LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

mysteries1984

This thread is just what I needed today as I've been feeling a bit rough the past day or so.

I've read only the first post so far, and a couple of others as I skimmed, but I'm looking forward to reading the rest. So nice to see what appears to be a supportive atmosphere here. Thanks everyone. We should all do what we can to help each other out, even if that just means being a virtual sounding board.

K-9

DeVore wrote: »

K9, that put a great big fat stupid grin on my face today. I'm totally chuffed for you and for your son too. Much respect, much much respect that you do this for him (not to mention yourself)!

Have to agree on the fight thing, you have to summon it from somewhere, somehow, but it can be difficult to find it when you have that numbness and emptiness.

Wattle

Hi everybody its been great reading this thread and some of you have really inspired me with your courage.

Ok I have a little problem that's bugging me at the moment and maybe some of you can empathise or give me advice. I had a breakdown at the start of 2007 and ended up in hospital for three weeks. They stabilised me and got my medication right but honestly it took about another year to emerge from the fog. Since then with the exception of minor periods of depression I've been doing really well and feel good but since my breakdown my family seem to think that they can rule my life and make the major decisions for me. If I want to do something new in my life I always have to run it by them and see what they think. Now as you can imagine I'm more than a little bit pissed off with this situation. I have some changes that I want to make career wise that the rest of my family don't agree with. I can forsee some big 'lets talk it out' meetings with extreme pressure being put on me. I've had one or two meetings like this before and have come away from them seething with anger having been basically treated like I was a child. I've decided I'm going to stand my ground and have my say in my future. The only slight downside is that I've been unemployed for a while and I am reliant on them for some money (some but not much). I know there's going to be an arguement and I know I have to stand my ground but I don't want to completely alienate them either. I think in their own misguided way they are trying to do their best for me but this idea of being treated like an idiot child does my head in.

Anybody got any thoughts?

DeVore

You won't convince them you aren't a child by acting child like... So you have to handle this like an adult. Why don't YOU call the meeting. Stay calm, take charge and explain things like you have just explained them to us. Explain both sides that you see, that you have been reliant on them, ok, but that 2007 is a long time ago and you have to take charge of your life if you are ever going to move on. You also need to see their side of things. Don't reject their concerns simply because you want control, reject them if you have reasoned arguments against them and for your course of action. If you do, then staying calm and reasonable is your best course.

That's my 2c...

Wattle

DeVore wrote: »

You won't convince them you aren't a child by acting child like... So you have to handle this like an adult. Why don't YOU call the meeting. Stay calm, take charge and explain things like you have just explained them to us. Explain both sides that you see, that you have been reliant on them, ok, but that 2007 is a long time ago and you have to take charge of your life if you are ever going to move on. You also need to see their side of things. Don't reject their concerns simply because you want control, reject them if you have reasoned arguments against them and for your course of action. If you do, then staying calm and reasonable is your best course.

That's my 2c...

Thanks DeVore. The meeting should be coming up sometime in the next week. I will try and stay calm but its not easy.

K-9

Wattle wrote: »

Thanks DeVore. The meeting should be coming up sometime in the next week. I will try and stay calm but its not easy.

You're probably further a long the road than I am and as DeVore said, there comes a time when you have to say, "well thanks for everything and I am thankful, but time to do my own thing now".

You need to have your independence and time to yourself or eventually you'll get smothered back into depression.

K-9

K-9 wrote: »

Young lad is loving the change, cinema a 10 minute walk and we watched the Muppets on Saturday. (Great piss take of modern nicey, nicey movies) He loves having everything so handy and when he asks me "what will we do next time I'm over" no excuses.

Quoting myself again but just pointing out something:

Last time me and him went to the cinema was about 18 months ago. Couldn't believe it was so long, his Mam brought him to Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean, but that's a seriously long time to not go to a kids movie!

Love kids movies and I'm in genuine shock that it was that long. Never realised. Shows you how things can just creep up on you and time becomes an after thought. The numbness just takes over and time, and something you love, becomes irrelevant.

DeVore

Apparently the muppets new movie is very enjoyable!

Greetz from Cambodia all... I'm melting like the wicked witch of the west but getting some great photos I think!

ItsAWindUp

I have been quite seriously depressed for some time now, an absolute killer of an illness to have in sixth year, no motivation whatsoever.

DeVore

Have you told people this (I mean , other than us )? You aren't alone and people will help, I mean look at this thread for a start. If you've talked to people, consider talking to a counsellor, there's a lot can be done to help these days. It's a c*nt of a thing but it's not the master of you.

Janedoe10

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

I have been quite seriously depressed for some time now, an absolute killer of an illness to have in sixth year, no motivation whatsoever.

