How many people here know someone who committed suicide?

torrential1

I am a firm believer that a substantial amount of people particularly in rural areas commit suicide due to issues with sexuality. homophobia and nasty gossip is still rife in rural Ireland and as a gay man from a rural background I witnessed this. The whispering, snide comments etc. Yes times have changed but being out in rural Ireland is not the walk in the park some make out it is.

SusieBlue

I have a friend whose father took his own life when she was 8. He did it the week before her First Communion. He had just found out that his brain tumour (which he had kept secret from the family) was terminal. Her mum found him hanging from a tree in the garden.

Sadly, the same friend's mother died in a car crash when we were in second year, leaving my friend and her younger brother without either of their parents. They now live with their elderly grandmother, who is in the early stages of dementia. Life can be so cruel.

I don't agree that people who take their own lives are selfish. You have no idea what could be going through someone else's head.

Roisy7

dueaug wrote: »

Thanks for listening. After 6 years friends etc think you should be over something like this.

My granddad died (of cancer) when my mother was 16, over 40 years ago, and it still affects her deeply. She still cries. So there is no time limit on grief, and true friends should understand this. Sending you my love.

I can't even count the number of people I know who have died by suicide. The first one I remember is my cousin who died when I was 7. I remember vividly one of the girls in my class saying he had done it over a girl (she was a neighbour). We were SEVEN years old and we had already learned the whispering, sweeping it under the carpet, it-a-was-silly-thing-to-do talk.

So many young men in my town have killed themselves too. They all seemed to have everything to live for, popular young men etc.

Someone I know had two siblings die by suicide in the space of 5 years.

There have been mental health issues in my family. My great-grandfather died in a psychiatric hospital and we don't even know where he's buried. So many of my friends have gone through depression and hard times. It's so common, and nothing to be ashamed of.

A poster said earlier that a way to beat depression and pull back from the brink was to count every victory. I did that when I was going through a bad time, I would force myself to look forward to every tiny thing that I still cared enough to like, until I came out of it.

This thread is absolutely heartbreaking.

EDIT: I meant to add, I know other posters have mentioned single vehicle road accidents sometimes being suicides, but I've always looked at alcoholism, and extreme drinking, as being a form of suicidal self-destruction. I think we have all seen people drinking themselves into an absolute state on a regular basis because there is something in them hurting. I'm not expressing myself very well but I think there is something so wrong with Irish society that people feel the need to destroy themselves in a variety of ways on such a huge scale.

ashblag

i dont know them personally but every year i hear of someone in this area dying by suicide.
And to the people who think it is selfish I can tell you being at the other end myself taking your own life seems the most unselfish option. To hurt so bad you dont want to be a burden to others is so not the easiest decision to make.
Im lucky to have survived to attempts though i did feel selfish after both times.
To the ones left behind my heart goes out to them.

cartell_best

I remember we lived for the weekend. No matter what went on during the week, it was friday night. We lived for that. A chance just to go and get locked and worry about next week when monday came. P*iss takin was a great talent he had (in a great way).

It wasn't until I was walking down the street a few days later when my phone rang. It was a friend I hadn't spoken to in a while when and I knew by her tone, something wasn't right. I never expected it to be what she said to me. I remember standing in the middle of a busy street, with my phone in my left hand to my ear and just thinking she was taking the p*iss.

It wasn't so, that friend I got pissedd with so many times, the lad that was so happy to be getting married, the fella that just enjoyed life, wasn't there anymore. He decided to end his existence. I don't hate him for doing what he did. I regret the fact that no matter how close we were, that he couldn't tell me how bad things had become.

I'm not a stranger to suicide btw. I have lost a number of people I love dearly because of it. It wasn't until this particular friend passed away that made me realise that no matter how hard, no matter how fooked up life becomes, there are people there that love you. Just because you don't see them everyday, just because ye don't text each other regularly, doesn't mean they aren't thinking about you.

This is one instance where if I invented a time machine, I would go back and recognise the signs....

mikemac1

deandean wrote: »

1 BFFL - BANG
5 close friends - 2 BANG, 2 hanging, 1 'car accident'
3 people I know and/or worked with. 1 BANG, 1 hanging, 1 O/D

deandean wrote: »

By comparison, no friend of mine has died in a (accidental) car accident.

But how can anyone say for sure

I wrote off a car on a straight bit of road after working a night shift, tiredness, my fault

Happens every week around Ireland
People pull mad shifts and tiredness is a killer

People are going to call it suicide if someone dies in a single vehicle accident?

