is an issue, can you do the jobbridges? If not maybe venture out of Ireland for a short time and then see about having kids if not have them now if you can no pressure like. You really can't plan your life around kids as they are only human's themselves but you don't have to drop everything to have kids if you not ready or you have a few things experience in life first then have kids when you done all that and ready to settle.

I think if you have met your partner and want to have kids with them some day then why wait? I wouldn't hang around though after a certain age, baby making can take a long time to achieve and a short time you don't know what to expect when it makes three....

Enjoy your 20's while you can, kids are for a life time but its hard to plan your life around kids as kids can just happen when its right...

I very much agree the factor doesn't just lie for women it affects men too. Age will always come into, fertility equals the age of the person people forget that!

See the thing is everyone says to wait, enjoy your 20s.. I've got my masters and I've found the man I want to spend everyday with.

I see my friends and their babies and something inside me which is totally stupid screams "I want one".

We are planning on leaving Ireland, tried the "scambridge" road in which me and my OH were exploited by both the department of education and the local county councils.. I don't even mind settling down in a different country.

I'm pretty mature for my age and feel like I'm ready.....

Sorry, its hard to explain why I want kids, I just do!

Princess Peach

tatabubbly wrote: »

See the thing is everyone says to wait, enjoy your 20s.. I've got my masters and I've found the man I want to spend everyday with.

I see my friends and their babies and something inside me which is totally stupid screams "I want one".

We are planning on leaving Ireland, tried the "scambridge" road in which me and my OH were exploited by both the department of education and the local county councils.. I don't even mind settling down in a different country.

I'm pretty mature for my age and feel like I'm ready.....

Sorry, its hard to explain why I want kids, I just do!

You're not alone! I'm also 24 and get a little panicked sometimes. I haven't even started in my career and probably have a few more years of study ahead of me, and if possible I'd love to travel more. So it does worry me when will I find time for babies! I'm for sure not ready right now, but I do feel the pressure sometimes.

And I worry I set my career goals too high, and won't be able to have everything I want I life. But anyway I can't start a family yet, just wanted to let you know I'm with ya

mariebeth

These kind of threads make me sad and a little panicked. I'm 29, would love to have children, but unfortunately I'm single and it looks like I'll be staying that way for a while, so as for kids, well failing an unplanned pregnancy, it doesn't look like it'll be happening anytime soon.

rainbow kirby

mood wrote: »

But would she be ok with you two becoming single parents? I don't know what age you are but I assume your sister is not in a long term, stable relationship at 19!

People should have kids because they want them no to keep their parent happy.

Fully agree with ya there, it's just funny that she aimed it at my sister too! I'm 28, and have been in a relationship for almost a year. My younger sister is currently on and off dating a guy who is in a 3 year relationship with someone else... :rolleyes:

Neyite

mariebeth wrote: »

These kind of threads make me sad and a little panicked. I'm 29, would love to have children, but unfortunately I'm single and it looks like I'll be staying that way for a while, so as for kids, well failing an unplanned pregnancy, it doesn't look like it'll be happening anytime soon.

Um, I was single at 29 and shortly before my 30th birthday I met my partner. We are 8 years together and have just had our first child. We are planning on working on the second soon. I'm 37 so you still have heaps of time.

Stheno

mood wrote: »

My mother had 4 children 34+. All healthy :rolleyes:

tatabubbly wrote: »

I'm 24 and freaking out. I've got my masters but like all other couples our age, me and my oh can't get full time jobs.

I want kids. I'd have them tomorrow but my oh wants to wait for two more years. I'm seriously worried that we won't have the energy or might have fertility problems as its a common theme in my oh's family.
I feel my clock already shouting loudly. My mum had 3 kids at this stage and i know from her that she said that having them younger is better.

I've never felt a clock, never wanted kids, it's the curse of being the oldest of being a big family that spanned 20 years

You've agreed a timescale, you are still going to be you and healthy for many years, and you'll have time.

My mum had me at 26 and her second youngest at 43

Lucyfur wrote: »

I have decided, that after 2 years of trying, with 2 miscarriages, that in 6 months time, I shall be pregnant with little difficulty :cool:

I have a 10 year old. I got pregnant on the pill. I was quite young.

You shall

tatabubbly wrote: »

See the thing is everyone says to wait, enjoy your 20s.. I've got my masters and I've found the man I want to spend everyday with.

I see my friends and their babies and something inside me which is totally stupid screams "I want one".

We are planning on leaving Ireland, tried the "scambridge" road in which me and my OH were exploited by both the department of education and the local county councils.. I don't even mind settling down in a different country.

I'm pretty mature for my age and feel like I'm ready.....

Sorry, its hard to explain why I want kids, I just do!

Can't relate to it, but if you want kids, and a life that supports them, do.

Neyite wrote: »

Um, I was single at 29 and shortly before my 30th birthday I met my partner. We are 8 years together and have just had our first child. We are planning on working on the second soon. I'm 37 so you still have heaps of time.

I remember being in my dentists a couple of years ago, and hearing one of my good friends on the radio on todayfm. His name was Paul, and he was describing his first year with his first child after his wife went through a horrendous time due to surgery (it was an ivf child that needed surgery as investigation)

It brought tears to my eyes, that description of that first year, all the firsts, all the never to be experienced again moments, and knowing them firsthand, the sheer joy of those moments.

She was 41 at the time.

Don't give up.