It is a hard illness , but I think the hardest thing for all of us us to acknowledge it . It's good that u have seeked out this forum . Maybe the next thing to do is to talk to some one about it . If u are in sixth year I am guessing u should have a school counseller there . U could also chat to a friend or neighbour . I have a pal and we meet up regular sometimes I feel I am off loading too much on her but it works both ways I guess ...

jammstarr

Janedoe10 wrote: »

It is a hard illness , but I think the hardest thing for all of us us to acknowledge it.

It can take some people years to recognise that there's a problem and even more years to finally seek out help.

Fishooks12

Just a note to Devore.

Thanks for this. Was able to link it to my girlfriend who finally copped on to what I'm going through, It's improved my life no end.

DeVore

You're welcome, it has helped me no end when writing it and since then a whole lot of people have written here or in Pm to say something similar. Its genuinely hard to know what to say or how to respond but it means a great deal to me to hear that. I wasnt expecting this to really go where its gone but I'm very happy it has. Bordering on chuffed-with-myself and for me, thats a big step forward.

Everyone on this thread who has had the guts to step up and say "yeah, me too, here's my story" all those people made this thread though, one guy wouldnt really carry any weight but when hundreds of people are talking about it, it makes it easier to add your voice to the throng. We need this countrywide.

gcgirl

DeVore wrote: »

Apparently the muppets new movie is very enjoyable!

Greetz from Cambodia all... I'm melting like the wicked witch of the west but getting some great photos I think!

Plus a million on the muppets movie
There's actually a song in it something along the lines of "I've got everything I need in front of me" YouTube it amazing uplifting song

Captain Graphite

I've shared my story here before, and since then things have mostly been a bit better. But recently I've made the mortal error of allowing myself time to think. I'm currently in China, teaching English until the end of May. I came here to have an adventure, to get away from home, to give myself somewhere new to try and shake old demons out. And for the first couple of weeks, when everything was new and hectic, it worked. My mind was free of personal problems. Instead I focussed on getting along with Chinese public transport and being taken to fancy restaurants every few nights by gracious Chinese hosts. This should be the opportunity of a lifetime for me. I reckon a lot of people would love to be where I am right now. I should be giddy with excitement constantly.

But I can't feeling really underwhelmed and lonely right now. Other than two other foreign ESL teachers, there's no-one here for me to talk to really. But I know if I went back home, it'd pretty much just be my family I'd be talking to. Going back home would mean going back to mindnumbing days of boredom, unemployment and loneliness. At least here, the loneliness part is all I have to deal with. So there's no point in me going back home. But the novelty of teaching has worn off after a couple of weeks and, after 18 classes a week, I'm usually just left with a very sore throat and a vague sense of futility.

When I do get back home, I'm starting a Masters in Nottingham in September. And already I can't help thinking to myself; what if I'm not able for it? I screwed up in college a lot of the time and I can't help feeling I'll screw up this time too. I should be looking forward to having another great opportunity but, eight months in advance, I'm already just pretty terrified.

Going back to the loneliness thing, I know there's no chance of me having any sort of lovelife over here in China (the whole "gheyness" thing is non-existent where I am) and it probably won't be any different when I get back home. I love being in a relationship but my previous two both ended disastrously. I don't talk to either of my exes anymore, and that really bugs me. I think it says a lot about me that, two years in a row, I get dumped right before my birthday by guys who, only a little while before, told me that they loved me. And it feels really unhealthy that I have yet to have an ex that I've stayed friends with after. It feels like I'm just completely disposable, or something. Good for a few months and then thrown away. And even though I long for a relationship that works out (or even one that ends well), I'm now terrified of even the prospect of going on a date with anyone. If what's already happened to me twice happens a third time......there's no way I can deal with that kind of shít.

I'm only 22 years old but already it feels like I have unhealthy amounts of regret. There are so many things I wish I could change about my life and the way things have gone. I know that the past is the past, and that there's nothing I can do about it. But no matter how many times I tell myself that, my mind won't let me stop pondering the "what-ifs". And I've done the whole counselling thing, psychotherapy thing, psychiatric thing, anti-depressants thing (still on them at the moment)....and every time it feels like I'm resolving things and moving in the right direction, something comes along to just set me back again.

I'm not even looking for advice or sympathy any more, really. I just need to vent, and online is pretty much the only place I can do it right now. And a lot of this stuff I've already posted about before, so anyone who knows me that reads it would be forgiven for rolling their eyes and calling me a broken record. Maybe someone shouting in my face, telling me to cop on and get the fúck over myself is what I need.

I really thought I'd moved on from the whole "needing to see the bad in everything" mindset, and 2012 started off on such a high note; getting to go to China, getting accepted for a Masters......I should not be feeling so down right now. It just doesn't make sense. Nothing about depression does, I guess.