Nobody knows for sure
I don't think you should assume

WhatNowForUs?

mikemac1 wrote: »

deandean wrote: »

1 BFFL - BANG
5 close friends - 2 BANG, 2 hanging, 1 'car accident'
3 people I know and/or worked with. 1 BANG, 1 hanging, 1 O/D

deandean wrote: »

By comparison, no friend of mine has died in a (accidental) car accident.

But how can anyone say for sure

I wrote off a car on a straight bit of road after working a night shift, tiredness, my fault

Happens every week around Ireland
People pull mad shifts and tiredness is a killer

People are going to call it suicide if someone dies in a single vehicle accident?

Nobody knows for sure
I don't think you should assume

He was a close friend, I think he is in a better position to say.

mikemac1

Fair point

gsxr1

strokeslover wrote: »

And the parents often blame themselves for what has happened.

chatterpillar wrote: »

I wouldn't agree that it's bad or selfish.

Of course it's a horrendous thing to deal with, for those left behind. But it's not done with the intention of causing that sort of pain to family/friends.

I can't even imagine being in so dark a place, that ending my life would seem to be the preferable option. It's horrific to think the amount of mental pain and suffering you'd have to have gone through to get to that point.

I would think that, to be at such a low point, you'd be in so much pain that you wouldn't even be able to quite get your head around the extent of the grief that would result from your death. It's not an act of selfishness, moreso of desperation.

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I hate this attitude that it is a selfish act. A lot of people kill themeselves because they feel they are a burden to their loved ones and feel killing themeselves will help other people as they wont see them depressed and miserable no longer.

That was certainly the case when I attempted suicide back in april, because I felt a failure to my parents and didn't want them to see the failure that was me and felt like me being no longer around they wouldn't have to put up the pain with seeing me cry anymore. Since then I have had therapy which is ongoing but I'm no means out of the clear though.

The problem with depressed people, and I speak as this to myself, is that a lot of suicidal people aren't thinking rationally in the first place so its not really fair to judge them in such a way.

jeepers101 wrote: »

Its opinions like this that leaves suicide and depression such a taboo in our society. This needs to change before people can feel comfortable asking for help.

Ok . I am sorry if my opinion has indeed offended people. But I cant help but stand by my feelings about it.
The lad I was talking about left a trail of destruction with his suicide. Deeply affecting everyone around him. His mother has been in complete depression for the last 6 years and close to the same desperate act because of it. She blames herself even though she was a loving mother who did all she could for him. If he thought he was a burden before(which he was not) what has he become now.
explain how doing this to you mom is not selfish??

In truth . For months after , I held alot of anger towards him.
You are right about one thing. I dont understand it. Maybe I need counseling to get over it. I think about him often and doubt I will ever forget.

Fr_Dougal

MadsL wrote: »

I read recently however (and please don't take this as me diminishing the prevalence or the devastating impact of suicide) that an estimated 30% of male hanging suicides are auto-erotic hangings gone bad. So not all apparent suicides are intentional.

Source here

Wow...just wow.

Why you'd even think to post that in a thread about suicide...FFS

jessiejam

If those who are suicidal had someone to talk to, that, in the past were in the exact position that they find themselves in now, it could help.

Someone who understands first hand what they are going through.

I mean if I were going through something awful, relationship, financial or whatever, if I were suicidal (which im not tg) I think it would really help me to find out how that person got through it, and survived it.

A bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Real Life

jessiejam wrote: »

If those who are suicidal had someone to talk to, that, in the past were in the exact position that they find themselves in now, it could help.

Someone who understands first hand what they are going through.

I mean if I were going through something awful, relationship, financial or whatever, if I were suicidal (which im not tg) I think it would really help me to find out how that person got through it, and survived it.

A bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

this might work in some cases but most of the time if you have serious depression you will feel like no one understands. Everyones situation is different just because someone got through their depression doesnt mean i can get through it the same way.

Also to the people saying that there is people that love you and care etc. that doesnt really matter, I know loads of people love me but that doesnt help my depression any, even though people love me and care and say they are there for you, you still feel alone, frustrated and like no one can understand. not your family, your friends or a therapist.

Einhard

A man down the road from me took his own life about 12 years ago. A few years later, his son took his life in the same place in the same manner. Both were found by the wife/mother. It's chilling to think about. More people are killed in Ireland through suicide than on the roads, which really is a horrible statistic.

deandean

mikemac1 wrote: »

But how can anyone say for sure

I wrote off a car on a straight bit of road after working a night shift, tiredness, my fault

Happens every week around Ireland
People pull mad shifts and tiredness is a killer

People are going to call it suicide if someone dies in a single vehicle accident?

