How many people here know someone who committed suicide?

beks101

Luckily no-one close. A girl I knew from college. Friends of friends. Friends of my parents. People I'd met in passing. Mainly young people.

Suicide terrifies me, because I just don't understand it. What is it that causes something to snap in someone's head, to the point where suicide turns from a thought to a plan of action?

I really believe it's something that crosses everyone's mind at some point. I've had my darker moments, I've thought about it, but usually more on the musings of what the reactions would be. How would my family cope. What would people say. Who would find me. How would I be remembered.

Even in my darkest moments, I've never crossed that threshold from musing about it to making plans. Even in those moments, I've known that I never would, that I never could. I believe too much that things can change, I've never become completely and utterly devoid of hope. What is it that causes someone to cross that threshold?

RED PASSION

beks101 wrote: »

I've had my darker moments, I've thought about it, but usually more on the musings of what the reactions would be. How would my family cope. What would people say. Who would find me. How would I be remembered.

Even in my darkest moments, I've never crossed that threshold from musing about it to making plans. Even in those moments, I've known that I never would, that I never could. I believe too much that things can change, I've never become completely and utterly devoid of hope. What is it that causes someone to cross that threshold?

lucky you

wonderfullife

beks101 wrote: »

Luckily no-one close. A girl I knew from college. Friends of friends. Friends of my parents. People I'd met in passing. Mainly young people.

Suicide terrifies me, because I just don't understand it. What is it that causes something to snap in someone's head, to the point where suicide turns from a thought to a plan of action?

I really believe it's something that crosses everyone's mind at some point. I've had my darker moments, I've thought about it, but usually more on the musings of what the reactions would be. How would my family cope. What would people say. Who would find me. How would I be remembered.

Even in my darkest moments, I've never crossed that threshold from musing about it to making plans. Even in those moments, I've known that I never would, that I never could. I believe too much that things can change, I've never become completely and utterly devoid of hope. What is it that causes someone to cross that threshold?

None of us can answer these questions properly. But there must come a point in their lives where death is a release for them from the torture of life. That living is so unbearable that death has to be better.

beks101

beks101 wrote: »

Even in my darkest moments, I've never crossed that threshold from musing about it to making plans. Even in those moments, I've known that I never would, that I never could. I believe too much that things can change, I've never become completely and utterly devoid of hope. What is it that causes someone to cross that threshold?

I have a roughly twice a year cycle which has generally been getting worse apart from the worst time which was around 6 years ago. Month or so ago I felt myself slipping a little, staying in a bit more etc., now I'm at the depression/wallowing point and in a month or two I'll likely be at the making excuses not to just off myself and fingers crossed as usual will manage to somehow drift through it to the other side.

It'll be different for different people but from I've come across it's a relief, that's it. It really is so, so difficult to explain what leads up to it to someone who hasn't been there because looking back is like looking at some dire version of oneself. Eventually you get to a point where you're sure that the excuses to not do it don't matter, that you won't be around, that it'll be done. You see the end ahead and it's not scary, there's no anxiety or panic, it's where you think you've always wanted to go.

Rev.Sulphur

I know a lot (unfortunately) I have different views about it. It's something which is totally ignored in Irish media and politics. That's all I am going to say.

girlonfire

Yes, I do know people who have taken their lives. I've also been there myself, but luckily I've come out the other end.
I haven't read every post in this thread, but I've skimmed through and I'm quite surprised and saddened by the ignorance of some posters.
While suicide may seem like a selfish act to some, it's important to remember that it's not a rational act. The person is not trying to hurt anyone. He/she is in such a tremendous amount of pain that death becomes the only viable option.
I often look back on my own situation and I cannot believe that I tried to take my own life. I really wasn't myself. My thinking wasn't rational. There was no part of me that believed I would ever feel better. My family spent their time trying to keep me afloat when I wasn't in a hospital. I didn't want that for them. I felt like I was a huge burden on them and that the pain of losing me would pass in time, whereas if I went on living, their lives would be miserable for as long as I happened to be around. Obviously, it goes deeper than that, but that's a small insight into how my mind was working at the time.