DeVore

It's incredibly easy to feel alone in a foreign country. No language , cant read or write, different culture etc... Trust me I've been on the road in Asia now for two weeks and it's a challenge but I have a buddy with me which makes it a bit easier... College will be a lot easier I think, cos you will have plenty of people who are potential friends. You are 22, I envy you. It gets sooooo much better.

Mucky.Bucky

I came in to say thank you for such a beautiful thread. I didn't read it all yet but will be looking forward to reading it.

I recognise so much written here.

In the past I would have had short down and out spells with feelings of despair, irritibility, no motivation, a sense of worthlessness and a waste of space, suicidal thoughts, just wanting to sleep and nothing else. I'm a peoples pleaser and the spells would be due to stresses and strains, demands and conflicts from work, family problems and other issues.

I never went to the doctor so I was never diagnosed with depression. I always picked myself up again by making some changes.

I think I had another spell throughout the past few months. Since last Autumn really with up and down periods, some days better than others but mainly down. My mom even noticed the change and recommended vitamins thinking it was tiredness. Far from it. All the negative feelings I wrote above I was experiencing.

It was brought about from a casual fling. I wish I could go into details but I don't want to replay it all again. He was a head wreck of lies and empty promises. Things never sat right with me and I had a gut instinct from a few weeks in that something wasn't right but I ignored it and dismissed it in case it was all in my head. Gave him the benefit of the doubt. Eventually with time and a failure to follow through with his empty words I came to realise that it wasn't right. I talked to him. He played it as if it was a mistake on his part but there wasn't even so much as an apology nor did he follow through on his empty promise that led to the conflict. I believed he was pulled my leg and his lack of actions and contact told me this. Treating me like a doormat and even upon leaving treating me with more lies, refusing to even allow me to move on with peace and leaving me with a WTF moment that lasted for ages and a dose of paranoia.

I was only worthy of lies and hooks ups.

I just couldn't understand how someone would take it upon himself to stamp up and down and mess with ones mind with empty promises.

I've been experiencing all the negative feelings that I wrote about in the opening paragraphs since last Autumn with some very low periods since but crawling out from it slowly but surely.

gcgirl

The best thing for moving on is getting rid of dead wood, getting rid of negativity and then the world is your oyster

jammstarr

gcgirl wrote: »

The best thing for moving on is getting rid of dead wood, getting rid of negativity and then the world is your oyster

I agree but it's not always easy to do depending on the situation one is in. Sometimes the negativity comes from within and that's a lot harder to shift.

Wattle

Captain Graphite wrote: »

I've shared my story here before, and since then things have mostly been a bit better. But recently I've made the mortal error of allowing myself time to think. I'm currently in China, teaching English until the end of May. I came here to have an adventure, to get away from home, to give myself somewhere new to try and shake old demons out. And for the first couple of weeks, when everything was new and hectic, it worked. My mind was free of personal problems. Instead I focussed on getting along with Chinese public transport and being taken to fancy restaurants every few nights by gracious Chinese hosts. This should be the opportunity of a lifetime for me. I reckon a lot of people would love to be where I am right now. I should be giddy with excitement constantly.

But I can't feeling really underwhelmed and lonely right now. Other than two other foreign ESL teachers, there's no-one here for me to talk to really. But I know if I went back home, it'd pretty much just be my family I'd be talking to. Going back home would mean going back to mindnumbing days of boredom, unemployment and loneliness. At least here, the loneliness part is all I have to deal with. So there's no point in me going back home. But the novelty of teaching has worn off after a couple of weeks and, after 18 classes a week, I'm usually just left with a very sore throat and a vague sense of futility.

When I do get back home, I'm starting a Masters in Nottingham in September. And already I can't help thinking to myself; what if I'm not able for it? I screwed up in college a lot of the time and I can't help feeling I'll screw up this time too. I should be looking forward to having another great opportunity but, eight months in advance, I'm already just pretty terrified.

Going back to the loneliness thing, I know there's no chance of me having any sort of lovelife over here in China (the whole "gheyness" thing is non-existent where I am) and it probably won't be any different when I get back home. I love being in a relationship but my previous two both ended disastrously. I don't talk to either of my exes anymore, and that really bugs me. I think it says a lot about me that, two years in a row, I get dumped right before my birthday by guys who, only a little while before, told me that they loved me. And it feels really unhealthy that I have yet to have an ex that I've stayed friends with after. It feels like I'm just completely disposable, or something. Good for a few months and then thrown away. And even though I long for a relationship that works out (or even one that ends well), I'm now terrified of even the prospect of going on a date with anyone. If what's already happened to me twice happens a third time......there's no way I can deal with that kind of shít.