Nobody knows for sure
I don't think you should assume

Yea there is always a degree of uncertainty. In the particular case of my pal alas it was pretty well established after the fact.

There is a measure of published research on the subject of "car accidents", it is one of those grey areas that distorts the figures (i.e. the true level of suicides is under reported). An inquest is not gonna record 'death by suicide' - or whatever it is termed - in any car crash. The cornoner if he did would probably end up in the High Court.

Pottler

A friend committed suicide a few months back and I know plenty of other who have done the same. I was chatting with him hours before he did it and he appeared fine, normal self. I'd love to get hold of him now, show him his wife, his kids, and kick his ar5e for him. Not for being selfish(possibly), but for being short sighted. He was buried in debt and could see no way out. I did not know this at the time. If I had, I'd have shown him an easy way out that did not involve the ultimate solution - tell them all to go shyte, it's money, get over it. Family is more important. I laugh at life, mostly, never really let it get in on me, and I'm always under pressure, but pressure is for tyres and at the end of the day, I'm not dying for work and money. I wish I could tell him that now, but I can't. I wish I had told him that then, but I didn't know. Now I hope he rests in peace. It's a huge issue in Ireland, and a very sad one.

Duiske

I know of 8 people who I would have known well. One of them was an aunt who took her life 5 weeks after her husband died of cancer. I like to think that she just died of a broken heart.

branbee

Quite a few, but none that i would have been close to.
One that stands out the most to me is a woman who had gone through something similar to what i was going through at the time and i always looked up to her and admired her strength and always told myself if she can do this so can i, so when i heard the news it knocked me for six. Her suicide wasnt related to the situation we both experienced but she never knew that she, in a weird way, gave me strength and hope but she personally didnt feel it in herself. Very sad.

JustAThought

This is a terribly sad thread. When you think of all the families and loved ones and friends of each of the people who committed suicide. And of the catastrophic pain, hopelessness and despair that the person was in, maybe for months, or years.

3.
A childhood friend. Chronically depressed.
A Fabulous, generous, charismatic, gay neighbour.
And a neighbours OH who came home & hung themselves in the garden.

All left distraught families, friends & communities behind them. All were from the same street, years apart.

I'd just like to say that the VHI covers a 5 week residential mental health /depression/suicide opt-in stay in some clinics and programmes. If you are close to the edge , this is an option. If you don't have VHI you can go to your doctor and ask them to see if they can have you enrolled in a public residential programme.

Pieta House has a FREE residential service. It also offers free counselling & support services. You dont need a doctor to be involved; you can personally just ring, or email , and say you need help. They will ring or email you back ; totally confidentally. You can also ask for help for a friend or family member. They have a website with all the details on it.
Their philosophy is that if you are in despair or in a dark place to remember that this now is the darkest time and that you never need suffer alone again once you ring or email them ; as soon as you send the email or call their help is promised and on it's way as soon as they get into work the following morning or pick up their after hours message.

Remember Pieta House if you are in a dark place and reach out to them for help.
Www.pieta.ie

As other posters have said too; there are also other great organisations too. And the Samaratins who are also there for you 24 hours a day, every day of the year.

1850 60 90 90

EZ24GET

When an uncle of mine decided to end his life he was very thorough about it. It happened in Florida, so I don't know what avenues may have been available, but his family tried to get him under mental health program but were told he had to voluntarily put himself in the program. He was sure the answer was his removal. The idea made him happy. He was in good spirits, calling people just to touch bases and chat. His family contacted the police and they were told unless he was threatening other people there was nothing they could do as no crime had been committed. They tried to follow him around but early one morning he slipped away and went to the bottom of the yard and put a bullet directly into his heart. They found out he had contacted the insurance company to be sure he had carried the policy long enough to insure it would pay off and likewise the pension and Social Security because there were minor children. He really thought he was doing the right thing. That is one of the problems - some people who commit suicide aren't looking to have help given them, they are convinced they've found the solution. They are often elated at the prospect of not being. They don't feel they need therapy, they are fixing it themselves.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

LordSutch

I used to get served my pints by a young fella who worked in a hotel lounge, he was a very serious type but I would always obtain a bit of small talk, all seemed well to me, then one day I arrived in for a pint and I heard the news. How sad, and what a waste I thought, but why?

I never found out the details, and to be honest I didn't want to, suicide is an awful thing and when you think of the depths that these people must sink to, its just unfathomable to the rest of us. God knows life is short enough even if you do make three score years and ten (biblical quote).