If it was safe for people to talk about their mental health, without fear of ridicule, rejection and the chin-up attitude that is so prevalent in this country, the statistics may change.

RED PASSION

girlonfire wrote: »

Yes, I do know people who have taken their lives. I've also been there myself, but luckily I've come out the other end.
I haven't read every post in this thread, but I've skimmed through and I'm quite surprised and saddened by the ignorance of some posters.
While suicide may seem like a selfish act to some, it's important to remember that it's not a rational act. The person is not trying to hurt anyone. He/she is in such a tremendous amount of pain that death becomes the only viable option.
I often look back on my own situation and I cannot believe that I tried to take my own life. I really wasn't myself. My thinking wasn't rational. There was no part of me that believed I would ever feel better. My family spent their time trying to keep me afloat when I wasn't in a hospital. I didn't want that for them. I felt like I was a huge burden on them and that the pain of losing me would pass in time, whereas if I went on living, their lives would be miserable for as long as I happened to be around. Obviously, it goes deeper than that, but that's a small insight into how my mind was working at the time.

If it was safe for people to talk about their mental health, without fear of ridicule, rejection and the chin-up attitude that is so prevalent in this country, the statistics may change.

Glad you are still alive, you are a brave and intelligent person ....RESPECT

Kimia

I think that there is a common theme when talking about suicide and having thoughts of suicide, and that is isolation. I think that when a person feels isolated, shut off, alone, like they can't talk to anyone for fear of what the other person may think, that's when it starts getting dark and hope starts fading.

That's not to say that those who have died by suicide were actually alone. Likely they had many people around, family members, friends etc. But it's the fear of shame, humiliation, pity, and just knowing that it's a scary subject that is hard to talk about, will put people off talking about it, which in turn builds the sense of isolation.

If we remove the stigma, and get people to start talking about without fear of judgement and shame, I genuinely think it could make a real difference.

Kimia

Kimia wrote: »

I think that there is a common theme when talking about suicide and having thoughts of suicide, and that is isolation. I think that when a person feels isolated, shut off, alone, like they can't talk to anyone for fear of what the other person may think, that's when it starts getting dark and hope starts fading.

That's not to say that those who have died by suicide were actually alone. Likely they had many people around, family members, friends etc. But it's the fear of shame, humiliation, pity, and just knowing that it's a scary subject that is hard to talk about, will put people off talking about it, which in turn builds the sense of isolation.

If we remove the stigma, and get people to start talking about without fear of judgement and shame, I genuinely think it could make a real difference.

It would make a difference in some cases for sure but when someone reaches a certain point talking may not help. Getting nought but platitudes and knowing that the other person doesn't get it doesn't particularly help and knowing that you have put your problem into their head is a **** feeling and there can be no benefit to it.

hinault

My godmother's son committed suicide.
My neighbour's son committed suicide.
Our friends son committed suicide.
A former work colleague committed suicide.
My brothers friend committed suicide.

These are people who I know directly who died by suicide.

Kimia

Deleted User wrote: »

It would make a difference in some cases for sure but when someone reaches a certain point talking may not help. Getting nought but platitudes and knowing that the other person doesn't get it doesn't particularly help and knowing that you have put your problem into their head is a **** feeling and there can be no benefit to it.

That's definitely a good point. Sometimes people are too far gone to even want help.

I suppose all we can really do as fellow humans is to let that person know that we are there to listen if they ever need to talk. On a wider scale, it's our obligation to work on removing the taboo that still surrounds suicide. The very fact that people still call it 'a selfish act' harks back to the days where it was a crime (ironically punishable by death in Victorian England).

It's not selfish in the slightest. It has very little to do with other people at all. Usually the person who feels hopeless enough to attempt to die by suicide believes that their death would be a relief to them and their family (be relieving a burden for example).

Calling suicide selfish is trying to put a label on an act, which for a lot of people, is very hard to understand. Suicide is deeply personal - it comes from a very isolated, lonely and hopeless place.

Perhaps an alternative way of looking at it is rather than saying it's 'selfish', with all the negative connotations that come with such a word, it would be more accurate and less judgmental to call it 'individualistic'. Really, who are we to judge others for exercising their right to self-determination.? No matter how deeply painful we find their actions.