I'm only 22 years old but already it feels like I have unhealthy amounts of regret. There are so many things I wish I could change about my life and the way things have gone. I know that the past is the past, and that there's nothing I can do about it. But no matter how many times I tell myself that, my mind won't let me stop pondering the "what-ifs". And I've done the whole counselling thing, psychotherapy thing, psychiatric thing, anti-depressants thing (still on them at the moment)....and every time it feels like I'm resolving things and moving in the right direction, something comes along to just set me back again.

I'm not even looking for advice or sympathy any more, really. I just need to vent, and online is pretty much the only place I can do it right now. And a lot of this stuff I've already posted about before, so anyone who knows me that reads it would be forgiven for rolling their eyes and calling me a broken record. Maybe someone shouting in my face, telling me to cop on and get the fúck over myself is what I need.

I really thought I'd moved on from the whole "needing to see the bad in everything" mindset, and 2012 started off on such a high note; getting to go to China, getting accepted for a Masters......I should not be feeling so down right now. It just doesn't make sense. Nothing about depression does, I guess.

I spent time doing a volunteer program in Shanghai in 2008 and I can empathise with a lot of the alienated feelings your talking about. I remember feeling very isolated and out of sorts. Chinese people though polite are very reticent so that would leave you feeling even lonelier in a crowd.

How long is your teaching contract for? If its only a few more months then maybe you can see it out. Whatever you ultimately do try not to see yourself as a failure. Us depressive types can be perfectionists and thus very hard on ourselves. As for the negative thoughts or thoughts about 'screwing up' I'd say write them down and try and challenge them. Reasoning them out makes them lose a lot of they're power.

ItsAWindUp

Really struggling right now

jammstarr

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Really struggling right now

What's up?

augustus gloop

what a wonderful thread, and im sure has helped many people through difficult times...
as far as i am concerned, actually dont know if sometimes i suffer from a mild form of depression. for me i find it hard to pinpoint.
you see when i go to bed at night all i can think about is dying and what comes with it, as in eternity.... i cant comprehend it at all and by times it almost drives me insane. does anyone else think like this, and if you didnt before and do now, im sorry!
ill be straight here, im 30, currently living with my folks as i was deported out of australia after overstaying my visa, have no job and no money. its a lifetime away from my GF who is aussie, and my good job. im only home 6 weeks but i am starting to think it is taking its toll on my mental state. normally i am quite optomistic but at the min it feels like the world is against me.
im sorry i know some people here have alot more on their plate, its all my own doing, but either way, when i turn off the light every night and get into bed on my own, i am really really not happy:(

ItsAWindUp

jammstarr wrote: »

What's up?

Just been having a hard time lately

jammstarr

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Just been having a hard time lately

Sorry to hear that man. Hope things start turning around for you soon.

Captain Graphite

DeVore wrote: »

It's incredibly easy to feel alone in a foreign country. No language , cant read or write, different culture etc... Trust me I've been on the road in Asia now for two weeks and it's a challenge but I have a buddy with me which makes it a bit easier... College will be a lot easier I think, cos you will have plenty of people who are potential friends. You are 22, I envy you. It gets sooooo much better.

Wattle wrote: »

I spent time doing a volunteer program in Shanghai in 2008 and I can empathise with a lot of the alienated feelings your talking about. I remember feeling very isolated and out of sorts. Chinese people though polite are very reticent so that would leave you feeling even lonelier in a crowd.

How long is your teaching contract for? If its only a few more months then maybe you can see it out. Whatever you ultimately do try not to see yourself as a failure. Us depressive types can be perfectionists and thus very hard on ourselves. As for the negative thoughts or thoughts about 'screwing up' I'd say write them down and try and challenge them. Reasoning them out makes them lose a lot of they're power.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Teaching contract is until the end of May but I've no intention of not seeing it out. I know if I went back home, I'd just be going back to the life I had there. Which is what I needed to get away from.

Last night I just felt really shít about everything. I'd been sick for a few days and when I'm sick my mind seems to drift back to the past more often. Had a good nights sleep and woke up this morning feeling a bit better. Typing everything down and just getting it out of my system helps a lot.

Thanks again.

rebel without a clue

whats the point in even getting out of bed?same ****, different day.

whirlpool

Two weeks ago, I couldn't get out of bed. And when I did, it was at most a half hour before I was back in it again. I felt all the energy and joy 110% sucked out of my body, and all that was left was dread, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, fear, etc... It was a horrible, horrible time. I saw no end to it.

The past week, I have slowly been feeling better. Today I made myself go out for a run, and this evening I feel on top of the world. Two weeks ago, I didn't imagine in a million years that I'd ever experience joy or freedom ever again.

Obviously there's a much longer story to go along with this. I was first diagnosed with depression three years ago this month. But I'm not going to go into all that right now. Maybe my little story of the past few weeks might give others some hope.

ItsAWindUp

Is there any way that I could go on anti-depressants without my parents finding out?