Amy33

Can people please stop saying "committed" suicide. My brother took his life in 2010 and I find the term committed suicide highly insensitive. I also strongly believe it contributes to the stigma still attached to suicide even in this day and age. The word committed implies that some sort of crime was committed. Criminals commit crimes. My brother was a sweet and kind person and also my best friend. He didn't commit a crime by taking his own life.

Muir

Amy33 wrote: »

Can people please stop saying "committed" suicide. My brother took his life in 2010 and I find the term committed suicide highly insensitive. I also strongly believe it contributes to the stigma still attached to suicide even in this day and age. The word committed implies that some sort of crime was committed. Criminals commit crimes. My brother was a sweet and kind person and also my best friend. He didn't commit a crime by taking his own life.

I'm sorry that you find it insensitive but personally I don't even relate the 'committed' part to crime at all. No one here (from what I've read) is trying to imply that it is a crime. It's the most common way to say it, which is why people do. I don't think that stigmatizes it, I think there's only a stigma attached because so many people don't understand it. I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

who_me

Pottler wrote: »

A friend committed suicide a few months back and I know plenty of other who have done the same. I was chatting with him hours before he did it and he appeared fine, normal self. I'd love to get hold of him now, show him his wife, his kids, and kick his ar5e for him. Not for being selfish(possibly), but for being short sighted. He was buried in debt and could see no way out. I did not know this at the time. If I had, I'd have shown him an easy way out that did not involve the ultimate solution - tell them all to go shyte, it's money, get over it. Family is more important. I laugh at life, mostly, never really let it get in on me, and I'm always under pressure, but pressure is for tyres and at the end of the day, I'm not dying for work and money. I wish I could tell him that now, but I can't. I wish I had told him that then, but I didn't know. Now I hope he rests in peace. It's a huge issue in Ireland, and a very sad one.

Good point. Sadly, a lot of suicides seem to be linked to financial problems (I'd argue it's a catalyst rather than the cause). I suppose part of the problem is that it can't easily be avoided. If you have social problems, you can just stay away, stay home. You won't be happy, but you'll feel 'safe'. If you have financial problems, it feels like there's nowhere to hide from them.

I avoided dealing with my own financial problems for years, and when I finally worked up the courage to face up to them, I was surprised how decent people can be when you're honest with them and accept responsibility. I don't mean to downplay others' financial problems, but it was an enormous weight off my mind when I finally talked to people about getting it sorted.

cabincrewifly

I don't know how people in deep depression pull through. I was diagnosed with mild depression and I had my very bad days but thank god I'm on the way out of it. I can't describe the feeling of it. The option to end it all is the only thing left sometimes as an option to ending the pain. Counselling did help me a lot. I had to leave school before my l.c for my peace of mind. Another boy in my year committed suicide just before the pre exams.

If there is anyone out there who wants to talk, or just a few words of advice, don't hesitate to contact me.

up for anything

Amy, thanks for pointing that out. I never thought about it before but you make a fair point.

Before a couple of hours ago I had nothing to contribute to this thread other than a man I worked with years ago. Now, I have someone else. My best friend's brother.

Nuts!

Amy33 wrote: »

Can people please stop saying "committed" suicide. My brother took his life in 2010 and I find the term committed suicide highly insensitive. I also strongly believe it contributes to the stigma still attached to suicide even in this day and age. The word committed implies that some sort of crime was committed. Criminals commit crimes. My brother was a sweet and kind person and also my best friend. He didn't commit a crime by taking his own life.

I do agree with this. Suicide is no longer deemed a crime by the Irish government, and it never should have been. The choice of language used does have an effect on how the issue is seen by the general population (and it can be upsetting to family members affected by suicide). Culturally, the term "committed suicide" is still prevalent it would seem, but we would be doing a service to those who die by suicide and to those affected by suicide if we were to use more appropriate and accurate language when discussing it.

marxcoo

I've known of a few over the years - all young guys. The first was a friend of a friend who hung himself at 14 - I still regularly think about him and wonder what could have brought him to that place at such a young age. So sad. The others were various stories of heartbreak, depression, addiction. It's always the same - the problems don't seem that bad to the person looking in from the outside but when you are living through that pain yourself, there is just unending darkness.
I worry about friends and family all the time if I feel they are going through a tough time. I know how quickly sadness can become absolutely unbearable.

The Gride

I can quickly think of 7

1 aged 18

4 aged 35 -50

2 aged 50 +

DuPLeX

I had one person I knew who threw himself off an apartment block in London years ago . total shock to everyone. as for "the stigma" I believe there should be a stigma ..its there for a reason , it serves a purpose and if it makes a person think twice about killing themself then that is good .