Personally, I believe that people have (or should have) the fundamental right to choose whether to live or die. But on an empathetic level, if I do know someone who is suicidal I will try, where possible, to let that person know that dying is not, or at least doesn't have to be, the only way to end their extreme emotional pain. That's all really we can do.

I was the one earlier in the thread saying I think it's selfish. :pac:

Even before getting to the point of no return it can feel pretty pointless to talk to someone and a lot of the time getting to the point that it feels like it's something important enough to bring up one may already be at the cynical stage of not weeing the point in burdening someone else for little benefit.

Certainly I'd encourage anyone to talk and when someone does to me the first thing I do after they apologise is give out to them for not doing it sooner. :P

Kimia

Yea, I can see how talking to someone can feel pointless when you're depressed and see no way out or no way of ending the depression. Another way of looking at it is that you have nothing else to lose, so why not talk to someone?

I think the main barriers to people talking to others about their suicidal thoughts is the fear of shame, judgement, people 'not getting it', like you said, and not wanting to seem weak.

I think if we change our attitude to mental illnesses like depression, this would change. Imagine how it would be for someone with depression if we as a society viewed it the same way we view someone with a physical illness. No more fear of being seen as 'indulgent' and 'selfish' etc - there would be no shame at all in reaching out for help from a medical professional.

Dude111

I know 1 person who has and 1 who might have.. Quite sad

EZ24GET

When my uncle ended his life he was suffering some back pain, was having a difficult time at work and was convinced he was doing the right thing. His family knew he was suicidal and tried to get him help, he refused. He was sure his removal from life would be best for all concerned. WE would have wanted him to stay , we miss him still even after all these years. His thoughts were anything but selfish. He made sure they would be financially sound, he went to the library and studied angles and placement of the heart and made very thorough plans- even looked into burials and funerals. He believed they would be better off without him. He was wrong but he wasn't being selfish, I wonder now if the medications for the back injury may have contributed to his feelings,

maninasia

steddyeddy wrote: »

I knew two vicitms of sexual abuse who died by suicide. The image of the rope marks on her neck at the wake will haunt me for a long time . Theres not a week goes by where I dont think about her and the b"stards who took her innocence and those in power who refused to protect her.

I wonder what the statistics are related to abuse. Men may not admit this as readily as women.

Also, what is the role of alcohol, alcohol is a depressant, and binging on alcohol has increased over the last few decades.

maninasia

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Wow...just wow.

Why you'd even think to post that in a thread about suicide...FFS

Because it might actually save some lives.

Ally Dick

I used to play golf with a man who was in his 60s, as part of a golf society. When he didn't show up one Saturday, I found out that he had been diagnosed with cancer, and had decided to end it. I was very shocked. He was a gentleman. I miss him. God rest him. RIP

Wibbs

To be fair AD that's a little different. If I was told I had some terminal disease, depending on what the nature of it was and how the end would come I could well see taking my own end into my own hands. That's more a euthanasia debate.

BrokenArrows

Don't know anyone who killed themselves but I took a guys room who jumped infront of a train.

Jennifer Parker

A class mates father shot himself when we were in 2nd year... When I was in 6th year a boy in my year commited suicide in the 1st mid term break... one of the worst days in my entire school career... apparently his parents had put a lot of pressure on him to do very well in the leaving cert and he couldn't cope with it... I didn't really know him well so I can't even say whether this took me by surprise..
I was really surprised when one girl in my PLC course took her life...I wouldn't have ever considered her to be in danger of doing something like that as she was always smiling, laughing and a very lively person, whom you could easily have a laugh with... we had some suicide awareness training in class after this...

when one of my friends in my study group tried to kill himself (turned out it wasn't the first time) and the day he tried it, I told one of his friends I felt he was a little bit unstable... felt absolutely horrible after I found out he tried to kill himself only hours before I said this (without having known what happened obviously)... he's still in therapy now and I haven't found the courage to talk to him, because I felt I should have mentioned something to him... but then again, who walks up to someone and asks them whether they need psychological help when you're not that close to them...

rochey84

DuPLeX wrote: »

I had one person I knew who threw himself off an apartment block in London years ago . total shock to everyone. as for "the stigma" I believe there should be a stigma ..its there for a reason , it serves a purpose and if it makes a person think twice about killing themself then that is good .

You my friend have no idea how that stigma leads to more suicides within families, that is why there is a call for the end to the stigma, and people might feel a bit better about seeking out help if there is no stigma!

Amazingfun

Just saw this and thought it might be of interest here, apologies if this is a repeat of anyone else's post, I haven't had the time to read everything!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2207089/56-million-suicide-prevention-programme-launched-study-reveals-Americans-lives-die-car-crashes.html

In 2009, more than 37,000 Americans took their own lives, a number that the government and private groups such as Facebook are fighting to lower.
A suicide prevention programme is being launched under the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act, backed by $56 million of federal money.
The Act was signed by George Bush in 2004, in memory of suicide-victim Garrett, son of former U.S. Senator Gordon Smith.
Speaking at a September 10 news conference Smith said: 'Our goal is, in the next five years, we will save 20,000 human lives.
'This issue touches nearly every family. It is something we can do something about. It's the work of angels.'
Lanny Berman, executive director of the American Association of Suicidology, said while much is known about how to prevent suicides there are 'centuries of stigmatic attitudes' that need to be overcome.
'Both global and national increases in the number and rate of suicides should concern all of us,' he added, pushing for a 'collaborative effort to turn these many lives from despair and hopelessness to ones of meaning and brighter futures'.

Amazingfun

I saw this today and thought of this thread:

http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?p=822

Warning: A suicidal man attends a seminar in deep despair and leaves 'joyous'. Sounds a bit trite, but it really is worth seeing.

Wee Willy Harris

Brother's pal did this over a year ago. They hadn't seen him in a while but was on meds; had a row with the doctor about em and then strung himself up in the boiler room apparently.. in a fit of confused rage

Think I've felt such fits of rage, almost wanting to remove oneself from the equation but it's fleeting and completely out of character n I'm sure everyone has experienced em after what is in the aftermath a minor tiff.. but I guess his; was complicated.

lukesmom

Know of several who have gone this way
Have depression/anxiety myself but am on medication long term for it and it thankfully helps me. I have thought a lot about wanting to go away for the past year. I have been grieving for my brother who died in his sleep age 22 last year and just wanting to be with him again has made dying something I often imagine. But with 3 small children I always manage to pull myself out of that dark hole. At times it's unbearable but then I think of my mother and father and the pain they are going through at losing their youngest child and how I could never inflict any more on them.
And no there is nothing selfish about suicide. Nothing.
If you've never found yourself inside that place where a black cloud of gloom hangs over you, where you can't eat/sleep/think straight anymore. Where you fear everything that is to come, can't wash or do basic things. All the joy has been zapped from your life and you are so mentally and physically exhausted. You feel worthless and all you want to do is sleep. You long to be able to shut the noise out in your head that is constantly buzzing. All you want is to fade away.
It's a minefield of sadness and despair.
Don't ever judge.

clappyhappy

One aunt succeeded, another tried and failed. A second cousin hung himself day after his son was born, absolutely horrific time. Know a good few neighbours who have died also. Unfortunately in a small rural farming area there have been far too many.

Peregrine

I don't personally know anyone who succeded but I'm sure I know people who tried.

king size mars bar

i know a few people who choose to end thier days here this way, all young men and good people.

Wibbs

clappyhappy wrote: »

Unfortunately in a small rural farming area there have been far too many.

I've noticed higher levels of it in rural areas before CH. Years ago I had mates living out west in a small town and it was scary and tragic how common it seemed to be. The environment didn't help. I'd been all over this country of ours, but nearly always in summer. In winter such summer lovely places can turn into very dour dark grey-green leafless places. That and the social isolation of men(seemed to be always men), single and away from things on farms that barely sustained them. So after a couple of weekends just visiting in November I could kinda see why. Subsequently I've wondered was it less about the environment or was it just more reported and noticed because the communities were so small?